Mockingbird Don't Sing
by MauraBarton349
Summary: The Police of Sun Hill are stunned when they're called a disturbing scene: the skeletal remains of a baby have been found buried in the park. The search is on to find the mother, but the only clues they have are a set of rosary beads and a old cardigan...
1. Prologue

_Hi there everyone, welcome to the beginning of my latest story and in advance, thank you for clicking to read it, I hope you like__ like this opening enough to carry on reading it. This opens years before the incident described in the summary and so will begin soon the search for the mysterious girl who gives birth to the baby. Some clues will appear as the story goes on, but can you good readers work them out? This shouldn't be a very long story, but thanks again for reading it and I hope you enjoy it._

_Hollie. xx_

Darkness had fallen upon the streets of Sun Hill. It was a bitterly cold: the winter air rendered many people to stay inside the warm comforts of their homes, wrapped up in thick jumpers or blankets, or else cuddled together on the sofa in front of a crackling, roaring fire. Outside, on the cold and icy streets was a sight that was peculiar to see. A figure, a young girl, no older than seventeen years old was tripping and stumbling down the pavement, lumbering from wall to lamp post in an attempt to keep herself upright.

Beads of perspiration dripped down her sweaty forehead: even in the freezing wind, she still felt boiling. After a moment of leaning on a low wall, she straightened up and continued on her way, braving against the pain eating away inside her. Oh, there must be a Hospital around here, somewhere, anywhere! Please, even someone, anyone pass! Someone look out of the window to help her! Another contraction of pain tore through her stomach and she pushed her arm into her mouth and bit down hard to stop herself from screaming: at the same time, she threw her head back and stars exploded before her eyes as the back of her head collided with a wall. Tears ran down her face as blood seeped from the wound and into her open mouth. She dug her teeth tighter into her arm, willing herself not to scream out in agony. It hurt; it hurt so, so badly.

She let forth a slight whimper and stumbled on. She saw, across the road, the gates to the park were open. Maybe somebody – anybody – was still in there and she rushed across the road without even bothering to check for cars. She gripped onto the metal of the gates and squinted into the darkness, feeling disappointed. There didn't seem to be any signs of life in there and she went to turn away, ending up collapsing to her knees. The breaking of water had run down her thighs. She crawled into the park, the snow dampening her thin clothes, hands and knees. She took shelter in a cluster of bushes and with a tremendous effort she rolled onto her back, looking up at the stars in the sky and the falling snow.

Particles of dirt were embedded in her wet knees and hands: she was lying in the snow. Surely, she thought, this wasn't the best place to give birth, but the little one inside her didn't seem to be giving her that much of a choice. It was dark, it was cold, and she was all on her own with no means of calling for an ambulance. A sharp, searing pain made her feel as if she was being torn into two and she tried to curl herself into a ball, wrapping her arms around her stomach. Please, please, wouldn't somebody help her? Wouldn't somebody pass? It could be Jack-the-Ripper for all she cared! God, somebody help!

For nine months, she'd been ignoring the warning signs: ignoring the sickness, her expanding stomach and the kicks, hoping it would all go away but, of course, it never did. It remained there, inside her, never leaving her. It was amazing really she thought that nobody had noticed anything. Maybe she hadn't put on the weight that was typical to most pregnant women, but she was definitely bigger than was usual to her slim frame. She'd been sick though, throwing up quite violently, but she'd been so tired to the point where her father had teased her about being lazy. If only he were here now.

She screamed so loudly, so piercingly, she was sure the whole of London could hear and stuffed her chubby arm in her mouth again, biting down hard. Scalding tears flooded her eyes and she whimpered. The snow became heavier and her tears fell faster, both slicking her short cropped bob to her head. Using all the strength she had left, she raised her head and looked at the bump of her pregnant stomach. She felt a sudden urge to push. If only she'd just told someone about her baby! She could be warm and comfortable in a Hospital giving birth, but here she was alone, homeless and delivering her baby alone.

A burning sensation tore through her and she gasped. She could feel it; she could feel the child coming out. The snow fell heavier, doing nothing to cool her down as she pushed and pushed, nails scratching the dirt and stones. Her hair was wet, becoming dirty. She had given up crying long ago, it seemed to her to become fruitless. Her lips were clamped together, teeth grinding against the pain. She whined and gasped as she felt a strange sensation between her thighs... She hoped that it would be over soon.

* * *

><p>She wasn't sure if the sky was really getting light or if it was just her imagination sat up squinting into the darkness. She could make the child out, lying on the floor, completely still. Her breathing shallow, she sat forwards and tenderly placed a hand on its tiny ribcage and a fresh tear ran down her face. The child wasn't breathing and it hadn't even cried. She knew that it was hopeless and slumped over her baby, the mini of her, her tears falling onto the naked little body. She was crying loudly, the sound echoing around the park. She hadn't felt anything like this pain ever before. For the past nine months, she'd been trying not to, but couldn't help feeling a bond with the baby growing inside her. Now her child was dead and the hopes of having someone to look after, of having someone to look after her and love her were slipping away before her eyes. She scooped her child up as gently as she would if it were still alive and cuddled it to her breast before looking around for something, anything to help her.<p>

* * *

><p>The tears of pain, of misery, were still falling down her face, as she walked away from the park, her heart feeling like a boulder in her chest. She didn't dare to step back. Her feet scraped across the harsh, stone ground, leaving large footprints and she wondered where on earth what she could do now and where she could possibly go. She couldn't face going home: she was sure that after one look into her face and her father would guess everything straight away. As nice as he might be, he was still very strict.<p>

She stopped when she reached the church, and stared. From inside, she could hear the singing and longed to be a part of that crowd who were full of joy, not a worry in the world. What she wouldn't give to be happy right now, to be surrounded by love and joy. Silently, she sat in the shadows of the graveyard, listening, and mouthing the words of O Holy Night along with them. Inside the pocket of her raggy dress, she searched for her rosary beads – they weren't there. Frantic, she desperately turned each pocket inside out before being forced to accept that they weren't there. They had been her grandmother's – her father really was going to kill her now, that was if he found out she had lost them before he killed her for running away from home.

"Hello," said a kind voice.

She jumped to her feet in alarm, stumbling slightly. The woman standing before her was wearing a long and expensive looking coat. She smiled at her, but the younger girl could see her trying to hide her shocked and somewhat disgusted expression at her own attire.

"What were you doing sitting down there, my love?"

"I lost something," she said meekly.

"Well you're going to have a job finding it in the dark. What did you lose?"

"My beads. My rosary beads."

"Well at least they're replaceable."

"They were my Grandmother's, real silver. My Dad is going to kill me."

"I'm sure he won't stay very angry for long, he'll know that you won't have meant to lose them."

"I hope so," she said, privately thinking that she would be lucky if she ever did see her father or her boyfriend again. "I think I should go now."

"Well, why don't you come in, my love? Warm yourself up, have a cup of tea."

"I don't think I'll be welcome in church."

"Everyone is welcome at church. Why don't you think you're welcome?"

"I'm not a very good person, Ma'am. I don't think God will be taking me under his wing this Christmas."

"I'm sure that isn't true. I'm Anna," she said, slipping an arm around her shoulders. "Now, why don't you come with me, hmm? You look like you could do with some nice, hot tea and some warmth. I'm sure we can find you a blanket somewhere. Come on."

Anna was surprisingly strong and she couldn't resist. She let her steer her into the church and into the kitchen, at the back of the building. Anna found a blanket and wrapped it tightly around her shoulders, which she was grateful for. She pulled it around her stomach, hoping it was looked like she was trying to stay warm. A large mug and a packet of biscuits were put down in front of her, and Anna sat down opposite, removing her coat. She was wearing an expensive looking dress underneath.

"I'm head of the choir," Anna said in response to her look.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, listening to the singing still coming from the church.

"That's OK, it's only a rehearsal. How old are you, my love?"

"Seventeen."

"What are you doing, wandering around on your own? Christmas spirit doesn't spread to everyone, it's dangerous out there. Anything could happen. Where are your parents?"

"They're out visiting family. They won't even know that I'm gone."

"I'm sure they'd notice you were missing though, if anything were to happen to you. Do you want me to call you a cab? See that you get home safely?"

"No, that's OK. I only live two minutes down the road."

"If you're sure. You just drink that and warm up now, darling, hmm? I'll be right back."

She left, shutting the door behind her. Quickly, she drunk all of her tea, and, still wearing the blanket around her shoulders, ran to the back entrance. When Anna returned, accompanied by the Reverend, the only sign that she had ever been there at all was the mug, which was still hot.


	2. The Discovery

_Hi, Happy New Year everyone, hope you all had a great Christmas! Thanks so much to:_

_Amy - glad you liked the opening, but you're going to have to try to guess the identity of the mother!_

_Jess - Don't we all love a good mystery? Why, thank you very much! ;) It has always been kinda hard for me to write these type of scenes, but I'm glad it was OK. As with Amy, keep on guessing!_

_Emily - Thanks very much for your review. No, its not totally festive, but then again, television never gives us any Christmas Cheer, especially the crappy soaps! I'm glad you like the beginning!_

_Emma - Thanks for your comments and please do keep reading!_

_Hol. xx_

It was summertime, and soon too hot to wear the long-sleeved shirts and scratchy jumpers. Short-sleeved shirts were pulled on, grudgingly along with the stab proof vest. It was midway through June and nobody was looking forward to patrolling all day in the hot sun. Sergeant Dale Smith stood, waiting, in the briefing room, ready to give his orders for the day. In groups of twos and threes, the police officers filed in, talking and yawning, the stifling heat making them feel tired, even at just halfway through the day.

When everyone was seated, he smiled and looked down at his clipboard. He said; "good morning, all. It's a lovely hot day, and I'm sure you don't want to be cooped up inside, so I'll just give you your pairings and you can be off. Except for you, Cameron. You'll have fun here; stuck with CID on that lovely assault case you were working on yesterday. Have fun. And, as for the rest of you: Maura, Andrea, I want you two up on Sun Hill High Road. Let's see if we can bring these petty thieves to justice, shall we? Kerry and Tony, you two can go and keep watch on that damned Cole Lane Estate: Ben and Sally, you two can go to the Cockcroft Estate. Millie and Nate – you two are in the area car. And no slacking off and staying in one place, PC Roberts, is that understood? You're in a car to drive it on patrol!"

"Caught out, slacker," Ben said grinning and nudging Nate in the ribs.

Nate rubbed his side and put on an innocent: 'who, me?' expression. With a wave of his hand, Smithy dismissed the group. Leaving with Maura, Andrea tapped her shoulder and said; "let's hope the robbers are deciding to have a day off, huh?"

"Yeah," Maura replied. "Let's hope."

She gave Smithy a wave before she disappeared with Andrea down the corridor, though not before seeing him salute at her. She smiled to herself as she and Andrea walked into the rear yard. Maura hadn't been at Sun Hill for very long, having arrived a little over seven months ago, just before Christmas. It had been clear to everyone then that she and Smithy had a history, though nobody had enquired into the matter. When they were drinking cold cans of Dr Pepper while they were walking down Sun Hill High Street that Andrea raised the matter.

She said; "you knew Smithy before you came here, didn't you?"

"That's right," Maura said, and tipped her can up to finish it. She crushed it in one hand and threw it into a bin. "We go back a few years."

"Oh?" Andrea said interestedly, her can held loosely in her hand. "How close were you?"

"Oh no, it's not that sort of a relationship," said Maura with a laugh. "He's an old mate of my brother, Jake. They were in Army Cadets together, and then served in the Army for a few years. I was myself, too."

"_You_ were in the Army?"

"No!" Maura said, laughing at Andrea's astonishment. "I was in the Army Cadets. I joined when I was fourteen, just after my brother. I only stayed for about three years though. Smithy used to come up and stay with us a lot."

"Ah, so you can tell us all the horrors of a teenage Dale Smith?"

Maura smiled and said; "No, I'm taking those stories to the grave."

Andrea laughed before realising that Maura was actually serious. She said; "so was it – when you came here, I mean – the first time you'd seen him since...?"

"Since I was seventeen. I didn't expect to find him in the police station, though. I thought that he would have been supervising in the Army or something. I guess he can do that here, though. He never did get angry very easily, but he had such a loud yell when he did."

"Did joining the Army not appeal to you, then?"

"No, not really. I only really joined for something to do. The Police always appealed to me, though: my Dad was a Fireman. Maybe that's where it's come from."

"And a big brother in the Army? I wish I'd had a big brother."

"I have three."

For some reason, Maura looked rather gloomy when she said this. Andrea raised her eyebrows in mild surprise. Maura continued speaking.

"Don't get me wrong, they're great. Lovely, big brothers. But it's just the way they've always smothered me. And my Dad was all for it. If they'd had a way to tag me so they'd know if I even coughed, they would have. That's really why I moved down here."

"Bit of a trek isn't it, just to get away?"

"Well, maybe, but it's not as much as some people. Cameron's come all the way from Australia. Maybe I had something to prove: that I could stand on my own two feet without them trying to sort every problem out for me."

"Ah, my Dad could be the same sometimes. You've got to stand up to them Maura. Never mind," she said, throwing her arm around Maura's brittle shoulders. "We Scots girls need to stick together."

"Half Scottish," Maura corrected. "Brazilian mother. Still, born and bred in Scotland. When did you move down here?"

"Only a couple of years ago, but I used to commute down here from time to time as a teenager. I have some family who lives locally, so I came to stay with them around Christmas time. How do you like it here?"

"It's nice," Maura said. "I like it."

"Any units near Canley Park?" Dean McVerry's voice asked, crackling over the radios.

There was a momentary sound of static crackling and then Ben's voice said; "Nate and I are down the road, we can attend."

"Informant, Mr. Oscar Naylor, a caretaker."

"I wonder what it is this time?" Andrea remarked to Maura as they crossed the road. "A load of plants destroyed again?"

* * *

><p>Andrea and Maura returned to the station, and for a moment, thought they'd walked into the wrong building. The normally lively building was silent. The pair walked inside and towards the canteen. White faced and shaking, Sally was sitting hunched over a mug of tea that looked as if it had gone cold hours ago. Ben was talking to the other officers surrounding them with a serious look on his face, talking in an undertone. While Andrea went to get drinks, Maura took the vacated seat in front of Sally.<p>

She asked; "what's going on?"

"The shout," Ben said, his tone grave and low, "at the park."

"What about it?"

"The gardener, Mr. Naylor. He found the remains of a baby."

"What?" Maura said, thunderstruck.

"Yeah. Can you believe it? CSE said the body might have been there for a while, but they're not sure for how long."

"Were there any other clues left?"

"Nothing except a set of old rosary beads and a cardigan the baby was wrapped in. Size ten."

"Who would bury a baby in a park?" Sally said, her tone shaky.

"Maybe she was just scared," Andrea said quietly.

"She could have called for help."

"It isn't always easy, you know. Don't judge what you know nothing about."

"And you would? You don't even have any kids of your own!"

"Nor do you," she said sharply. "You don't know the full story yet. Don't judge until you do."

She looked like she wanted to retort, but changed her mind halfway through opening her mouth and instead said; "just imagine it. All you're doing is getting ready to plant bulbs and instead, you stumble across the remains of a baby that's been there for God knows how long."

"It's horrible," Maura said, twisting her shirt in her hands so hard, that it was beginning to fray. "But anything could have happened – the mother could have been a drug addict, a child herself: given birth all alone. Let's just remember that this might not be foul play!"

* * *

><p>The mood in the air was solemn the next morning when a meeting was called about the case in CID. Kerry was sitting on a table alone, surveying the pictures on the board of the rosary beads and cardigan. Having been buried with a dead body for years, the cardigan was torn, matted but she could see it had once been stylish. Her eyes went to a photograph of the place where the baby's body had been found. She thought back to Maura's words the night before: <em>'anything could have happened – the mother could have been a drug addict, a child herself: given birth all alone.' <em>She wished sometimes that she could be empathic, like Maura, less reckless: maybe than she wouldn't have got herself into this situation. She promptly pulled herself back to the present and gave her attention to Sam, who was leading the investigation. Part of her was glad, because a male officer, she thought, just wouldn't understand but then again, a female officer might become too involved to the point that they wouldn't be impartial. If someone could remain impartial throughout, that person would be Sam.

"Morning everyone," she said. "Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that this isn't a nice case. The baby's body was fast tracked last night for post-mortem and tests. The results show no obvious signs of deliberate injury to the baby."

"Does that mean it might not have been foul play?" enquired Kerry.

"It's certainly looking that way. The pathologist said a likely cause of death was stillbirth. CSE noted the way the baby had been wrapped up in a cardigan when Mr. Naylor discovered the body. He said it was in such a way that it was like the child had just been born and the mother was trying to keep it warm."

"That doesn't sound like the actions of a cold-blooded killer."

"No, it doesn't. So, until further notice, we're not treating this as a suspicious death. I am appealing on an appeal in about an hour, for anyone with information, but especially the mother to come forward. If we're right and this is a stillbirth, she must have been very traumatised: she still could be. We need to assure her, whoever she might be, that we're not here to accuse, we're here to help."

"Do we know how long the body has been there?" Maura asked, her hand twisting her necktie.

"There's our other problem. The remains are skeletal, so the pathologist could only estimate. He thinks no more than ten years and no less than five. Now, the evidence. There's this grey cardigan, size ten, thick wool. Not a lot to go on and it's from a common high street chain so maybe that doesn't really help. These beads, however, are quite distinctive. Real sliver with a large crucifix. These could have been left behind by accident and there's a chance that someone will recognise these. Today, I'll need people on the phones: Kerry, Maura, I'd like those people to be you, Smithy, can you join them? Andrea, I'd like you and...Cameron please to come with me to make the appeal. The rest of you...on the streets, handing out leaflets and talking to the public. We'll reconvene again later. Off you go."

* * *

><p>Maura's phone rang for the third time in half an hour and for the third time, she cancelled the call and put her phone back down. She rubbed her forehead: Andrea and Smithy looked at each other over their head.<p>

"Who's that, Maws?" Smithy asked, straightening papers on her desks.

"Nobody important. Nobody who can't wait."

She exhaled hard through her mouth, blowing up her fringe, and, hitching up her professional manner, answered the ringing phone on her desk. Andrea winced: work was the last place she wanted to be today and especially working on this particular case. Sometimes, she wished that she hadn't applied to join the police: it was much more upsetting than the rewarding side seemed worth. This was an especially hard-hitting case. It seemed Sun Hill was in for a tough couple of weeks. She was pulled back to the present as Maura's phone rang again. This time, her colleague turned it off without even bothering to look.

* * *

><p>Anna, now in her fifties, walked into Sun Hill police station, back straight and face determined. She walked right up to the reception desk. Marilyn looked up, ready to greet the visitor with her ready, friendly smile.<p>

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. How can I help you?"

"I think I'm the one who can help you actually. My name is Anna O'Connell. It's about the appeal that was on just a few hours ago. About the body of the baby that was found? I can't be a hundred per cent certain, but I think I saw the mother that night."

"Oh! Thank you!" Marilyn said, picking up the phone instantly. She hastily dialled Sam's office number, who appeared downstairs so quickly that both Anna and Marilyn were sure she had teleported herself.

"Thank you Marilyn. Ms O'Connell? I am DS Sam Nixon. If you would like to follow me."

No sooner had the door swung shut behind them, a young man came rushing through the front doors and threw himself down at the desk with a look of desperation in his eyes.

"As I understand it, Ms O'Connell, you saw the baby's mother on the night she gave birth?"

Anna clasped her hands together. "I can't be a hundred per cent sure. But – looking back, it seems more obvious why she was in such a state. I'm not likely to forget that young lady in a hurry."

"How long ago was this?"

"It was seven years ago: Christmas Eve, to be precise. I'm head of the choir at Our Lady's Church. I have been for some time. Anyway, I was on my way there for practice and I came across the girl in the churchyard. She was just sitting there in the snow: her clothes muddy and torn. She must have been freezing cold, but it didn't seem to bother her."

"Did she give any indication that she had just given birth?"

"None at all."

"Ms O'Connell...what makes you so certain that this girl was the mother?"

"Apart from the state she was in, you mean? What she said she had lost: what she said she was looking for. Rosary beads. More specifically, real silver rosary beads. The sort that were shown on the appeal this morning."

"What did you say when she said she was looking for them?"

"I told her she'd have a job finding them in the dark. It was about eleven o'clock. She said how angry her Dad would be with her because she'd lost them as they were her grandmother's. I took her inside for a nice cup of tea and I went to get our Reverend, Carl Lee, but by the time we got back, she'd gone."

"Can you estimate an age?"

"Seventeen. That's how old she said she was when I asked her."

"What about a description?"

"She was white – about five foot five. She was wearing a white t-shirt: at least, I think it was white; it was hard to tell really. Dark jeans, they were torn. She was kind of pale. She had quite short hair: blonde or light brown I think I might have been. Poor thing. I did wonder why she was out there, all alone, wearing next to nothing."

"She wasn't wearing a cardigan or a coat?"

"No. She said she only lived a few minutes away. I wasn't sure if I should come in and report it, but I figured if there was anything to worry about, I would have heard about it really. The poor little girl. I wish now that I'd done more to help her."

"You weren't to know Ms O'Connell. Thank you very much: you have been a great help."

"She looked like a harmless little thing, DS Nixon. If she is the girl you're looking for, I can't believe she would hurt her baby deliberately."

"We don't believe any injury was inflicted on the baby. We just want to find the young mother safe, well and know that she's OK. She must be completely traumatised."

* * *

><p>"I must stress that we're not here to accuse or to upset anyone. We just want the mother, whoever she is and wherever she may be, that she'll have support here. We don't believe her child was injured in any way. She can call me directly if she wants to. She must be very scared, especially if she's kept this to herself for such a long time. I speak, now, I directly to her: we want to help you, that's all. I'll bring you updates as they come in. Thank you."<p>

Distracted momentarily from what she was supposed to be doing, Andrea watched the repeat of the appeal, her hand resting on the telephone receiver. She sighed quietly as the appeal finished and looked down at her hands. There was an empty feeling in the bottom of her stomach: one that had been there for years and one that she thought were unlikely to go away. She swallowed the lump in her throat, blinked back the tears in her eyes and carried on with her work.

* * *

><p>"I just want to see Maura; will you please call her down?"<p>

"Sir, I have called her down, she is on her way! Now will you please calm down!"

The young man, who'd flatly refused to give her his name, turned away from the desk, looking frustrated and upset. She looked at him suspiciously and turned at the opening of the door. Maura came out, looked around and her eyes widened in shock.

"Sonny! What are you doing here?"

"I've been trying to call you," Sonny said furiously, looking as if he was torn between wanting to hug her and shout at her. "For weeks! Why have you been ignoring me? We need to talk."

"Did my Dad tell you I was here?"

"Of course he did, Maura, who else would have done? I don't understand this! All of a sudden, you don't love me anymore? Don't want to be with me?"

Sonny's eyes were streaming with tears: behind his and Maura's backs, Marilyn was making a call to CID.

"Nearly eight years, Maura! I don't understand it! Why has everything changed so suddenly? Was it me? Did I do something? Was I putting pressure on you about having kids? I'm sorry! I'll wait for you, I promise! Please don't let it end like this!"

"You're an amazing person, Sonny," Maura said softly, touching his cheek. "And I'll always love you, just not in the way you want me to. Not anymore. I'm sorry, Sonny, really I am. It isn't you, it's me. I am the problem. It was too much: too much, too young."

"Please don't do this Maura, I love you! I don't want to let you go."

"You're going to have to," Maura said, turning away. "I'm sorry Sonny. Truly I am. But...I don't love you. Not anymore."

Sonny felt the knife twist in his heart and he grabbed Maura's arm, holding on as if he never wanted to let go.

"Please, Maura, we'll have a break! Anything you want! Don't let things end this way! How could things have changed so quickly?"

"They just have! Sonny, I really am sorry, but I don't know how many other ways I can say it! I don't want to be with you anymore! Just go! Let go of me!"

"Please! Let's talk!" he begged, looking much older than his twenty-eight years as he desperately clung to the arm of the love of his life.

"Sonny – there's nothing more to talk about!"

Tears were streaming down Maura's face and she heard an angry voice shout: "hey! Let go of her!"

Sonny's hold slackened and released. Smithy was holding him face-forward against the wall, his arm twisted behind him. Sonny's face was contorted with pain and Maura tugged at Smithy's arm.

"Smithy, let him go! That's Sonny!"

"Sonny? Sonny who?" Realisation crossed his eyes and he released the older man instantly. "Sorry, Sonny mate, I didn't recognise you. Long time, no see."

Sonny stared at Smithy and said: "do I know you?"

"From army cadets? Dale Smith? Jake's friend?"

"Oh." Sonny's eyes hardened and he glared at Maura. "Oh, so this is the real reason you left me, is it? You just didn't have the guts to tell me that there was someone else involved?"

"Sonny – there isn't anything going on with me and Smithy! Nobody else is involved, I swear!"

"She's telling the truth, Sonny! I didn't even know she'd come to London until she started working here! Nothing's gone on between us!"

"Do you expect me to believe that?" Sonny glared at Maura and she felt a chill run down her spine. The way he was looking at her was exactly the way he sometimes looked at his younger brother, Vincent: with hatred. "Eight years Maura and you're throwing it all away. I hate you and I didn't think that was ever possible. All right Maura, I'll leave you alone. Have a nice life."

With that, he turned and walked away. Upset, Maura tried to follow him, tears streaming down her face. Smithy caught her arms, pulling her to him and engulfing her in a hug. He half carried, half dragged her into the front interview room, calling for Marilyn to make them some coffee. When it was brought to them he handed Maura some tissues and sat in front of her.

"What's the story, Maura? You told me you were on a break."

"I ended things with him. Just before Christmas."

"What a nice Christmas present. Sorry, sorry! That came out wrong. Why? You two were madly in love."

"He wanted to have children. It was all he would ever go on about."

"And you didn't? Isn't there a way you could have worked through that? You'd be such a great Mum!"

"No, it wasn't that I didn't want to. It was that I can't. I went to the Doctor's when it wouldn't happen and they did some tests. And I found out that I couldn't have children. Sonny had his heart set on us having kids and when I found out I couldn't give him what he wanted most of all..."

"You finished things with him? Maura, isn't that a bit...extreme? Sonny loves you, maybe he'd be upset at first but you'd work through it! There are other options, aren't there? Adoption, surrogacy..."

"It's not the same, Smithy. It's not the same as having our own kids. Sonny's free now: to go and find someone else who will give him what he desires."

Maura wiped her eyes a final time and downed the rest of her coffee in one. She stood up and threw the rubbish into the bin.

"I have to get back," she said, leaving the room.

* * *

><p>It was dark. Light footsteps walked down the streets and a small figure slipped through a hole in the wooden fencing to enter Canley Park. Even from a distance, she could see the cordon tape that marked the place where her baby had been found. The plastic rustled against her leg as she walked to the place she had given birth over seven years ago. She stood for a moment, staring at the deep hole that had been dug before laying a large bunch of lilies tenderly over the spot.<p> 


	3. The Letter

_Hey all, here's chapter two and special thank you to: _

_Jess - Glad you like it and who knows - you could be right...or just plain wrong! You'll have to wait and see. And I can hopefully redeem that unfortunate little flaw with this chapter..._

_Amy - You can throw any names you like at me, but I'm still not telling you who the mother or the father is for that matter! Work it out yourself, you lousy excuse for a detective! :P_

_Emily - Thanks very much for the flattering comments, hopefully all of those little motifs will come together and give some clue to who the mother is. Thanks for reading!_

_Emma - Thanks very much, and maybe that might be a little strange. It never occured to me, really._

_Just a quick note, all - being now in my third year of uni, updates are going to be slower, so please bear with me! Enjoy the chapter._

Maura kept her head down for her shift the next day, and Kerry kept, if possible, even quieter. Only when she was alone did she cry; cry for the poor, lost child, and for the secret buried deep inside her. She went to the locker room when she had a break. She sat down on the bench and cried, not realising she wasn't alone until someone spoke.

"Are you OK?"

"Maura!" she said, jumping up with a shriek. "You gave me a heart attack!"

The younger woman smiled sadly. She said; "sorry. I guess I am rather light on my feet."

"How long have you been in here?"

She shrugged. "A while. I guess I just wanted to be on my own."

"Yeah. Me too."

Despite the pointed comments, neither woman moved. Kerry moved up to make room and Maura sat down next to her. Kerry said; "I hear your ex has been giving you hassle."

Maura groaned. "Oh, God, does everyone around here know that he thinks I'm sleeping with Smithy?"

"Said that, did he?" Kerry said, a hint of envy in her voice. "Well, you two are close."

"Well, it doesn't mean I'm sleeping with him!" Maura said indignantly. "Jesus Christ, what is this, nineteen eighty-four?"

"Sorry," she said, upset at Maura's touchiness. "It's just...well..."

"Just _what_?"

"It's just...from what Smithy said about you, you and Sonny were really happy together. You were how old when you married? Eighteen?"

"Nineteen. Maybe I shouldn't have married him. I love him, Kerry, I still do. It's just...I can't give him what he wants the most and maybe he would have said: 'it's OK Maura, baby, we'll get through this.' But he would have ended up hating me in the end."

"I don't think that's true. And Maura – don't you think he should at least be allowed to make that decision himself?"

"He wants babies, Kerry, there's no two ways about it. And he wasn't going to get them from me."

"Did you want children, Maura?"

Maura paused, then she said; "yes. More than anything. And that I can't...it just makes me feel less of a woman, Kerry. Does that make any sense at all?" Kerry nodded her agreement and Maura continued. She said; "sometimes, I think that if you look beneath the skin of any woman, you'll find a baby story."

Kerry nodded again, chewing her nail and felt herself lowering her hand. She said, without thinking; "I lost a baby once."

Maura looked at her startled and said; "a miscarriage?"

She didn't confirm, nor deny it and instead said; "she would have been about six now if...if she'd been allowed to live. I just hope she's resting in peace. Come on, shall we get back to CID?"

"Did you hear?" Maura said, as they both got up. "This morning, lilies were found on the place where the baby was buried."

"Lilies?" she repeated. "Lilies. Symbol of love. Certainly doesn't sound like a cold-hearted mother."

"No. No, it doesn't. They were a big bunch, too apparently, Sam said. Big and expensive: the sort you get at funerals."

"Maybe that's what she wanted to give her baby. Do you think she still lives around here?"

"Possibly. It must be so hard to have something you've long buried be dug up and plastered all over the news."

"Who said she ever buried it?" Kerry said softly. "How could you ever bury that?"

* * *

><p>Tom West stormed into Sun Hill police station. Marilyn looked at him over her glasses, scandalised, as he placed both hands on the desk.<p>

"Maura," he said, leaning down, looking furious. "Maura Barton. I want to see her and I want to see her now!"

"She's not here, Sir, I'm afraid," she replied coldly. "She went out on duty about half an hour ago. She won't be back for hours."

"Fine," he said, straightening up. "Well, in that case, I'd like to see Dale Smith then, please!"

"Who can I say is asking?"

"Sonny's furious brother," he snapped, turning away from the desk.

Marilyn raised her eyebrows at his rudeness, but dialled Smithy's office number. When she told him who was asking for him, he sounded defeated but said he was coming anyway. When he stepped into reception, Tom glared as if he wanted to kill him.

Smithy nodded and said; "Tom."

"Oh, there are many names I could use for you! Wife-stealer? Home-wrecker?"

"Let's go in here, shall we?" he said, edging towards the front interview room that he and Maura had occupied a few hours before.

"Why? Don't you want your colleagues to know that you have a habit for breaking up marriages?"

He shouted the last few words, and Smithy sighed patiently. He said; "oh for Christ's sake, there is _nothing going on_ between me and Maura!" He stalked over to the interview room door, held it open and said; "will you come in here, _please_?"

Tom went in, arms folded and jaw set. Smithy followed, closing the door. Tom said; "my brother is heartbroken. He loved her with all his heart, and the selfish little bitch has destroyed him!"

"Don't call her that!" Smithy said sharply. "I swear on my job – nothing is going on with me and Maura. I didn't even know she was here in Sun Hill until she started working here. It's the honest truth. Sonny got it completely wrong. I understand why he's so upset."

"So if there's nothing going on between you two, why did she leave him so suddenly? After four years of marriage!"

"It's not my place to say," he said carefully, "but I will say that there is nobody else involved. Maura would never cheat on Sonny."

"So then, why? She's close to you, clearly, which must be flattering, cos she hasn't even told her own father the truth!"

"Yes she is. But...it's not my place to say. Look Tom, you're going to have to ask her."

"Yeah, too right I will. In fact, I'm going to wait right here until she gets back and when I get my hands on her, she's going to wish she had never been born!"

Smithy was shocked at Tom's anger, as he was usually a cool, mellow individual, but he hardly recognised the man before him. Tom went to stride towards the door, and Smithy dived in the way, desperate to calm him down. He said; "Tom, Tom, wait! Listen, this really is not what you think. She hasn't cheated on him; she never wanted to hurt him."

"Oh no? For someone who didn't want to hurt him, she's damn well done a good job of it!"

"She still loves him, she told me so."

"She did?" he said suspiciously, looking a bit calmer. "I'm sorry, I don't understand. If she still loves him, then why?"

"It really isn't my place to say," he said, firmly. "You need to talk to Maura. Please, though, not here, she doesn't need to be humiliated further."

Tom looked at him. "You know, for someone who isn't seeing her, you certainly care about her a lot."

"Oh for God's sake, Tom! No listen, one more time! There. Is. Nothing. Going. On. With. Me. And. Maura! Do I have to say it any slower? So I care about her, is that a crime? She's my friend and she's one of my PC's, I have a duty of care to her when she's here! Jeez, if this is how Sonny was with her if she ever talked to another man, I'm not surprised if she left him!"

"How dare you?" Tom growled, his voice low. "Sonny treated her like a princess and she threw it all back in his face. I want the truth Smithy. Fine, let's say I give you both the benefit of the doubt, and I'm going to ask you again – why did she walk out on Sonny?"

"You have to ask her," he said again. "All right. Ask her..." he paused, feeling bad about betraying her trust.

"Ask her?" Tom prompted him.

"Ask her what the Doctor said."

The annoyed look disappeared from Tom's face in an instant. He stared and said; "what?"

"Ask her," he said, taking out his incident report book. "I've said too much already." He wrote a few lines and tore the page from the book. "That's her address. It's not far from here, you can get a cab if you're not sure where it is. She'll be back about seven. Please, Tom, go gently though. This isn't what it looks like."

Tom glanced at the lines of Smithy's neat writing and nodded, looking up at him in wonder. With that, Smithy stood aside and Tom left.

* * *

><p>Kerry was sat alone in Canley Park after her shift. It was freezing cold, despite the summer weather and she rocked back and forth gently in an attempt to warm herself up. She stared at the blank piece of paper in front of her and sighed, wondering what she could say. For years, she'd tried to give up memories of her lost baby, but the memories of her were still sore, still raw. She sniffed and wiped a hand across her eyes. She wanted somebody there, hugging her. When she'd earlier heard that Sonny thought Maura was seeing Smithy, she'd felt jealous. Smithy was the nicest man ever and from what Maura had said about Sonny, he was equally so. Then she felt angry – Maura had it all at her feet and she walked out on Sonny for no good reason, really, as she saw it. Then she felt guilty; at least she could still have children. Poor Maura never would be able to and she couldn't even imagine how that must feel, when you were only twenty-three. At least she could have a second chance at motherhood. Absently, Kerry rubbed her stomach, shuddering as ghosts from her past invaded her thoughts. Then, she put pen to paper and wrote it all down.<p>

* * *

><p>Maura arrived back at her comfortable basement flat a little after seven o'clock, her mind on what she was going to have for dinner. She, as she always did, shut and locked the front door before slipping her coat off and hanging it up. She caught sight of her reflection and turned to look. Bitterly, she thought she looked bad: pale, which was saying something as her skin tone was tanned, complimenting her mixed-race heritage, and her black hair made herself look paler still. Maura decided she was hungry; starving, and it could be entirely out of guilt, but she didn't care. She decided that she was going to buy a large Chinese takeaway and eat as much as she could. She went into her cosy sitting room to search for menus and quickly made a decision, calling a takeaway service.<p>

"Well, somebody's hungry."

Maura gasped and spun around. Tom was standing right behind her, by the window, his arms folded. She must've walked right past him. Maura stared at him and said; "Tom. You scared me."

Tom raised his eyebrows and said; "it was cold outside, so I let myself in. I hope you don't mind."

"How did you get in?"

He produced the spare keys and said; "you still put them in a fake rock in a plant pot, Maura, as if those fake rocks fool me."

"How did you know where I live?"

"Smithy told me."

"You went to see Smithy? Why?"

"Well, I actually came to see you about the way you've treated Sonny, but you weren't there."

"Please, Tom, don't start. I had Sonny telling me he hates me today! The one and only man I love, the only man I have ever loved! Do you know how that felt? Do you? Like I want to die!"

"So you do still love him then?"

Maura reddened, but realised she couldn't take back what she'd just said. Her face crumpled and she sank down on the sofa, nodding. She buried her face, sobbing, and Tom sat next to her, putting an arm around her.

"I don't understand this Maura, you still love him, and he, despite what he might have said today, is crazy about you! He worships the ground you walk on, he'd do anything for you! Come on, eh? Tell me. What happened? Was it Vincent? Did he do something? That bastard, when I lay my hands on him, he'll wish his name wasn't West!"

She shook her head and said; "it isn't him."

"Well, then, what is it? Maura, come on." He paused and tentatively asked; "what did the Doctor say, Maura?"

"What did the Doctor..." Maura trailed off and stared at him, her tear-filled eyes widening. "Smithy _told _you?" she said, outraged. "He had no right...no right to tell you anything! How dare he! Who does he think he is?"

"Maura!" he said, pulling her back down. "He only told me to ask you what the Doctor said to you. Tell me, babe. Are you ill? Is it cancer?"

She shook her head and said; "no, I'm not ill. It's nothing like that. Y – You know how excited Sonny and I were about starting a family?"

"Yeah," Tom said smiling, "it was all Sonny would talk about. Names, nursery colour schemes, you name it."

"Well...we...we tried for a while, but it...it wouldn't happen, so I went to the Doctor's and they did some tests. A...and the results came b...ba...back showing that I can't...I can't have...I can't give Sonny what he wants."

"You can't have children?" he said, aghast.

At his tone, Maura burst into tears again. She said; "see! Even you think it's horrible."

"Maura, babe, of course it's horrible! I could see how much you wanted babies. Oh, come here, come on."

"Premature Ovarian Failure they call it," she said, leaning against Tom's chest. "I wanted kids so badly. I wanted to give Sonny what he wanted, and now I can't, I know he'll hate me eventually, even if he didn't at first!"

"He'd be upset, he'd be disappointed, but he'd never hate you! He'd never hate you! He loves you! Oh, Maura, why didn't you just tell us?"

"I...I was scared that...that..."

"That Sonny would dump you? Maura, look, look at these!" Tom said, lifting the wedding rings on the chain around her neck. "These here, are a symbol that he loves you. He loves you with all of his heart. He's in the hotel room right now, crying his eyes out!"

"I didn't want to hurt him! I love him!"

"So take him back," Tom said, stroking her hair. "Make him happy again."

"You really don't think he'll hate me?"

"Of course he won't. He can't understand what made you walk out on him like that. He thought he did something wrong."

"I guess it was selfish of me," she said, wiping tears. "But...I thought I was doing us both a favour. I really thought he'd hate me. Blame me."

"He'd never hate you, he doesn't."

"He said he did."

"He didn't mean it, Maura. He wants you back. You need to tell him the truth or face losing him for good. So, how's this: I stay here with you for tonight. And tomorrow, I get Sonny around here so we can all talk properly. Yeah." He glanced up as the doorbell rang and he said; "And I take it that's your food. You don't mind if I have some, do you? I doubt you can eat a large special fried rice, a large chicken chow mien and a bag of chicken balls all on your own! Plus, I'm starving!"

Tom laughed, and taking out his wallet, went out to answer the door. Not altogether reassured about Sonny's feelings towards her, she went out to get plates and cutlery.

* * *

><p>Kerry was staring at her reflection in the locker room mirror, miserable. The last thing she wanted to do was step back into the room where they were investigating the baby's death: the whole thing made her feel sick. She raised a hand to her mouth and blanched slightly as if she was going to be sick.<p>

"You look how I feel."

Kerry jumped for the second time in twenty-four hours. She glared at Andrea and said; "will everyone in this place stop creeping up on me?"

She slammed her locker shut and stormed out of the room, Andrea starting after her, startled. Shaking her head, she turned to her own locker and her eyes fell upon the rose-coloured rosary beads hanging on the inner door. She gripped them briefly in her hand before taking off her street clothes and beginning to get dressed. She caught up with her friends, Maura and Kerry in CID. Kerry was sat in the corner, sulking, and Maura sat in the corner, biting her nails, anxious about her meeting with her beloved Sonny later. What if he decided that not telling him straightaway was unforgivable and decided to end their marriage once and for all? She sniffed and focused her concentration on the phones in front of her.

Kerry slouched in her seat, her blonde hair coming down from her loose bun, there were dark circles under her eyes and Cameron sat down next to her, nudging her lightly.

"Hey, are you OK?"

"Well I would be if everyone would leave me alone!"

He looked taken aback: Andrea and Maura looked up at each other with raised eyebrows but before Cameron could enquire into her sulky attitude, Sam came running in, looking excited.

"Listen up please! We've had a development!"

Kerry's head raised; she looked slightly panicked, Andrea looked apprehensive and Maura blinked politely as the whole room fell silent.

"A letter arrived today, addressed to me," she announced. "From the mother of the baby."

"Are you sure it's genuine?" Maura said doubtfully.

"Well there is always a chance that it's false, Maura, but this letter strongly suggests not. She says things in here that only she could really know. She also admits to putting the lilies on the spot where the baby was buried."

"But...that hasn't even been made public yet!" Kerry said, her voice shaky.

"No, it hasn't, so if this is a hoax, they've gone through a lot of trouble to find out as much as they can in just a few days, and in accurate detail too, like the meeting with Anna in the churchyard. So for now, I'm going to take this seriously."

"Does she want to come forward?" Andrea asked.

Sam's face fell, and she shook her head. She wordlessly passed copies of the letter around to everyone. Maura was sharing a copy with Andrea and they put their heads together to read it. It was not handwritten, but typewritten.

_Dear Miss Nixon,_

_I know you are looking for me, and you say that it is because you want to know if I am OK – maybe I can believe that and maybe I cannot, but either way, know this: I am not coming forward. You can carry on looking for me by all means, carry on wasting your time and your resources, but you are not going to get anywhere. I do not want to be found, I just want to be left alone._

_You have said that you do not believe my baby was harmed at all, and you are right – I did not hurt my baby, I am not capable of such a thing. She just went. Maybe it is my fault: maybe if I had told someone that I had been expecting, I could have had my baby in the warmth and safety of a Hospital instead of the cold and snowy conditions of the park. I did try, really I did. I tried to make her breathe again, but she wouldn't wake up. The gardener's shed was open – I found a spade, dug a hole and left her to rest. I did not harm her._

_Mrs. O'Connell was very kind to me when she found me sitting in the churchyard – I just wanted to be near somewhere safe, near the House of God, even if I do not happen to believe any more. I could hear them singing and I just wanted to stop and listen, that was all. When she went off to get the Reverend, I was scared they could call the police, and so I ran. I will never forget her kindness though. _

_I have tried to move on and almost had before they disturbed her. I visited her resting place to say a final goodbye and gave her some flowers, something I have never been able to do before. Now she is finally going to get a real burial, the one she deserves, I just want to get on with my life._

_You said that you wanted to know if I was OK – I am telling you that I am fine and I just implore you to stop looking for me._

_Please leave me alone._

There was a moment's silence while everyone else stopped reading: Maura looked around her. Andrea's eyes were focused on the one spot of the letter, Cameron's eyes grew bigger and bigger as he finished reading, Kerry had already finished and was looking at anywhere but back at the letter.

"It's terribly formal," Maura said, observing the language in the letter.

"Yes, which I find rather unusual. She said to Anna – if she was telling the truth – that she was seventeen years old – that would mean that she would be about twenty-three, twenty four by now. Still fairly young. I don't know about you, but I don't know many early-twenties women who speak like that."

"She said she wants to be left alone."

"I can see that, Andrea, but we can't leave this alone. We need to know for absolute sure that this is the mother of the baby. The postmark is from the local area, and it isn't handwritten, so we don't have much to go on. I'll be releasing this letter to the public. We need to find this girl. Despite what she says, she clearly isn't all right."

With that, she turned away to talk to Adam Okaro. Whispering broke out around the room and Cameron leant in towards the three women.

"What do we think then, girls? What do you reckon, Kerry?"

He put a hand on her shoulder: almost immediately she shoved it off, glared and said; "I think you should just leave me the hell alone!"

With that, she jumped up and stormed off, leaving a startled silence in her wake. In the locker room, she took out her diary and looked at the rough scrawling of writing she'd written the day before.

* * *

><p>Maura sat, twisting her hands, waiting for Tom to come back with Sonny. She rocked back and forth, jumping to her feet suddenly as the front door opened.<p>

"...don't see why I should," Sonny said shortly.

"Sonny, believe me," Tom said, "this is something you really have to hear. It isn't what you think; she isn't having an affair with Smithy."

Sonny, eyebrows raised in disbelief, came into the room behind Tom. He looked coldly at Maura and said; "this had better be good, Maura!"

"Maura, tell him," Tom said encouragingly.

"I think cat's got her tongue, Tom."

"She still loves you."

"Really? Funny that, yesterday she told me that she didn't want me anymore! Told me that she didn't love me!"

"I didn't mean it, Sonny!"

"Oh! So she does speak!" Sonny said scathingly, going to turn away

"Sonny!" Tom said sharply, spinning him back around. "Listen to your wife! This isn't going to be easy for her to admit! Maura, babe, it's OK. Just tell him. He won't hate you. This isn't your fault, these things do happen."

"What things?" Sonny said, the angry look dropping from his face. "Maura?"

Her lip trembled and she wiped her eyes. She said; "I...I went to the Doctor's when I didn't get pregnant when we tried. They did some tests and the results came back just before Christmas. I can't have children, Sonny."

"What?"

"I...I can't give you what you want. Premature Ovarian Failure, they call it. B...but I was scared you'd hate me, even if you'd tell me that it was OK at first. I haven't been seeing Smithy, I swear. I don't love him, not in that way. He's my friend, that's it, that's all it's ever been."

"Premature Ovarian Failure?" he repeated.

She nodded and said; "yes. I...I knew how much you wanted children and I wanted to give them to you so badly."

The expression on his face was one of devastation and at her last few words, he stared at Maura the expression fast disappearing.

"Hate you? Maura, we've been together for six years and you really, honestly think I could ever _hate_ you?"

"Not at first, maybe, but I thought you'd start to when it sunk in that I couldn't give you what you wanted most of all."

"What I wanted most of all? Maura, you silly little girl, what I want most of all is you! Why the Hell did you think I came all the way down here? I've been trying to find you for months! For God's sake, why didn't you just tell me?"

She shrugged, tears running down her cold cheeks. Tom nudged his brother with his shoulder and said; "she still loves you, Sonny. You're not going to find another girl like her if you lived your life ten times over. She knows she was wrong not to tell you, but look at it from her view – how would you feel if it was you?"

"I'm sorry for being so selfish, Sonny."

The sincere apology was all he needed to hear. He went to her and hugged her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She slid her arms around his waist, holding him as if she would never let go.

"I love you, Maura Barton-West."

"I love you too, Sonny West."

Behind them, Tom smiled, looking at his favourite, golden couple in front of him. There was no doubt in his mind that they were meant to be together.


	4. A Second Discovery

_Hello again!_

Amy - I am calling YOU a lousy excuse for a Detective, want to fight about it? :P. Thanks a lot!

Jess - Well, maybe you're right...buuuuut maybe not! That may well be a hint, let's see if you can work it out! And is this fast enough for you? :P. Thanks for reviewing!

Emma - Thanks for your comments, glad you're enjoying it!

The bright luminous clock numbers read half past three. Groaning, Andrea turned over in bed. She was no more asleep than she had been at ten, when she had retired to bed

She was dreading the next day and didn't think she was able to face yet another day investigating the whereabouts of the baby's mother. Andrea lay curled into a ball, her rosary beads clutched tightly in her fist. As time went on, her religious faith had begun to wither away. If there really was a God out there, she thought bitterly, than why would he let such horrible things happen all of the time, and to people who didn't deserve it? Sadly, she turned over and snuggled deeper into her pillows, tossing and turning until she was comfortable. But it was just no good; she still couldn't sleep and sometimes wished that it would come to her forever. She pushed back the covers and went into the bathroom where she took, from her medicine cabinet, the cylinder of sleeping pills.

* * *

><p>Maura woke to Sonny's arm wrapped around her waist. She smiled and turned over, rubbed her face into his chest. He smiled too and kissed her forehead.<p>

"Morning beautiful."

"Morning," she said, sitting up and stretching, the silk of the nightdress falling down.

"Oi, you," he said, snaking an arm around her waist as she went to get up. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Breakfast," she said.

"Oh, we'll go to a café," he said, holding her tightly. "I just want to lie here with you."

She smiled, and laid her head on his shoulder. After a moment's silence, she said; "Sonny?"

"What, baby?"

"I don't want to go back to Scotland."

He sat up, tipping her off his chest and stared, all traces of tiredness gone. He said; "what? But it's your home!"

"It was. But this is my home now. I've made a life here Sonny, and I want you to be part of it, but I don't want to go back there."

"Everyone misses you, Maura; your Dad wants to see you!"

"He still can see me, Sonny, just not as often as he wants to. I'm not a child anymore, he has to accept that. I can't stay in Scotland forever. I know it's a big ask: I know it is, but...didn't we always talk about moving away?"

"Of course, babe, but I didn't expect it to be this soon. There's a lot to sort out Maura; all of our stuff...I guess we can get our families to help with that. And I have to find a job; I suppose I can start looking right away."

"You can?" she said cautiously. "Does...does that mean yes?"

"It'll take getting used to Maura, but I love you and I want to be with you. Besides, it will be nice to build our own life here." He paused and then said worriedly, "but what about Tom? He...did...does live with us!"

She paused and said; "yeah. It was great with the three of us."

"But three's a crowd?"

"No. But will he be happy to come here as well?"

"Tom? Come here?"

She looked uncomfortable and said; "well yeah, I'd totally understand if he didn't want to, but...I...we do have the spare room here, and the rent always comes in handy. I guess we can always ask him." Maura cuddled Sonny tightly. "Sonny?"

"What, baby?"

"I'm sorry I can't give you babies."

"It's not your fault, Maura. Tom was right: these things do happen."

"But you really wanted kids."

"And so did you," Sonny said, kissing her head lightly. "Maura, it isn't your fault. You and me, we're going to get through this."

She smiled shakily and nodded, before saying that they should get up to go out for breakfast. They came out, dressed, finding Tom in the kitchen, wearing his usual outfit of jeans and a t-shirt, his muscles bulging in the sleeves. His long hair fell down to the collar in its usual careless style and he smiled as Maura and Sonny came out of their room.

"Hey, how're the happy couple?" he said, standing up.

"We're great," Sonny said cheerfully, clinging onto Maura's hand.

"Good, good. Maura, babe, why the hell are your cupboards so bare?"

She shrugged and said; "same reason we've been eating heated takeaway the past two days. I just haven't had the time with work, that's all."

"Well, we're going to have to make time, won't we babe?"

"Yep, not before getting breakfast," Sonny said, collecting Maura's coat and helping her into it. "We're off to a café, Tom, you're coming with us?"

"Oh, I wouldn't like to put you two lovebirds out."

"No, come Tom," Maura said. "There's something we want to talk to you about anyway."

"Oh dear, sounds ominous. Should I be worried?"

"No not at all," Sonny said. To Maura, he said; "aren't you at work today, babe?"

She shook her head and said; "no, thank god, unless they call me in to help. Anyhow they do, I'm throwing a sickie."

* * *

><p>"Smithy, where's Andrea?" Gina demanded, accosting him in his office. "She hasn't called in and Sam's in a flap cos Maura's not here today, so we are two down."<p>

"No she hasn't called in," he said, checking the office phone for any messages, but where were none. "Strange. She always calls if she isn't coming in. I'll call her."

"I've been trying to do that for half-an-hour!" she said. "No answer, from her home phone or her mobile."

"That's not like her," he said, taking his car keys from his draw. "Come on – let's get down to her house, shall we?

She nodded, and they walked at a fast pace out of the building and into the yard. Smithy started up the engine and reversed out of his parking space, an odd sense of foreboding in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

><p>Maura took Sonny and Tom to Palm Beach Café on Sun Hill Road, a place where she, Andrea and Kerry often spent time on their days off and when they wanted somewhere to eat at lunchtime when they were on shift. They sat outside in the sunlight, drinking cold juice and eating fry-ups.<p>

"Now that," Tom said, his mouth full of sausage, "is the best fry-up I've had in years!"

"Like mama used to make, huh?" Sonny said, cutting some toast and pushing it into his egg.

"Indeed," he said, rubbing his stomach. "So, anyway, what did you two, lights of my life, want to tell me?"

Sonny looked across at Maura and said; "well, we've been talking, and we've decided...that we're going to stay in Sun Hill. We're not going to go back to Scotland, Tom."

He looked hurt, then disappointed and a dagger pierced Maura's heart. She realised then how hard it would be, if he were to say no, to live without his beloved big brother around for practically the first time in his life. He swallowed what was in his mouth and put down his knife and fork.

"I see," he said, quietly.

"And we wanted to know..."

"If I'd look after the flat in Scotland for you? Yeah. Of course. No problem."

"No. We wanted to know if you'd come with us."

Tom looked up and stared from one to the other as if he was expecting an 'April Fool!' When neither Sonny nor Maura said anything, nor was there any sign on their faces that it was a joke, he said; "are you serious?"

"Absolutely," Sonny said. "You don't actually think we'd leave you all alone in Scotland with _Vincent_, do you?"

"You actually want me here?"

"Of course we do, you Muppet," Maura said, taking his hand. "You're the best lodger anyone could ask for. And besides, who would do all the shopping when we were all out of food?"

Tom burst out laughing and said; "well, at least I know where I stand. Should I invest in a feather duster?"

"A maid's outfit, too, if you wish."

"But I won't be...be in the way or anything?"

"Tom, you've lived with us since before we were married, have we ever implied that you were in the way?"

"No, but this is different! This is you two moving away, making a life –"

"Tom, just shut the hell up and say yes!" Sonny said. "We want you with us, we like having you around!"

"Well, in that case, I guess we'd better start getting our stuff moved down here, bro," Tom said cheerfully, picking his knife and fork up again. "I'll start looking into media jobs. Talking of which; Maura babe, what's this about the baby's body found in the park?"

"What's that?" Sonny said.

"Didn't you hear? A few days ago, the park caretaker was digging to plant his flowers, minding his own business, and dug up the remains of a baby."

"_What_?"

"Yeah, I know. Your lot are investigating it, aren't they babe?"

Maura nodded and she said; "yes, but there isn't really that much to go on. They found the baby wrapped in a cardigan, and a set of rosary beads that were left behind by accident, or so they think. A bunch of lilies were left on the spot where the baby was found and yesterday, a letter arrived from the mother."

"Saying what?"

She shrugged. "Pretty much 'leave me alone.'"

"That's all?"

"DS Nixon – Sam – who's investigating just wants to make sure she's all right, she said. Autopsy shows that no injuries were inflicted on the baby – or not as they can tell. The letter says that the baby was stillborn, but she says she wants to be left to get on with her life."

"Can't be easy, can it?" Tom said thoughtfully, spreading jam on his bread. "I mean, giving birth to a stillborn baby like that, I mean – sorry Maura! Sorry!"

"What?" she said defensively.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be tactless! I'm sorry; I'm such an idiot, talking about babies after yesterday!"

"I'm sure she knows you didn't mean anything by it," Sonny said, squeezing Maura's shoulders.

"Of course I do," Maura said, forcing a smile. "Don't worry, Tom, I know what you mean."

"So – no idea who she is?" he asked tentatively, looking guilty.

"None. Investigation is still pending, but she's adamant that she doesn't want to be found. And it's not as if they have anything to go on."

* * *

><p>They reached Andrea's house in a quiet street quickly and both stood outside for a moment, looking at the flat. Smithy said; "all of the curtains are closed."<p>

They looked at each other before he strode forwards and rang the doorbell. There was no answer after a moment of waiting, so he bent down and called through the letterbox a few times. Sighing, he straightened up and banged on the door with force that made Gina start.

"Nobody's answering."

"State the bleedin' obvious, why don't you?"

He glared, but chose not to retaliate and said; "let's go around the back."

She raised an eyebrow and followed him to the back garden. They looked through the window to the kitchen to see that it was completely empty. Hopefully, Smithy tried the back door, but it was locked.

"What d'you reckon?" he asked.

She heard the underlying question in his voice and nodded. "Do it."

He backed up and rammed the door with his shoulder. It broke clean open and he stepped into the kitchen, rubbing his shoulder. He called out; "Andrea! It's Smithy and Gina, are you here?"

"I'll check upstairs," Gina said, as he turned into the sitting room. He nodded and proceeded to check the downstairs room. On the wall in the sitting room was a collection of photographs. The one in the middle, he thought must be her favourite because it was the largest and in the nicest frame. It was of her, Kerry and Maura. They all looked so happy.

"Smithy! Smithy!"

He ran out of the room as if he were on skates and up the stairs. Gina was standing in the bathroom, frantically calling for an ambulance. He stared into the bath. Andrea was lying face down in the tub, which was full of water. He pulled her out, lying her on the fluffy blue bath mat. The water, he noted was stone cold. For a moment, he was glad that she wasn't conscious: if she knew that could see her naked, it would be highly embarrassing for the both of them. That was, though, until he put his ear to her mouth, and then put a tentative hand on her chest, searching for a pulse with his other hand.

"Hurry up that ambulance, she's not breathing," he said, beginning CPR. "Come on Andrea, hang in there!"

Gina stood by silently, watching as Smithy tried to breathe life back into her body: he was steadily becoming more and more frantic. She heard the sirens and ran down the stairs to let the paramedics in, and filled them in on the situation as they ran back upstairs.

"Her name's Andrea, Andrea Dunbar, she's twenty-five, my colleague and I found her in the bath, face down. I don't know if she slipped, had an accident, hit her head or something..."

"Thanks love," the paramedic said, taking over from Smithy, while his colleague felt for her pulse.

"No output," she said, shaking her head.

"How long's she been like this?"

"No idea," Smithy said, wiping his wet hands on his uniform. "She was due in to work at nine, but she didn't turn up, so we came here and found her like this."

"She's a colleague, is she? Any medical conditions that you know of? Is she on any medication at all?"

"None that we know of."

"All right, we need the spinal board and defibrillator here," the older male colleague said.

The woman nodded and ran off down the stairs. Gina followed and Smithy thought she had gone to help until she returned later and said: "Smithy, come and have a look at this."

He followed as the paramedic came rushing back. Gina led him, not into the bedroom that had its door open, as he expected, but into a neighbouring room. He stopped in the doorway and blinked: it was a baby's nursery, presumably, he thought, for a girl, judging by the pink and green paint. The cot stood in the middle of the room, under the skylight. The whole room had a cold, unfriendly feel, as if abandoned. He could see thick dusting on the furniture.

"She lives alone, doesn't she? She doesn't have any kids?"

"No," he said, feeling an odd chill run down his spine. On the drawers, there was a photograph and he picked it up. It was of Andrea, clearly taken a few years ago. She was hugging a kind-looking man, and there her stomach was swollen with a late pregnancy. He looked at Gina, she looked at him, but before they could say anything else, the paramedic came in.

"We have sinus rhythm," he announced. "We need to get her to Hospital ASAP, is one of you coming with her?

"Yeah. I will," Smithy said uneasily, dropping the photograph on the floor. "Gina, do you want to get a bag packed for her and follow us down there?"

* * *

><p>"She's never mentioned a daughter before, let alone being pregnant," Smithy said. Too anxious to sit, he was standing, pacing the waiting room. "How long's she been with us at Sun Hill? A few years, and we didn't even know that?"<p>

"Maybe she didn't want us to know," Gina said, dumping a heavy bag at her feet. "When I was going through her clothes to pack them, I saw some men's clothes hung up in the wardrobe. Shirts, trousers, jackets..."

"She doesn't have a boyfriend, she's said so herself."

"There's something else. She has a collection of beads, of rosary beads. You don't...you don't think that..."

She didn't get to finish her sentence, as at that moment, the Doctor came back to them. She was thin, her long strawberry blonde hair pulled back into a tight, high ponytail.

"Sergeant Smith? Inspector Gold?"

"Yes, yes," Smithy said. "How is she? Is she going to be all right?"

"It looks as if she's going to be fine."

"But?" he said, suspiciously.

"But, when she wakes up, we might have to get a psychiatrist to talk to her."

The two looked at each other, and Gina said; "why? What's she done?"

"Her blood test results came back showing she had a mix of drugs in her system; sleeping pills and Ritalin to be precise. They are, when taken in succession, a toxic mix. That is probably what caused her heart to stop."

"But...you don't know for sure that she actually meant to...to..."

He trailed off, not quite being able to say 'kill herself,' and she said; "no, but it certainly does look that way. Are you sure she's shown no signs of unhappiness lately? Depression? Has she been upset at all?"

"You work on upsetting cases, it's part of the job," Gina said stoutly. "But I think I would know if one of my PC's were suicidal!"

Smithy said nothing, knowing she was offended. To suggest that Gina Gold didn't know that one of her PC's were upset or anxious about something was a suggestion that she wasn't up to her job and one of the greatest offence.

"Of course," she said quickly, realising she'd made a mistake. "Well, anyway, Andrea's still not woken up, but there really is nothing more you can do here. How about if I call you when she does wake up? You can speak to her before I call the psychiatrist."

"If you will," Gina said nodding. "Thank you.

* * *

><p>Andrea came around in a panic. Not taking any notice of where she was at first, she picked up her watch from the bedside table and squinted at the dial. It was two o'clock, she five hours late for work! Gina was going to <em>kill<em> her! She jumped out of bed, and yelped in pain as she drip was torn from her hand. Blood blossomed over the white Hospital gown. As she lay on the floor, whimpering in pain, the door burst open, hitting the wall

"Andrea? Are you all right? Where does it hurt? Oh, God!" The Doctor helped her back onto the bed. "Right, you just keep still, there, darling, OK? We'll put some pressure on this, and get it bandaged. Can I have some help in here, please?"

"I'm late for work! I have to go!"

"I think you can forget about work for the time being, Andrea," she said as help arrived. She continued to apply pressure while her colleague wrapped a bandage over her hand tightly. "Thanks, will you bring her a replacement gown, please?" As the younger Doctor left, she sat on the bed. "My name is Bonnie; I've been looking after you since you've been brought in here. You gave your colleagues one hell of a scare."

"My colleagues? I don't understand. Why am I here?"

"You were found in at home Andrea, lying in a bath full of water. Do you remember getting in the bath?"

She broke off as her colleague came back with the gown, and then left them to it. Bonnie helped her in the gown, and put the drip into her other hand.

"You get back into bed," she said, in a tone that suggested to Andrea that she was used to being obeyed. She tucked the covers around her like a mother hen and sat back on the bed. "Do you remember getting in the bath?"

"I...I remember running the taps. But...I..."

"Andrea...we found traces of drugs in your system. You had to be resuscitated at the scene, because the mix of drugs caused your heart to stop."

"I have sleeping tablets, but I hardly ever use them. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I took one, but I didn't realise how early it was: six in the morning. I was due up at half seven. I woke up tired, so I took Ritalin. I...I've never done that before. I didn't know it would have such a...a bad effect."

"So you didn't intend to...to..."

"To what? To _kill myself_? NO! Why on earth would I want to do that?"

"Exactly what your colleagues wondered. You really did give them a scare."

"Were they angry?"

"No, more worried. Sergeant Smith is it?"

"Yes."

"He came with you in the ambulance, wouldn't give me a moment's peace from the minute you were brought in. He was very worried. Is he your...?"

"No. Just a friend. He's like that with all of his PCs, nothing makes me special."

"He's nice. And as for that Inspector Gold – well, let's just say that I have a memo in my office, reminding me to never again suggest to her that she might not know if her officers were upset."

She smiled faintly and said; "yeah. She isn't called the Dragon for nothing. Do they both think I tried to kill myself?"

"No, in fact they're adamant that you wouldn't. They wanted to see you before...well; I might have had to call a psychiatrist."

"Psychiatrist? Why? I told you..."

"I know, don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. She'll most likely just want a quick word with you, that's all. Now, you rest and I will go and call the Dragon."

* * *

><p>"That picture, it looked at least a few years old. I can't believe this; she's never mentioned being pregnant before. She hasn't even mentioned a baby."<p>

"You don't think that..."

"What?" Smithy said, turning his attention to Gina.

"Well, think about it Smithy. She's been pregnant, clearly far along the line judging by that photograph, she's doesn't have a child, or a boyfriend and she's never mentioned any of this. She also has a collection of rosary beads. If that was about, say, six, seven years ago? Wouldn't that make her seventeen years old?"

"What, you think that baby was _hers_?"

"How long has she been in Sun Hill, Smithy?"

He thought. "I'm not sure, four years maybe? But...there's no way that she wouldn't come forward."

"You think so? Think about that letter, Smithy. She's very well spoken."

"She's not _that_ well spoken."

"No, but she is smart enough to use it as a disguise, don't you think? She's a very clever girl, Smithy; I think she's perfectly capable of leading a double life if she wants to."

"But we don't know for sure, Gina. Just because she might have been pregnant and has rosary beads doesn't mean anything. She could have miscarried, her child could have died – for all we know, lives with the father, she's clearly not with her partner anymore."

"I'm not so sure, Smithy."

"Well, let's actually try and do some investigating, shall we? Before we jump in all guns blazing? If it isn't her, we don't want to upset her by dragging up what could be a painful past. And if it is her baby, well...the same thing really."

She nodded, opened her mouth to say something and the phone on her desk rang. She picked it up and said; "hello, Inspector Gold. Oh...she has? Is she all right? Thank you very much we're on our way...what...no, no, nobody's angry at her...if you would, thank you. See you in a minute." She replaced the receiver and to Smithy, she said; "let's go!"

* * *

><p>"<em>Accidental <em>overdose?" Smithy echoed.

"It does happen, Sergeant. Our psychiatrist is with her now, but I'm fairly confident that she's not in the least bit suicidal."

"I thought you said you'd wait for us to talk to her first?"

"She wanted to get it over with, but they should be done about now. If you'd like to follow me?"

They both followed Bonnie down the corridor, towards Andrea's room. Even as they got closer, they could see, through the open door, a middle aged psychiatrist wearing glasses and with thinning blonde hair sitting on the end of the bed. Both were laughing and he looked up when the two officers came into the room.

"Ah! Sergeant Smith and Inspector Gold I presume! My name is Jonathan Winters, Andrea and I have just been having a little chat."

"Everything all right?" Gina said, more to him than to Andrea.

"Perfectly fine. I think we're just about done here. Andrea, it was a pleasure to meet you."

"You too," she replied, sinking back into her pillows as he left. Bonnie followed him out and closed the door behind her: Andrea looked tentatively up at the two. "Um. Hi."

"Are you all right?" Smithy said, sitting down in Jonathan's vacated space.

"Yes, I'm fine. I...I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to...to... I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Apparently they were prescription medications Andrea," Gina said. "Why didn't you say you were on them?"

"Because I hardly ever need to use them. I just couldn't sleep last night, so I took a sleeping pill, but I didn't realise how early it was. I couldn't wake up, so I took Ritalin. I didn't know it would have that effect."

"And the bath?" Smithy asked.

"I needed a bath, is there something wrong with that? I suppose I just passed out while I was in there, though I don't remember getting in, just running the taps."

"You could have just fallen in."

She shrugged and said; "I suppose so. I'm really sorry; I didn't mean to scare anyone. Does...does everyone think I tried to top myself?"

"The only people who even know you're here are right in front of you. As far as everyone else is concerned, you're at home, looking like Dracula with the flu."

Andrea smiled weakly and Gina said; "when're they letting you home?"

"Tomorrow I think. I suppose you want me to take leave or something."

"Well, not if you don't want to, but I would like you to take it easy." She looked down and added: "what happened to your hand?"

"Drip got torn out," she said, glancing down at it. "It's not serious, just a scratch really. The blood made it look more serious than it really was."

"All right. we'll let you get some rest now, Andrea."

"Thanks. And thanks for the packed bag, Ma'am."

"Well, we could hardly let you walk home in a Hospital gown, now, could we? Come on Smithy."

"Take care, you," Smithy said, leaning down to give her a hug. "Give me a call if you need anything – or Maura or Kerry if you don't want me going through your things."

"Thanks," she said, lying back down. "I appreciate it."

The door closed and she was left in peace. The smile dropped and she turned onto her side. It was true: the toxic mix of drugs had been a complete accident, but there were times, she thought, that she wished it had actually worked.


	5. The Second Letter

_Hello and thanks to the usual suspects Jess, Emma and Amy. Very glad you're all liking the story! Here's the next chapter and now I have to buzz off to work. Enjoy it! H. xx_

"Maura, where do you want this?" her father asked, unwrapping a large oriental lamp from bubble wrap.

She looked over her shoulder from where she was arranging ornaments on the mantelpiece and said; "oh, that can go in the bedroom."

"Lovely little place," he called, going into the bedroom. "It'll be a snug little fit with you, Sonny and Tom."

"Yeah," she said as he came back into the room. "But I don't mind, I kinda like it like that."

"I'm going to miss you, baby."

She turned around to face her father. He was smiling, though his eyes held the sadness that she was going to be so far out of reach from her from that point on.

"I'll miss you too, Daddy," she said, reaching out for him. "I'll miss everyone."

"I think Bradley might be annoyed that he's losing the coolest person in the family."

Maura suppressed a grin. She had also been close to her teenage nephew Bradley, not least because there was only a ten year age gap between them. He hated to be called 'Bradley' and so most of the family called him that only when they were winding him up.

"Well, you'll just have to be the cool one from now on. Not least because he'll need guidance from somewhere other than from the hot head father of his, otherwise known as Connor.

"You have my word," he said, ruffling his hair. He picked up the newspaper and looked at the front page. "Any news on the baby's mother?"

"No," she said. "She's adamant that she isn't coming forwards. Sam's trying every trick in the book to draw her out of hiding."

"What d'you mean, baby?"

"Well, the hospital is releasing the baby's body. So Sam's giving her a funeral."

"Her?"

"Yeah, the baby was a girl. According to the letter at least." Maura smiled sadly and said; "she's even given her a name. Rose."

"Rose?"

"Yeah, that's what the gardener was planning to plant when she found the body so..." she trailed off and shrugged. "Anyway, she thinks if it gets some publicity, the mother might visit the grave."

"And does she genuinely want to help her or does she think the girl actually...killed her baby?"

"No, and even if she does, there is no proof. There are no injuries on the baby's body."

"The young lady probably doesn't believe that though."

"Maybe not, but either way, I don't think she wants to drag up such a painful past. I know I wouldn't."

"This must be such a hard case to work on, Maura," he said, putting his arm around her. He looked sad and said; "why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged again and looked down sadly. She said; "I know it was unfair of me, but...I felt...like I wasn't good enough."

"You'll always be good enough," he said kissing her head. "Anyone who says otherwise will be answering to my fist."

Maura smiled and hugged her father tightly, scrubbing at her eyes behind his back. Pulling away, she said; "Dad, I need to pop out, would you mind unpacking the stuff for the kitchen? I think I'm pretty much done here. How's the bedroom?"

"Done. Where're you off to, baby?"

"I just need to collect my messages from my pigeonhole. I meant to do it yesterday," she said putting on her coat, "but I forgot. I might have some court appearances coming up."

"All right baby. Don't be long, hmm? I'd like to spend some more time with you. Maybe we can go out for dinner?"

"Yeah. That would be nice. I'll see you later."

Maura smiled, wrapping a scarf around her neck and with a swish of her long, black hair, the door closed and she was gone.

* * *

><p>Anna O'Connell was alone in Clover Road Church, preparing for evening mass. She'd laid out hymn books and programmes on each chair and then went to the kitchen to prepare the bread and wine for later in the service. Savouring the free time she had before the service, she made herself a tea and sat at the table, drinking them with biscuits. The newspaper was open in front of her, still reporting about the dead baby's mother, pleading with her to come forwards. It had even printed the letter that she had sent to Sam Nixon. Phrases jumped up at her.<p>

'_I am not coming forwards...I just want to be left alone...she just went...Mrs. O'Connell was so kind to me when she found me sitting in the churchyard...I'll never forget her kindness...'_

Anna sighed quietly and closed the newspaper, now wishing more than ever that she had done something more to help the poor young girl. People would be arriving soon, she thought, standing up and judging by the footsteps echoing in the church hall, somebody already had. She went into the main church. A slim figure, with their hood up, was standing by the remembrance candle table, her back to Anna.

"You're early," Anna said.

"I'm not staying," she replied without turning around.

"Waiting for someone?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask who?"

"You." She crossed her arms tightly and said; "you are Anna, aren't you?"

"Yes. Who are you?"

"You don't remember me? I'm not really surprised, even if that Christmas Eve incident does stand out in your mind."

"You're the girl DS Nixon is looking for!"

"Yes." She turned away as Anna came closer, and tried to turn her around. "Don't, please don't. I don't want you to see my face."

"You need to go forward, my love."

"I don't want to."

"DS Nixon just wants to see that you're well! That's all! Nobody blames you for your poor little girl's death!"

"Just me then?"

"She was stillborn love."

"If I had told someone..."

"You were scared!"

"I was a coward."

"Love...why don't you come with me? We can go to the station, I'll come with you! They'd let you go to the funeral, say goodbye to little Rose..."

"_Don't_ call her Rose! Her name isn't Rose."

"I'm sorry, love. Listen...come with me. We can go now."

"No, I can't!"

And without another word, she fled to the back door, leaving Anna calling after her, pleading with her to come back. She wasn't as fast, or as agile as the younger girl and by the time she got outside, she had gone.

* * *

><p>Cameron stood up as he saw Kerry returning home. He'd been stood outside her house for hours, waiting for her to come back. She rolled her eyes at the sight of him.<p>

"What do you want, Cameron?"

"To talk to you! You've been avoiding me for weeks! Is this just because we slept together? Is that such a big problem?"

"It was a one night stand," she said fiercely, "what did you think it meant, Cameron, huh? That we were together?"

He ignored her and said; "Kerry, why on earth are you wearing a thick hoodie? It's boiling!"

He himself, was wearing light coloured jeans and a light t-shirt.

"Who are you Cameron, the clothes police? I'm cold, is that against the law now? I'm so sorry, please arrest me!"

She held out her wrists to him, laughed sourly before getting her keys out. She went in and tried to shut the door: he caught it, holding it open.

"Go away Cameron!"

"Please...what's wrong? Why're you acting so strangely? If I've done something – something that's upset you, please tell me!"

She looked at him as if she was searching for something and with her defence down, he pushed at the door, and she stepped backwards, allowing him to come in.

"I miss all the laughing and joking, Kerry, and ever since that night, it seems like you don't want to know me. If you don't want a relationship with me, then...then fine. That's fine. I'd understand. But make a decision either way, because leaving me here, wondering what _I've _done if it's actually _you _with the problem isn't fair."

"I'm sorry," she said, rubbing her hands through her hair. "I know I've been a bitch. I...don't mean to be, but...I thought...that you'd think it was a mistake."

"Kerry, I've been trying to talk to you about this for weeks. If I thought it was a mistake, don't you think I would have given up by now? I miss you."

"I'm sorry. I know I've been unfair. I didn't mean to upset you."

"So...can we try again, then? At least to be friends?"

"Yeah. Friends."

She smiled weakly and obediently walked into his arms as he held them out. Over his shoulder, she desperately scrubbed tears from her eyes.

* * *

><p>"I still think you're jumping to conclusions," Smithy said. "I mean...it doesn't mean anything that she's been pregnant. Half the women here could have been, it doesn't mean the baby was theirs."<p>

"Smithy, I think it looks a little suspect, don't you? She was seventeen, eighteen, seven years ago and she's been pregnant but has no children. Think we should rule it out just yet?"

"No, no. Not at all, but I don't think we should shout it around the station. I mean, we might not be right."

"Maybe not, Smithy, but I think we should at least tell Sam that we might have a possible person in mind."

"She's saved you the journey then," Smithy said as Sam knocked on the door without permission.

"Smithy, Ma'am, I thought you should know. We just had a call from Anna O'Connell. The baby's mother turned up at the church!"

"Did she get a name out of her?"

"She didn't even get a look at her. She kept a hood up and a scarf wrapped around her face. Couldn't even tell us if she had any particular accent. Anna tried to get her to come with her but she legged it."

"CCTV?"

Sam shook her head. "None. Destroyed by vandals and hasn't yet been fixed."

"We'll go and visit Mrs. O'Connell. Sam, sit down. We have something to tell you."

"Oh, I hope it isn't 'Sam, you're rubbish, you're off the case,'" she said, sitting down.

"No. Not at all. Smithy and I found something out the other day. We don't know, not for sure, but we have an idea who the mother might be."

"The other day? And you're only telling me now?"

"Yes, because we didn't know for sure. And...She's one of our own."

Sam's eyes widened and she said; "what? Who?"

"Andrea Dunbar."

Sam looked as if Gina had slapped her. She said; "Andrea? You really think so?"

"Well like we said, we don't know for sure."

"What on earth made you think it could be her?"

"The flu she's supposedly been off with? She's spent a few days in Hospital. Accidental overdose."

"_Accidental_ overdose?"

"That's what I said," Smithy said. "But, she's adamant that she didn't mean to do it, and I believe her. But...while the paramedics were trying to get her heart started, Gina found a baby's nursery in her house, for a girl. There was a picture of her and a man on a dresser. She was pregnant."

"And if that was seven years ago? That would have made her seventeen, eighteen?"

"I'm not sure," Sam said doubtfully. "Just because it looks like...well, it doesn't mean it's true."

"No, but at the moment, it is the only lead that we have. I don't think we should rule it out as a possibility."

"Does she know that you've found this room?"

"No."

"So we're going to have to admit that you two invaded her privacy and went through her things?"

"Hey, hang on, it wasn't entirely like that!"

"Either way, I really don't think she's going to see it like that, do you? You do realise that if we are wrong, we could be about to open up a can of worms that she won't like?"

"Yes, but I don't think we can take the chance if we could be right. She needs assurance that we're not going to blame her for this."

"But she's a Police Officer. She'll know that what she did – if she did it – was a crime. Concealing birth: she'll know that she could go to prison for it."

"But doesn't it all depend on the circumstances? Let's save slapping on the cuffs until we actually know what happened, shall we?"

Sam sighed and she said; "well, all right. But how do we want to approach it with her? Even if the baby wasn't hers, she clearly has lost one regardless."

"You know her best, Smithy."

He looked uncomfortable and said; "yeah, but not out of everyone here. That would be Maura or Kerry."

"Let's not involve anyone else right now, huh? And whatever it is, friendly face, nice aftershave – that bloody tiepin – she trusts you."

He sighed and said; "all right then. What, do you want me to go and talk to her now?"

"No. Let's try and do some more investigating first. If it still comes to nothing, we don't really have any other option but to ask."

"Well let's just hope we are wrong," Smithy said, shrugging on his stab vest and standing up.

* * *

><p>It was the day of baby Rose's funeral. Andrea returned to work the next day, under the watchful eye of Smithy and Gina. They noticed that she seemed her usual happy, gregarious self, but knew from experience how well she could keep a secret if she really wanted to. He sat with her, Kerry and Maura while they were in CID, listening to Maura talking around her reunion with Sonny. For a moment, he forgot about Andrea's situation and listened to his friend talk enthusiastically about her husband.<p>

"It's nice to see you so happy," he said, patting her shoulder. "You two are supposed to be together, Maura, don't let go of him again."

"I won't," she said, smiling cheerfully as Sam came running back into the room.

"Everyone! Listen please! We've had a second letter!"

"Already?" Maura said, taking the copy Sam gave her and leaning over to share it with Smithy. "For someone who doesn't want to be found..."

"I know, she's doing a good impression of it," Sam said with a nervous glance at Andrea as she passed it to her. Smithy followed the gaze before hastily looking down at the letter. Again, it was typewritten.

_Miss Nixon,_

_Why won't you heed me? I asked you to stop looking for me and let me get on with my life, so why are you wasting your time and your resources? You can carry on pretending that it's because you want to help, but you and I both know that what I did was illegal. It was illegal under the Offences against the Person Act 186._

_If any Woman shall be delivered of a Child, every Person who shall, by any secret Disposition of the dead Body of the said Child, whether such Child died before, at, or after its Birth, endeavour to conceal the Birth thereof, shall be guilty of a Misdemeanour, and being convicted thereof shall be liable, at the Discretion of the Court, to be imprisoned for any Term not exceeding Two Years, with or without Hard Labour: Provided that if any Person tried for the Murder of any Child shall be acquitted thereof, it shall be lawful for the Jury by whose Verdict such Person shall be acquitted to find, in case it shall so appear in Evidence, that the Child had recently been born, and that such Person did, by some secret Disposition of the dead Body of such Child, endeavour to conceal the Birth thereof, and thereupon the Court may pass such Sentence as if such Person had been convicted upon an Indictment for the Concealment of the Birth._

_I know the law, so stop pretending that all you want is to know if I'm all right. I've tried so hard all these years to put it behind me, but how can I if it's all over the papers all the time? I don't know why I went to see Mrs. O'Connell. I know I wanted some guidance, but that's something that I won't get from you. If you think that giving her a funeral is going to lure me out, then you'd better think again. I'm not coming out. I mean it._

_Leave me alone._

"She's, uh, clued up on the law, clearly," Smithy said, with a worried glance at Andrea's back.

"Clearly. And I don't think it's a very widely known fact that her actions were illegal."

"She really means it, doesn't she?" Kerry said. "She isn't coming forwards."

"She can't hide forever Kerry. We're just going to have to up our game. Talking of which, we need to go now. The service is starting at 12."

* * *

><p>Maura returned home in a depressed mood. The funeral had been a sombre occasion and had sent everyone else home feeling exactly the same way. She came through the door and was immediately greeted by Sonny, who hugged her close.<p>

"You got through today, baby."

"Barely."

"But you did do it. I know it's an upsetting case, so I have just the thing to cheer you up!"

"What?" Maura said gloomily, letting him lead her into the sitting room. She stopped short in her tracks. Her best friend, Lexi Nichol, was sitting on the sofa. "Lexi!"

"Maura! I've missed you so much!"

Sonny stood back as the pair embraced tightly and behind him, someone else entered the room. Maura looked over Lexi's shoulder and her smile vanished as quickly as it appeared. She let go of Lexi in an instant, revulsion and anger brewing in her stomach.

"Hello Maura," Vincent said.

* * *

><p>Andrea was lying stretched out on the floor of her nursery, salty tears flowing down her face. Everything in the room smelt fresh and new; it shouldn't have been that way. She laid her head on her arms, intending to fall asleep when the doorbell rand and she jumped to her feet; suddenly and frantically. She went to the top of the stairs and looked down nervously; she could see the outline of a figure through the glass. The doorbell rang again.<p>

Walking downstairs, she called; "who is it?"

"It's Smithy."

"Oh," she exclaimed, reaching the bottom of the stairs and open the door. He smiled at her and stepped over the threshold. "What brings you here? Not that I'm not glad to see you."

He smiled. Gina and Sam's investigation had come to nothing, and so they'd agreed that the best thing to do had been to ask her straight out. He said; "there's something I need to talk to you about. How are you feeling?"

She looked at him suspiciously and said; "fine. I'm fine. It was a bit of an upsetting day."

"Yeah. It would be. Can we sit down Andrea?"

"In here," she said, her hands shaking. "Smithy, what's going on? Is this about what happened? I swear, I didn't mean to do it! I didn't mean to do it! I promise you! I didn't know it would have that effect! It was an accident!"

"All right, it's all right! I know, I believe you. It isn't what I want to talk to you about. Come on," he said, putting a heavy hand on her shoulder and pushing her down gently. "Sit down. Relax."

"What've I done?" she said tearfully, chewing her nails.

"I just want you to know that you'll have all the support that you need. We'll do everything we can to make sure that any charges may be minimal."

"Charges? Why? What did I do?"

"We weren't snooping, I promise. We found it by accident. When the paramedics were seeing to you that day. Gina and I found your baby's nursery Andrea. We saw that photograph of you and your...well...your boyfriend."

She said nothing for a moment, but just glared at him angrily. "You...you went through my things?"

"No! No, it wasn't like that!"

"Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to interfere?"

Crying hysterically, she threw herself face down on the sofa, her whole body shaking. Guilty and upset, Smithy put a hand on her arm, only for her to throw it off violently.

"Andrea, please!"

"Get out! GO! I don't want you here! How dare you come here and dig this all up? Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Andrea, this is important! Please, I'm not here to upset you! We just need to know..."

"Need to know? Need to know!" she said angrily, jumping up. "What the bloody hell do you need to know? It's none of your business! Get out of here!"

With that, she ran from the room and up the stairs. He didn't leave and instead followed Andrea, catching her up as she tried to slam the bedroom door. He stuck his foot in it; she tried to close it, but her tears made her weak and clumsy; she collapsed to her knees, the photograph in her hand.

"Everything could have been perfect," she said, sniffling.

"Come here, come here," he said, sliding an arm around her chest.

"Get off me, get off me!" she shouted, shoving him so hard, he fell backwards on the floor. "I hate you! I hate all of you! Why couldn't you have just left it alone?"

He sat up slowly, reaching out for her. He said; "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you so much."

"We could have all been together," she said, her anger now subsided into mere crying.

"Come here," he said, pulling her to his chest. "It's all right. everything's going to be fine. We can get you some help. You won't be in trouble, I'll see to it."

"I don't get it!" she said, hiccupping. "What did I do? Why am I in trouble?"

"Your baby."

"What about her?"

"The baby, your little girl. Did you bury her in the park?"


	6. I'm Gonna Love You Through It

_Thanks so much to the usual suspects, Jess, Emma and Amy. Hopefully this chapter should start to bring things together! Enjoy it! Hol. xx_

Andrea stared at Smithy, tear tracks dried on her face. He stared back uncertainly, unsettled that he couldn't read her expression.

"Excuse me?"

"We...we just thought that..."

"We? What the hell do you mean 'we?' What we? Who else have you been blabbing my secrets to, huh?"

"Nobody! Only Sam and Gina!"

"Oh right I see. Let me get this straight. So I have a baby, a girl, who you've never seen and suddenly the baby buried in the park is mine, is that right?"

He reddened, realising how stupid it must have sounded. "No...It's not like that!"

"Yes it is, it's exactly what you thought. Don't you dare lie to me! Who the hell do you think you are, making assumptions like that?"

"It's just...you'd never said anything before about it."

"And I suppose it didn't occur to you that it was something I didn't want to talk about? Am I not allowed to have a painful past without it being related to a work case? And just for your information Smithy, my daughter isn't dead."

"Oh," he said, feeling all the more stupid by the second. "I'm sorry, I really am."

"Yeah," she said bitterly, "I am too. Sorry I ever let myself trust you. I want you to go now."

"Andrea..."

"Smithy, GET OUT!"

He rose to his feet, suddenly feeling about a tenth his size. Speechless and feeling utterly helpless he exited the room, but not before taking one last look at her cuddling the photograph to her chest and silent tears cascading down her cheeks.

* * *

><p>Maura straightened her body and looked across at Sonny. He was asleep, as always, with his arms wrapped around her. Slowly, she pulled herself from his grasp, careful not to wake her husband, who was a light sleeper. She pulled on a dressing gown and trotted out to the kitchen to make them both a tea. She paused and looked at Tom, who was asleep on the sofa. He'd given up his bed for Vincent and Lexi; something that he wouldn't have done if Vincent had been the only one who'd come down. He hated his brother, but loved Lexi like he loved Maura. Chivalry was not yet dead. She smiled and went into the kitchen to boil the kettle and search the fridge for what they could eat for breakfast. There was bacon, eggs and sausages as well as some beans in the cupboard. She could make a fry up for everyone, not least a treat for Sonny for what she had put him through. Something for which she thought she wouldn't ever forgive herself. She poured water into two mugs and put two sugars into Sonny's mug. Singing softly, she didn't hear the footsteps coming down the hall.<p>

"Is one of those for me?"

Maura, holding the milk, almost dropped the bottle in shock. Regaining her grip on it quickly, she put it down and spun around.

"_Don't do that_! You nearly scared me to death!"

"Wouldn't want that, Maura, would we?" he said pushing her easily out of the way and getting another two mugs down from the shelf.

She stared at him uneasily. He had only his boxer shorts on, and his top half was covered in tattoos; crosses, tribal patterns, snakes and on his back was a large anima sola. The very sight of Vincent sickened her and even looking at his muscles terrified her even more: she could swear that he was taking steroids. For Lexi's sake though, she had to get on with him. Her best friend wouldn't hear a word said against Vincent, no matter what he did to anyone. He looked sideways at her and caught her looking at him before she could look away.

"See anything you like, Maura?"

"Get lost," she said, sickened. "I have Sonny. We are happy together!"

"Could have fooled me. I thought I was in there when you left him."

He turned abruptly towards her, and she flinched back into the fridge. He looked at her, a cold smile on his face and laughed before picking up his and Lexi's mugs and leaving her alone. Only when she heard the bedroom door shut did Maura let out a shaky breath. Wiping tears from her eyes, she picked up her and Sonny's mugs and went back into her bedroom. For a moment, she forgot her husband was there and pulled the bedcovers over her head and curled into a ball. Sonny wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close.

"Come here, baby," he said sleepily. "I've been waiting for a cuddle."

"I made you a tea," she said meekly.

"Are you for breakfast?" he asked, planting kisses around her neck. "Can't say I'd complain."

"I was going to make us a fry-up."

"Ah well. Next best thing." Sonny kissed her again and sat up, holding out his arms to her. She obeyed and settled in his arms. Frowning he said; "Maura baby, are you shaking? What's the matter?"

"I'm just cold, that's all," she said dismissively. "You can make it all better though with a hug."

"It'd be my pleasure," he said, wrapping his strong arms around her. He had muscles, perhaps not as bulky as Vincent's or Tom's, but he had a secure hold all the same. Maura supposed that it must run in the family.

"I have to go soon," she said presently, leaning forward and picking up their mugs.

"I'll have to make do with seeing you later, baby, then won't I? Anyway, I'd best start looking for a job soon. I can't possibly leave my beautiful wife to pay everything on her own."

"No rush," she said, getting up. "Now I'll just go and make us all that nice fry-up I promised." She kissed him and got off the bed. She was in the hallway when noise made her jump, but she was relieved to see that it was only Tom. He swept her into a bear hug, lifting her off her feet and set about helping her in the kitchen to make breakfast. He chatted excitedly about the job interview he had. She merely smiled to give the impression that she was really listening.

* * *

><p>"I think she is telling the truth, yes," Smithy said, sitting down and rubbing the back of his neck. "I feel so bad. She was so upset."<p>

The guilt had been eating away at him ever since the conversation with Andrea. He'd left her messages, apologising and pleading with her to get in touch and forgive him, but she hadn't done either.

"Well we did know that she'd be upset, whatever the outcome," Gina said, sitting down next to him. "I think she'll be off for a few weeks, though, she called in sick this week."

He groaned and rubbed his eyes. He said; "poor Andrea. I had no idea what to do, I tried to comfort her and she didn't want it. The poor girl."

"We had to know either way Smithy. At least that suspicion's gone now."

"I don't think she quite sees it that way, do you? Now I've dragged up those memories of her daughter all over again."

"Didn't she say anything at all about what had happened?"

"No, she just said that her daughter wasn't dead."

"So that means she was either given up for adoption or lives with her father. Or another family member."

"I suppose so, what does it matter anyway? It's none of our business. It wasn't any of our business in the first place. I'm going to go back and talk to her though."

"Smithy, I really think you should leave her for a few days to calm down."

"I know, but she was in such a terrible state. I don't want to leave her all own her own."

"I see where you're coming from, but I think you should send someone else. Maura or Kerry."

"No, that's not a good idea. As far as she's concerned, only you, Sam and I know anything about this. She'll go ballistic if she thinks we've told anyone else."

"Fair enough," Gina said, sighing. "But just don't expect to be welcomed with open arms."

"I won't, that's the last thing I expect. It was such a stupid assumption in the first place Gina. Just because she's been pregnant, that makes her a suspect all of a sudden? We didn't even know how long ago she'd been pregnant!"

Gina nodded her agreement. Andrea had sounded so cold and distant when she had called to say that she wasn't coming in. In a weak form of defence, she said; "she wasn't doing herself any favours though Smithy, with her Miss Havisham act."

"Miss Havisham?"

"You know. Keeping the nursery exactly the way it was?"

"Someone called Miss Havisham did that? When?"

She rolled her eyes and said; "forget it, it doesn't matter. I'm just saying – it's a bit strange to keep it all."

"It isn't our place to criticise for how others deal with things. Maybe she just likes to feel close to her baby. It's not as if you or I would ever know how that would feel. I'm going to see her. I have to. I upset her, I'm going to put things right."

"Be careful though Smithy," she said, dismissing him with a nod. He left and walked straight into Maura.

"Hey, didn't you see the red light?" he said jokingly, grabbing her shoulders to steady her after the collision.

She merely smiled and said; "morning Serge."

"How are you, Maws?"

"I'm all right, thank you. I'd be better if I didn't have Vincent around."

Smithy wrinkled his nose. He hadn't met Vincent very many times, but he didn't like what part of him he had seen. He asked; "is he still with your friend? What was her name? Lexi?"

"Yes, Lexi. They're married now."

"I take it you're not happy about that."

"Hell, I'd be happier if she married Damien from The Omen. He's horrible, Smithy, he's so cruel, and she can't see it."

"Sometimes people have to discover these things for them self, Maura. There's nothing you can do, you can't _make_ her see it. You know what they say. Love is blind. Here...have you ever heard anyone talk about Miss Havisham?"

Maura looked at him, startled. "Miss Havisham?"

"Yeah. Gina said something about a bird who kept a nursery called Miss Havisham. Have you ever heard of her? Hey...hey, what's so funny? Maura?"

He was left staring after Maura as she walked down the corridor, tears running down her face as she howled with laughter.

* * *

><p>Maura arrived home with a smile on her face, still giggling about Smithy's words earlier that day before she realised she'd be going back into a house with Vincent in it. She stepped through the front door and a delicious smell filled her nostrils. She hung up her coat and inhaled deeply. She could smell roasted chicken. Sonny came out of the kitchen, a tea towel slung casually over his shoulder and smiled.<p>

"Hello baby," he said, walking straight up to her and kissing her. "Smells good, doesn't it? I thought we'd have a nice dinner, just you and me."

"Where's everyone else?"

"Oh, I bribed them to get lost for a few hours. I told Vincent and Lexi about that nice little spa and Chinese restaurant, so they've bugged off there for the night. And Tom...well, you know he's only too happy for us to spend time together. He said he'll go and explore town, maybe see if he can find a few bars."

"Aww, he's so sweet."

"I know; he took less persuading then Vincent. But then, you know what he's like. Bastard. Oh well, we won't have to put up with him for long. Hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"Tom got his job!"

"Oh that's brilliant. Where?"

Sonny smiled wryly. He said; "he didn't want to tell you until he was sure he'd got it. Sun Hill's been advertising for a press and publicity officer, no?"

"Yeah they have, but..." Maura stared and said. "No way."

"Yes! He's going to be working with you, baby. He can keep an eye on you for me."

"That's great," Maura said, forcing a smile. "That's great for him, really it is. How long is everyone going to be gone?"

"Vincent and Lexi, till the morning and Tom, at least until midnight," Sonny said, taking her hand. "That means..." he said, between kisses, "that we've got...the house...to ourselves. Now, I have you a nice bath run, so why don't you go and get in? There's still a while before dinner's ready."

"Thanks Sonny. I love you."

Maura hugged and kissed him before going into the bathroom. She removed her clothing and dumped the items in the laundry basket. It was then, she saw hung up on the wardrobe, the dress she had worn on their honeymoon. She fingered the sapphire blue silk lovingly. Sonny had always said that it was his favourite dress of hers. She felt guilty and undeserving of such a loving husband and turned away from the cupboard to climb into the bath.

* * *

><p>Smithy had left the station, red faced, after Maura had kindly explained to him that Miss Havisham was a fictional character from Great Expectations. The embarrassment became apprehension as he turned into Andrea's street, Cherry Tree Drive. He pushed open the creaking gate, noting that all curtains were closed and knocked three times on the door. He waited for a few moments, then knocked again. Before he could knock a third time, the door was opened by a dishevelled looking Andrea, who was wearing her dressing gown and had her hair loose and messy about her face. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.<p>

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I was sorry."

"You can carry on saying it till you're blue in the face. You've done the damage, Smithy. Happy now?"

"Andrea, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it to sound as if we actually thought it was you! it was just...just an assumption, hunch! A bad one!"

And a bloody wrong one! Who do you lot think you are! My child is my business, not Sam's, not Gina's and not yours!"

"I know! I'm sorry!"

"Too late! Just go!"

She shoved the door shut in his face. He stared sadly at her figure behind the frosted glass. She was shrinking against the wall opposite and as he was about to turn away, he heard her begin to cry. Turning back, he touched one hand against the glass. To his surprise, she put hers up too on other side of the glass, matching the shape of his, before she opened the door. The moment she did so, she burst into tears.

"Oh come here...come here!" he said again, commandingly, as she tried to pull away. "Come on, it's all right, I'm here."

"I want my baby back!"

"I know, I know you do!"

"No you don't! You don't know anything! You don't!"

"Come on...calm down..."

"No. I don't want you here, I don't want you! I want you to go!"

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you alone, not in this state!"

"I wouldn't be in a state if it wasn't for you lot, poking your nose where it wasn't wanted!"

"Come on, let's get you indoors," he said, supporting her over the threshold and into the sitting room. He stared around. He hadn't ever thought that Andrea was the sort of person to drown her sorrows, but a look at all the bottles in the room told him that he was wrong. "Come on; let's get you upstairs, hmmm? You can have a wash, a shower."

"Are you saying I smell?"

"No! I'm saying it'll make you feel better. Come on now, upstairs."

He took her up and passed the nursery on the way to the bathroom. He was shocked and saddened to see it had been completely trashed. He had no time to dwell on it and took her into the bathroom.

"Come on, get this off you," he said, pulling at her clothes.

"Hey, get off! Are you trying to get your leg over?"

"Don't be silly!" he said, offended. "I just want to look after you, that's all. You'll feel better, I promise. Come on now."

As her clothes fell to the floor, he felt awkward, but nevertheless helped her into the bathtub and turned on the shower. She remained curled into a ball as he bathed her and rubbed shampoo into her hair. She was crying silently and he reassured her, rinsing her over one last time. Fetching a large fluffy towel from the airing cupboard, he pulled her out and wrapped it around her. He took her into her bedroom and sat her on the bed which was made and clearly hadn't been slept in for days.

"Will you be all right here while I go to make you a coffee?"

"You're not going?"

"No. I'm not going. I promise. I'll be right back. I swear."

He found her some pyjamas before leaving her alone. The kettle seemed to take forever to boil and he was hopping from foot to foot as he made two strong, sweet coffees. When he went back upstairs, Andrea was sitting on her bed, dressed in the bright pyjamas, water dripping from her hair onto the bedsheets. He put down the mugs, removed his shoes and curled up on the bed beside her.

"Everything's going to be fine," he assured her. "Why don't you talk to me, hmm?"

"I want my baby back."

"Does she live with her dad?"

Andrea shook her head. "No, she doesn't."

"Family?"

"No."

"Adopted?" he said uncertainly.

"Yes. Go on, tell me what a horrible mother I am. What a terrible, selfish mother who'd give her own baby away and cry over it. Feel sorry for herself."

"I bet it wasn't an easy thing to do."

"No, it wasn't. But I didn't think I could. And my parents are too elderly to look after another baby. I wanted her so badly."

"Why didn't you keep her? You still could find her."

"No. She'd have a few family by down. I couldn't come wading in and demand her back when she's settled. I can't be that selfish."

"How old would she be?"

"Six, nearing seven."

"Want to tell me what's happened? Come on. It might make you feel better."

"Before...before I came here, I had a boyfriend named Steven. He lit up my life. He was everything to me. I suppose it was a bit of whirlwind romance, but it felt so right. We were meant to be together. Steven and I, we were teenage sweethearts. Nobody thought we'd last, but we proved them all wrong. Up until then at least."

"What do you mean? Did he finish with you?"

"No. Steven was a career man, he was ambitious and wanted to provide for his family, when we decided to start one. He worked hard, got promotion after promotion, until he finally got what he had always wanted. He got a job in another country and I followed him out there. He was doing really, really well. Very well in fact. He worked long hours, but it was fine. He'd still find some time to spend with me."

"He sounds like a top guy."

"He was. He really was. And one night, he took me out for a night in the town. He took me to dinner, on a boat ride. Then he got down on one knee. He asked me to marry him."

"And you said yes?"

"Of course. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to be his wife. I was too young, my parents said, to think about such a commitment. Fine, I was only twenty-one, but...it didn't matter. We were everything to each other."

"Then that's all that should matter. That pressure didn't split you up did it?"

"No. We didn't even split up. He was taken from me. Steven had to go into a conference at work, but he promised it wouldn't take long. He said I could wait in his shared office while he attended on the top floor. It was bright: a crisp clear morning. Not the sort of day you'd expect anything like this to happen; it was the last day you'd expect to see, to witness such pure terror. The next thing I remember is hearing this bang; this really loud noise. Everything shook. We all thought it was an earthquake at first: dust fell from ceilings, things fell from desks. Things went on forever. The fire alarm was going off and we were told we had to evacuate. I wanted to wait for Steven, but they wouldn't let me. They wouldn't let me go up to him. So I went with the others. We had to take the stairs; we weren't allowed to go in the lifts. We were quite high up. It took a long time to get down all of those stairs. The moment we got outside, this large shadow passed overhead. And there was a second loud bang. Everyone was covering their ears. It was the second plane."

"The second plane?" he said uncertainly.

"Hitting the South Tower." She watched the realisation dawn on his face. He looked horrified and she hurriedly continued in an attempt not to cry. "It was like watching it all in slow motion. The fire. The screaming. The sirens. People jumping. I've never been so scared in all my life. I refused to leave. I wanted Steven to come out, to come and tell me that he was fine, that everything was going to be all right, but he never did. Then both of the towers collapsed. He didn't come back to me."

She finally lost her battle with holding back her tears. Now feeling worse than ever and wanting to cry himself, he held it in and held her tight. He said; "I'm so sorry."

"When I went back home, I had loads of messages from my family and friends. But I also had one from Steven. He didn't sound scared, or panicked. He sounded calm. As if he'd accepted what was going to happen. He told me he loved me and always would. He told me to live my life to the full and he'd watch over me always. That was all. I listened to that message all of the time. That was, until my phone was stolen and I wouldn't ever be able to hear him say he loved me again. It wasn't until after I came home that I found out I was pregnant; three months by the time I'd found out. I knew how much he'd want me to keep our baby, but I couldn't. I'd sunk into such a deep depression that I couldn't look after myself, let alone her. I don't even remember anything about the birth. Mothers say that it's the most extraordinary moments. Not for me though. I don't know what anti-depressants I'd been given, but I was no good to her, being half doped up all of the time. So I gave her away."

Wiping her wet face, she leant over and pulled a box out from under her bed. She opened it and Smithy saw a range of different papers. She found the one she was looking for and straightened it out before handing it to him. He looked down at the adoption certificate with a gentle sigh. It stated that she had given birth to a baby girl in mid March of 2002. Sighing quietly, he folded the paper and held her in his arms, promising that he'd never tell anyone else her story.

* * *

><p>Maura was lying in Sonny's arms in their bed. Both were naked. Maura shivered slightly and Sonny pulled the covers around her. Sleepily, she kissed him and lay her head on his chest. She fell asleep quickly. Sonny lay awake, holding her in his arms. It wasn't long before he heard the front door open. Tom was home. His younger brother knocked and poked his head into their bedroom.<p>

"Oh, sorry," he said, making to back out.

"No, it's fine. Come on in. She's asleep."

Tom brought the rest of himself into the room and sat on the bed. He asked; "how did it go?"

"Fantastic," he said. "As you've probably already guessed."

Tom laughed. "Was that the dinner or the sex?"

Sonny laughed as well and said; "it was both. But don't tell Maura that." He stroked Maura's hair, kissing her.

"You two are the best couple I know. Don't you ever let her go, Sonny."

"I won't. Never again, not my baby. I know we're never going to have babies of our own, but that's OK."

"It is?"

"I'll get over it, Tom. The worst thing would be if I lost Maura as well. She wanted children just as much as I did. There are always other options, anyway, aren't there? Adoption. Surrogacy. A dog."

Tom laughed. "Or there's your baby brother, namely me!"

"Get out of it, you're an ugly baby!" Sonny declared jokingly. "I'm only joking. It's always great having you around. We both think so."

"And I love living with you lot, too. I'm going to go and get a shower. See you in the morning."

Tom stood up and walked towards the door, taking off his shirt as he went. Sonny smiled after his brother and cuddled up with his wife.

* * *

><p>Kerry had fallen asleep. Cameron wrapped a blanket around her, and stroked her blonde hair back from her face. He looked around the house and decided it could do with being cleaned, and so as quietly as he could, that was what he did. The kitchen was gleaming when he had finished. He tidied the sitting room quietly, every so often glancing over at Kerry to make sure he wasn't disturbing her. Stopping, he smiled down at her for a moment, before leaving her in peace in the sitting room and going upstairs.<p>

Kerry's bedroom was a tip, so he stripped the bedsheets, cleaned and dusted the furniture and threw clean sheets over the bed. He wiped sweat from his forehead and turned his attention to the dustbin, which was under Kerry's computer desk, overflowing with paper and various brightly coloured wrappers. He bent down to scoop the paper littered all over the floor into the bin and paused. Reaching out a shaky hand, he picked up one of the crumpled pieces of paper and smoothed it out. His eyes widening, he read the drafts of the letters, barely able to take any of it in. He backed up and sat down on the bed, reading the words until they blurred before his eyes. It could have been days, or weeks that he sat there, staring at the paper, but he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Kerry's cheerful voice floated up towards him: these past few weeks, he would have done anything to hear her talk like that, but now it sickened him.

"I wasn't sure if I was in the right house at first!" she said, coming towards the bedroom. "You've scrubbed the place up really well; maybe you could rub your own business on-the-side! Cameron?" She stopped in the bedroom and stared at him. "What's the matter? What's going on?"

Her smiled faded as she stared from him to the bin and to the paper in his hand. Her face paled until she looked as if all the blood had been sucked from her body. After what seemed like hours, he raised his eyes to her, stood up and brandished the letter in her face.

"Something you wanna tell me?"


	7. Let Me In

_Well thank you again to Jess, Emma and Amy, the story should be coming to a head very very soon. Enjoy this chapter. H. xx_

"Cameron, this isn't what it looks like, it really isn't!"

"Oh is that right, Kerry? It isn't what it looks like? Isn't it really? Did you really think that I wouldn't find out?"

"Maybe I hoped you wouldn't!"

"You hoped that I wouldn't find out? Kerry, did you really think that I wouldn't? Well, at least I know why you've been such a cow lately!"

She looked upset. "I'm sorry – it wasn't that I didn't think you had a right to know, I just thought that...well, it was just one night."

"One night with huge bloody consequences Kerry! You're pregnant Kerry, with my child, and what, you didn't think I had a right to know? You've written...thirty odd letters by the looks of things? And didn't have the guts to send any of them out?"

"I didn't think it was the best way to break the news?"

"And saying nothing was better was it? And what about now that we've seemingly made up? Do you think I wouldn't notice you getting bigger? Presuming you are keeping the baby – our baby."

"Cameron, I..."

"Or aren't you? Is that what this was all about? You were going to have an abortion and never tell me about any of it at all?"

"I hadn't decided either way!"

"So I was never in the equation, whatever you decided, is that what you're trying to tell me?"

Her blue eyes were steadily filling with tears, but he sneered and turned away. He said; "bother answering that; it's pretty clear where I stand."

"Cameron," she said weakly, a slim tear sliding down her pale face.

"Don't bother turning on the waterworks," he said, shrugging on his tattered leather jacket. "I understand. I understand perfectly."

He turned on his heel and walked away. She wanted to follow, but felt that she couldn't. When she heard the front door slam shut, the feeling came back into her bed and she threw herself onto the freshly made sheets sobbing. She breathed in the fresh smell of washing powder and with it, something of Cameron's sweet-smelling aftershave.

* * *

><p>The days passed. Andrea returned to work, a silent truce called between her and Smithy, but he made a point of looking out for her from that point on. He kept her in for that shift, which he knew she wasn't entirely happy about, but somewhat grateful that he wasn't putting her on such heavy duties. He found her in BIU a couple of hours into the shift, going through wanted names and faces at the speed of lightning. She paused momentarily but then returned to her work without acknowledging him.<p>

"How are you?"

"Fine," she said in a somewhat higher voice than usual. "Thank you."

"Listen...Andrea...I feel really bad about what happened."

"Well don't. You weren't to know."

"It wasn't my place to go snooping and asking personal questions."

"At least we agree on one thing. But, if it is any consolation, I can kind of see why you thought what you did." She stopped and looked up at him. She said; "that baby wasn't mine, Smithy, but I can guarantee you that when we do find her, she'll be in a far worse state than I ever could be."

"I don't think that's true Andrea. That day was traumatic for anyone who lost relatives, never mind someone who was there and..."

"Please," she said, a pained expression crossing over her face. "Don't. Not here. Not ever. I'm over it."

"Sorry," he said, though not quite believing that she was indeed 'over it.' He crouched down by her side and put his hand onto her arm. "But you know, if you ever wanted to talk about it, about anything, you can come to me whenever you like. If you want, we can go for a drink tonight..."

"No."

"No?" he repeated, a bit hurt at her abrupt reply.

"No," she said, sorting the last name and turning off her computer. "I don't want to. I have to get these back to Stevie."

With that, she left without looking back. He was left standing, still hurt and a bit offended before he followed her out of the room.

* * *

><p>He kept his distance for the rest of the day, only seeing glimpses of her as he passed CID or as she went about her business in the station. Midway through the shift, he went to the canteen and took a seat opposite Maura, who was drinking a coffee and staring at a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich, which she looked as if she regretted buying.<p>

"Something wrong with that?" he said, trying to sound cheerful and dumping sugar into his tea.

"No."

"Vincent?" he said sympathetically.

"Yeah. Try living with him and see how big your appetite is."

"How much longer is he going to be hanging around like a bad smell?"

"I don't know. Sonny and Tom don't want him around anymore than I do, but he's Lexi's husband, so we put up with him for her sake. He's a cruel, calculating waste of space Smithy, and she adores every bone in his body. Exactly how is that? It's not as if she can't see how he treats people!"

"Oh, she probably thinks that it's just his way. It's like I said Maura, one day she'll see it for herself. There's not a lot you can do about it. Now come on," he said, patting her hand. "So how is Sonny?"

"He's fine. Cheerful, looking for jobs. You know, Sonny being Sonny."

"Tom's in his element."

"Yeah. He did the same job at the last station in Scotland. He was always working to the beat of his radio or something. Tom does a good job."

"Did I hear a mention of lil' ol' me?" Tom said cheerfully, taking the seat next to Maura. "Cor, Inspector Gold doesn't half go on and on and on, doesn't she?"

"That's why, Tom dearest, that if someone were ever to write an advert for her, it'd go something like this; 'Inspector Gina Gold, aka the dragon. Specialities; sarcasm, whisky drinking and breathing fire!'"

Smithy and Tom both laughed out loud; and Smithy said; "careful Tom, she'll be after your job soon. So what would be one for me, Maura?"

"Sergeant Dale 'action man' Smith. Specialities; camouflage, shouting, invincibility."

"So what's mine?" Tom asked.

"Donkey for sale. Definately Donkey for sale."

Both men burst out laughing. Tom brought out his wallet and said; "very good, Maws Paws. What's there to eat around here?"

"Have this if you like," Maura said, pushing the toasty towards him. "It's still hot."

"Don't you want it?"

"No. I bought it and then realised I'd wasted my money. It's cheese and tomato with some spinach."

"Sweet," Tom said, picking it up and taking a bite. "Maura babe, Lexi told me to ask if you'd take her around the town after work. If you're not too tired."

"Um...yeah, I'll give her a call in a minute. Why, is she looking to have a wild night on the town?"

"Nah, she said she wants you to take her around all the beauty salons, probably with dinner and a few drinks thrown in."

"Beauty salons? Why?"

Tom rolled his eyes and said; "well, Vincent's decided that it's time for a change and they should move down here as well. So while he's looking for his own job and a house."

Maura groaned slightly. She said; "so we have to put up with him for another twenty years?"

"Yeah babe, afraid so. Well, look on the bright side. At least Lexi's here too."

"Seeing his control freak ways over her is the bright side?"

"At least she has you guys there to keep her company," Smithy said, distracted as Andrea came into the canteen. She purchased a sandwich, drink and sat at the neighbouring table.

"Who's that?" Tom asked, wiping his mouth.

"Andrea."

"Ah, yes, Maura's mentioned her. Giving her the eye there, Smithy?"

"Of course not."

"Just teasing," he said. I'm gonna go and get a drink. Thanks for the free lunch Maura."

"Everything all right?" Maura asked, following Smithy's worried gaze towards Andrea.

"Yeah it's fine. Just...if you and Lexi are going out later, would you mind asking her along? I think she could just do with the night out. It's been a stressful few weeks here."

"Guess I can't argue with that. All right, I'll ask her. I'm sure Lexi would love to meet her. It'll get her away from Vincent for a few hours anyway."

"And don't we all need that?" Tom said, coming back.

"Still here? Don't you have some hay to eat or something?"

"Shut it, you!" he said, slapping her with the newspaper he'd got from the stand.

No sooner had he sat down, the fire alarm went off, blaring piercingly through the corridors of the police station. Everyone jumped and Smithy said, shouting over the noise of the fire alarm; "all right everyone, let's move out! Quickly!"

Obeying, everyone got up and began to file out of the canteen in an orderly fashion. Smithy was last out of the canteen behind Andrea. Keeping an eye on her, he watched as she stopped short of walking through the doors.

"Andrea? Are you all right?" he asked, putting an arm around with her. "Listen, it's probably nothing to worry about. Practice drill, stupid kids setting it off. Come on it's all right, let's go to the yard."

"I can't stand that noise!"

"I know, neither can I. Come on, it'll stop soon enough!"

"No! I want it to stop NOW!"

Pulling free of his grasp, she ran to the fire alarm on the wall by the door and began to slam her hand into the blaring device, becoming more and more irrational. Grabbing her arms, he dragged her away from the wall, disturbed by her behaviour.

"Andrea, stop! Stop it!"

"Shut it up! Stop making that noise!"

Shaking him off, she rushed back to the alarm, resuming her frantic bashing of the glass. Regaining a firm hold on her arms, he pulled her away, out of the canteen and from the station, into the yard. Gina was doing a headcount and shouted out, asking if anyone knew where her two missing officers were as the two of them came into sight.

"What the hell happened? Maura said you two were right behind her!"

"We were," he said, still keeping a firm hold on Andrea. "She went completely berserk, started punching the alarm."

"You need to get her to the FME," Gina said, pointing at her arm, "Look, she's bleeding."

"She'll be all right," he said. "She just needs to calm down. What the hell was that? Nobody said we were going to have a practice drill!"

"It wasn't a practice, some idiot set off the fire alarm when they stormed out of here. Something about them being annoyed about not being able to get insurance money for something."

"And that's our fault? Never mind. Oh, thank god for that!" he said as the noise ceased. To Andrea, he added; "see now? I told you it would stop."

"I can't stand the noise!"

"I know. But it's stopped now. Come on, let's get that hand looked at, yeah?"

* * *

><p>He saw to her hand himself, cleaning the cut that ran down her hand and bandaging it up tightly. He sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.<p>

"Hey, come on now, less of the frowning. It is only the kids who get the lollies."

She let her mouth flicker into a smile; then her lip began to tremble. She said, as the tears rolled down her face; "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. It's just...that noise...brought it all back."

"It's all right. I understand."

"The planes. The noise as they crashed. The fire. The alarms."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk? It doesn't have to be to me, not if you don't want to. But I think you've kept it to yourself a few years too long, don't you think? And I don't just mean about Steven, about your daughter too."

"I guess I just thought that if I blocked it all out, I'd just forget that it ever happened. But then something like this happens and that whole day comes back to me. You know, I can barely look at the flames of a candle without it reminding me of the flames bursting out of a window. I can't even sit on a plane without seeing that one getting closer and closer to the trade centre. It crashed into it so hard, I'm sure the nose came out the other side. It was...so scary. I've never seen anything like it. You must have though, mustn't you?"

"Me?"

"Well, in the army. You and Maura's brother. You two must have seen some pretty horrific things."

"Yeah. We did."

"How could people do that, Smithy? How could people do that to other human beings? I just don't understand it at all."

"No, nor do I. Do you want to go home?"

"No. I'll stay. I'm all right when I'm working. It's when I stop that's the problem." She slid off the bed and said; "thanks for the first aid, Smithy. I have to go now. Stevie probably needs me."

She left and he followed suit. Gina was stood outside waiting for him. She asked, as they walked along the corridor; "is she all right?"

"Yeah, it was just deep scratches from the glass."

"I didn't mean that Smithy, I meant mentally."

"Of course she is," he said sharply. "She's fine, why shouldn't she be?"

"It was just a fire alarm for Christ's sake! Why did she react like that?" she asked, following him into his office and closing the door.

"Just because she might have got a bit upset doesn't make her a head case. It just brought back some bad memories, that's all."

"Well clearly you know something that I don't Smithy."

"Yes I do and I promised her that I wouldn't tell anyone."

"You know me, Smithy, discreetness is my speciality."

He squeezed his lips together, remembering Maura's mock advert for her earlier that day. He said; "I promised her. She'll go mad if she finds out I've told anyone."

"She won't find out. It's just between you, me and these four walls. And I can assure you Smithy, should the walls ever talk their first words won't be Andrea's big secret. Come on, if this is going to be a regular occurrence, I'd like to know, so I can keep an eye on her."

He sighed, giving in. Gina always knew how to make an argument. He said; "all right. The man in the photograph; the father of her baby. His name is...was...Steven. He was her fiancé. He...he died."

"What does that have to do with a fire alarm?"

"Because...he died in the September eleventh attacks in America. And she was there in the tower too."

"No!"

"Yeah. She was in his office waiting; he was in a conference room on one of the upper floors of the North Tower. He never got out. She watched from the ground, along with everyone else, as people they loved died."

She was silent for a moment and then asked; "her child?"

"Adopted. She was born in March 2002. Andrea was on anti-depressants and didn't feel as if she could look after her properly. So she gave her away. She showed me the adoption certificate. This will stay just between us, won't it? I don't want her to get upset."

"Of course it will. You have my word."

With a nod to Smithy, she turned and left. He sat behind his computer, crippling guilt filling him for his betrayal.

* * *

><p>Maura's hands squeezed the motorbike handles tightly, tensing underneath her leather gloves. Her slim legs squeezed the metal hard as if she were hanging on for dear life. She was sweating underneath the plastic heavy hood. She'd become too claustrophobic in the house and had to get out, but above all, away from Sonny and Tom's sweetness. It was more than she could bear. Hardly taking any notice of where she was going, she turned onto the busy main road. Sticky tears fell down her face, blinding her vision. She was pregnant; how on earth could this have happened? Despite her condition and the smallest chance that she could fall pregnant, she had. What was she going to do now? Well, she had to tell her husband the truth, she had to tell him the news that would bring such happiness to him, that he was going to be a father. It would be music to her ears, but not to hers.<p>

Maura groaned impatiently; the car in front of her was moving annoyingly slowly, so she pulled into the opposite lane in an attempt to overtake it. She was a blurring flash of blue, heard a loud screech of horns and breaks before everything went black.

* * *

><p>Kerry nervously stepped up to Cameron's front door. She saw her reflection in the glass and nervously tidied her hair before knocking on the door. She heard him coming before she saw him. He opened the door, scowled and went to slam it shut. Kerry stuck her foot in and stopped it, wincing as it crushed her foot in their small dolly shoes.<p>

"Cameron, please!"

"Kerry, I think you should just go!"

"Please, please, just let me explain! You're not being fair?"

"_I'm_ not being fair? You get me into bed, ignore me for weeks, don't tell me you're pregnant and_ I'm_ the one not being fair?"

"Can't I at least explain?"

"You had your chance to do that!"

"So you're just going to turn your back on me? On us?"

"Don't you dare turn this around on me! I would have stood by you in a heartbeat and you damn well know it, so don't paint me out to be the bad guy! How long have you known? How long have you been keeping this from me?"

"Just for a few weeks! Please, I was going to tell you! I was just scared!"

"Oh scared of what? That I'd turn my back on you, exactly what do you take me for? Nice to know what sort of person you think I am!"

"It wasn't about you! It was about me!"

"Yeah I've worked that out for myself. It always is about you, isn't it? Is it because the baby isn't even mine, Kerry? It's not as if you haven't got the reputation, is it?"

She looked upset; tears welled up in her eyes. She said, her voice cracking; "don't say that. I love you! It's not that I wasn't going to tell you. Honestly. It's...its just...after what happened last time, I was scared."

"What do you mean, last time?"

"Last time I was pregnant."

"What? What're you talking about? You haven't been pregnant before."

"I have; it was years ago. I was seventeen."

All anger gone, he opened the door wider and gaped at her. She looked so sad: her blonde hair was covering her face.

"So...what happened?"

"My baby...she died."

* * *

><p>Maura's phone was ringing. Parts of her motorcycle lay scattered about the road and in the middle of the road herself, lying face down in a crumpled heap was Maura herself. The helmet was cracked in two with the force with which she'd hit the ground. One arm was spread out at her side and the other, underneath her, cradling her lower stomach.<p> 


	8. Baptism of Fire

_Yo, I know this has been a bit of a long wait, so it's an extra-long chapter. Just to keep you all in suspense a little longer, the next chapter will focus more on the other potential mother. Thanks to the usual suspects for reviewing and enjoy this one! Thanks. _

"Still no answer," Sonny said mildly, lying his phone on the table. "She's probably driving, she'll be back soon."

Vincent, who had a possessive arm around Lexi, smiled coldly. He said; "that's just Maura that is. Keeping us all waiting."

"Shut _up_," Sonny said through gritted teeth, his patience with his brother stretched well beyond breaking point. "Last time I checked, Maura wasn't psychic!"

"She'll be along," Lexi said nervously, her eyes darting between her husband and brother in law. "You know Maura, sometimes she just likes to have time to herself."

"Shame that's a problem for some people," Sonny said, still glaring and beginning to put on his tie.

Vincent scowled, annoyed that nobody else was gaining any amusement from his nastiness and sat back, sulking. Saint Maura, he thought resentfully. The four adults looked toward the front door as there was a frantic knocking. Startled for a moment, nobody moved, then Lexi got up to open it. A flustered looking Smithy stood on the threshold and came in without being invited.

"Lexi, hi, where's Sonny?"

Vincent got up, annoyed at another man talking to _his_ wife and pulled his shoulders back in an arrogant way. He looked annoyed when Smithy came bursting into the room and ignored him, Lexi closely at his heels.

"Sonny, you need to get to the hospital, you need to get there now!"

His face changed colour faster than a set of traffic lights. He said; "Maura. My Maura."

"She's had an accident Sonny, a really bad one. She fell off her motorbike; she's in a bad way."

"Is she going to be OK?" Lexi said, her hands over her mouth tearfully.

"I really don't know, but her helmet, it was cracked in two cos she hit the ground so hard. Sonny? Sonny, come on let me take you down there."

As everyone got their coats on, Vincent said; "you go, Lexi and I will stay..."

His words were cut short as everyone, including Lexi, paid no attention to him whatsoever and rushed out of the house after Smithy. Furious, he followed them.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you've never said any of this before."<p>

"Why should I? It wasn't the business of anyone else: it was my problem. Why should I have to spread my life story?"

"This is me, Kerry, you're carrying my baby. If there was going to be any problems, didn't you think I had a right to know?"

"How do you know I wasn't going to tell you sooner or later?" she challenged. "It's just like you, Cameron, always jumping to conclusions, forever the hot-head. I had a baby who died, can you possibly imagine the pain of that? No you can't! So don't you dare assume that I have to tell you my life story, just because I happen to be carrying your baby!"

"I just can't believe...all these years, you never said anything. All these years we've known each other, and there was never any indication that..." He trailed off and gazed at her in wonder. Then he said; "what happened to her?"

"I told you. She died."

"You said you were seventeen. Were you in a serious relationship?"

She scowled. "I thought I was. He was older than me, nineteen, but by the time I realised what an utter tosser he was, it was too late. He didn't want to be tied down, he said. Would rather live the rest of his life, and if I wanted to keep the baby, then I'd be doing it on my own."

"And you chose that?"

"Of course I did. What kind of man makes you choose between them and a child? Just because he was an immature waste of space, why should I be the one to suffer? And he saying that proved he wasn't someone I wanted to be with. I talked to my Dad. At first, he hit the roof because of how old I was, but he calmed down. He said that he'd support me and we'd do it together."

"Well, what went wrong?"

She opened her mouth to answer and the telephone rang. Never one to be able to stand the constant ringing, she picked it up with a curt greeting. Cameron watched half annoyed, half desperate as she went quiet listening. Then he ran to support her as she collapsed onto the floor, screaming as if she was being tortured.

* * *

><p>"Oh I don't give a shit if she's being seen to, I'm her husband! She's my baby; you can't stop me from seeing her."<p>

"Mr. West, I can and I am! I'm sorry; I do know how frustrating this must be for you but you can't see her. Not until she's been stabilised."

"She's not going to die is she?"

The middle aged Doctor felt sorry for the desperate young man and put a hand on his shoulder. He said; "not if I can help it. I'll say this about your wife, she's a fighter. Now please, sit down and try to calm down. I'll get someone to bring you a coffee and I'll be back as soon as there's news?"

"And then I can see my baby?"

"I hope so. I'll be right back."

With a swish of his coat, he vanished. Smithy pulled Sonny towards a seat next to Tom, who had his arm around an inconsolable Lexi.

"There now, Lexi," he said, pulling her to him tighter. "Come on, you know our Maws Paws. She's going to be all right."

"They made it sound like she was dying!"

"But she isn't. She's still alive Lexi, and she'll stay that way. Maura's not going to die."

Observing the scene, Vincent leant against the wall and scowled. Nobody was paying him any attention; it was all on Maura as usual. He didn't see what was so special about her anyway and he was sure that when she was around him, he was sure she didn't ever. Oh, he'd certainly showed her all right.

"How bad is she? Is she going to be OK?"

Vincent rolled his eyes to the heavens as Andrea came running onto the scene. Tom caught his expression and glared at him as Smithy got up to greet her.

"We're still waiting for some news," Smithy said. "Come, come and sit down."

He reached out a hand to take hers; she pulled away which didn't go unnoticed and took a seat between Tom and Sonny. Trying not to look so upset, he sat down again next to Lexi and held his head in his hands waiting. Time passed unbearably slowly: Kerry and Cameron arrived, Gina dropped in to ask for news, but it was getting dark by the time someone came back to give them some news. Sonny jumped to his feet right away, and tried to barge past him.

"I want to see her, I've waited long enough! I want to see my wife!"

"Wait, wait, Mr. West! You can see her, but I need you to listen to me first!"

"There's nothing wrong is there?"

"She has a broken wrist, which we've put in a plaster. She also has a few broken ribs, cuts and bruises."

"Well, that doesn't sound so serious."

"We are far more concerned about the head injury. You've been told she hit her head very hard; the helmet split in two. We're not sure how she's going to be when she wakes up. There's also a risk of post-traumatic epilepsy, but we just don't know at this stage. I'm sorry, I know the last thing you want to do is wait more, but it's all we can do."

"I'd like to see her. Now, please."

He thought he'd better comply with the young man's request and nodded, turning and leading the small group down a maze of corridors. Stopping outside the last room, he respectfully stood back and let them enter. Maura's right arm was in a heavy plaster, her long hair hanging off the bed. Tears in his eyes, Sonny picked up her free hand and rubbed it.

"Hey there baby. You do know how to give your poor husband a heart attack, don't you?"

"She was always so careful on her motorbike, always," Lexi said, sinking down onto the bed. "How could this have happened?"

Smithy answered; "from what I can gather from the witness statements, she tried to overtake the car in front: she thought the other lane was clear. The driver said she just came out of nowhere and they both tried to avoid each other."

"The other driver, are they all right?"

"In shock, but seem to be fine," Smithy said, and they all turned as the Doctor returned to the room.

"Mr. West, can I see you outside for a moment?"

"Whatever you've got to say to me, you can say it in here. I'm not leaving her." Seeing the Doctor's pointed look at the others, he said sharply; "never mind them, they're going to find out anyway. What is it?"

"Since you've not mentioned it at all, I can only assume you didn't know, nor, perhaps, did Maura."

"Know _what_?"

"Your wife's pregnant."

Sonny looked as if he'd been hit by a bus. "What?"

"Three weeks. You didn't know, I presume?"

"But...she was told that she couldn't...she left me...she said she was told she couldn't have babies cos she had...had..."

"Premature Ovarian Failure," Tom filled in.

"Even with that, there's still a very small chance of conception. Your wife was obviously one of the lucky ones."

"But the baby, will it be all right?"

"Maura is only three weeks pregnant, so the foetus is still well cushioned in the womb. We've got no reason at this stage to be concerned."

"Hear that Maura?" Sonny said, leaning over her, stroking her forehead. "We've got what we wanted. We're having a baby. We're going to be a family."

"Lexi, let's go."

"You go," she said, not even looking at Vincent. "I'm not going anywhere."

"It's not as if she's going anywhere. Come on."

"No."

"I said, let's go!"

"And you heard her, she said no!" Tom said sharply. "If you want to go Vincent, then by all means, don't feel as if any of us actually want you here! Well go on, there's the door!"

"I'm going to be off," Andrea said awkwardly. "Give...give you all some time. Sonny...well, congratulations, I guess."

"Thanks," he said happily, sitting on the bed.

"I'll be off too," Smithy said, following Andrea. "And Sonny, what Andrea said. Congratulations, I'm really glad for you both. You're going to be great parents."

He heard Sonny express his thanks as he left and he broke into a hurried walk after Andrea. catching up at the exit. She looked at him, acknowledging his presence without saying anything. Then she said; "that Vincent's some piece of work, isn't he?"

"Tell me about it. If he didn't look so much like Tom, I'd swear he wasn't even part of the same family."

"Now I know why Maura didn't want him in the house. How could Lexi stay with someone who treats her like that?"

Smithy shrugged and said; "he treats everyone like dirt. I remember when I used to go and stay with Maura's family. He hasn't changed from when he was sixteen; he's always been a nasty bully."

"I know opposites attract, but that does take the biscuit a bit, doesn't it?"

He nodded in agreement and said; "how are you? Are you all right?"

"I'm all right," she said softly. "I've just...thought about him a bit more, you know?"

"I'm sorry," he said gently.

"It's all right."

"It's still early. Can I take you for a drink? Something to eat? Have you eaten today?"

"No, not since breakfast."

"Come," he said in a tone which booked no arguments, putting an arm around her shoulder. "We're going for something to eat."

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before Maura woke up in hospital. Sonny was sitting by her side with Tom standing behind him. Both men smiled widely when they saw she was finally awake.<p>

"Hey there, baby," Sonny said, leaning forwards to kiss her forehead as Tom went to call for someone, almost tripping over his own feet in happiness. "Cor blimey, are you trying to put me in an early grave?"

"Sorry," she managed to whisper.

"How many times did I tell you that the bike of yours was a death-trap? Looks like I was right for once," he said, his voice jocular.

"M...my wrist..."

"It's all right, it's just broken," he said, stroking her hair. "You have a few broken ribs too. So it looks as if I'm stuck playing nurse for a while."

"I fell off my bike?" she said, confused, as Tom came back in, accompanied by the Doctor. Sonny kept a tight hold on her hand as he came around to the other side of the bed. "I don't remember it. I don't remember!"

"It's all right, calm down Mrs. West," the Doctor said.

"Barton," Sonny said pointedly.

"Sorry. Mrs. Barton. I'm Doctor Patel. You sustained a head injury when you fell from your bike. You actually fell so hard, your helmet split in two. You said you can't remember anything about the accident?"

"No," she whispered, clutching Sonny's hand so hard, he winced. "Why? Why can't I remember?"

"I strongly suspect you're suffering from post-traumatic amnesia."

"Amnesia?" Sonny and Tom said together, horrified.

He didn't say anything and instead said to Maura; "Can you tell me what your full name is?"

"Maura Alexandra Barton-West."

"Good. Date of birth?"

"Sixteenth of December, 1985."

"Good. The full name of your husband?"

"Sonny Thomas West."

"And finally, occupation?"

"Police constable."

"Very good," he said, looking pleased. To Tom and Sonny he said; "well, it doesn't seem as if she's suffering from a very severe case. Maura can't remember the accident and that is perfectly normal in these cases. I can't tell at this stage if it will be permanent or not."

"I want to go home with Sonny! When can I go home? Please, I don't want to be here! I don't! I want to go! Sonny, take me home, please!"

"Can she come home soon?" Sonny said desperately, looking at Doctor Patel, who looked astounded at how upset Maura was.

"She can go home soon," he said finally. "But I'd like you to rest, please, Mrs. Barton. No working, I'll be signing you off for a few weeks at least. I'll be back soon, please excuse me."

He left. Maura pulled Sonny onto the bed next to her and whimpered into his shirt; "don't let them keep me here, Sonny, please!"

"I won't, baby, I promise I won't. Hey," he said, holding her face and kissing her lips tenderly. "We're going to have a baby. We're going to be a family."

"Is the baby OK?"

"The baby's fine, Maura," he said, stroking her stomach. "Come here, come. You've made me the happiest man alive."

Tom watched as Maura and Sonny hugged. She was crying and later, he'd regret mistaking her tears of misery for tears of joy.

* * *

><p>Kerry and Cameron hadn't a chance to resume the conversation they'd been having prior to finding out about Maura's accident and it wasn't until a few days later that they finally got around to talking about the matter. They left work together and walked in silence and walked back to her house. As he took her coat and hung it up for her, he glanced quickly at her stomach. It was still flat and he wondered for a moment how it would be with them raising a child whilst still going about their separate lives. He assumed they were keeping their baby, as she must be nearing eight weeks pregnant. As if she could read his mind, she spoke.<p>

"The scan's booked."

"Nice to know I'm not completely excluded then."

She looked offended and said, "You do want to come, don't you?"

"Of course," he said gruffly, feeling guilty, following her through to the sitting room. "So...go on."

"Go on what?"

"With what you were telling me earlier. The other day."

"Cameron...can't we just leave it? I told you I had a baby and that she died. What else is there to tell you?"

"How did she die?"

"It doesn't matter how. She just did. She was so tiny. So perfect. I wish I still had her. I'd do anything to hold her again, even just for a few minutes. She was so beautiful, you know. Tiny, tiny nose. The biggest eyes you ever saw. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Rosebud mouth."

"Was it a cot death?"

"No. She died at birth. I wish...I wish I'd had a few more minutes with her. Just a few more minutes. In the end, when she came into the world, nobody was there to help."

He put his arm around her and said; "I'm not like your waste-of-space boyfriend, Kerry. I'll be here for you, every step of the way. But I need you to play it razor straight with me. I want us to be a family. You, me and our baby."

"You, me and our baby," she repeated softly, leaning against him.

* * *

><p>Jake and Peter arrived to visit Maura in hospital, despite assurances that they didn't need to come all the way down from Scotland. Peter, though, was the sort of father who'd come running even if his daughter had a mere splinter. Smithy arrived to visit and arrived to witness Maura's upset at having to stay in hospital for another few days. He watched, astounded at what he considered a massive overreaction as she cried on her Dad's shoulder. Uncomfortable, he left the room. Jake followed, leaving Sonny and Peter comforting Maura.<p>

"She never did seem comfortable coming in here," Smithy said awkwardly, leading the way towards the café.

He sighed and said; "yeah. It has always been that way really. Well, ever since she was about seventeen really."

Smithy paused to order two teas and two sandwiches before asking; "why?"

Jake looked at him in surprise as they took their seats and said; "didn't I tell you? You don't know?"

"What?"

"About her going into hospital when she was seventeen. No, maybe you don't know."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Well, when I say 'go in' it wasn't...by choice, if you get my drift."

Smithy choked on his sandwich and bashed on his chest with his fist, spluttering. He gasped; "what? Why?"

"Nobody wanted to. But she was so ill, so pale, so thin. Nobody noticed, not at first. She hid it well, she hid it really well. It started with her saying she wanted to be healthier, so she started eating a lot of fruit, less treats and things and she started going to the gym more. Went running every day, that sort of thing. Like I said, nobody noticed at first, but then Dad began to worry she was taking it too far. He tried to talk to her, but she gave him the brush off. Until one night, she came home from the gym. They started arguing. He shouted at her, telling her she was taking things much too far and she suddenly collapsed. Dad was beside himself. She was rushed to hospital. She was diagnosed with anorexia."

"But she isn't fat, she never has been."

"Well, that's what we said, but the Doctor said that it wasn't about being skinny, it was about power, control. Anyway, she stayed for a while, and recovered or so we thought but it started again soon after she came home. Dad decided he couldn't cope with her in and out of hospital, seeing her with her bones sticking out broke his heart. So he called in the professionals."

"How long was she in there for?"

"About three months. They had her attached to a Gastric feeding tube; the scar's still on her stomach. It was really hard for Dad; she refused to see him, or any of us. She had to have counselling and she slowly got better, made things up with Dad. When she came home though, I don't think he trusted her after that, with what she'd do if she was left alone, so he wouldn't give her a moment's peace. She hated it and when she finally moved in with Sonny, he worried constantly."

"Did you ever find out why she became that way?"

A faint crease appeared between Jake's eyes and he said; "no, not really. The psychologist suspected that it might have been a confidence issue, but where it came from, nobody ever really knew. Sometimes, even now, you can see her look reluctant to eat. It's almost like she's scared. It was a horrible time."

"I'm sorry."

Jake shrugged. "Well, it's all OK; at least I hope it is. But I think it hurts Dad. You saw him just now. He was assured that she was OK, yet he still came rushing down here. She'll always be his baby."

Smithy nodded his agreement, still in shock at the revelation that she'd been sectioned. Attempting to smile at Jake, they both finished their sandwiches in silence.

* * *

><p>With Maura dozing lightly in bed, and Tom at work, Sonny slipped out of the house to do some much needed food shopping. He'd left her a little note on the pillow, telling her where he'd gone, but, as a last resort, had asked Vincent to check in on her if he'd take too long. She woke, thirsty, and saw the glass on the bedside table was empty. She called for Sonny a few times before seeing the note on the pillow. She smiled faintly as she read that he loved her and pulled herself out of bed, picking up the glass as she left the room. With difficulty, she filled the glass with water and smiled as she heard the front door close.<p>

"Sonny?" she called. When nobody replied, she poked her head around the kitchen door and paled as she saw Vincent standing before her.

"Sorry to disappoint you," he said, with the taunting smile he seemed to reserve especially for her.

"What do you want?"

"Sonny mentioned he was going out, asked if I'd mind _checking in on you _so to speak. I couldn't resist the chance to see my favourite sister-in-law, could I?"

"Well I'm fine, so you can turn right around and go out the way you came in!"

"That's not very nice, Maura."

"And you'd know all about that, Vincent, wouldn't you?" she said, picking up her glass and brushing past him, going back to her bedroom. She paused for a moment and gasped softly as she felt his breath on the back of her neck as she stood in the doorway.

"What's the matter Maura? Don't you want to go inside?"

"Just go," she said, spilling water as her hand shook.

"But Sonny asked me to come."

"I don't care what Sonny asked you to do, this is _my_ house and I want you out!"

His large hand was around her throat in seconds. She gave a strangled scream and dropped the glass of water. Her head hit the wall as he roughly pushed her into it. He shoved his face into hers as she struggled to pull his strong hand away.

"I think you might have forgotten who's in charge here, Maura. Do I need to do it again to show you?" He shook her like a ragdoll, knocking her head into the wall. "Well, do I?"

She felt frightened and no more than a millimetre high; she shook her head, sticky, hot tears streaming down her face as she tried to prise his one hand off with her one good one."

"I think I do. I think I have to teach you that same lesson. Don't I?" He paused as they both heard the front door open and with an angry growl, he said; "don't you dare say a word!"

"Maws Paws!" Tom called out, his usual voice jovial. He stepped into the room a split second after Vincent had released Maura. He stared from her cowering against the wall, to the spilt water and dashed to her side. "Maws baby, what's the matter?" Tom glared at Vincent and said; "what the hell's going on here?"

"Nothing! Maura just had a bit of a bad dream, didn't you? Woke up in a panic. Got scared." He nodded at the glass of water. "As you can see, my way of trying to calm her down didn't go down so well."

He was so convincing that Maura almost believed him herself. Her throat ached and she clung to Tom, shaking. He asked Vincent; "what're you doing here anyway?"

"Sonny had to do some shopping; he knew you were working, so he asked me to stop by."

"Well, I'm done now, so you can go if you need to get on. I daresay you're still job hunting."

"Bane of my life," he said grumpily. "I don't suppose you can put forward a word for me Maura? Being a cop and all. I'll make it worth your while!"

Only she heard the threat, and simply pretended she hadn't heard him, holding Tom tighter. He pulled her up; she caught the smug look on Vincent's face before he bade them goodbye, turned and left. He helped her through to the sitting room and onto the sofa. She smiled weakly at him as he straightened up, in the process knocking her handbag from the coffee table. Apologising, he bent to pick up. Maura saw his back stiffen, and recovering from his fright, wondered why. When he straightened up, it became clear. He turned to her, holding in his hand, a packet of contraceptive pills, staring at her accusingly.


	9. Flower Child

_So yeah. This is what SHOULD have gone up, but thanks for reviewing the crappy last one anyway! Please do so again!_

For a moment, Maura's mind went totally blank. She'd completely forgotten that she owned those pills, let alone the fact that they were still in her bag. Tom held them, staring from them to his sister-in-law, looking gobsmacked.

"What?" Maura said frightened, biting down on her lower lip so hard, it bled.

"What's this, Maura?"

Tom's voice was so soft, that she wasn't sure for a moment if he was actually angry with her or not until he began to shake with temper. The look on his face wasn't unlike the one that Vincent had on his have when he'd threatened her.

"The last time I checked Maura, you couldn't have kids – or so you said. Why would you need contraceptive pills?"

"Tom, give them back!"

She rose and tried to snatch them from his hand, tears spilling from her eyes. He held them high out of her reach and glared at her. He was just like Vincent, he looked just like Vincent.

"Tom, give them back, please!"

"Yeah, all right, when you give me one good reason why I shouldn't go to Sonny right now!"

"Because it's none of your business and it's none of his business! That's bloody private, what did you expect to find in that bag, Tom, makeup and the bible?"

"Contraceptive pills?"

"So fucking what? Women keep all kinds of pills in their handbags! What the hell is it to you what I keep in that bag?"

"Well normally, I wouldn't give a damn – unless it was a diary detailing an affair you were having, but if I find birth control pills in the bag of my brother's wife – the wife who said she couldn't have children, therefore would have no reason to take them, I think I'm entitled to ask a few questions, don't you?"

Maura stopped trying to grab at the pills, and folded her arms, glaring at Tom. She said, "Oh right, so you think I lied to Sonny?"

The sudden challenge to her tone took Tom aback. The tears had dried on her face and she didn't look embarrassed now, but angry. He lowered his hand and looked at the little pink packet. There was a long silence before he found his voice.

"So, then, why do you have them?"

She flushed crimson, and that time, succeeded in snatching them away from Tom. Turning away, she said; "they've been in there for ages, since way before Sonny and I decided to try for a family!" She turned back and thrust the packet in his face, snarling; "see how I've only taken about three? Well, that's because I stopped taking them and just forgot about them. I hardly ever use that bag; I don't take one to work."

"But you still kept them," he said lamely.

Maura gave a cry of frustration. "For God's sake Tom, did you just listen to a single word I said? I. Forgot. They. Were. In. There! I'm sorry; do you need it said any slower? Only I thought you were actually good with words!"

"Maura, I just thought..."

"You just thought what, Tom? Actually, you don't answer that; I'll answer it for you, shall I? I'll tell you exactly what you thought! You thought I lied to Sonny!"

"Well it wouldn't be the first time!"

Maura's eyes narrowed. "How dare you?" she said, a low growl to her voice. "Just who the hell do you think you are? Shall I go and go through your work bag, Tom, and make a fuss about something that I might happen to find? I've explained all that, and Sonny's forgiven me! I should've known that you wouldn't! I did what I did because I thought, in some misguided, selfish way, that I was protecting him! And now you, you think I would actually lie about _this_? You think I'd lie about wanting to have a baby with him, the thing he wants the most of all? And I suppose, just to top that whopper off, I went and got pregnant!"

Tom's mouth was hanging open. He'd never heard mellow Maura say so much in one go before, or indeed, ever seen her so angry. He watched her throw the small packet across the room. It hit the wall and fell straight into the bin. They both stared at the metal object for a few moments before he went to touch her arm. She brutally tugged away.

"Maura, I'm really sorry!"

"I can't believe you'd think I would lie to Sonny!"

Tom stood mortified as she began to cry again. What if Sonny were to walk through the door right now? He'd want a damn good explanation as to why his beloved wife was so upset and Tom knew he'd be furious with him for thinking to badly of Maura. Tom reached out for Maura again and she pushed him away.

"Maura, please, calm down! Stop crying!"

"What do you care?" she shouted furiously, scrubbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her top.

"Your baby Maura, the baby! Sit down, please!"

"Get your hands OFF ME!" she said, wrenching her arm from his grip. "I hate you. I actually do hate you!"

Maura's words affected him more than her crying and he stood, devastated, tears starting in his own eyes. He heard the front door open and slam closed. Wiping at his eyes, he sat down, sniffing. When Sonny came back, not only would he want to know why his brother was upset, but why Maura wasn't resting at home as she should be.

* * *

><p>The case was going absolutely nowhere and Sam wondered how long she'd be able to take having a case moving so slowly for once in her career. She found it humiliating. The press, so enthralled by the case at first, were beginning to lose interest, and with them, so were the public. So much for the baby's mother not being able to hide forever; it was exactly what she said she was intent on doing and it looked as if she'd got her way. They had absolutely nothing to go on. Maybe it was time they accepted that. But Sam knew that she, herself, would never be able to. The haunting nature of the case would never go away until she found the mother and most importantly, found out why she did what she did.<p>

She looked up at the notice board. Twenty two or twenty three the woman...girl...would be now. For after all, she was still just a young girl. For a moment, she sat back and really thought about the girl. She could only imagine the psychological state of her and how haunted she must have been all these years, keeping such a massive secret. She felt desperately sorry for her and guessed that nobody close to her – if she had anyone at all – knew anything about her baby. It must've been such a struggle for her all these years and all she, Sam, wanted to do was to help her. All they had to go on were a few letters, an old tattered cardigan and s set of silver rosary beads, which, however unique, hadn't been recognised by anyone. They kept an eye on Rose's grave unless there was anyone hanging around there, but there hadn't been anyone. She now thought that it seemed rather foolish of her to think the mother would even go anywhere near there. From her letters, it was clear she was clued up on the law and what could happen to her if she was ever found or if she ever were to come forward. What she needed was assurance and support, something she clearly didn't think she was going to get. She didn't trust the police to support her; she didn't trust them at all. That much was obvious, but it was something that needed to be changed. And soon.

Maybe what it was she needed was an ally, someone to say 'you can come to me and talk to me alone. No tricks.' Sam found herself meaning it – desperately so – if what it took for her to see the girl, just meet her for a few moments was a declaration and promise of utmost secrecy, then she was prepared to do it, whatever the cost. Collecting a pen and a piece of paper, she sat at the table and wrote a long letter of her own.

* * *

><p>Maura had never been to Lexi and Vincent's new house, but found it quite easily. Her eight months of policing in Sun Hill had left her able to navigate her way around the streets well. A glance at the driveway gave Maura the assurance she much needed – Vincent's land rover wasn't there. He was out. She gave a sigh of relief. She wouldn't be going in there otherwise. Maura knocked on the door, and soon heard Lexi's light footsteps. She opened the door and squealed in delight at the sight of her best friend.<p>

"Maura! You came! I wondered when my best friend would be coming to see my new palace!"

Maura looked around, one eyebrow raised. She'd never seen anything that looked less like a palace then Lexi's new house. The walls were a washed out white, the scrubbed wooden floor bare, and a littering of cardboard boxes and bubble wrap scattered everywhere. Lexi saw her expression and reddened.

"Well, it'll be a palace soon. It'll be perfect when we decorated. And we have a spare room! So not only can you stay around now, it can be a child's room!"

"You're thinking of starting a family?"

"Well...you are."

"It doesn't mean you have to," Maura said, following Lexi into the sitting room. "And...in regards to the spare room, I might have to stay in it tonight if that's OK?"

Lexi heard Maura's voice catch in her throat and turned around in surprise. Maura hardly ever cried; in fact, there were only a few times Lexi could remember her friend ever crying: there was the period when her father hadn't been happy with her seeing Sonny, and he was giving her lots of hassle about it – though, Lexi thought, they were tears of anger, rather than upset. There had been the time – Lexi thought, wriggling uncomfortably – when Peter had her sectioned. She could still see Maura now, how gravely ill she had been. The first she and Sonny had knew of any of it was when they'd heard the shouting and crying. She'd been over, visiting Vincent, when they heard the commotion from next door. She knew she was never likely to ever forget the expression on Maura's face; that defeated, devastated look. Then there had been the time she returned home. The incident when she ran away from home – as far as Lexi knew – hadn't been mentioned since. Everyone had spent that whole week worried out of their minds, and she remembered that Peter had, for a while, blamed Sonny. He'd thought he'd upset her in some way, though Sonny had always strongly denied it. Maura's godfather, Anthony Lamb – also a Police Officer in Glasgow – had brought Maura home exactly a week later, teary, dirty and...just not Maura. That had been where the whole spiral had begun.

Dragging herself from the past, Lexi put a hand on Maura's shoulder and made her sit down. She said; "what's wrong Maws? You look awful. Have you and Sonny had a row?"

"No, not me and Sonny. Me and Tom. He found old contraceptive pills in my handbag – you know that one you never see me use? And he went berserk. He accused me of lying to Sonny about not being able to have kids!"

"He said _what_?"

"I know, can you believe it? You didn't see him, he looked like V... well, he looked like a madman!"

"Well, if I'd found them, I'd have asked questions too!"

"I know you would've, but he just jumped right to the conclusion that I_ lied_ to my husband! I'd never lie to Sonny like that! Never!"

"Come on Maura," Lexi said, putting her arm around her. "All these tears are no good for bub." She suddenly smiled and bounced up and down on the sofa. "You won't believe how excited I am! I'm going to be an auntie! Me, an auntie!"

"It's not that exciting, you know."

"All right Miss-I-Became-an-Auntie-at-thirteen!"

"Blame that on Connor, he's the one who couldn't keep it in his pants!"

"You're so lucky to have brothers, you know. I'd have loved it if Mum and Dad could have had more kids. If she'd lived. It's kind of lonely as an only child. They look after you, they always have done."

"I don't need looking after, Lexi. I like having the time to myself, doing my own thing. Sonny understands that. Don't you?"

"You won't like this, but I don't want to be strong and independent like you, I want someone to take care of me."

"And I suppose you think Vincent's the one to do that, right?"

"Maura, he's..."

"Lexi, you know how I feel about Vincent, all right? Please, don't try to change my mind! He's been horrible to me, he always has been! Are you just going to sit there and deny it?"

"Oh, Maura, it's just his way!"

"Oh right, it's just his way? So I'm just supposed to sit there and ignore it, am I? When we were kids, when it was just him and I around, do you know what he used to call me?"

Lexi thought back and shrugged. She said, "no, what?"

"Bambi."

"Bambi? As in from the Disney film?"

"Yeah. Do you know why? Can you even guess why?"

"Your eyes maybe! You were always told how doe like they were! They're lovely eyes! What's so bad about that?"

"Thanks, Lexi but no. It was nothing to do with my eyes. He called me Bambi because my mother was dead."

Lexi stared at Maura in simple amazement before laughing slightly. "No...no...He wouldn't..." she trailed off as Maura started at her, one eyebrow raised in a 'oh wouldn't he?' expression.

"Come on Lexi, would I lie to you?"

"He was just a child, we all were!"

"Which I suppose means I should just forget all about it, doesn't it?"

"No," Lexi said quietly. She looked hurt and disappointed and for a moment, Maura felt guilty before it was replaced with a feeling of savage pleasure. Good. It was about time she knew what her darling husband was really like. "I didn't know."

"I know you didn't Lexi."

"Well why are you telling me now?"

"Because I'm sick of you going on about what a 'great man he is deep down'!" She said the last words in a perfect imitation of her friend's voice. "If he was such a great man, then he would have grown out of being a bastard ages ago! He'd apologise for how he treated me and his family and everyone else at school! Maybe he's the perfect attentive man around you, but I'm telling you this now: he's not around me! I'm never going to like him and I'm sorry, I'm never going to be happy with you two being together! You're too good for him!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Because you're wrong, Maura. I know the real Vincent. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to see it one day." Lexi stood up, looking very upset and said; "I'm going to set up the spare room for you, OK? I won't be long."

She left and Maura closed her eyes. When, and if Lexi ever did see the 'real' Vincent, she thought, she'd then see that what Maura had been saying all along was the truth.

* * *

><p>The church was quiet and serene. Here was just where she wanted to be. Lighting a candle, Andrea placed it in the middle of the rack and sighed quietly. Not a day had gone by since Steven's death when she hadn't, lit a candle for him in some kind of memorial. The photograph she always kept by her bedside would make sure he stayed with her always. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, she thought she heard him calling for her, smiling, calling her his angel. She hadn't felt anything like the love she'd felt for Steven since the moment she lost him. Until now. And it felt like the ultimate betrayal. She hadn't realised she wasn't alone in the church until she heard someone speak.<p>

"Are you all right?"

She jumped and turned around. Anna O'Connell was standing behind her, a stack of bibles in her arms. She saw her own expression of recognition mirrored in Anna's eyes.

"I'm sure I recognise you," Anna said, putting down the stack of bibles.

Andrea said; "I work at Sun Hill. Sun Hill police station."

"Oh right, yes. So you do. I haven't heard much about the case in the news lately. No leads?"

She shrugged and said; "no."

"I say, are you all right? You look rather down."

Andrea shrugged; Anna came over to her and led her over to the nearest bench and made her sit down. Andrea's eyes remained on the flickering flame of the candle she'd lit.

"It might help to talk about it, you know."

"I...I lost my fiancé a few years ago. Steven, his name was."

"I'm very sorry."

"He died before he could meet our baby, our daughter. He always said he wanted a daughter and when he finally got her, he wasn't there to welcome her into the world."

Anna smiled and said; "I'm sure he lives on in her."

She smiled too, albeit weakly. "I saw it too, when she was born. She opened her eyes, and it was me. But she smiled, and she was all him."

She took out her large purse, opened it and showed her the picture of Steven she kept there. He was lying on a beach, wearing sunglasses, smiling widely.

"Now, doesn't he look just lovely?"

"He was everything to me," she said, her voice trembling. "I just don't understand why he was taken from me. It seems selfish really. I wasn't the only one who lost someone that day. He died...he died on the eleventh of September. Five years ago."

"Oh," Anna said sympathetically. "Oh how awful, I'm dreadfully sorry."

"I was on antidepressants after he died," she said. "I gave our baby away. I gave her away to complete strangers. I've never forgiven myself for that. And somehow, I don't think he does either, if he's still watching over me."

"He's watching over you always. Of course."

"But I gave his daughter away!"

"You did what you thought was right for her. A child deserves to be brought up in a stable environment. Don't you want to find her?"

"I often thought about it, but by the time I got back on my feet properly, it was three years down the line. She would have grown up so much and have no idea who I was. I thought it was best for everyone, and I tried to forget. That's terrible, isn't it? Ignoring that I'm a mother."

"You must miss her."

"At the hospital, I held her and it was the worst mistake of my life. It made the goodbye even harder. When she was gone, I cried for hours. But since then, I haven't. Until now. And I feel..."

"You feel?" Anna prompted her.

"I feel bad because...because I'm beginning to...to like someone else. There was a lot of unfinished business between me and Steven and if he's really up there, what would he think of me going with someone else after I gave away his baby?"

Anna reached out and took one of Andrea's hands. She wore a very kind smile. She said; "Now you listen to me love. You have as much right to be happy as anyone else in this world. You're young, you're pretty and you have your whole life ahead of you. Steven wouldn't want you to live the rest of your life in guilt. It's no way to live."

"I must go," Andrea said, getting up. "Thanks for the sympathy."

"My door's always open love. Anyone's welcome here, whatever the circumstances."

She just nodded, and Anna stared after her as she left without a backward glance, the heavy church door closing with a snap after her.

* * *

><p>Tom was packing his clothes into his case when Sonny returned home. Tom paused as he heard the front door shut, wondering for a moment if it might be Maura. Sonny's cheerful voice floated through the house, calling for his wife.<p>

"Hello, hello! Maura baby!"

Tom heard Sonny walk through to the kitchen and put the shopping bags down. He left them in there and headed towards the master bedroom, calling for Maura.

"Maura baby! Come on sleepyhead, you can't sleep all day!" Sonny said. He stopped in Tom's bedroom doorway. "Where's my angel?"

"She...uh...she's gone out, I think."

"Gone out? Gone out where, she shouldn't be out, she should be resting!" Sonny finally noticed the case Tom was packing. "What's going on? Why're you packing? Has something happened?"

"Yeah. Sort of. She got upset. We...we had words."

Tom saw the look of surprise cross Sonny's face; he knew Tom and Maura hardly ever argued. He said; "what about?"

"I knocked her bag over. Contraceptive pills fell out."

"_Contraceptive pills_?"

"Yeah. So you can imagine what went through my head, but there was me jumping to the wrong conclusion. She'd just had them ever since...well, before she came here. Before you decided to start a family."

"Right, OK, so why's she so upset?"

"Because...I thought she hadn't been honest. With you."

"What, so you accused her of lying to me about not being able to have kids?"

Tom heard the accusation in his brother's voice and felt worse than ever. He said; "well...in a word...yeah."

"Tom!"

"I know, I know, I'm really sorry! I shouldn't have, but I just didn't understand why she kept them when she didn't need them!"

"Well, you know what Maura's like, she's private!" Sonny glared at his little brother. "So I guess that's her upset and gone for the rest of the night! Thanks, Tom. Thanks a lot."

Tom stared guiltily after Sonny, and the slam of the kitchen door left him in no doubt of his elder brother's mood.

* * *

><p>The sky was darkening, and there was nothing on television. Smithy was contemplating an early night when he heard knocking at his door, gentle at first and then more persistent. Visitors at the house were unusual, so it was with some caution that he got up to open it. He was startled when someone threw themselves into his chest, gripping the front of his t-shirt. It took him a moment to realise it was Andrea, and she was crying.<p>

"Hey, hey, hey! What's the matter?"

She didn't say anything, but it didn't surprise him. There was a strong smell of alcohol surrounding her. He kicked the door shut with his foot and stood with her in his arms, stroking her face, her hair. He was startled at a wet, sticky feeling and looked at his fingers. They were dripping in blood.

"Andrea, you're bleeding! What've you done? Let me see!"

With some difficulty, he prised her away and stared in horror at the state of her. There was blood in her hair and covering her face. He rushed her into his bedroom and laid her on the bed. He went to leave the room and she grabbed his hand in a surprisingly strong grip, her eyes pleading him to stay.

"It's OK, I'll be back, I promise. I'm just getting the first aid kit, OK? I'll be back, I promise!"

He pulled himself from her hold and ran to get the first aid kit. On coming back, he saw that her clothes were torn and immediately assumed the worst – she'd been attacked!

"Who did this?" he asked, taking her dirty and bloodied jacket off. "Andrea, tell me. Who did this to you?"

She still didn't answer. Quickly and quietly, he cleaned her up and sat with her on the bed, cradling her in his arms.

"Come on, tell me! Who was it? Who did this?"

"S...S...Steven!"

"What?" he said.

"I want to be next to Steven!"

"Oh...oh come on, don't say that! You don't mean it!"

"I...I do! My life ended with his!"

"You have his daughter."

"But I don't though, do I? Because like the selfish cow I am, I gave her away!"

"Come on, you did what you thought was right for her!"

"I miss her. I really shouldn't have held her when she was born, cos then she was taken away. I can remember her little hand, clutching onto my finger. She smelt...clean and new. She was so beautiful."

"Just like you, I bet."

She pulled away and looked at him suspiciously. She said; "why're you being so nice to me?"

"Because I think you're being far too hard on yourself. You're not a bad person, Andrea, and I think you would make a fantastic mother. You did what you thought was right for your baby. Steven wouldn't hate you for it." He looked at the cuts to her head and winced. He said, "Jesus Christ Andrea, who did this to you? Tell me."

She sniffed and looked down. "Nobody did it to me. I drank too much and fell."

"You're covered in blood. Let me clean you up properly, hmm? Stay here, I'll be two seconds."

He disappeared and came back minutes later with a damp cloth, which he wiped her face with. Playfully, he pinched her nose with it, smiling. He was taken by surprise when she threw herself forwards, pressing her lips against his. Immediately he pushed her away. She looked surprised for a moment, then hurt. She flushed and without another word, jumped to her feet and ran off. He had no time to dwell over what had just happened and tore after her. She wasn't very far ahead and he could see she was limping. He had longer, stronger legs and caught up with her quickly.

"Andrea, Andrea, stop!" he said, catching her arm. "Wait! Don't run away!"

"I thought you liked me!"

"I did! I mean, I do! Of course I do!"

"You pushed me away!"

"Because you were so upset! I do like you! I like you a lot! But I can't let you make those sorts of decisions, not when you're so upset. Not because I don't like you, because it'd be really selfish of me." He took her hand and squeezed it. "Now come on, please. Come back."

She let him lead her back and he found her a t-shirt to wear and made her a strong, sweet tea. She sat, with it cupped in her hands, tears dried on her face. He sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Feel better?" he said kindly.

As he expected, she shook her head and wiped away the tears that began to start again. She said; "I think I need to talk to someone."

"All right," he said, stroking her back. "In the morning, I'll contact someone, make you an appointment. I'll come with you if you like."

"You'd to that?"

"Of course I would."

"I'm really, really sorry. I didn't...mean to...what I did. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Don't be silly, you didn't upset me."

"I guess I just misread the signals, huh?"

"No. Not at all. But I don't want you to do anything you might regret later, not when you're clearly still grieving for Steven. It wouldn't be fair. Now come on, why don't you stay here with me tonight? Don't be on your own."

She gratefully accepted and he insisted that she sleep in his bed while he slept on the floor. It was so cute the way she slept with her arms wrapped around herself, but he thought it was sad that she slept on one side of the bed, leaving an empty place next to her where, in sleep, she still thought Steven would be.

* * *

><p>Tom was packing his clothes into his case when Sonny came back to find him. He caught his little brother wiping tears from his face. Sonny said; "Tom, what <em>are<em> you doing?"

He didn't sound so angry any more, but he still felt very guilty, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face.

"I think it's better if I leave," he said, rolling up a t-shirt as tight as he could and putting it into the half-full case. "I don't want to cause Maura any more stress."

"Oh Tom, come on, you don't have to leave. I'm sorry I had a go at you."

"Why're you apologising? I should be the one apologising; I was the one who upset Maura."

"She doesn't want you to leave; I don't want you to leave. She'll calm down! Just unpack the case, Tom, all right? Let's not blow this all out of proportion."

"She was so upset."

"I know. She's at Lexi's house, and she'll stay there tonight. I'll pick her up tomorrow."

"So I successfully drove her from her own home then!"

"She knows you didn't mean to upset her. Tom, if I had been the one to find what you found, I'd have thought exactly the same. Don't go. It wouldn't be the same without you."

Sonny took the piles of clothes from Tom's bed and put them back in the wardrobes and cupboards. Tom watched him numbly and said; "are you sure you want me to stay?"

"Yes," Tom said, studying his brother. "Of course I do. Now come on, I need you to help me.

Together, they tidied up the messy house and got to Maura and Sonny's bedroom last. Tom had been very quiet and Sonny knew it was because he still felt guilty for upsetting Maura. He attempted to lighten the mood.

"Come on Tom, give me a smile."

"I didn't mean to upset her so much."

"I know you didn't, Maura knows you didn't. Come on, she'll forgive you."

"I don't know why," Tom said, pulling off the old sheet and throwing it on the pile to go in the washing basket. "I accused her of lying to you about being able to have kids. I wouldn't forgive me if I were her."

Sonny stripped the pillows and sighed. He said; "oh come on Tom, stop this. It's fine."

"She's not going to want me anywhere near her when she comes back."

"It'll take her some time, but she'll come around!"

"She didn't want to come home. I drove her away."

"You know Maura; she's always liked having time to herself. She never got that much of that when she lived at home with her Dad."

"Yeah, there was a damn good reason for that."

"And what good did it do, Tom, keeping her under lock and key? It drove her away. Stop beating yourself up, her own father had her sectioned and she forgave him. Eventually."

"He did that for her own good." Tom wiped his teary eyes and said; "I found a photograph the other week, of her when she was at her worst. She looked dreadful."

"I remember," Sonny said, shaking the fresh cover over the duvet. The brothers sighed together and Sonny folded the duvet neatly, placing it on the floor. "Help me turn over the mattress, will you?"

Together, they lifted it up and as they did so, caught the most awful smell. They both gagged and Tom let go of the mattress, covering his nose.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell is that?"

"That's disgusting! Where's it coming from?"

Together, they pushed the mattress off the bed. The smell became stronger. The brothers pushed the bed away from the wall. The carpet was slightly pulled up and the two looked at each other before Sonny pulled it away. Underneath was a mound of kitchen paper and he picked it up, tentatively unwrapping it. He and Tom stared at what was in his hand – it was a rotting sandwich.

* * *

><p>It was dark, but she still had the hood covering her face. The flowers on the gravestone were new, and for a moment, she just stood, staring at them with contempt. She definitely hadn't put them there. They were daffodils. She hated daffodils. She always gave Eve lilies. That was her daughter's name, not <em>Rose<em>. Eve! What was that? An envelope was sitting within the yellow flowers. Tentatively, she picked it up and looked around quickly for any signs of someone watching her, waiting to spring. There was nobody there. Taking the letter, she turned and walked away as fast as she dared. She didn't run. That would arouse way too much attention and that was the last thing she wanted. She'd attract enough just taking a risk and being at her daughter's grave. She couldn't even do it without feeling like she was a murderer. She killed her baby. She killed her by not telling anyone she was expecting her. She walked to the place where she'd given birth and stared. The ground was now flat and flowers had been planted. How dare they? How dare they do this? Angry, she fell to her knees and began to tug ferociously at the flowers, tearing them until they were shreds. She didn't hear the footsteps behind her, but heard the voice. It froze her in her tracks.

"You came," Sam's voice said. "I thought you would."

In shock, before she could stop herself, she turned around. She saw the utter shock on Sam's face and it was the one and only time in her life she'd ever seen the detective speechless.

"You!" she said.


	10. Author's Note

Hey all!

Sorry, this isn't a new chapter, it's a little note from me! If you thought the last chapter was rubbish and seemed weird, then that's because it was. FanFiction messed up and the chapter didn't go up as it was supposed to and I didn't realise until last night, after you lovely loyal reviewers reviewed said crappy chapter. Anyway, this is to let you know that the problem has now been resolved and the chapter is now as it should be. If you could read it and review here on this chapter – since I don't think you can review the same chapter twice – it really would be much appreciated! It really is a lot better, I promise you!

I'm really sorry for the mess up! The next chapter, which is DEFINATELY the reveal will be coming very soon!

Hollie. xxx


	11. Revelations Part I

_Well here it is, the moment you've waited for, the reveal! Whether it's kept you guessing or if you guessed anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks to my usual, lovely reviewers! I hope you've forgiven me for the epic fail of the first draft of the previous chapter. Please don't kill me! :) xxxx_

"You tricked me!"

"I had no choice! You were refusing to come out. You were right in front of me the whole time! I can't believe this. Hey wait, wait!"

She'd got up in anger, stumbled slightly, and ran off, the letter still clenched in her fist. Sam wasn't far behind. The younger woman forced her way through the fence and she followed.

"Stop! Wait a minute!"

"Just leave me alone, Sam! Which part of that did you not understand in those letters?"

"I can't leave this alone; you know that as well as I do! I can't believe it's you! How could you...why did you do it? Hey WAIT!"

She'd run up a flight of stone stairs. Sam, now out of breath slightly, reached the top, rested for a moment and caught her arm.

"STOP! Wait. Just tell me – why?"

"But I don't 'just' have to tell you, though, do I Sam? I'll have to tell them all! Then Gina, then Adam, then..."

"I'll look after you! You won't get into trouble!"

"You're a liar! You just want your case solved!

"No! No, you're wrong! It's not like that! I just want to help you!"

"I don't believe you!"

"It's the truth!"

"I don't want your help!" she said, her face twisted in an ugly expression of hate as she turned away.

"Please, don't run away from this!"

"I've spent seven years running away from this; I think I can manage it for a bit longer!"

"You know you can't do that!"

"Oh yeah? Just watch me!"

She turned away again and gasped as Sam caught hold of her arm tightly, a beseeching look within her eyes.

"Please. I promise you! Listen, have I ever lied to you? To anyone?"

"A bit different this, isn't it Sam? When was the last time a colleague of yours buried a baby in a park? Just get off me! Leave me alone!"

There was a short struggle before the younger woman pushed Sam away from her with a strength she didn't know she possessed. The force sent her flying backwards: her eyes widened with shock and she attempted to grab onto her arm to no avail, managing only to scratch it. The younger woman watched, hands over her mouth and unable to move as she disappeared as she fell down the long flight of stone stairs. There was silence for a moment before she cautiously ventured to the top and peered down. She could make out Sam's body under the light of a lamppost. She was lying in a crumpled heap, a pool of blood surrounding her head.

"Oh my God!"

She ran down the stairs, nearly slipped and fell and steadied herself at the bottom. She approached Sam with caution, worried she'd wake up. She stood above her for a moment. Sam didn't move, so she dropped down beside her.

"Sam? Sam?"

She raised a shaky hand and tentatively put it to her neck. She felt a pulse and pulled her hand away extremely quickly. Horrified at what she'd done, she shook Sam's shoulder hard.

"Sam? Sam? Wake up, please! Sam!"

The DS didn't respond. She knew she had to get an ambulance but she couldn't wait, no way! She couldn't risk being found here. Making sure her hood was firmly pulled up, she got up and ran as far and as fast as she dared until she reached a phone box. She called 999 and reported the incident, one hand over her mouth to muffle and disguise the sound of her voice. When the operator asked for her name though, she hung up right away and keep her head down and shoulders hunched as she left. Trying to keep to shadows, she headed back to the crime scene. She got there as an ambulance screeched into sight and watched, unseen, as an ambulance screeched into sight. Turning, she ran and didn't stop until she got home.

In the light of her bedroom, she saw her light-coloured hoodie was covered in blood. Tearing it off, she stuffed it under her bed. She'd have to get rid of it later. Making sure her bedroom door was locked, she slid to the floor and stared at the envelope, still clutched in her hand before opening it.

* * *

><p>"Kerry? Kerry? Open up. Open the door!"<p>

Kerry sat up with a jump and looked around. She was lying on her bed, nude, the covers kicked off her. Cameron hammered at the door again, frantic.

"KERRY!"

"Yeah, yeah, all right! Keep your hair on!"

She got up, and pulled on a dressing gown. Yawning, went to the door, tripping over a discarded hoodie which she kicked aside, into the mound of clothes on her bedroom door. She turned the key and opened the door.

"What?"

"What on earth are you locking yourself in for?"

"I thought I heard something," she said, looking over his shoulder to the door. "Last night. I didn't want to go up and check."

"So why didn't you call me?"

"And say what? 'Oh Cameron! I hear something outside! Come and check!' Come on, you know what I'm like; it was probably a cat or something. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I just came by to check on the mother of my child. And to tell you – Sam's in a coma."

"Sam?"

"Yeah! We think she might have found the baby's Mum."

"What? How?"

"We're not really sure, but we think she might have set a trap of her own, last night. She left something there, at the grave, and the mother went. She followed. We don't know, there was some kind of confrontation. Anyway, she – the Mum – made a 999 call and the ambulance get there to find Sam lying in a pool of blood at the bottom of the stairs!"

"You think she pushed her?"

"We know she did, we have the CCTV!"

Kerry's face paled. "Oh. So...you have an e-fit? You see her face?"

He scowled. "No. She wore big baggy clothes and hid her face with a hood. She calls the ambulance and disappears into the night. Not hide or hair of her can be found on CCTV."

"Was it...deliberate?"

"No, we think it was an accident. She probably freaked out when Sam found her; she must've known the net was closing in."

"So where do they want to go from here? Are they issuing a warrant?"

"To arrest her. Yeah."

"But you said it was an accident!"

"I know, but they're getting desperate. They think she's unhinged. Face it, whoever she is, she needs real professional help. They want everyone available working at the station today."

"Yeah, yeah, all right, I get the hint! Just let me get dressed! Why don't you go through and get yourself a coffee or something?"

She shut the bedroom door again and picked up the pile of dirty clothes, stuffing them into the washing basket. She looked at the hoodie and grimaced. That was that one ruined. She pulled on some underwear and in the middle of pulling on a t-shirt, grimaced and gripped at her shoulder. That really hurt! She rubbed it and craned her neck to look at it before pulling on a pair of jeans and tied her hair in a messy bun before joining Cameron. He took her hand and together, they left.

* * *

><p>Maura woke up with a pounding headache. Pushing her long hair out of her eyes, she got out of bed, stumbled over her own clothes and opened the bedroom door. Her watch told her it was ten o'clock. Maura was surprised. Normally, she was an early riser, waking up bang on eight, even if she wasn't working. Wearing the pyjamas she had borrowed from Lexi, she went downstairs where she could hear music coming from the kitchen. That was enough to tell her that it was Lexi. Her friend was in the sitting room, laying the table for breakfast and singing softly to the music. She smiled brightly when Maura came in and poured her a glass of orange juice.<p>

"Morning."

"Morning," Maura said, taking a sip of the juice.

"Feeling better?" Lexi said sympathetically.

"Yeah. Just – just dreading seeing Tom."

"Come on. It'll be all right, I'll bet Sonny's given him a right talking to."

"Oh, I don't doubt it. Where's Vincent?"

"Oh, he's gone off for an interview. And I don't suppose you would have heard – it was breaking news this morning."

"Heard what?"

"Someone you work with...Sam someone or other?"

"Sam Nixon?"

"Yeah."

"What about her?"

"She was taken to hospital last night, seriously injured."

"She was? What happened?"

"Your lot think she might have sprung a trap of her own – unofficial – for the mother of the baby and they think she caught up with her. Though, it didn't go quite her way. She was pushed down the stairs. The girl calls an ambulance and disappears."

"How bad is she? Sam?"

Lexi shrugged. "I really don't know, serious but stable they said, for now at least. But they've...issued a warrant for arrest."

"They have?"

"Yeah. They're getting desperate and I think she must be too. Well...you know."

"Yeah. I do. Anyway, are you going to stand there, or feed your very hungry best friend?"

"Oh, but I'm just going to stand here of course! Nothing better than to see you suffer!"

Maura put on her best puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeeeeeease?" she said.

"All right, all right, as if I'd really let you starve! I got...cereal...fruit...nuts...toast...rice cakes..."

"Oh, chuck me a few rice cakes with honey! If you've got it!"

Lexi wrinkled her nose. She said; "what a question, of course we have honey, Vincent lives off the stuff!" She smothered three rice cakes in honey and put it down in front of Maura along with an orange. "Do me a favour and have one, they're on their way out!"

"Sweet," Maura said, biting into the rice cake. "Oh, that's good!"

Lexi got her own breakfast and sat down beside Maura. She considered what she was going to say before eating a mouthful of cereal. She said; "Maura?"

"What?"

"You can tell me to shut up if you want, but...you don't seem very...well...enthusiastic."

"What, about going home to a brother who thinks I'm a liar?"

"No. About...about the baby."

There. She'd said it. Immediately, Lexi looked down. Maura didn't say anything and she tentatively looked back at her friend. Maura was looking at her unblinkingly, and it wasn't an expression of anger or annoyance. She looked guilty and upset. Still though, she didn't say anything and took another bite of the rice cake. It tasted like cardboard.

"How could you tell?"

"I just remember – the way you were always so excited about having a baby of your own one day with Sonny. And now you've got it...well, almost...it just seems like...you wish you didn't."

"It's just...this baby...I'm nervous Lexi. I'm only twenty-two. What if I make a rubbish mother?"

"You'd be a great Mum. You were always great with Brad."

"It's not the same though, is it? I could always look after him for a few hours then hand him back to Connor at the end of the day. It's not the same as looking after your own baby full time."

Lexi gazed in wonder. Where, she wondered, did this lack of self-confidence come from? Well the obvious answer, she thought, berating herself for being so stupid, dated back to her eating disorder troubles. The psychiatrist had talked about her lack of confidence, but before all the 'trouble' as it was referred to, if it was ever referred to at all, she'd had bags of confidence, then gradually, it all disappeared.

"You...you do want your baby?"

"Of course I do. I mean, there's a lot to look forward to; decorating, buying little baby clothes, giving him or her a name." She laughed and said; "the other day, Sonny and I were talking about names. It was hilarious."

Lexi smiled. She said; "what did you come up with?"

"I...I like Dominique."

"That's a nice name."

"Yeah. Trouble is, there's a dozen other nice names; Melissa, Abigail, Isabella, Amy, Jessica, Emma, Kimberley."

Lexi laughed out loud and said; "so you're expecting a girl, are you?"

"Well, Sonny likes to think so, growing up in a family of boys and all."

"And you?"

"Me? I really don't mind, I don't mind at all."

"What boy's names did you come up with?

"Max, Jacob, Oliver, Benjamin, Gabriel, Buster."

"_Buster_?" Lexi said, laughing so hard, she spat out her tea.

"Sonny's bright idea."

"Priceless," Lexi said, chortling. "Don't worry so much Maura. You're going to be the best mother ever."

"I don't know about that," Maura said. "But thanks."

As the two women finished their breakfast, the doorbell rang. Lexi got up to answer it; Sonny stood on the threshold and she greeted him with a hug, something she daren't do if Vincent were around.

He asked; "how's my baby today?"

"Which one?"

"Well, let's start with my very first baby."

"She's OK. She slept all right, but then again – what would Vincent and I know, we could sleep our way through a world war."

"Please, Lex, you don't need to remind me, his snoring used to give me nightmares, and I wasn't even the one sharing a room with him."

"Now I know how Tom felt."

"Is he all right?"

"Well he wasn't snoring as usual last night, which gives me the impression that he lay awake crying."

"Was he really upset?"

"Yeah. He felt terrible." Sonny looked over his shoulder at the open kitchen door and said; "did she eat breakfast?"

"Yeah. Gobbled it down like there was no tomorrow." Lexi hadn't been asked the question in ages and looked at Sonny suspiciously. She said; "why?"

"While Tom and I were clearing up last night, we found...we found rotting food. Under the bed."

Lexi looked dumbfounded and said; "you don't actually think...she'd...that she'd go into it again."

"Well I wouldn't like to think so, but...having a baby is a stressful time. Who knows what could..."

He broke off straight away and pasted a big smile on his face as Maura came out of the sitting room. She looked suspiciously at the pair and said, "who knows what could what?"

"Um, who knows what could happen now Sam's been hurt," Lexi said quickly. "I was just telling Sonny what happened last night. About how the baby's Mum pushed her down the stairs."

"Bit stupid that they want to arrest her if you ask me," Sonny said, going along. "They want to arrest her, yet they don't know her name, age, ethnicity or even where she lives!"

"They'll do it, especially with Maura here on the case."

Maura smiled tightly and Sonny put an arm around her. He said; "are you ready to go baby?"

"Yeah, I'm ready."

"Good. Lex, we'll get out of your hair. Come on Maura."

He took her hand and led her outside. The land rover was parked outside and like the gentleman he was, he opened the passenger door for her. He climbed in the other side and smiled widely at her. Even though she knew his answer would be 'no,' she felt she had to ask.

"You don't think I'm lying, do you?"

"No," he said. "Of course I don't. I know you'd never lie to me."

"I shouldn't have kept them," Maura said. "It was stupid."

"Tom knows he was wrong, Maura, he's really, really sorry. He's been beating himself up all night for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Anyway, let's say no more about it," he said, taking one hand off the wheel to stroke her tummy. "I don't want my girls upset."

* * *

><p>The pain in her shoulder worsening, Kerry stood at the back of the room, growing steadily more irritated as she listened to the same words she'd been listening to all week. The only new piece of information was what happened the previous night and for all the good it did to the case too. She closed her eyes, rocked back and forth, resisting the urge to tell Adam Okaro to shut the hell up.<p>

Cameron nudged her gently and whispered; "are you all right?"

"My shoulder hurts," she said, trying not to sound snappy, but failing.

"Want me to take you to the FME after this?"

"No, I'm _fine_!"

"When you've finished your own private conversation at the back, Kerry and Cameron!" Adam said, looking over at them. "You might like to know your placements for today!"

"Sorry," they said in unison.

"You two can patrol the area where Sam was found talk to any potential witnesses, I want this girl found and I want her found fast before she can cause anymore damage. Those of you who were listening already know your placements. You can go."

Embarrassed, Kerry stood up quickly and gasped. Everything spun. Cameron grabbed onto her arm to steady her as she staggered slightly.

"Kerry, what's wrong?"

"Dizzy spell is all," she said, pulling from his hold. "Stop fussing, all right Cameron? I'm fine! Are we going out or what?"

She stomped out and he followed in her wake, grabbing both of their forgotten stab vests as he went.

* * *

><p>Tom had stood pacing the sitting room, waiting for Sonny and Maura to come home. He was supposed to be writing a further article on the case, but just couldn't concentrate. When he heard the front door open, he spun around so fast, he nearly fell over. They came in together, Sonny's hand loosely wrapped around hers. She looked at him and he looked back uncertainly.<p>

"Hi," he said.

In answer, she pulled her hand from Sonny's and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door with a snap. Sonny looked pityingly at his brother.

"You'd best to stay out of her way. She'll come around." He waited until he heard the taps running and shower radio blaring before saying; "she ate breakfast at Lexi's, she said she gobbled it down."

"Isn't that how it started though? She'd eat in front of us, but once nobody was around – or there were loud music and taps running..."

The brothers looked to the door and Sonny shook his head. He said; "no way. Not my Maura. She'd never put us, and herself, through all of that, not again."

"So the food magically appeared there, did it?"

"Well...maybe she just took something to eat in her room and it fell in the floor."

"What, and she didn't bother to clean it up?"

Sonny could tell he was making a terrible argument and he shrugged. He said, "Well what should I do, ask her? What happens if we're wrong? She's just going to get upset again."

"But if there's a chance, even the slightest chance, that she's going that way again...you have to address it."

Sonny sighed regretfully and looked at the bathroom door. In the bath Maura tried to relax underwater. She squirted body wash on to the buffer and scrubbed at her skin, grimacing as it stung the scratches on her arm.

* * *

><p>Kerry rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, feeling the urge to sit down on the stone stairs. She didn't though, on the fear that Gina or Adam would come along and have yet another go at her. Gripping her stomach, she doubled over. She saw Cameron look at her out of the corner of her eye. He didn't say anything, but the mere glance still made her grit her teeth. He'd asked her if she was all right so many times, she'd threatened to push <em>him<em> down the stone stairs if he asked her again.

Ow, ow, ow!

This time it was excruciating. She gave a sharp yelp of pain and collapsed onto the floor. Cameron was talking to a couple who often took walks in the graveyard. They were in the midst of telling him about a figure they'd often seen in the graveyard, hanging around the same area of the baby's grave. They couldn't tell him if it was a man or a woman, but the description they gave matched the one Anna O'Connell had given last time she'd seen her, right down to the long scarf. He turned to share this with Kerry when she collapsed to the floor. He dropped the notebook and rushed to her side as she vomited, gripping onto her stomach.

"My baby!"

"It's all right, it's OK, I'll call for help!" he said, pulling his radio to his mouth with a shaking hand.

* * *

><p>The waiting room was silent; it was airy and spacious. Andrea was chewing on her nails nervously. Smithy pulled her hand away and squeezed it lightly. He smiled. She smiled back, a genuine smile. He'd taken the morning off to come with her and she knew he was going out of his way to support her; she appreciated it greatly. She gripped his hand tightly. He looked at her again. She still looked as if she'd been beaten up; he'd tried to get her to get checked properly at the hospital, but he'd been wasting his breath. A kind looking woman with long brown hair in a thin ponytail came into the waiting room. She smiled.<p>

"Are you Andrea?"

Privately, Andrea didn't know why she needed to ask since she and Smithy were the only people in the waiting room. She smiled though, and said; "yes."

"Come on through. Would you like your...boyfriend to come with you?"

Smithy opened his mouth to tell her that she'd got it wrong; Andrea cut across him saying; "would you?"

"Of course," he said, getting up.

There was a large leather sofa in the counsellor's room. Andrea hunched in the corner of it, he sat down next to her. The counsellor took a seat on the sofa opposite them and pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Now then. My name's Sophie. You're Dale Smith I take it? You booked the appointment."

"Yeah."

"He says you've been having some trouble dealing with losing your previous partner. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I really loved him."

"I'm sure you did. Tell me about him. What was his name?"

"Steven. He...he was Welsh. I met him when I went on holiday with my family. We...uh...we were staying at the same resort in Portugal. He was older than me, just a bit. I was eighteen and he was twenty. I can't say my parents really approved. We were middle class like, it wasn't that they were snobby or anything, but their dream guy for me would be an architect or surgeon, not a man doing business studies."

"But they liked him?"

"Well...yeah. They said if I was happy, so were they. They weren't best pleased though, when he asked me to marry him. He moved quickly through the ranks and he got a job, a good one in America. Lower Manhattan. They call it Ground Zero now."

"Ground Zero? Oh. Ah!" Sophie said, her eyes lighting up in understanding.

"Yeah. He got a job in the north tower. I was in the office, his office, waiting for him. He was in a conference somewhere near the top. I was below the point. It came so quickly and it was such a large explosion, it knocked some of us off our feet. All I can remember is hearing this fire alarm blaring, going on and on and on. I couldn't bear it. His colleagues had to drag me out of there in the end, because I wanted to wait for Steven. He never got out of there alive."

"I'm very sorry to hear that."

"I found out I was pregnant not long after, but I was just so...so depressed that I couldn't drag myself out of that...darkness and be a mother to her. I gave her away."

"And you feel bad about that?"

"Of course I do. I wish I hadn't. I just feel like...such a failure. I loved him so much. And now..." she sneaked a sideways glance at Smithy, "I like someone else."

"And you don't think Steven would approve?"

"I don't know. He was my first boyfriend. In his last message...the one he left while he was trapped...he told me to move on."

"So why don't you think you should? Is it because you feel guilty?"

"Yeah. I know plenty of other people felt that way; I wasn't the only one who lost someone I loved that day, far from it. But... it's just like... I can't move on, even though I want to, it's like having barbed wire, tying me to the scene. It's like being stuck there, living the same day. It's like Groundhog Day. It's just...I don't think I know how to move forwards."

"Tell me about Steven, Andrea."

"He was lovely; sweet, funny – a little bit of a dope. He was the kind of person who'd get his shirt sleeves in his cereal then just go about his business without noticing. He always called me his angel."

"I've had lots of people just like you who come and talk to me. And I can help you, like I helped them, if you want me to."

"Can you? How?"

"The first step is to accept it. Accept that he's gone."

"How?"

"There are multiple ways. Viewing the body, though it's a bit late for that."

"It was never found anyway."

"Attending the funeral...memorial, I suppose in this case. Did you?"

"Yes."

"Visiting the site. Have you been back to America since?"

"No. We were so happy there but I couldn't face going back."

"Talking about it helps too. Far be it for me to presume I know after half an hour into one session, but I guess you don't talk much about Steven?"

"No. Sorry, what's the gain in all of this?"

"It helps you grieve with the physical finality of losing Steven, and the knowledge that you'll never see him again."

"But that's the hardest part."

"Darling, I know it is. I know, but it has to be done. The easiest thing would be not to grieve, to push it away to the back of your mind. Avoiding it only pushes you towards depression and I think you've been through enough of that already – don't you?"

"Yeah."

"The third step is: take the emotional energy you'd have spent Steven and reinvest it in another relationship or relationships."

"But it feels like..."

"It feels as if you're being unfaithful? Many people feel disloyal or unfaithful if they withdraw emotionally from their deceased loved one and form new attachments. Moving on doesn't mean you forget. I'm sure Dale doesn't expect you to forget."

"Of course I don't," he said. "He was really important to you. I understand that."

"He wouldn't want me to be unhappy though. He'd want me to be happy."

"Sure he would," Sophie said. "It'd be pretty selfish of him not to, and you haven't described a selfish man."

"No."

"You can be happy again Andrea. You don't have to live in the past."

"I want to move on. And I want all the painful memories to stop."

"It's not going to be an easy process, but if you're prepared to meet me halfway, I can help you. So, can I book you another session?"

"Yeah. Yes."

"Good," she said, writing something down on a piece of paper on the pad. She tore off the sheet and handed it to Andrea. "Give this to the receptionist, OK?"

"Thank you," she said, getting to her feet.

Smithy took her hand and led her out of the room. She handed the paper to the receptionist, who said she'd call with the time and date of her next appointment. As they walked out together, she rested her head on his shoulder. He put an arm around her. He'd seemed to have got over her making a move on him and acted perfectly normal.

"You did well in there. Better than I would have done."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So, why won't we do lunch?"

"Don't you have to get back?"

"Well I told Gina I'd be in about one. We've got an hour and a half. Enough time to grab a pizza?"

"Yeah. OK. Can we go to 36? It does the best garlic bread."

"Sure we can. Oh," he said, raising an arched eyebrow as his phone rang. "Let's hope this isn't my roll call." Looking at his phone, he added; "it's Gina."

"Don't worry if you have to get back."

"It's all right, I'm a good liar," he said, pressing the answer button. "Hello, Gina?"

His arm slid slowly off her shoulders. She looked up at him as he went silent and listened. Instinctively, she knew something was wrong. He looked incredibly upset and he put the phone down. For a moment, he stared in shock, tears filling his green eyes. She shook his shoulder frantically.

"Smithy, Smithy? What is it?" She shook his arm harder, more frantically, when he raised a shaking hand to his mouth. "Smithy, what is it? What's happened? Tell me? You're scaring me!"

"It's Kerry."

"Kerry? Why? What's happened?"

"She...she's dead."

* * *

><p>Tom was sorting through washing. Sonny was out, having gone for a late shift at work. It was just him and Maura in the house, and she had kept to her bedroom. He kicked himself again. Maura wasn't the sort to hold a grudge, but it looked as if she'd take a very long time to forgive him. He pulled out the sheets from yesterday and dumped them on the colour washing pile. Lots of his bright, tight t-shirts went onto the pile. He pulled out Maura's red hoodie and paused. He had to take a closer look before he was sure. It was blood, on the left sleeve. Maura had been wearing it when she came in that day, so it should have been on the top of the washing, but she'd shoved it at the bottom. Shrugging, he supposed she must have been embarrassed or something. The food he and Sonny had found was still bothering him. He kept seeing her at seventeen, lying near death in a hospital bed. He couldn't bear to see her like that again. Sighing, he took the clothes to the washing machine. He'd promised Sonny he wasn't going to confront her and he would stick to that. He set it on to wash, made himself a tea and went to sit down.<p>

Maura's bag was still on the table and he remembered seeing a diary in there. Without thinking, he lurched forwards and dug through the bag. The diary was the first thing his hand closed around. There were no mentions of food, he thought, as the thumbed through the diary, skimming the pages. He stopped on an entry that'd been smudged by tears and written clumsily with her left hand. It was a new entry. He read the words five times before being convinced he was really reading the right words. His blood boiled. Getting up, the stormed towards Maura's room and flung the door open so hard, it hit the wall. She jumped.

"Tom, what're you playing at!"

"I can't believe you, you lying little bitch!"

She looked taken aback and said; "what? What are you talking about?"

"I've found the written confession Maura!" he said, brandishing the diary in her face. "It says it here in black and white!"

"What the hell is with you, going through my things Tom? Do I have no privacy in my own home?"

"You did lie to Sonny!"

"No!"

"Well that's what it says here!" He glared down at the entry and read aloud; "I feel so bad, lying to Sonny about not being able to have kids! I must be the world's worst wife!"

"Tom, give me that!"

"You lied to him! Didn't you?"

"Tom..."

"DIDN'T YOU?"

He shouted the last words in her face and she jumped back, stinging tears starting in her eyes. Tom was looking at her as if he'd never seen her before and she felt hurt at the look of utter disgust on his face.

"Tom...I didn't want to lie to him, I didn't! He...he was so excited about us having a baby and I thought that if I told him that I wasn't ready...he'd just keep on asking why."

He snorted. "Of course he damn well would, Maura, he's your husband! You broke his heart when you told him you couldn't have a baby, and here you are, pregnant, with perfectly working ovaries! How could you lie to him about that? I can't believe what a selfish bitch you are!"

His harsh words started the tears and she reached out for him. He jerked his arm away, an expression of hatred on his face.

"Tom I can explain. I promise. I know lying to you, to Sonny, to everyone was wrong, but I was scared. I didn't know what else to do!"

"Oh and how about telling him the truth? Everyone gets first-time mother nerves Maura, but I seriously doubt all wives lie like this to their husbands!"

"That's just it though. It wouldn't have been...this wouldn't be...isn't my first baby."

Tom's expression froze in an attitude of stunned disbelief. All he could manage to gasp out was a shocked; "what?"

"I tried so hard, all these years to put it behind me. To move on from it, but I couldn't. I can't."

"I can't believe you, Maura; do you actually expect me to believe any of this? You expect me to believe you had a baby, and what, nor Sonny or I know anything about it?"

A tear rolled down her face and she said; "nobody did."

"How stupid do you think I am?" he scoffed.

"It's the truth. It was seven years ago. I was only seventeen, Tom, I was a child! I was scared! Didn't you ever wonder why I had that...that breakdown? Why my own father had to section me? Why," she said, yanking up her top to reveal the scar on her stomach, "why I had to be force-fed through that bloody tube?"

She watched his face change; his eyes darkened and darted around. She could see him putting two and two together as only Tom could. He said; "seventeen. You ran away from home for a few days. Nobody knew where."

She nodded. "Dad was so angry with me when I went home. It was the one and only time he was ever so angry, he hit me."

"He _hit_ you?"

"I didn't care though. Because it was nothing...nothing to giving birth to my baby all alone."

"So, what happened to the baby?"

"She died Tom." Maura looked up at him with streaming eyes. "I didn't do anything to her, I swear! She was stillborn. I was a kid and I was all alone. I didn't know what else to do! I knew that if I went back and told everyone the truth, they'd ask lots of questions and it would all get so messy...so I buried her. In the park."

"In the..." Tom looked out of the window and in the direction of the park. "No...No way!"

"I buried that baby. She was mine."

Tom sank down next to Maura, running his hands through his hair. "I don't...Maura...I can't believe you never told anyone!"

"I couldn't! Because of all the questions, everyone would ask who the father was, how I could be such a stupid little girl."

"But Sonny...isn't he the father?"

She shook her head. "We'd only slept together once. And we used protection."

"Then you cheated on him?"

The cold disappointment was back in his voice and she shook her head frantically. "No! No! I didn't! I didn't want it, Tom...he made me. He forced me."

"Who?" Tom said, gripping her arms tightly. "Maura, tell me. Who?"

"I can't!"

"Maura. Tell me!"

"He'll kill me! He threatened me! My throat!" she said, rubbing it where it still ached.

"Who? Maura, tell me who! Who did this?"

"I could never tell anyone because of the trouble it would cause! For the lives it would tear apart!"

"Why on earth would you care about tearing apart the life of someone who raped you?"

"Not him! You! Sonny!"

His tight grip relaxed and he stared at her. "Maura, I don't understand."

"Please don't make me! I can't tell you!"

"Tell me now Maura or I'm going straight down to that station to report you!"

"Tom, no, you can't, please!"

"Then tell me!"

"Tom..."

"TELL ME!"

"It was your brother! It was Vincent!"


	12. Revelations Part II

_Well thanks to you all for reviewing, whether the reveal of the mother's identity was or wasn't a shock to you, I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. The story continues with part 2 of the reveal... Hol. xx_

_Twenty-four hours earlier..._

It was eleven o'clock. Lexi was making dinner for Vincent who would be back home at any minute. She was making him a mixed grill and checked each piece of meat nervously. He liked it well done and if she were to leave it even slightly bloody, there would be hell to pay. Gingerly, she pulled up her top and peered at the bruises littering her stomach. He'd savagely kicked her in the stomach as she lay on the bedroom floor – because she'd refused to have sex with him last night. Of course, in the end, she'd had to do what he wanted. She dropped her top again and sighed. She felt very hurt that he'd used to call Maura 'Bambi' – it had been unbelievably cruel, but he'd only been a child and he'd changed a lot since then. He hadn't meant anything by it. Maura had always been the over-sensitive kind. She turned the steak over and was turning on the chip pan when she heard the door open.

"Is that my dinner?"

"Yes."

Vincent came into the kitchen, his dark eyes narrowed. "Well, why isn't it on the table waiting for me?"

"Because..."

"No excuses," he said angrily. "I go out and work all day for you Lexi, and you don't think the very least you could do is have my dinner ready on the table?"

"I'm sorry, all right?" she said, tipping chips into the pan. "Maura came around. She was upset, I was comforting her!"

"Oh, I see, so she's more important to you than me, is she?"

She paused momentarily and his face contorted in rage. Grabbing her by her throat, he slammed her into the wall. Her head knocked into the wall; the pain made her close her eyes. When she opened them again, they were streaming and his face was less than a millimetre away from hers.

"You are _mine_, Lexi, mine! After everything I've done for you, dragging you up from the gutter, making you my wife, giving you a home – providing you with those clothes you put on your ungrateful back – you go and put _her_ before _me_?"

"I didn't mean to! She was upset, she needed..."

"I don't care what she needed! What about me? I'm your husband!"

"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! Next time..."

"Oh, next time you'll what, Lexi? Spend some more time with me? Be more of a wife to me? Not keep putting Maura first?"

She wondered exactly how she could spend any more time with him when she did when he was always out at work but something told her it was unwise to say it.

"I will! I promise! Please, let me go! Let me finish making your dinner! Sit down; I'll get you a beer!"

He released her so slowly, she didn't think he would. He stood before her for a moment, breathing heavily before sitting down. She hastily got him his beer and tossed the chips in the pan. Silently and quickly she wiped away her tears. Her crying only made it worse if he were to see. She finished making his dinner and put it down in front of him along with sauces.

"What's her problem anyway?" he said

Normally, she wouldn't tell him but she knew she shouldn't provoke him any further. Besides, he only wanted to know what the matter was! She said; "She had a fight. With Tom."

He, too, was so surprised; he squirted ketchup down the front of his vest. He cursed loudly and she got him a napkin. He wiped himself down.

"With Tom?" he said, cutting into the gammon steak. He checked carefully for any sign of blood and seemingly satisfied that there was none, put it into his mouth. "What about? Has she finally realised the cons of living with a poof and told him to sling his hook?"

He laughed cruelly and Lexi smiled, merely to stop his temper from resurfacing. After all, she reminded herself, it wasn't as if he really meant anything by it. It was just his way.

"No. He found contraceptive pills, in her bag, and accused her of lying to Sonny."

"Lying about what?"

"About being able to have kids."

Vincent raised his eyebrows as he finished off the steak. He said; "gee. I'd never have thought it of Tom."

"Yeah. So that's why she was so upset. She just wanted a friend to talk to, so she came here."

He started on the sausage. "Did Sonny pick her up?"

Lexi shifted. "No – um...tomorrow."

She raised her eyes to the ceiling and he followed her gaze. He stared at her for a full moment. "She's still here?"

"Well...yeah..." Lexi could sense his temper rising again and carried on. "Sonny's working late tonight see, and she would have been alone in the house with Tom, and they'd had this massive fight, and she didn't want..."

She shrieked and jumped backwards as he knocked everything off of the table in one clean sweep. Suddenly, he was towering over her.

"Maura, Maura, Maura, why always Maura? Should I go and pack my bags Lexi, since I'm obviously not needed here!"

"No! No! I want you! I love you! But she needed me. It's just this once! I won't do it again, I promise! I'll tell her she can't stay again!"

"Yeah, well you just make sure you do or we'll be going back to Scotland and then let's see how often you can see your precious Maura!"

He stormed out, leaving her to clean up the mess. She had tears glistening on her cheeks, and she felt scared and guilty. He was right, really, she should stop being so selfish by putting her friends first.

* * *

><p>It was, eleven o'clock, freezing cold and Kerry still couldn't work out exactly how she had been dragged into this scheme of Sam's in the first place. After all, all she had actually been doing was visiting her own mother's grave and she'd somehow been involved in her desperate plan. She admitted, when she'd seen Sam at baby Rose's grave, she'd thought for one wild moment that she was the mother, but Sam had explained her plan to her and her eyes gleamed as she realised that one extra person in on it in case anything went wrong couldn't hurt and Kerry had somehow found herself agreeing to help. Now she stood, waiting for Sam at their agreed meeting point wishing she'd said no. Gripping onto the left side of her abdomen, she grimaced. The pain there had been occurring for a few days. She heard hurried footsteps and turned. Sam was coming.<p>

"Tell me," Kerry said as the elder woman stopped in front of her. "Are we going to be doing this every night until this mother shows up?"

"Yeah, we are, if we have to," she said. "Come on Kerry, I need your help!"

"I never said I was bottling out, did I?"

"No," she said, zipping up a coat. "Just a few things first. I want you to follow my orders..."

"Oh, here we go," she said, rolling her eyes. "You've already given me the 'nobody else at the station can know' lecture."

"No, I mean it Kerry. She'll need to think that I am the only one here, if she shows up. If she shows herself, don't come out to confront her. Leave her to me. If she gets aggressive or violent..."

"You really think she will?"

"She might not, but if she does, again, leave her to me. How much damage can she do, really?"

"It depends on how desperate she is to stay anonymous. In short, I'm telling you to stay out of sight at the park; you stay out of sight and hide. If she shows up and if she heads to the park, I'll text you. I'll approach her there. Don't come out unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Understood," she said.

"OK. Go on!"

With a nod, she turned and hurried away. Sam watched until she disappeared into the shadows. She slipped through the large gap in the bars, turning on a torch as she went. The daffodils were still laid atop baby Rose's grave, the letter tucked safely amongst the plastic wrapping. Sam retreated to the hiding place she'd obtained prior to meeting Kerry, where she still had a clear view of the grave, but remained out of sight. She yawned loudly. Her eyes were itching with tiredness but she had to persevere. As sorry as she felt for the young mother, what she had done was a crime and she had to face the music.

* * *

><p>It was midnight before there was any movement at all. Sam felt her eyelids dropping but jerked immediately back to life as she heard a twig snap, and, listening intently, she heard footsteps. She rose steadily to her feet and peered at the grave. The footsteps came closer and then she saw her. She was wearing a red hoodie, black jeans and boots. Sam felt a flash of excitement. She was here. She had come at last. For a moment, she didn't do anything, she just stood there, staring at her child's grave. Then she saw the letter. Sam stared at her as she bent forward to pick it up.<p>

"Come on, come on!" she breathed. "Turn around, turn around!"

She did so, so quickly; Sam only caught a glimpse of her big brown eyes. While frustrated, she found then strangely familiar. She stood for so long, trying to work out where that she didn't notice the young woman walking away, seemingly satisfied that she was alone. Sam followed her at a distance the whole way to the park, stopping only to send a text to Kerry.

* * *

><p>Kerry felt like giving up and going home and was on the point of turning away from the point when she got Sam's text and retreated into her hiding place. She saw her coming first and when she finally stepped into the light of the lamppost, Kerry gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth to steady it.<p>

Maura!

"Maura," she whispered, too stunned to show herself, even if she wanted to disobey Sam's order.

She watched. Maura stood above the place she'd buried her baby and for a moment, she didn't move. Then she dropped to her knees and begun to tear at the flowers, yanking them up from the earth, throwing them everywhere. She looked quite demented, it was scary. Then she saw Sam coming and pulled herself well out of sight. Now all she could do was listen. She heard Maura crying and she wiped away her own tears, the shock still sinking in. Maura? How could it be Maura? Then, her words came back to Kerry.

"_Anything could have happened – the mother could have been a drug addict, a child herself: given birth all alone._"

She felt incredibly sad, an iron hand gripping her heart. Wanted to cry out loud, feeling desperately sorry for Maura. That had been her, it had been her trying to recognise them to her plight without telling them that she was the baby's mother.

Then she heard Sam's voice.

"You came. I thought you would." There was a shocked pause and then she heard her say; "You!"

"You tricked me!"

"I had no choice! You were refusing to come out. You were right in front of me the whole time! I can't believe this. Hey wait, wait!"

Kerry peered out tentatively. Maura had scrambled up angrily, stumbled slightly, and ran off, the letter still clenched in her fist. Sam wasn't far behind. Kerry followed. She saw both women force their way through the bars and she followed. Sam's voice carried back to her.

"Stop! Wait a minute!"

"Just leave me alone, Sam! Which part of that did you not understand in those letters?"

"I can't leave this alone; you know that as well as I do! I can't believe it's you! How could you...why did you do it? Hey WAIT!"

Maura ran up the flight of stone stairs. Keeping watch from the safety of the bushes, Kerry looked on, her fist in her mouth. She bit down so hard, she drew blood. She watched Sam follow younger, fitter Maura. At the top of the stairs, she gasped momentarily for breath and lurched forwards, grapping Maura's arm.

"STOP! Wait. Just tell me – why?"

"But I don't 'just' have to tell you, though, do I Sam? I'll have to tell them all! Then Gina, then Adam, then..."

"I'll look after you! You won't get into trouble!"

"You're a liar! You just want your case solved!

"No! No, you're wrong! It's not like that! I just want to help you!"

"I don't believe you!"

"It's the truth!"

"I don't want your help!" she said, her face twisted in an ugly expression of hate as she turned away.

"Please, don't run away from this!"

"I've spent seven years running away from this; I think I can manage it for a bit longer!"

"You know you can't do that!"

"Oh yeah? Just watch me!"

She turned away again and gasped as Sam caught hold of her arm tightly, a beseeching look within her eyes.

"Please. I promise you! Listen, have I ever lied to you? To anyone?"

"A bit different this, isn't it Sam? When was the last time a colleague of yours buried a baby in a park? Just get off me! Leave me alone!"

Kerry gasped loudly again. They had a short struggle before Maura's strong push sent Sam tumbling down the stone stairs. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest and she raised her eyes from Sam's limp, broken body to Maura. She was standing at the top of the stairs, looking terrified.

"Oh my God!" She ran down the stairs and threw herself at Sam's side. She shook her frantically. "Sam? Sam?"

Kerry saw her check for a pulse. Maura pulled away very quickly and shook her hard again.

"Sam? Sam? Wake up, please! Sam!"

Maura dragged herself to her feet and ran. Kerry knew she'd get an ambulance. She wouldn't leave Sam like that. She was proved right when the ambulance screeched into sight mere minutes later. Wisely, she stayed out of sight. Something told her Maura would hang around until she knew Sam was being taken care of.

* * *

><p>Maura ran all the way back to Lexi's house without looking back. She'd left the back door open and stepped into the cool kitchen. She locked the door and leant against it, her heart thudding in her chest. Tom had been right, he'd been right about her lying. Tears spilled from her eyes and as she raised her hands, she could see the blood on them; the blood of her baby, her baby Eve, and the blood of Sam. Please don't die Sam, she begged, please. She washed her hands and filled a glass of water, taking it upstairs to her room. Pulling off her clothes, she left them on the floor and sank to sit down; slowly tearing open the letter she'd retrieved from the cemetery.<p>

* * *

><p>Kerry had gone to bed in utter shock, glad that Cameron was working late and wasn't coming around to stay tonight. She poured herself a red wine and took it back into her bedroom. She dropped onto her bed heavily and spilt it all over herself.<p>

"Damn it!" she said angrily, tearing off the pink hoodie and looking at it angrily. That was it ruined now. She dumped it on the floor huffily and got into bed, stark naked. She pulled the covers around herself and stared at the ceiling, still unable to believe it.

Maura.

Maura! How on earth could it be Maura? She felt a mixture of sorrow and anger. Why did she never confide in her? Then Kerry asked herself, would I? Something told her not. After all, it wasn't as if she didn't know how it felt to have lost a baby. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears as she thought of her own baby. She had been born premature, had taken no more than a few breaths before she died. In mind's eye, she saw herself, holding onto her father's hands, watching the desperate attempts to save the child's life, but even she herself knew it was hopeless. She had been too tiny. Oh, of course her father had tried to comfort her, but nothing he could say would ever make her feel better. Nothing could make this right, nothing. She had been born with hair, a tuft of fluffy blonde hair which she'd kept. It was all she had left of her baby. It wasn't even as if she had the memories. No good ones anyway. She didn't even get to see her first smile, nor did she get to hear her first cry. That would have been a blessing in itself.

She had told her ex-boyfriend of course he did, but it had been a phone call that had wasted three minutes of her life. He hadn't cared. She wondered, even now, did it still not bother him that his baby died? Was he married? Did he have kids? If he did, she felt bitterly sorry for them. Even if he had changed his ways now, which she highly doubted, she would never be able to forgive him for the way he treated her and she hoped that a bit of guilt would still haunt him somewhere inside his tiny icy heart. Turning, she curled up into a foetal position and fell asleep.

* * *

><p>"Kerry? Kerry? Open up. Open the door!"<p>

With a jump, she woke up, for a moment wondering what on earth the problem was. Cameron was hammering on her locked bedroom door as if he was conducting an evacuation of a burning building. She sat up and stared stupidly at the shaking door.

"KERRY!"

"Yeah, yeah, all right! Keep your hair on!" she said, getting up, pulling on her worn fluffy dressing gown, stretching and yawning as she went. She saw the ruined hoodie on the floor and kicked it aside in irritation. Opening the door, she yanked it open and glared. "What?"

He looked surprised, and a bit edgy as he said; "What on earth are you locking yourself in for?"

"I thought I heard something," she said, looking over his shoulder to the door. "Last night. I didn't want to go up and check."

"So why didn't you call me?"

"And say what? 'Oh Cameron! I hear something outside! Come and check!' Come on, you know what I'm like; it was probably a cat or something. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I just came by to check on the mother of my child. And to tell you – Sam's in a coma."

"Sam?" Kerry said, feigning surprise.

"Yeah! We think she might have found the baby's Mum."

"What?" she said, forcing her face into what she hoped was a shocked expression. "How?"

"We're not really sure, but we think she might have set a trap of her own, last night. She left something there, at the grave, and the mother went. She followed. We don't know, there was some kind of confrontation. Anyway, she – the Mum – made a 999 call and the ambulance get there to find Sam lying in a pool of blood at the bottom of the stairs!"

"You think she pushed her?"

"We know she did, we have the CCTV!"

Kerry's face paled and she was frantic for Maura; moreover if CCTV had caught her "Oh. So...you have an e-fit? You see her face?"

He scowled. "No. She wore big baggy clothes and hid her face with a hood. She calls the ambulance and disappears into the night. Not hide or hair of her can be found on CCTV."

"Was it...deliberate?" she said, relieved, but trying not to let it show. Good. Maura's secret was still very safe with her.

"No, we think it was an accident. She probably freaked out when Sam found her; she must've known the net was closing in."

"So where do they want to go from here? Are they issuing a warrant?"

"To arrest her. Yeah."

"But you said it was an accident!"

"I know, but they're getting desperate. They think she's unhinged. Face it, whoever she is, she needs real professional help. They want everyone available working at the station today."

"Yeah, yeah, all right, I get the hint! Just let me get dressed! Why don't you go through and get yourself a coffee or something?"

She shut the bedroom door again and picked up the pile of dirty clothes, stuffing them into the washing basket. She was worried, very worried, and not for her. They were getting closer to Maura. The poor girl. For a moment, she stopped and wondered what would happen if everyone found out – Maura would be in big, big trouble and she was prepared to bet all the pieces of jewellery that she owned that Sonny didn't know. And she was also prepared to bet it was the real reason she had left Sonny. Did that mean though, that the baby hadn't been his? She hurriedly dressed then grimaced, gritting her teeth together as not to cry out.

Ow! That really hurt!

She rubbed her shoulder and craned her neck to look at it. She hadn't felt anything like that before. Trying to push it aside, she came out of her bedroom and met Cameron. He smiled and took hold of her hand.

The pain in her shoulder worsening, Kerry stood by the steps where Sam fell, now feeling worse and dizzy. Cameron was talking to a couple and what she could hear them saying was making her feel worse still.

* * *

><p>"We walk often in graveyard...you do often see familiar people in there, but we've seen him...her...quite a lot. Always in the same place, right by the old oak tree, by that grave."<p>

Kerry heard the words, but they were growing fainter and fainter. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cameron turning towards her in excitement as she sank to the floor.

"Kerry, are you...what's the matter? What's wrong?" He dropped his notebook and rushed to her side, a comforting hand on her back as she brought up what little she'd had for breakfast. "Kerry, Kerry, what's the matter? Where does it hurt?"

"My baby!" she whimpered, cradling her flat tummy.

"It's all right, it's OK. We're gonna get help, you're gonna be all right. It's going to be fine."

* * *

><p>Cameron was in the waiting room, biting on his nails, desperate for news. It wasn't long before Gina Gold arrived and she sat with him, comforting him in her Gina Gold-way while demanding answers anywhere that she could. He sat, rocking back and forth, tearful and frantic. How could this have happened, he wondered. Just a few hours ago, yesterday, they had been talking in excitement about the impending birth of their child, nursery colour schemes, names and laughing about the possibility of having a joint christening with Maura and Sonny since their babies births would be so close together. Now he could see it all slipping away before his eyes. There would be no baby, no cosy little home, no joint christening. He could feel it. He rubbed his hands through his short hair in agitation, just wishing for any news, even if it was bad. Just so this endless waiting would be over.<p>

"Mr. Tait? Mr. Tait?"

He jumped to his feet and looked wildly around for the speaker. Then he saw a young woman, wearing scrubs, a facemask around her neck and hair held open with a bandana. Resentfully, he thought that she barely looked old enough to study medicine, let alone practice it.

"Here!" he said, pushing the thoughts aside as Gina got up, sensing she'd need to hold him back. "Where's Kerry? This is ridiculous, I've waited long enough. I want to see her!"

"Mr. Tait..." she broke off and looked curiously at Gina Gold.

"Inspector Gold," she said, extending her hand, "Kerry's boss."

"Right, Mr. Tait, Inspector Gold... I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but I'm afraid Kerry died fifteen minutes ago."

"D...died?" Cameron said, his voice like a little boy's. "But...she can't have died, she can't. She's pregnant. We're having a baby."

"Mr. Tait, I'm very sorry, but the pregnancy was ectopic. The fallopian tube ruptured and caused catastrophic internal bleeding. We tried our best to remove the tube and stop the bleeding, but it was too severe. She'd already lost an awful lot of blood. I really am sorry. If you would like to see her one last time, it can be arranged."

"I – I'm not going to be a father?"

The two women didn't think anyone could sound more devastated. The loss of a baby? Heart wrenching. The loss of a partner? Heart-wrenching. But the loss of both of them at the exact same time? Unbearable. He sat back into his seat, tears pouring down his face. Gina ushered the nurse away and put her arm around him, her attempts to comfort him falling on deaf ears. She swallowed back her own tears. She was far too proud to let any of her staff see her crying, even if one of her officers had just lost their life. She was a young, beautiful, talented officer. How could her life have been over just like that? The worst part wasn't over yet though. Everyone else still had to be told.


	13. Love Hurts

__Thanks to the usual suspects for your reviews, sorry this has taken so long, and its short, but I hope you like it. Hol. xx

_Love hurts, love scars,  
>Love wounds, and mars,<br>Any heart, not tough,  
>Or strong, enough<br>To take a lot of pain,  
>Take a lot of pain<br>Love is like a cloud  
>Holds a lot of rain<br>Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts_

Maura watched Tom's face change. His face dropped and his eyes narrowed. The hard gaze made a shiver run down her spine.

"Unbelievable," he said in a low voice.

"W – What is?"

"How low you are prepared to stoop!"

"What? Tom, I..."

"Telling me that baby is yours is one thing, but telling me that my brother raped you is another! You really are twisted, do you know that?"

"Tom, I'm not lying! It's the..."

"It's the truth? Is that it Maura? I doubt you even know what the damn truth is anymore! Now I don't know what is going on in that head of yours, but you never mention this again, and I'll pretend that we didn't even have this conversation."

"Tom," she said, a pleading note in her voice. "I'm not lying."

"Maura, ENOUGH!"

He turned around so fast, she thought for one wild moment he would attack her as Vincent had and she jumped up, stumbling away from him. They stood, staring at each other across the bed, using it as a block.

"I'm not lying."

"Oh really, is that right? It seems to me that you've been lying ever since you were seventeen. With all the attention your Dad gave you, I wouldn't have thought you needed any more, but it seems to me it's exactly what you've been doing ever since."

She looked at him, hurt. She said; "Tom, I'm not... I'm not looking for attention! This has nothing to do with... how dare you?"

"No, Maura, how dare you! Accusing my brother of something like this? I know he's an asshole all right? But did you honestly expect me to believe this lie? I think I can be sure that one thing he is, if anything, is honest. After all, he makes no secret what he thinks of my sexuality, does he?"

"Oh yeah, Tom, because of course he'd come home and say, 'oh guess what I've done! I raped Maura!' Don't be fucking stupid! So for everything he's done to you, to Lexi, I'm the one who's lying, am I?"

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time, Maura, would it now?" he said, stepping right up close to her. "'I'm such a bad wife. I lied to Sonny!' For all of that, I didn't see a mention of _this_ in that diary of yours!"

"Well that was in case anyone ever found it!"

"Yet, you lying to Sonny was all right to write about? I don't believe you Maura!"

"Tom. I swear. It's not a lie!"

"Whoever that poor baby's mother is, Maura, it's not you! Shut up and don't you dare ever mention this ever again!"

"I was seventeen, Tom. Seventeen when I had his daughter. I was sixteen when he...he forced himself on me. I was at home alone and he came in because nobody was at yours. I don't know why, he just flipped all of a sudden! I tried stopping him! But I couldn't. He was stronger than me. He always has been."

"Maura," he said, gripping her shoulders. "STOP IT! Stop it, OK? Right now! I'm not going to listen to any more of these lies! No!" he said sharply as she opened her mouth in a plea. "Stop it! I'm not listening to this anymore!"

_I'm young, I know,  
>But even so<br>I know a thing, or two  
>I learned, from you<br>I really learned a lot,  
>Really learned a lot<br>Love is like a flame  
>It burns you when it's hot<br>Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts_

"Maura! Maura!"

Tom let go of her and they both turned around in surprise as they heard the front door shut and Sonny's desperate voice. He sounded upset. Very upset.

"Maura! Maura baby! Baby?" He opened the bedroom door and didn't question what they were both doing in there together and ran straight to his wife, throwing his arms around her. Over his shoulder, Maura and Tom looked at each other. They'd heard the front door close, but not open – how much had he heard? Indeed, he looked at Tom – glared – and said, "what the hell are you shouting at her for? Can't you see that she's upset? Honestly Tom, your amount of tact sometimes never fails to surprise me!"

Tom looked outraged. "Why am I shouting at her? I think I have every bloody right to shout at her! Are you hearing this? Your precious little wife is a filthy liar!"

"How dare you?" Sonny said furiously. "She's just had a terrible day and here you are yelling at her! She is pregnant! Do you think she needs you having a go at her on top of all of this?"

"What? Excuse me? So you believe all of this, do you? You believe that Vincent – our brother Vincent, raped her?"

"Tom!" Maura said.

Sonny let go of Maura and stepped away. He looked from one to the other and said; "what did you just say?"

Tom paled. "I thought you said...you said she'd had a terrible day...what were you talking about?"

"Never mind what I was talking about, what the hell are you talking about?"

"She...she said... Sonny, she's admitted she lied to you about that condition! She's perfectly capable of having kids! Fell pregnant a little quick, don't you think?"

"Don't, Tom, what's got into you? She wouldn't lie to me about something like this!" Sonny said, turning to Maura. He saw her tear stained face and she looked at him without any hint of denial on her face.

"Sonny, I'm so sorry."

"You...you lied to me? Maura?" he said, grabbing her shoulder. "Answer me!"

"Yeah. Yeah your shiny wife lied," Tom said scathingly. "And it gets even better Sonny! You know that baby buried in the park? It's hers. Know who the father is? Vincent. After he raped her!"

His words were said with clear, cold sarcasm. Sonny gaped, looking between Tom and Maura.

"Sonny, I swear, it's the honest truth!"

"Oh. The honest truth is it? THE HONEST TRUTH?!" he shouted so loudly, Maura jumped backwards. "For God's sake, Maura, it's one after the other! Lie on top of lie! What the hell has got into you?"

To have Tom not believe her was bad enough, but to have Sonny as well refuse to believe a word she said destroyed her. Both were staring at her and the expressions troubled her – it was pure, unadulterated disgust.

"If you didn't want to have children – all you had to do was say!"

"I...I do!"

"Funny, you said the same words the day we married! Or didn't you even mean it then?"

"I did! I did mean it! I love you!"

"But you expect me to believe that my brother raped you? That the baby, that baby in the park, is yours? Yours and his?"

"It is."

"Oh. So tell me then Maura, when did you manage to get away to London to have this baby. Bury it in the park?"

"I ran away."

"What?"

"When I was seventeen. Don't you remember?"

"You told me you were up in Inverness."

"I lied."

"And why does that not surprise me? You know what? I'm beginning to wish I hadn't bothered coming after you! And I suppose you leaving that food to rot was all for attention too, wasn't it? This is all for attention!"

"Food? Sonny, what food? I don't know what you're talking about!"

"The food, Maura! The food that was hidden underneath your bed!"

"Underneath the...I didn't hide any food underneath the bed! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Do you know how I can tell you're lying? Your lips are moving!"

"Sonny..." she said tearfully, reaching for him. "I'm not lying!"

"Get off me!" he said, wrenching his arm away from Maura in disgust. "Some poor woman is out there, who REALLY gave birth to that baby and what, you think you can use it to your advantage? Look...just tell me you're making it up, all right? Tell me there's no truth in this and we can try and work our way through things. We can get to the bottom of the real problem."

"This is the real problem Sonny! I can't tell you it's a lie because I would be lying! He raped me! Your brother raped me and he got me pregnant! I gave birth to his child, his daughter!"

"I don't believe you Maura."

"Sonny..."

"No, Maura. He's my brother."

"And I'm your wife!"

"My wife who's told lie after lie! So many lies! I don't know who you are anymore Maura, but I'll certainly tell you this – you're not the woman I married. For all my brother's faults – and there are lots of them – he's not a rapist."

Maura looked between her husband and brother and said; "so that's it? After the way you've seen him treat everyone, I'm lying about this?"

"Just tell me what the real problem is Maura! Your food problems..."

"Oh for fuck sake, I have not been hiding food!"

"Don't tell me," Tom said snidely. "It must have been Vincent as well!"

"It must have been! He's trying to send me around the twist!"

"I think you've managed that just fine, Maura, all by yourself. And to think, there I was, thinking you were all upset about Kerry!"

"Kerry? Why on earth should I be upset about Kerry? What's wrong with her?"

"She's dead Maura," he said harshly.

"D...dead? But...she can't be. How can she be dead! She's having a baby too!"

"It was ectopic," he said coldly. "It ruptured and she suffered internal bleeding. They tried to save her but couldn't."

"But...she can't have died! She can't have!" A mix of emotions; anger, guilt, revulsion and hurt boiled inside her like a scientist's toxic mix and the tears poured down her face. Sonny reaching out to touch her intensified the feelings. This man, who she loved didn't believe her; she'd married him, cooked for him, slept with him and now, as she bore his child, he didn't believe that his scum of a brother had forced himself on her. His fingertips touched her arm and the two brothers were shocked as she began to lash out, striking any bit of Sonny that she could reach. Tom grabbed her arms, dragging her away and the moment she tried to turn on him, he pushed her down onto the bed, pinning her wrists either side of her body.

"Tom! Let her up!"

"What, so she can attack you again? I don't think so!"

"She's pregnant!"

"I'm not hurting her!"

"I don't care!" he said, pulling Tom away. "I said, let her up!"

He complied, though looking ready to grab her again if she made a move towards Sonny. She looked from one to the other in a last desperate plea for them to believe her. Neither gave any sign that they were going to budge.

"You're not going to believe me?"

In answer, Tom scoffed and stalked out of the room, leaving Sonny and Maura together. The slamming of the door told them he'd left the house. Husband and wife looked at each other. He remained impassive.

"Sonny?" she pleaded, reaching out. "Sonny, please. I'm sorry."

He looked from her pleading face to her outstretched hand before, just like Tom, he turned his back on her and walked away.

_Some fools think of happiness  
>Blissfulness, togetherness<br>Some fools fool themselves I guess  
>They're not fooling me<em>

Once Maura had composed herself, she washed, changed and went out. There would be plenty of time to come back and sort out her affairs. She had a feeling that she wouldn't be seeing Sonny or Tom for the rest of the night. She tidied her hair as she approached Gina Gold's office. She could see her superior officer in there, bent over her desk and what looked like a pile of tissues beside her. Tentatively, she knocked, and as she thought she would, Gina pulled herself bolt upright and slipped on her necktie.

"Come in!" she called out.

Maura entered and said; "Ma'am."

"Maura. What can I go for you? If you'd like to come back to work with your arm like that, you have another thing..."

"I don't Ma'am. It's nothing like that."

"You've heard about Kerry and Sam?"

"Yes. Yes Ma'am."

"Sit down Maura. You must've had a horrible shock. Now, what can I do for you?"

"I hate to add to your troubles Ma'am, but...this just can't wait."

From her bag, she took out an envelope and handed it over to her superior. Gina took it, tore it open and took the sheet of paper from within. The letter wasn't long, but the older woman stared at it for much longer than was necessary.

"You're telling me you want to resign?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Would you mind me asking why, PC Barton?"

"I...I want to go home Ma'am. It's homesickness. I've tried to get used to this, but I just can't. It's not the same, it's not Scotland. And I miss my Dad."

"And does Sonny feel the same way?"

"Sonny and I... Sonny and I are splitting up. For good, this time."

"Why? I wasn't aware there were problems between you two."

"Yeah well, you always told us not to bring our problems to work."

"That's not to say you can't talk to me if you wanted to."

"I don't want to. I don't want to talk to anyone because it isn't going to help. We're splitting and there's nothing you, I or flaming Archbishop Desmond Tutu can do about it."

"Maura, running away from the problem – whatever it is, isn't the answer!"

"I am not running away, Ma'am. I just...I want to go home."

"Not at least back to your old station in Glasgow?"

"No Ma'am. Anyway, I can't for very long, can I? Not being pregnant and all."

"Well Maura, clearly nothing I say is going to change your mind. So all I can say is I'm sorry to lose you."

"I'm sorry to go. But it's just the way it has to be."

"All right. Are you going to say goodbye to them all? And what about Kerry's funeral?"

"I'll be sorry to miss it," she said after a pause. "But I will be thinking of everyone. I have to go, Inspector Gold. My plane leaves tonight and I'm going to be on it." Standing up, Maura held out her slim hand. "It's been a pleasure and an honour to work here. And tell Sam..." she paused for a moment on the verge of saying 'I'm sorry' and instead said, "tell her, when she comes round, I hope she cracks her case."

With a nod, Maura turned and left. Gina flipped open Maura's warrant card and stared at the picture inside. Though she was smiling, Maura looked solemn and there was determination in her eyes. A determination that said she would serve justice.

_I know it isn't true,  
>I know it isn't true<br>Love is just a lie,  
>Made to make you blue<br>Love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts  
>Ooh,ooh love hurts<em>

Maura packed her clothes in the large holiday suitcase, the one she and Sonny usually used when they went away together. She couldn't believe that this was really it, it was really goodbye. She should have told him about Vincent years ago. She should have told someone straight away. Now her baby would be growing up without a father in their life, day in, day out. She looked down at her silver wedding rings and remembered how happy she had been the day Sonny had presented her with the ruby ring. Sniffing, she took them off, wrote a hurried note to Sonny, and shoved them both inside an envelope, with she left on the neatly made bed. On the bedside table was her wedding photograph, and she looked at it for a split second before pushing it facedown. She didn't want to look at her past life any more. A horn honked from outside, announcing the arrival of her cab. She took one last look around before closing the door behind her and walking determinedly towards the cab.

_I know it isn't true,  
>I know it isn't true<br>Love is just a lie,  
>Made to make you blue<br>Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts  
>Ooh ooh love hurts<br>Ooh ooh..._


	14. March 16th 2001

_Yo all, its been a fair while since I upadated this, sorry about the wait, and here's an long chapter. Thanks to the usual suspects for reviewing and to the newest reviewer, Cassie. _

_BEFORE YOU GO ON AND READ! _

_This is part one of a series of Maura's flashbacks, and this chapter contains some crude language and scenes of a violent sexual nature, hence the rating change of the story, so saying enjoy it, as I usually do, wouldn't be an appropriate thing to say. Having said that though, the one thing I'm intent on showing is what a nasty character Vincent is, so here's hoping that if anything in a dark, depressing and downright uncomfortable to read (it was uncomfortable to write) chapter, I've done just that. Thanks for reading. Hol. xxx_

* * *

><p>Maura stepped out of college, wrapping her arms around herself, her hair blowing in the strong wind. March, it may be, but the wind was still bitter and cold. She took out her house keys as she turned into Victoria Street and noted straight away that her Dad's car wasn't there. He was out, presumably at work. She knew Jake wasn't there, because he was in London visiting Smithy. She'd wanted to go to, but her Dad had refused to let her. Maura could still hear his strict voice in her head.<p>

"No, Maura, not whilst you have exams coming up! You have to revise!"

She rolled her eyes. She'd never got a grade below a 'B' and her father knew this fact well. Turning up her drive, she glanced at the house next door. Sonny didn't live there anymore and she wished he did, because it would be easier to see him. Her father barely let her out for an hour to see him. Maura appreciated that he wanted her to have a good education and do well, but sometimes she really wished he would just – lay off.

The house was empty. Her other brothers, Rory and Connor, must still be working. Maura hung her keys on the hook by the door and hung her stylish winter coat on the banister by the door. She was going to savour the limited free time she had by relaxing in front of a DVD with a large bowl of crisps. For sixteen, Maura was very small, standing at only five foot nothing. She was also thin, something else her Dad constantly nagged her about and it wasn't as if the fact didn't bother Maura herself, but no matter what she did, she put on weight incredibly slowly. In the kitchen, she found a family size packet of original flavoured crisps and tipped some into a bowl, also making herself a large cup of coffee. As much as she loved her father, she hoped he was on a late shift tonight – a very, very late shift. Her brothers would probably be home soon, but at least they would leave her alone to do what she wanted to do. Maura took her snack and drink upstairs, to her converted attic bedroom.

Originally, the house had three bedrooms: her father's, Rory and Connor's, and hers, but when her father had remarried Jake's Mum, Caitlin, Jake had her room and the attic had been converted into a room for her. It was her haven, her escape and had saved her sanity more times than she cared to mention. Maura selected a DVD to watch and curled up on the bed, the bowl of crisps by her side. The film had barely started when the doorbell rang, and Maura growled in irritation. Probably, she thought, starting down the stairs, it was someone selling something. Maura pasted a ready smile on her face, she opened the door. The fake smile disappeared in an instant. Vincent stood before her, his schoolbag slung casually over one shoulder.

"No need to look so pleased to see me, Bambi."

"What do you want?"

"Well, nobody's at home and I seem to have forgotten my house keys."

"Where's Tom?"

"He's gone to the gym. Probably just to stare at the men in their vests."

He laughed nastily and Maura glared at him. Ever since Tom had come out as gay six months ago, Vincent had done nothing but taunt him.

"So I guess you want to come in then."

"Don't mind if I do," he said, pushing past her and into the house.

Maura closed the door and eyed Vincent, a shiver running down her spine. At sixteen, he was already five foot nine and still growing. He was a self-confessed gym addict and obsessive about fitness. It was probably the only thing they had in common. It was mere politeness when she made him a coffee – heaped with four sugars – and gave him the remainder of the crisps.

"Hey, where're you going?" he asked as she set foot on the stairs. "You're not going to be so rude as to leave a guest all alone are you?"

She sighed in exasperation and turned to him. She said; "look, Vincent, let's not pretend you and I are friends, OK? I'm busy. There's the television, there's the computer, and you have something to eat and drink – entertain yourself!"

Maura went upstairs without another word. Vincent's taunting smile was replaced by a very ugly scowl. He was used to people jumping when he told them to jump. Not Maura though, oh no. He looked around the sitting room. Like his own, just next door, it was plastered with photographs. Childhood photographs of Maura and her brothers as children. The packet of crisps in his hand, he wandered through to the kitchen. Stopping in his tracks, he stared at the fridge. It was covered with Maura's essays and tests all proudly displaying A's and B's. Bitterly, he glared at the papers. No matter what, he could never compete academically with Maura. The only thing he'd ever beaten her at was physical education tests but that didn't even seem to bother her. Why did everyone love her? As far as he was concerned, there was nothing special about her. She thought she was so much better than him.

Back in the sitting room, he took a closer look at the photographs in the sitting room and picked up one of Maura and her father, taken at her sixteenth birthday, in the December just gone. He felt the urge to smash it; even his own parents loved Maura. So what if they'd known her all of her life? So what if she was Sonny's girlfriend? She wasn't _family_! He slammed the photograph done hard. Saint Maura.

Lexi was his girlfriend now, _his,_ but she still wanted to spend her time with Maura. Why did she have to have everything? He knew she wasn't the sweet innocent angel her Dad thought she was though; oh no. a cruel smile crossed his lips. He wondered what Daddy would say if he knew his precious daughter had been having sex. He'd heard Sonny and Tom talking about it; Sonny had been concerned that she had rushed into something she wasn't ready for to keep him happy. He knew better, though, Maura was a slapper – she was barely sixteen. So Sonny didn't need to worry, she was up for anything. It was obvious from the way she always stuck to him like glue, hugging him, kissing him, holding his hand, sitting on his lap. Even the way she dressed. Bright clothes, make up, jewellery. She clearly wanted to be noticed and it wasn't as if she was hit by the ugly stick. Her mixed race heritage gave her an appealing exotic beauty and she knew this. That was why she played up to Sonny. She wanted it. But she wasn't getting it though. That was the problem. Daddy wasn't letting her out of the house to see him. He finished the crisps and drunk the coffee, which was now lukewarm before starting up the stairs. He stopped at the top as Maura came down the stairs from her room and went into the bathroom. She didn't even notice him. Probably wrapped up in thoughts about Sonny. He walked quietly past the bathroom and up the stairs into her bedroom. It was neat and tidy, the end credits of a film showing on the television. There were papers on her desk and he looked at the homework which would no doubt be stuck on the fridge with all of the others, displaying A's and B's. Smug bitch.

He moved along, looking at all of the things on the shelf; photographs, books, teddies, DVD's and an old doll's house that she'd had ever since he could remember. He noted what good condition it was in, and he could remember Maura and Lexi playing with it when they were little. He opened it up and sniggered. Inside was a packet of contraceptive pills. He had to hand it to Maura; she was a sneaky little madam. As if her Dad would ever think to look for those pills there of all places. He heard her coming back and turned, eyebrows raised as she came in.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing in my room?!"

For such a little thing, she could sure shout loudly. He raised his eyebrows and said; "I thought I'd come to see what you were doing. You weren't here, so I had a little snoop. I hope you don't mind." He held up the pills and smirked. "Interesting things you keep in your room, Bambi. Does Daddy know his darling daughter has been shagging her boyfriend when she's barely legal?

Flushing, Maura snatched the pills back and stuffed them back in the doll's house. She said; "mind your own business! Who gave you the right to go snooping about in my room, Vincent?"

He held up his hands and said; "hey, just taking an interest Bambi. Reminiscing about old times. Remembering how we played with that doll's house."

"No, Vincent, _we_ didn't play with anything. Lexi and I played with that, doll's house, and you always tried to get us to have the men as the dominators!"

"That's the way it should be."

"Oh, get lost Vincent," she snapped. "Did you actually want something or did you come up here to wind me up?"

"I thought you might be lonely. I mean, being in here, revising all of the time. Peter's not letting you out much. Must be enough to send anyone around the bend, not seeing your friends."

"See that?" Maura asked, in a bored voice, pointing to the phone lying on her bed. "That there, Vincent, is called a _phone_. Heard of it? It means you can talk to people even if you can't see them. It comes in very handy. Maybe you should think of getting one. Then you won't be obsessing over seeing Lexi every ten seconds."

He reddened. Maura had hit him where it hurt. He glared hard at Maura and said; "she's _my_ girlfriend!"

"So what? I'm Sonny's girlfriend, and he doesn't feel the need to tell me what I can and can't do or what I can or can't wear."

"Well maybe that's because Sonny doesn't mind his girlfriend going out, behaving and dressing like a slapper."

"No, it's because Sonny isn't a control freak. He isn't worried that I'm going to go off with every other man I speak to. He's not insecure, you see."

"I'm not insecure!"

"Oh no? You do a good impression of it. You don't even like it when she talks to Tom. Just get out of my room, Vincent, all right? Leave me alone."

He glared at her. Maura wasn't intimidated by him. Lexi was and that was what made her a good girlfriend. She did as she was told. Sonny didn't know what he was letting himself in for with Maura.

"You're not afraid of me, are you?"

"Uh…do I have blonde hair and blue eyes? No! You're a bully, Vincent, nothing more, and even your own family know it! And soon, it won't be long before Lexi knows it as well! Now if you're done, the door's over there!"

She turned away and heard the bedroom door shut. She breathed a sigh of relief, but turned around, startled when she heard the click of the lock. Vincent was still standing there, a wild look in his eyes and the key in his hand.

"What are you doing?"

"We're all alone here, Bambi."

"Cleverly observed!" she said, not liking the look on his face of pure, unadulterated anger. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I could show you what you're missing," he said, advancing on her as she backed away from him. "What you could have if you were with the right brother!"

"The right…? All right, let's get a few things straight, shall we? I'm with Sonny. I love Sonny. He is the 'right brother' for me. As much as I hate you, you are Lexi's boyfriend and, if you actually think I'd do anything with you, you're even madder than I thought! And, even if we were the last people on a post-apocalyptic earth, I wouldn't go anywhere near you!"

"And…breathe," he said coolly, placing a large hand either side of her body, against the wall. "Come on Maura, you know you want it. What good is it, denying it?"

"Vincent, what the…?" She was cut off as he shoved his lips up against hers in a rough kiss, his hands gripping her arms like a vice. With a struggle, she shoved him away. "Get off me! Stop! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Giving you what you want, Maura, and seeing as you can't get it from Sonny, I think I can make a pretty good substitute! Better even!"

"What I want? What _I_ want!?" she said incredulously. "I think you need to go and take a good look in the mirror if you think I'm the one who's desperate here!"

A loud crack echoed through the room. Vincent had slapped Maura across the face, hard, sending her flying. She fell backwards, bumping her head on the end of her bed.

"You've got too much of a smart mouth, Maura."

Slightly dazed, she tried to sit up and he was on her in seconds, pushing her back onto the floor, flat on her back. She looked up at him, terrified.

"Vincent, what are you doing? Get off me!"

He raised her up slightly by the shoulders and pushed her back down, slamming her head violently against the floor.

"Shut up!" he said, the look in his eyes wild and aggressive. Not that they had ever held the kindness of Tom's and Sonny's. "You think you're so much better than me, don't you?"

"No!"

"Yes you do! You think you're so much better than me! Special, saint Maura! Everyone's best friend!"

Where all of this bitterness had come from, Maura couldn't understand. After all, most people's opinion that he was a bully was perfectly justified and he'd brought it on himself by behaving the way he did.

"Vincent, get the hell off me! You're hurting me!"

"You'd put out for my brother. You act all up for it. You're getting what you want, Maura, what we both want."

"I don't want this! I don't!"

She struggled and he laughed, watching her become increasingly desperate. She couldn't believe that this boy, who she'd known since she was a baby, could be thinking of doing this to her, even if they didn't like each other. He was sixteen, like her! A child!

"Vincent, just stop, please! Just go! I won't tell anyone about this!"

"Go? But the fun's only just beginning," he said pinning her wrists above her head with one hand and sneaking the other up her top.

"Stop! Stop! No, stop!" she cried, struggling weakly as he squeezed her small breasts roughly.

"Shut up," he snarled, covering her mouth with his other hand, releasing her wrists.

It didn't matter that her hands were free, he thought. She'd never be able to push him off. It didn't stop her trying, though, as she tried to pull his hand from under her top. He dug his sharp nails in, her muffled cries beginning to annoy him. He held her jaw shut, the pressure hurting her. She soon realised it was futile to carry on screaming, so she stopped, her struggles becoming weaker.

"Good girl," he said. "You know it's better to do things my way! Get this off! Off! Now!"

He ripped the blouse from her body, tearing it, discarding it carelessly on the floor and looked at the cowering woman before him. Her bellybutton was pierced and she was wearing a pink lacy bra, and though he personally thought there was no need, he loved it.

"Nice of you to get all dressed up for me, Maura," he said, scratching her back as he unhooked the undergarment and wrenched it off. He began squeezing her breasts again, ignoring her tearful pleas.

"Please stop it!"

"Stop pretending that you don't want it too, Maura. You know you want it. You love it! You should be thanking me!"

He sat up straight and for a moment, she thought he was stopping, but he tore off his own t-shirt and got to work on her jeans, pinning her arms down with his knees.

"No! No! Don't! Stop!"

"We may as well do it properly. I'm sorry I don't have any candles, Bambi; we could have made this really special, romantic. I mean, I might not be as experienced as you, but I can at least show you how a real, dominating male would do things instead of my soppy brother! Get these off! Oh, now look what you made me do!"

He tutted. She'd been struggling so hard, the zip had broken. He climbed off of her momentarily to get them off and she took it as her chance to scramble away towards the door. He grabbed her, throwing her face first against the wall, a muscular hand covering her mouth.

"How're you planning to get out, huh Maura?" he whispered in her ear. "Smash through the door? It's locked, and I have the key. You want this Maura. You want it and so do I. Stop trying to deny it."

Pinning her against the wall with his torso, he pulled off his own jeans and pants, and, turned her around, slamming her against the wall. She saw that he was naked and struggled harder than ever. She hadn't really believed he was serious before; he was the kind of person to play taunting mind games, yes, but that he really would do it hadn't crossed her mind. But he _was_ mad enough to do it. And he could.

"Vincent, please!"

"I know Maura, I will. Nice of you to ask me so nicely."

"No! Please, stop! Please don't do this!"

"You say one thing when you really mean another Maura. We both know how desperate you are to shag Sonny again, and you're lucky enough to get the better deal. Only this time, I'll be one dominant one! Oh, what's this? Matching bra and knickers Maura, you really shouldn't have!"

She struggled to stop him as he yanked her knickers down, but unsuccessfully. He was a big boy, but none of it was fat, it was all muscle. He was excited by the 'chase' as he saw it, and aroused, felt his member stiffen. He touched her genitals, running his fingers along the lips, and humiliated, she struggled to free herself. She screamed as he pushed two fingers inside her, moving them roughly.

"You like that, huh? Didn't Sonny do this with you? Didn't treat you very well, did he, for your first time?"

"Stop it! Please, please stop it! I don't want this! Vincent, please!"

"Did you play this hard to get with Sonny?" he said. "Or is this little show just for me? I'm flattered Maura."

She fought down the urge to be sick as he pushed them harder, his other hand touching her buttocks. The more she flinched, the more violently he slammed her against the wall. Finally, he stopped, and, grabbing her arms, forced her to the floor.

"Please!"

"Oh shut up!" he said, covering her mouth. "I'm sick of listening to you deny what I know you want!"

She crossed her legs together in a desperate attempt to stop him taking the assault further. He ran his other hand down her body, touching her breasts, stomach, thighs and vagina. He laughed at her attempts to push him off, the taunts pounding her head as if he was beating it.

"Who's so special now, Maura? If all of them could see you now, so desperate to feel a cock between those legs that you'd take it from your boyfriend's brother? And you'd tease that brother to get him to put his cock in your pussy? Oh well, who am I to turn it down if it's offered to me on a plate? Open your legs! Open them, you bitch!"

She refused, shaking her head, feeling the perspiration all over her body as he struggled to get them open. He pinched her arms tightly. Maura cried as he pushed his knees between her legs, and shoved them wide apart.

"Please!" she said in one final plea, the tone not unlike the one of someone praying. "Vincent, please!"

"As you asked so nicely."

She cried out as he forced himself deep inside her, the pain making her lose her breath for a few minutes. His back arched in pleasure, a faraway expression on his face. And then he began to move roughly inside her with hard, merciless shoves, his pelvis thrusting wildly.

"Oh God!" he moaned, grabbing her shoulders as he moved up and down. "Sonny did such a crap job, you're so tight! Lucky you have me here to help you. You have such a tight pussy."

Vincent wasn't just nasty, she thought, he was pure evil. She sobbed, pleading with him to stop, struggling to push him off. His chest was sweaty, and he was breathing heavily. He had her bottom half pinned firmly down, but he wasn't feeling the pain she was feeling. He was enjoying it.

"Vincent, please!" she gasped through her tears. "Please stop! You're hurting me!"

He didn't even pause in his vicious thrusts as he glared at her and spoke though gritted teeth. He said; "Shut up, you ungrateful bitch! I'm doing you a favour here! Teaching you how to please a man!"

She didn't listen and drew in a large breath, preparing to scream for help as loudly as she could. His mouth was over hers in seconds, and he pushed his tongue into her mouth, kissing her roughly. She could taste the coffee on his mouth and gagged, trying to turn her head away. He bit down on her lips hard, tasting blood. His hands squeezed the bottom of her skinny thighs, nails scratching her as he went faster and harder. She stopped fighting and trying to scream realising it was hopeless and turned her head away from his sweating face. Even when he squeezed her breasts again hard and spitefully, scratching them, she just whimpered. She looked at the television, displaying the menu screen of the DVD she'd been watching, waiting for him to finish. Even though she was no longer fighting, he grabbed her wrists and pinned them down. She couldn't move at all now and lay passively as he moaned and grunted in pleasure above her. She couldn't believe she was being raped by someone who, though she hated, she'd known for years and never expected him to do something like this.

"You like that, don't you Bambi?" he whispered. "You like it. You love it! Look at me, you slapper! It's the least you can do for me giving you what you want! I said, look at me!"

He grabbed her hair, yanking it. She looked at him, fighting the urge to be sick. He was sweating hard, and it sickened her even more that he was smiling coldly.

"See? That's how you like it! That's how it's done! The man in charge, calling all the shots! You just lie there like a good girl! Know your place, pleasing me."

She turned her face away as he carried on his violation of her, making noises of satisfaction as he moved up and down harder still. He scratched her legs; it stung and she cried out in pain.

"God, that's good! I'm not getting much feeling of gratitude here, Maura. I guess that's because you haven't had it this great before. I've taken your breath away!"

Reaching his climax, he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. Under his crushing weight, she struggled to breathe and bit down hard on her lips to stop screaming. It would only anger him further, but the pain between her legs was unbearable!

"God, that was great," he said in her ear. "So great. You should be pleased to be my first test subject. After all that hard work, I need a rest. We're just gonna lie here for five minutes. Then we can get back to business."

* * *

><p>It seemed like hours later when the attack was finally over and he was off her, dressing calmly as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't just carried out a sickening sexual assault on her. Feeling small, she curled into a ball, sobbing quietly, and put a hand between her legs in an attempt to ease the burning. He laughed cruelly, the sound affecting her as if he was raping her all over again.<p>

"Funny thing is Maura; this isn't the first time I've made a girl cry, like a sulky little kid." He advanced on her and she scrambled back against the wall, trembling as he leant over her. He ran his fingers across her hair and she flinched. He laughed again. "Don't worry. I won't tell Sonny you've played away. It'll be our little secret. I'll close the door on my way out. Leave a window open for me though. I might like to pay you another visit sometime."

Releasing her, he turned and left without another word. She sat still and silent as she heard the front door close before daring to creep to the window and look out. Below, she saw Vincent leaving, a satisfied smirk on his face. She sunk to the floor, hugging herself, frightened. There were spots of her blood on the carpet. She'd have to do something about that. She gathered up her torn clothes and put them into a bag, ready to be thrown away. She wasn't going to wear them ever again. She crept down the carpeted stairs, naked, to have a shower. The water was hot, and she watched the red swirling down the sink. In turmoil, she slid down the wall, sobbing quietly.

* * *

><p>Peter Barton came home, laden down with bags of shopping. He saw Maura's coat hanging up on the banister and went through to the kitchen, listening for any sign of his beloved daughter's footsteps coming down the stairs. Nothing. Oh well, he supposed she was hard at work, studying, with music for company. Unpacking the shopping, he set about making her a nice drink – a Malteasers ice cream milkshake. She loved them and he put it on a tray, holding it like a posh butler. He went upstairs and knocked on her bedroom door. He opened it without waiting for an answer.<p>

"And for one, hardworking daughter, a…" He trailed off. Maura wasn't sitting at her desk as he expected her to be, and the room was dark. He turned on the light and a figure moved under the bedcovers. "Maura? Why aren't you revising?"

"Leave it out Dad, all right? Just for once, leave it!"

"Maura? What's the matter baby? Are you ill?" He put down the tray on the bedside table and stroked the top of her head. She jerked away. "Maura, what's the matter?"

"Just leave me alone Dad, all right? I couldn't care less about bloody revision!"

He was taken aback at her snappy tone and stroked her hair again. He said, worried; "Maura? Baby, what's wrong? Tell me. Did you have a bad day?"

"No, Dad. I just don't feel well, all right? I want to rest."

"Oh. All right. I'm going to make soup for dinner, all right? Chicken soup, the way you like it. I'll bring some up to you."

She didn't say anything for a moment for fear of bursting into tears, but eventually swallowed the lump and said; "thanks."

"Listen baby, I know you think I'm on your back about revision, I know you think I'm pressuring you too hard, but I just want you to do well. You'll have plenty of time for Sonny and your friends when it's all over."

"Yeah," she murmured. "Can you turn out the light, please?"

He recognised it as his dismissal, and left. As soon as she heard him go downstairs, she pulled the covers tightly around her, put her head under her pillow, and cried. How could she ever tell her beloved father that she'd been raped under his roof by the son of people he was very good friends with? Even he, himself, didn't like Vincent, but put up with him for the sake of Leanne and Christopher. She had been alone with Vincent before many a time – here in this house or at his. It had been an agreement between the two parents, suggested by him, that if either of their children forgot their keys or nobody was in, they should go into the other's house to wait. He'd never forgive himself if he thought those actions led to Vincent's savage assault. She still ached all over and after she'd got out of the shower, she hadn't been able to stop throwing up. Shaking, distraught and angry, she cried until she slept.

* * *

><p>Downstairs, Peter was worried. It wasn't like Maura to be disobedient and she knew full well that he liked her to revise when she got home from college. Maybe she was due a break though and he felt guilty. Perhaps everyone – by everyone, his sons – were right. He was pushing her too hard. One look at the fridge told him that Maura was hard working; her homework and exam marks had always made him proud, but he just didn't want her to take for granted that she was naturally highly intelligent. Really, it wasn't fair to stop her having a social life and to stop her seeing her friends and Sonny. She'd badly wanted to go and see Smithy with Jake last week, and it <em>had<em> been half-term. She hardly ever got to see Smithy. He sighed. He'd make it up to her when she did him proud at the end of the year with her exam results.

Maybe, he thought, he was still trying to punish her for going out with Sonny against his wishes. There was nothing _wrong_ with Sonny; he was just older than her. She was sixteen, he was twenty-one. He was an adult and she was a child. The funny thing was, they had been friends for a few years before becoming a couple and he hadn't had a problem with their relationship then. The trouble had started more or less when Sonny had broken up with his long term girlfriend last summer which he had been incredibly upset about and had started spending his time with Maura instead.

At the time, she had been only fifteen years old and as her father, he thought he had the right to be concerned about the time she was spending alone with a twenty-year-old man, especially as she was underage. Maura and Sonny had always been close friends; she was in the same college as Sonny's younger twin brothers, Tom and Vincent, as well as them having lived next door all her life. His concern had been arisen though when he had come home from work to find his fifteen-year-old daughter, still a baby as far as he had been concerned, curled up in Sonny's arms on their sofa, both of them asleep and still fully clothed. Maura had insisted time and time again that nothing had happened and Sonny had just been comforting her like she had him because Vincent had upset her that day at school; he had always been a nasty little toerag though, Peter thought savagely. Vincent was the only one of the West family who seemed to have the nasty streak in him; whenever someone was upset or something bad happened, he would be enjoying every second of it, lapping up and exploiting others' misery. For that reason he had accepted Maura's version of events, backed up by Sonny and Tom as the truth and nothing more was said about it.

By December though, when Maura had turned sixteen; his concern increased. For Christmas, they had gone to a party at the Wests' and Sonny had bought her a beautiful diamond snake bracelet which must have cost him a fortune and Peter had wondered why he had spent that much on Maura, just for helping him through a difficult time.

That night, the two had been out alone in the garden, sitting by the chimenea, unaware that Peter was watching them through the window when they kissed; and it hadn't been a friendly kiss; it had been a romantic encounter under the stars and by the lit fire. That night, back at home was when he and Maura had their first real row when he had confronted her about the kiss; she had said it was just a kiss and couldn't see what the problem was and added that even if it had meant something, it was none of his, Peter's business. He had retaliated that anything to do with her was his business, especially when it involved her kissing an older man. They had both gone to bed in foul moods, but they were so close, they could never stay angry at each other for long and the next day they had apologized to each other and nothing else was said on the subject, at least not until Sonny asked her out on a date.

He had been against the idea from the start as had his three sons, but trying to stop Maura when she wanted to do something was like trying to stop a truck going downhill with no breaks. Impossible. She was just like her mother in that respect; headstrong and stubborn. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sonny; it was just the age gap that worried him.

When she'd been born though, he swore that this baby, his girl, his only daughter, wouldn't be allowed to date until she was forty. Not that Maura would ever let him get away with that. During their last argument about the matter, she'd accused him of wanting to keep her as a baby, and she'd hit a raw nerve because he hadn't been like that with the twins or Jake, and Maura loved living her life to the full. Oh who was he kidding? Maura was right, as usual and desperately missing her boyfriend and friends. She must be going crazy in her room with only a few boring textbooks for company and now she wasn't well, it must feel even worse. He threw all of the soup ingredients together into a pan, put the lid on, and, swallowing his pride, went to call Sonny.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Barton," Sonny said, shaking Peter's hand as he stepped other the threshold. Nestled in his other arm was a massive bunch of flowers. Peter smiled politely at the younger man he knew he liked immensely. He decided not to remind him yet again to call him Peter. Sonny had never called him by his name, even when he wasn't going out with Maura.<p>

"How are you son?" he asked, closing the door behind him.

"Good, good thanks, work's going good, with luck; it should turn into a more permanent position. If it does, it'll be a good job. Great, right?"

He smiled widely. Peter smiled back. Really, there was nothing wrong with Sonny; he was good natured, he was kind, thoughtful, generous and he had prospects. It was hard to believe he was related to someone as nasty as Vincent.

"I wish you all the best, Sonny. I really do. They'd be mad not to take you on for good." He nodded at the flowers. "Are they for my Maura?"

"Yeah," he said, glancing at them. "Well, when you said she was poorly…I thought she could do with some cheering up. They're not too much are they?"

"No, they're beautiful. I'm sure she'll love them. Come on," he said, "I'll take you up to her. Dinner will be a while yet."

Sonny followed him up the stairs, daring to believe that the older man might finally be softening towards him being Maura's boyfriend. He had been forbidden to even step foot on the staircase to Maura's room before now. Then he felt guilty. This man was beginning to trust him, and he'd already gone against his wishes and slept with Maura and it was like he'd told Tom – he wasn't sure she'd been as ready for it as she claimed. Peter walked down the first floor corridor, to the stairs at the end of the hallway and climbed up them, Sonny following. There was a sign on the closed door identifying it as Maura's room.

"Maura?" Peter said, knocking on the door before entering and stepping into the dark room. Sonny followed and stared at the lump under the bedcovers that was his girlfriend. "Maura? Maura baby?"

Maura hastily wiped away traces of tears and turned to face her father. She felt guilty as he looked at the milkshake that was still untouched on the bedside table.

"I'm sorry," she said weakly, her voice hoarse from crying. "I just didn't feel like it."

"It's all right baby. I would like you to have some soup though. You know there's nothing like Daddy's Secret Recipe to make you well."

Maura bitterly wished that it could. She'd been tossing and turning ever since she'd got into bed and nothing could make her forget Vincent forcing himself on her, his rough, crude thrusts, his wild moans of enjoyment and the whispered taunts in her ears.

"Is it ready?"

"No. Not yet. But we have one extra for dinner. I thought you might appreciate the company."

He looked behind him and Maura followed his gaze. She blinked in amazement, surprised, as Sonny had been before her, that he was standing in her room when he'd been strictly forbidden to before.

"Sonny?"

"Hi baby," he said, walking to her as Peter turned on the bedside table lamp. The room was flooded with bright light and Maura threw her arm in front of her face, screwing up against the light. When she lowered it, both men gasped.

"What's happened to your face?!" Sonny said, horrified.

Almost at the same time, Peter exclaimed; "has somebody hit you?"

"Of course they haven't," she said, touching the tender, swollen left cheek. "It was an accident. I was leaving the common room, one of the other guys was coming in – he didn't know I was there and the door hit me in the face. It was an accident."

"I wish you wouldn't always keep injuries to yourself," her father reprimanded her, turning her face to the right to look at the injury. He tutted. "I'll get some ice to put on that, all right? I'll be back. Sonny…should I get a vase for those?"

"Best idea," he said, handing the flowers to Maura. "Here…for you. I thought they might put a smile on your face."

As not to hurt his feelings, she smiled brightly and smelled them before handing them to her father who promptly left. She said; "thanks Sonny. I appreciate it."

"Anything for you, Maura," he said, kissing her forehead. He took off his smart shoes and removed his leather jacket, revealing his smart shirt underneath. He kissed her again. "Shall we put a film on or something?"

"No! No, put on the Hi-Fi. I want to listen to some music."

"Good idea," he said, walking to the desk, where the Hi-Fi sat and turning it on.

The room was flooded with _(Don't Fear) The_ _Reaper_ by Blue Oyster Cult. Sonny danced back over to the bed and curled up with her. She was ashamed and guilty to admit that his touch repulsed her. She looked up at his face; his eyes were closed, relaxed as he sang along to the song. How could she ever tell him what Vincent had done to her? He might know what a nasty bully his brother was, but would he really believe that he could have so brutally forced her to have sex with him, not a foot from where they were lying together? No. something told her he wouldn't Peter came back with the ice pack, which Sonny took and held it to Maura's face.

* * *

><p>Maura looked up and down the corridor before creeping to her locker nervously. Six weeks had gone by since she'd been raped and it had been the worst time of her life, along with some of the most terrifying nights. She was lucky the bedroom walls were so thick and the men she lived with were such heavy sleepers. She'd woken up screaming so many times, yet they hadn't woken. The physical injuries had faded other time, but the mental torment he'd put her through would stay with her for the rest of her life. She spun the locker combination, opened the door and put her books on the top shelf. She'd taken to staying in the busy library every day after school, instead of going back home and risking Vincent getting her on her own again, so he could do it again. Sometimes, she wondered if it had been his plan all along. She'd told her father she was doing it because she found it easier to study there and he seemed to have accepted the excuse, much to her relief. She hugged her skinny frame tightly, wishing she could stop being such a coward and tell him the truth. A hand touched her shoulder and she spun around with a shriek, knocking the hand off.<p>

"Isabelle! Don't do that!"

Isabelle Moran looked shocked at Maura's reaction and jumped backwards, holding her hands up in front of her. She said; "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! I've been talking to you for the last five minutes, didn't you hear me?"

"No," Maura mumbled, embarrassed. "Sorry. You just…gave me a fright, that's all." She pushed her hair behind her ear, feeling her heart rate return to normal. "Anyway. What were you saying that I so rudely ignored?"

"I just wanted to give you this," she said, pulling a white envelope from her bag and handing it to her. "It's an invitation. To my birthday party."

"Oh, yeah, your birthday, of course," Maura said, opening the envelope and pulling out the invitation. The party was scheduled for the first of May. The first... Why did that ring a bell? She bit her lip, trying to work it out.

"So, can I count on you, then?"

"What?"

"To come!"

"Oh. To come. Yeah, sure. I'll come. I'll be there."

"Fantastic! It's going to be a great party, Maura, you just wait and see!"

She was so excited, she didn't notice Maura flinch when she hugged, her and Isabelle danced off down the corridor singing happy birthday. Maura pulled her diary from her locker and opened it to the first of May. It was clear, so she could go to Isabelle's party. She didn't want to, but didn't want to let her friend down. She turned to the first of April which was twenty – six whole days ago to find it also clear.

"Oh no. no, no, no, no, no!"

She flipped back to the first of March, knowing what she'd find. The first was circled in red pen, along with a comical skull and crossbones drawing which recorded her last period. The same went for the first of all of the previous months. She was regular. Always. But the red mark was ominously missing from the first of April…unless; she was in so much turmoil that she _did _come on, but didn't remember? No. racking her brains, she knew she definitely hadn't had her period that month. Grabbing her bag, she slammed her locker shut and ran out of the college, telling herself she wasn't carrying Vincent's baby. She wasn't!

* * *

><p>Maura came back from the chemist, the pregnancy tests safely tucked in her bag. The house was quiet and she slipped off her coat and started up the staircase.<p>

"Into sneaking around now, are we?"

"Dad!" she squealed, turning around on the staircase. "Don't creep up on me like that!"

"Sorry baby," he said apologetically, slinging the tea towel he was holding on the banister. He was wearing an apron covered in flour and hugged her, lifting her off her feet. "Did you get much done?"

"Yeah, enough. Are you baking?"

"Making pizzas," he replied, putting her down. "What toppings do you want?"

She shrugged and said; "I don't mind. Surprise me."

He raised his eyebrows and said; "I hope you don't regret saying that."

Maura merely smiled and went upstairs, her head bowed. She shut herself in the bedroom and slid down the door for a moment. She'd got such a filthy look from the assistant in the chemist when she'd purchased the test. Instead of glaring back, she'd hung her hear, embarrassed and ashamed, all the while wanting to scream that she'd been raped. There had been the signs; the sickness in the mornings, for one, which nobody else had heard because they were all at work by the time she got up, the backaches and headaches that had sent her to bed early on more than one occasion, her swollen breasts, still tender six weeks after Vincent had attacked her, and, of course, the missed period.

She took the three boxes of the Clearblue Pregnancy Test from her bag, got up and walked slowly over to the toilet. She took it quickly and spent the three minutes required to wait for the result pacing up and down the bathroom. When she finally plucked up the courage to look, a dry sob burst from her throat and she took the second of the three pregnancy tests out of its box.

A short while later, Maura was lying on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, wrappers and empty boxes strewn all around her. She was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, hoping she wasn't alerting her father. In her hand was the third pregnancy test, and like the other two before her, it showed the dreaded result – pregnant.


	15. Home Again

_So, here's the next chapter, picking up where chapter thirteen, Love Hurts, left off. Thanks to all who read and reviewed what was probably a very hard chapter to read. This one will be less hard, and again it has a song in it, and if any of you DARE to turn around and say you don't know where it's from, I'm going to hunt you down and throttle you! :P _

_Hol. xx  
><em>

"I just can't understand it," Sonny said, wringing his hands. "Why would she say a thing like that?"

Tom scoffed and said; "attention. It's all for attention. She's had too much of it from her father, she's spoilt rotten."

"Tom, when has Maura ever gone looking for attention?"

"Her life's been full of it, wouldn't you say? Running away from home that time. All of that anorexia business. Running away again, leaving you in the lurch. Telling you she couldn't have kids when she can. And now telling you that Vincent, our brother, raped her! Not only that, she had his baby, who died and she buried in the park! Come on Sonny, the whole thing is crap from start to finish!"

"Why would she say it, though? What would she have to gain?"

"Sonny, if it was true, why didn't she say something straight away? Why didn't she tell us, right away what happened? Think about it, you think Maura's the sort of person who wouldn't try to fight back if someone attacked her?"

"Tom, look at the size of Maura compared to Vincent! Just look! How much force do you think it would take for Vincent to pin her down? Not much! He could easily get the better of her if she tried to fight."

Tom stared. "I can't believe I'm hearing this! Do you actually believe her? You think Vincent did…_that_ to her? Do you?"

"So it's perfectly plausible, to you, is it, that he's capable of beating Lexi black and blue, but not this? Tom, why would she lie? Why?"

"She's lied to us too many times, Sonny," Tom said flatly. "I'm sorry, but I just can't believe her. I can't."

"Can't or don't want to, Tom?"

"All right," he said angrily. "Just say for a moment that it's true. What about this baby thing, huh? You honestly believe that she could keep being pregnant a secret for nine whole months? That we wouldn't notice the signs? Morning sickness? Her putting on weight? Come on Sonny. Maura's a compulsive liar. I know it's hard, I know you love her, but look at the facts. How honest has she been these past few months? It's rubbish. All of it!"

"But…what if she's going bad again, Tom? Don't you remember what happened the last time she went bad? How badly she broke down? Can't you remember the time Mr. Barton tried to give her a bath and she accused him of trying to drown her?"

"After all this time, you still can't call him 'Peter'?" Without waiting for an answer, he said; "Why are you trying to make excuses for her? It was only yesterday you were telling me there was no way she was going bad again!"

"I know," Sonny said, depressed. "I know, you're right. What about Vincent and Lexi? Should we mention any of this to them?"

"No," said Tom. "Best not. Let's not give Vincent another reason to beat up Lexi, if she expresses the slightest thought that it might be true. Anyway, what's the point of giving Maura the satisfaction of knowing the trouble her lies are causing?"

"Yeah," Sonny said sadly as Tom took out his keys. "Right."

He watched Tom open the door and as soon as he followed him into the house, he knew something was different. The house was quiet.

"Maura?" he called.

Tom barged into the bedroom to find it empty. The wardrobe door was partially open and he opened it to reveal Maura's side cleared of any clothes. Then he saw the envelope on the neatly made bed. He picked it up, glanced at it and handed it to Sonny, one eyebrow raised. Sonny took it, opened it and turned it upside down. The contents fell into his hand and the brothers stared at them; Maura's wedding and engagement rings.

_There was a time when men were kind  
>When their voices were soft<br>And their words inviting  
>There was a time when love was blind<br>And the world was a song  
>And the song was exciting<br>There was a time  
>Then it all went wrong<em>

It was dark by the time Maura's cab pulled up outside her childhood home in Glasgow. She got her large case out of the boot with difficulty, only able to use her left hand and as she got to the front door, keys in hand, wondered what the reception would be. She could hear the laughter as she slid her key quietly into the lock and turned it. The laughter stopped abruptly when she closed the front door. Connor was the first out of the sitting room to see who the intruder was, but that was of no surprise to Maura. Ever the hot-head, he'd be the first to jump into a situation without regard for the consequences, leaving his more level headed twin, Rory, to pick up the pieces more often than not. He looked surprised to see Maura, and then pleased.

"Maura!" he said, striding forwards, and pulling her into a tight hug.

"Maura?" she heard her father say, and over Connor's shoulder, she saw him looking at her in amazement. He waited what he thought was long enough before pulling his son away. "Share her, you greedy swine!" Peter gave her a tight hug, holding her tightly. "Maura, my baby."

"What's with the big case, little sister?" Connor asked, picking it up. "Jeez, it looks like you've got all of your stuff here."

"What's happened Maura?" asked Peter. "Why're you here with all of your stuff? Unannounced? What's happened?"

"I don't want to talk," she said, her voice emotional. "I just want to go to bed. Can I go to bed?"

"But Maura…"

"Please Dad. Tomorrow."

"What about food? Dinner? Want me to fix you something to eat?"

"No. I ate on the plane."

"Maura…"

"Dad, just leave her," Rory said, putting an arm around Maura's shoulders. "Come on kid," he said kindly. "You go on up, I'll bring up your case and I'll make you a tea. OK? You just rest."

"Thanks," she said with a sad smile, and she walked up the stairs, her head hung.

As soon as she disappeared up the stairs, Peter picked up the phone and he was halfway through dialling a number when Connor grabbed it.

"Hey, Connor! Give me that!"

"Why, so you can call Sonny and all hell will break loose?"

"So I can see what's wrong with my daughter!"

"Oh for Christ's sake Dad, why don't you, just for once, let her tell you, huh? Why don't you have some respect and let her come out with it in her own time?"

"She is pregnant; she shouldn't be under any stress!"

"And how do you expect it to be any less stressful, if you call her husband and shout the odds?"

"Oh, you don't think she's lost the baby do you?"

"Whatever it is Dad, just leave it until the morning, all right?" Connor said, replacing the phone. "As much as you still don't like to hear this, Maura isn't a kid. She's a grown woman, married, left home and moved to the other side of the flaming UK! Probably to get away from this treatment!"

"What, so you'd rather I didn't give a toss?"

"Of course I wouldn't! But I think Maura would rather you weren't in her face! Especially right now! Whatever's wrong, we'll find out! For now…just leave her alone!"

He slammed the phone back onto the cradle and walked back into the sitting room. Rory raised his eyebrows and went to make the tea for Maura and went back upstairs soon after, lugging Maura's case with him. He came back downstairs within minutes and shook his head at his brother and father.

"She doesn't want to talk," he said. "But…I don't think it's to do with the baby. I think it's to do with Sonny. She's not wearing her wedding rings."

"I knew them marrying was a bad idea," Peter said through gritted teeth. "He was far too old for her!"

"Five years!" Connor said irritably. "It's not a big gap Dad! Remember what happened the last time you tried interfering? You drove her away! She came back for peace and quiet, not twenty questions. She won't thank you for interfering. Leave it!"

They spent the rest of the night glaring in opposite directions. Rory sat between them, feeling extremely uncomfortable. The differences between Connor and their father saw them regularly argue and for him, it was exasperating, because more often than not, he could see both sides of the argument. He also wanted to know what was wrong with Maura, but she wasn't a baby and she had the right to a private life. She had the right to sort out her own problems without them interfering. But if Sonny had done anything to hurt her…he felt a tiger like rage…he couldn't promise himself that he wouldn't want to tear him apart. Sighing quietly, he sat back in his seat, trying to ignore the taut tension in the room.

* * *

><p>Maura lay in her bed, her eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Sniffling, she stroked her stomach gently. The result of her and Sonny's so called love was in there, and though she knew he loved their unborn baby with all of his heart, she sure as hell couldn't say that he felt the same about her. How could he have dismissed her so coldly? She would have been prepared to die for him, but he tossed her aside like nothing. She knew she shouldn't have told anyone about what Vincent had done to her. Admittedly, she knew how the whole thing must have sounded to them, but they also knew what Vincent was like. So, she thought, he was capable of beating Lexi so badly, that she'd been put in casualty numerous times, but not of violently attacking her? They'd picked up on her unusual behaviour after Vincent had attacked her, surely they must have always wondered why? The way she'd been so jumpy, the way she covered up in long sleeved clothes, things she'd never normally wear? And what about her mental breakdown and her running away from home? They'd always wondered why, and now that she'd finally told them, they didn't want to know! Sniffling, she turned over and curled into a ball and hugged herself. Her marriage was over.<p>

_I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
>When hope was high<br>And life worth living  
>I dreamed that love would never die<br>I dreamed that God would be forgiving  
>Then I was young and unafraid<br>And dreams were made and used and wasted  
>There was no ransom to be paid<br>No song unsung, no wine untasted_

Peter was making breakfast the next morning for Maura. The boys were at work, Connor had still been frosty towards him that morning. He sighed. He loved his boys very, very much, but Maura had always been his life. He'd had four brothers and had always wanted a daughter, and when he finally got her, she wouldn't stay a sweet innocent baby. But maybe Connor was right, he was being a control freak and always had, especially when it came to Maura. He vowed, he wouldn't even mention Sonny, not until she did. He was fairly confident that she hadn't lost the baby. He was sprinkling her porridge with sugar and cinnamon when the phone rang. He picked it up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"_Mr. Barton?"_

"Sonny," he said, giving the call his full attention. "Hello."

"_Hi. Um…if the answer's no, don't panic, but…is Maura there with you?"_

"Yes, yes she is, she arrived late last night. She went straight to bed and she hasn't said a thing."

Sonny noted the underlying question in his voice and sighed quietly. If what Maura had claimed was true, surely she would have told her father. She hadn't. Tom must be right. The whole thing was one massive lie. But he wouldn't tell Peter about it. He'd believe anything Maura told him and her lie shouldn't get out. It'd only complicate things.

"_Yeah. Things have been a little…stressful around here. The investigation into the baby's discovery…you know the one…I think it was all getting on top of Maura, and with her broken arm, she can't work that much, but she resigned."_

"Resigned?" echoed Peter. "But she loves that job! She can go back to it when she's had the baby!"

"_I know, but…there's something else. Her friend…Kerry…she died yesterday."_

"Died? Kerry? But…Maura mentioned her. She was pregnant too, wasn't she?"

"_Yes, but it's what killed her. It was an ectopic pregnancy, it ruptured and the bleeding was catastrophic. Maura didn't take it well, and…she missed you. She wanted to come home."_

"Without telling you?"

"_Yeah, well, you know how impulsive Maura can be. But I thought, if she'd go anywhere, anywhere at all, it'd be to you."_

"Yeah," he said, feeling guilty for thinking so bad of Sonny, yet again. "Well, she'll be all right here. I'll make sure of it. You'll visit her?"

"_Of course," _he lied._ "But…it depends when I can get time off. We're really, really busy right now."_

"Surely they'll give you time off to see your wife? Your pregnant wife?"

"_Yeah, you'd think so. But my boss is an insensitive bugger. I don't know, what's the male term for 'bitter spinster'?"_

Peter laughed. "All right Sonny, I'll give Maura your best. I'm just about to take her breakfast…"

"_Um…but that's another thing."_

"What?" he asked.

"_Tom and I…we were cleaning up the other day and we found rotting food."_

"Rotting food?" he said, horrified.

"_Yes, underneath the bed. We confronted her and she denied all knowledge. But I don't know if she really expected me to believe that it came out of nowhere."_

"You think she's going bad again?"

"_I don't like to think so, but…what other explanation could there be? Maura's not the sort of person who would just spill something and not think to clean it up. Anyway…if you're wondering why she turned up without explanation…well yeah, she was upset about Kerry and work, but when I confronted her about the food, she got angry."_

"What exactly did she say about it?"

"_Just that it had nothing to do with her, but she couldn't explain how it got there."_

"Well, has she been eating?"

"_Yeah, but that's how it all started, wasn't it? She'd eat in front of us, but later, when nobody else was around, she'd make herself sick or hide food until she'd get rid of it."_

Peter bit his lip anxiously. The one thing had had always worried him was if Maura would have relapse one day of her anorexia. The state she was in still haunted his nightmares, even all these years later.

"_Mr. Barton?"_ Sonny said cautiously_. "Are you still there?"_

"Yes. Yes, I'm still here. Is this why she took off her wedding rings?"

"_I think so, yes…look, I hope you know…I'm not trying to cause any trouble, but…I love Maura and I don't want to fall out with her, but…I'm scared. She came so close to starving herself to death. I don't want it to happen again."_

"I know, Sonny, I know. Don't you worry about anything. I'll deal with it. Shall I tell her to call you back?"

"_Yeah, please. Please do that. Is she all right?"_

"She's all right. You know her; she'll calm down in her own time

"_Yeah, well…when she's ready to speak to me…she knows where I am."_

"Of course. Thanks, Sonny, thanks for calling son. Goodbye now."

"_Goodbye."_

They both hung up and Peter sighed. Why, why, why did he always think the very worst of Sonny? He was a good lad, a intelligent success of a man who loved and was devoted to his wife and would be the same towards their baby, when it came along. He sighed in relief. He was so glad she hadn't lost the baby. He stared at the tray of food anxiously, wishing with all of his heart that his baby wasn't going bad again. He made a tea, put it on the tray and took it upstairs to Maura's room. He knocked before entering.

"Maura baby?"

She was sitting up in bed, wrapped in her duvet. There had always been a slimness that sat on her brittle shoulders, and if he was honest, she didn't look any different at all. But she was pregnant. Surely, she must have gained a fuller figure? Her slimness was no doubt inherited from her mother, but Alexandra had put on weight even two months into her pregnancy. Then again, she had been carrying twins. Maura, as far as he knew, was carrying the one baby. He watched her pull the tray onto her lap and tuck into the porridge. She just realised how hungry she was and her chewing slowed when she saw the way he was looking at her.

"Sorry," she said. "I'm eating too fast."

"No baby, it's nice to see that appetite rear up," he said, stroking her hair. "Is there any craving food I can get you? Your mother, when she was carrying your brothers, god those cravings for chocolate. Ten o'clock at night, I was going out to buy fruit and nut!"

Maura merely smiled. "Don't worry Dad. So far, my cravings have amounted to nothing more than bowls of fruit salad."

"Good," he said, "something healthy. Here…tea with two sugars, the way you like it." He watched her drink and said, "I'm sorry about Kerry."

She looked startled. "How did you know?"

"That was Sonny who just called there. He said you were really upset."

"It's just…two lives. Hers and her baby's. It's so unfair."

"He also said you quit the police?"

"Did he leave me anything at all to tell you?" Maura said, her heart catching in her throat. "Or, as usual, am I too delicate to do anything on my own?"

Peter was taken aback at Maura's tone. "Baby, he's just worried about you. He says he knows you're upset, but whenever you feel like talking to give him a call."

"Right," she said softly, realising Sonny hadn't said anything to her Dad about Vincent. "I'll do that."

"Good girl. Now, why don't I go and run you a nice bath? Then, you and I can spend the rest of the day getting lost in town? Hmm?"

"Thanks Dad. You're so good to me. I turn up here in the middle of the night and you still welcome me back with open arms."

"This is your home, Maura. It always will be. You'll always have somewhere to come back to here."

"Thanks Dad. It means a lot to me."

"You'll always be my baby," he said, giving her an affectionate cuddle. "Whether you like it or not!"

He kissed her and left the room. She looked down at the food, which now felt like mud in her mouth. She knew she couldn't ever tell her father what happened to her in this very room as a teenager. It was bad enough that she had to sleep in here. She continued to eat until her father came to tell her the bath was ready shortly afterwards. He was pleased to find the tray empty, but as soon as Maura left the room, he checked all over the room for hidden food. He found none and went downstairs with the tray. He was still deeply dubious. Maura could be in the bathroom right now, forcing herself to throw up. Putting down the tray, he went straight to the phone and called the family's GP.

_But the tigers come at night  
>With their voices soft as thunder<br>As they tear your hope apart  
>As they turn your dream to shame<em>

Maura was sitting in front of her dressing table mirror, brushing her hair, wearing nothing but a towel. As she was drying herself, her father's voice floated up to her.

"Maura baby, are you out?"

"Yes, Dad!"

"You coming down?"

"In a minute," she answered. "I just need to get dressed."

As she spoke, she crossed to her suitcase and extracted from it a pair of dark jeans and a tie-dye top. Spreading her hair across her shoulders to dry naturally, she went downstairs. In the sitting room, she stopped short, astounded. Doctor Nisha Patel was sitting in her living room.

"Don't get upset Maura," her father said pleadingly.

"What the hell's going on?" she demanded.

"I called the Doctor…just for a little chat, just so she can check you're well."

"I'm perfectly capable of calling the Doctor myself, thank you very much! And I'm capable of knowing if I'm well or not!"

"Maura please, don't get upset. I just need to know…"

"Sonny's told you, hasn't he? About that fucking food!"

"Maura…"

"Oh don't give me the bad language lecture! He's told you, hasn't he? Hasn't he?"

"He did say something about finding rotten food…"

"Oh don't act all coy with me! You think I'm having a relapse don't you! Well, thanks for the vote of confidence!"

Peter bit his lip, saddened that he'd upset Maura. "Maura, please. Just for my own peace of mind. Let the Doctor check you over!"

"Why? Why do I have to prove anything to you? Why can't my word be good enough?"

"Please?" he pleaded.

"Fine," she snapped. "I don't see why I should have to, but fine! Anything to get you off my back! Excuse me…why are you sitting down?"

He looked astounded. "What?"

"If I'm being forced to do this, I'm seeing the Doctor on my own!"

"Maura…"

"On my own, Dad, or not at all!"

He looked at Nisha for support and she shook her head. She said; "sorry, Mr. Barton, but if Maura doesn't want you here, then you can't be in here. She is an adult."

Looking very upset, he left and closed the door behind him. Nisha went to say something to Maura, who held up her hand. She crept to the door and without warning, wrenched it open. Peter stumbled back into the room, embarrassed to be caught trying to eavesdrop. Unimpressed, Maura glared at him, her arms folded until he went into the kitchen and closed the door. She closed the sitting room door, snarling.

"Fathers!"

"He's worried about you, Maura."

"Well there's nothing to be worried about! Why won't anyone believe me? It's been five years and not once have I ever fallen back into that!"

"I know," she said. "Maura, for what it's worth, I believe you, all right? But seeing as you are having a little one, I would like to check you over. If you'll consent?"

Wearily, she nodded and sat back down next to the Doctor, who took out a stethoscope from her bag and listened to Maura's chest and back. After a few minutes, she sat back, replaced the instrument and took out a blood pressure monitor.

"So, tell me Maura, how far gone are you? Six weeks? Eight?"

"Seven," Maura said as she strapped the cuff around her arm.

"How's the morning sickness?"

"Pretty bad, actually, but nothing I can't handle. It's the tiredness really, that gets me and the headaches."

"Yeah, I remember when I had my daughter, God I earnt the nickname of 'sleepy.'" She laughed with Maura, looked at the result of the blood pressure test and pressed a button to take the test again. "Your father says you've given up your job?"

"Yeah, well, I would have had to sooner or later."

"You really loved it though."

"All good things come to an end," she said sadly, thinking of her marriage to Sonny.

Nisha said, as she took the test a third time, "and what happened to your wrist, Maura?"

"I had a motorcycle accident, about three weeks ago," she said unnerved by the repeated test. Before she could question why, Nisha removed the cuff and took out a glass scale from her bag.

"If you'd just step on for me Maura…how serious?"

She shrugged. "Serious enough for me to have to be in hospital for about a week and a half. I hated it."

"I can imagine so," she said sympathetically, looking at Maura's weight. "OK, you can sit down now. Well, everything seems perfectly fine to me. Blood pressure, fine, chest, fine, weight, perfect."

"Great, maybe you can tell that to my Dad," Maura said bitterly. "He doesn't seem to believe a single word I say."

"And Sonny?"

"Sonny? Sonny can get stuffed." Maura dropped her voice at Nisha's astounded look and said sadly; "we split up."

"And you haven't told your Dad?"

"No."

"Why have you split up?"

"Do you remember," Maura said, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Do you remember what I came to you about…years ago…when I was sixteen?"

"Of course I do," she said, solemnly. "You poor dear. I take it your father still doesn't know?"

"No. But…I told Sonny. He wouldn't believe me." The tears began pouring down Maura's face, and Nisha handed her a tissue. She mopped at her face, hiccupping out her words between sobs. "I begged him to believe me and he refused."

"Why not?"

"Because…because I told him who did it."

"You told me you didn't know who the assailant was."

"I know…but I was scared! It didn't happen in a park like I said, I wasn't dragged into an alley, which is probably how most women imagine it happening. I knew the person. It happened here, right here in this house."

"Can you tell me now?" she asked gently. "It won't go any further. I promise."

"It was Sonny's brother. It…it was Vincent."

"His reputation precedes him."

"I know, try telling that to Sonny. I pleaded with him, nearly on my knees, to believe me. He wouldn't."

"Maura…I have your medical notes still. They're good, they prove brutal force!"

"I know. But…I'm not ready for the whole world to know yet. And my Dad…when he finds out…it'll destroy him. How could I ever tell him?"

"It'd destroy any parent," she said.

"And Vincent…I'm scared of him."

"Maura, the only way to stop him is to have him put away, but I'm not here to judge you if you're not ready for that yet," she said, packing her stuff away. "I'm here to talk if you want me to listen. And if you need anything during the pregnancy, you know where I am. Well, I'll just go and put your Dad out of his misery, shall I?"

"Please, do," Maura said.

"Good luck with your first one, Maura. The feeling when you hold your baby for the first time…I can't even describe it."

Nisha smiled and left the room, Maura turned away, her eyes filling up with tears. Nisha had been the only person she'd ever told about the rape. She'd known she could trust her, and to this day, she'd never told a soul. Not that she'd be allowed. She'd be in deep trouble if she ever broke patient confidentiality. She hadn't trusted her, thought, to go to her when she found out she was pregnant with Vincent's baby and for that, she'd never forgive herself.

"Nisha says you're in perfect health."

Maura only became aware of her Dad's presence then, and glared at him. She hadn't heard the Doctor leave.

"Yeah, and you completely wasted her time when she could have been seeing someone who was really sick! You couldn't bloody come to me first, Dad, could you? You couldn't treat me like an adult and talk to me face to face; you have to go behind my back!"

"I was worried," he said, ashamed.

"Yeah, save your worry," she snarled. "And you can also save your trip to town. I'm going out. Alone!"

And, with that, she slammed out of the house, leaving her Dad feeling, yet again, like enemy number one.

_He slept a summer by my side  
>He filled my days with endless wonder<br>He took my childhood in his stride  
>But he was gone when autumn came<em>

Maura was so livid, she was sure steam was coming from her ears. She wasn't even sure where she was going, until her feet stepped into Veronica Street, the area where Lexi's father, Robert lived. She brightened; she'd go to see him. He'd always been like a second father to her, and she a daughter to him. He, at least, knew how to treat her like an adult. She envied Lexi that. Lexi had been able to get away with so much more than she ever had, staying out late at night, wearing what she wanted, hell even drinking. She pushed open the creaky Iron Gate and knocked on the heavy blue door, which paint was peeling off. It was opened in a matter of minutes by a man of intermediate age, who looked surprised and pleased to see her.

"Maura! Come in, darling, come in! How are you? How's Alexa, she hasn't phoned me much. Through, I guess, no fault of her own."

He scowled and Maura felt a rush of affection for him. It seemed that he was the only person who hated Vincent as much as she did. The bitter look cleared from his face, and he smiled, rushing her into the kitchen for a big, hot mug of tea.

"So, how are you?" he asked again.

She shrugged and said; "all right."

"That didn't sound too convincing, Maura. What's the matter?"

"Dad called the Doctor behind my back."

He looked surprised and said; "what on earth for? Are you sick?"

"No. he, Sonny and Tom seem to have it in their heads that…that…I'm relapsing. They won't believe me when I said I'm not."

"And…what did the Doctor say?"

To Maura, it seemed to be a polite way of Robert asking her if she was relapsing. She replied; "she said that I was in perfect health."

"Well…what made them think you were relapsing in the first place? If it was you throwing up…surely they must know that it's part of being pregnant?"

Maura scowled. "No," she said, "it's not that. Tom and Sonny found rotting food – allegedly – under my bed! And I know I didn't put it there! Really, Robert, if I really _was_ falling back into that eating disorder, would I hide it under my bed, in the stupidest place possible? No! I just…don't know how they could think I'd put myself and everyone else through that again. I was a kid and I needed help back then. I'm a grown woman now, pregnant, and I'd never do anything to hurt my baby!"

"I believe you," he said, without hesitation. "But…if you weren't the one, who put that food there?"

"Then who did?" Maura finished. "Three guesses, Robert. I'll give you three guesses who!"

"That swine!" he said angrily.

"Can you put it a little politer?" Maura said acidly, and Robert laughed. "He's always been having these little digs here and there. I told Sonny and Tom that he was the one who put that food there, and they both refused to believe me!"

"After everything he's done?" he said incredulously. "To Tom? To Alexa?"

"That's what I said. But they as good as said that no matter how horrible he is, he'd never to something like this."

"Oh, I do beg to differ!" he said angrily. "Have you told your Dad that it was him?"

"No, because it'd just start trouble. And…I can't prove it."

"Maura, you don't have to prove anything to me. Vincent's a nasty piece of work; I've got no trouble believing it's him."

"I wish they would," Maura said softly. "I was happy in London with Sonny and with Tom. Why did he have to follow us and ruin everything? Don't get me wrong, I love having Lexi around. But…he's never missed an opportunity to taunt me and they know it!"

"I wish Alexa hadn't moved away either. Not that she was allowed to see me much when she lived here, but…at least she was close by. So…let's not talk anymore about you-know-who."

"Voldemort?"

They both laughed and Robert said; "yes, close enough. How's the baby?"

"Fine, so far, everything's fine."

"Good," he said, grasping her hand. "I'm glad to hear it. You, Maura, are going to be a great Mum."

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him and stroking her tummy. Her expression quickly saddened. "Robert, why doesn't he trust me?"

"Who?" he asked uncertainly, thinking of Peter, Sonny or even Tom.

"Dad. My Dad. Every time, he's watching me, always asking me what I've eaten, if I'm hungry, practically forcing food down me until I can't eat any more."

"I guess the fear will never go away," he said gently. "Maura, you did almost starve yourself to death."

"I know, but I'm better now! I'd never do that again, never! I love my Dad, but I left home at nineteen just to get away from him! Do you know how much that hurts?"

"He'll always worry though, Maura. You're his baby."

"I'm not a baby, Robert, and it's about time he started to treat me like an adult! Even now, wherever I go, his eyes follow!"

"Want me to talk to him?"

"No. I can't rant about being an adult and then have someone else to fight my battles. I just need to have it out with him, once and for all."

"That's my girl," he said affectionately. "So. What's going on with Alexa and my lovely son-in-law?"

"I wish I could lie, but it's the same as usual, Robert, she's practically under house arrest while he goes out to work and expects to come home to a cooked dinner, tidy house and a wife warming the bed up."

He sighed heavily. "Out of every man she had to go for – why him? What's the attraction? He's a bully! She could see how he treated you, Tom and everyone else for that matter! Does she find that sort of thing attractive?"

"No. she just keeps on saying that it's 'his way.' It's her answer for everything. Like when I told her that he used to call me 'Bambi' because my mother was dead."

"You told her that and she was…blasé about it?!"

"Yes."

"But that's horrible! That's vile! That's the worst, the sickest thing you can say to someone! Making a nasty thing out of someone's mother being dead? What is going through his brain? Through hers?"

"The same thing, I shouldn't wonder. Let's face it, Robert, she's been brainwashed by him."

"What can I do Maura?" he said desperately.

"To be honest, I don't think there's anything you can do. Other than hope she comes to her senses.

_And still I dream he'll come to me  
>That we will live the years together<br>But there are dreams that cannot be  
>And there are storms we cannot weather<em>

Maura stayed with Robert for several hours, talking. He made her dinner, which she suspected he was grateful to her for accepting the invitation. He was a marvellous cook, but didn't get to treat many people to his skills now that Lexi had left. He'd made a roast dinner with his own homemade pie. It was all rather delicious. She got home to all cars parked outside the house. Everyone was in.

"That you, Maura?" her Dad called out cautiously.

"Who else would it be?" she snapped, taking off her coat and hanging it up before going into the sitting room. She noticed the poisonous atmosphere straight away. Connor was glaring at their father, and Rory and Connor didn't look any more pleased. "Confessed, have we?"

"Maura, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong of me to call Nisha behind your back, I should have come to you first."

"You should have more respect for me! You're not going to control me, Dad, when are you going to get that through your head?"

"Hear, hear!" Connor put in. Maura and Peter both ignored him. Maura crossed her arms and glared at her father.

"I can't believe you'd think I'd do anything to put my baby in danger! Do you think I don't know what I put everyone through all those years ago? And you really think I'd do it again?"

"I don't know what else to say, Maura," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Well maybe you can start by saying it won't happen again and you'll give me some space! You're the one who's stressing me out around here, nobody else! I've barely been back a day and already, you're interfering!"

"Point taken!" he said, looking as if he wanted to cry. "I love you, Maura, I'm your Dad. It doesn't matter how old you are, you'll always be my baby."

"Well your baby is having a baby, so don't you think it's about time you backed off? If I have a problem, I'll come to you. I don't want you smothering me! Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly," he said.

"I mean it, Dad, another stunt like that, and I'll be out of this house so fast, I'll burn a hole in the carpet."

"I understand," he said. "I'm sorry. Where…where were you, Maura? It's freezing out there."

She gave him a hard stare. "I was at Robert's, if you really must know! Tea, sympathy and dinner, yes, he gave me dinner! Want to call him and ask?"

"No," he said, quickly. "No, no, of course not, I believe you! Just…I kept yours here, just in case, but you can have it tomorrow. Chicken soup?"

"I can't wait."

"There's…there's pudding as well…if you want. Bakewell Tart. Homemade?"

Maura recognised the offer as a sign of peace and her expression softened. She nodded and said; "OK."

Dropping her confrontational stance, she sat down beside Jake and sighed heavily. She said; "Was I too rude?"

"Maybe, but he seems to have got the message," her brother replied. "Especially after the threat to leave home – again. He won't like to have driven you away twice. What did Robert make you?"

"Roast dinner. Pie."

"His chicken and leek pie, you lucky cow!" Jake said, nudging her playfully in the ribs. He put an arm around her and smiled. "Glad to have you back little sister. How long are you sticking around for?"

"Not that we want rid of you," Rory said. "It's nice to have a woman's touch around the house again."

"Rory Charles Barton, if you think that means I'm going to be sorting out your dirty washing, then…"

"I wouldn't hear of it!" he declared. "I'll be waiting on you hand and foot! No running around after everyone for my sister when she's carrying my niece!"

"Oh, niece is it?" Connor said, his eyebrows raised.

"Gut instinct," his twin said, shrugging.

"Tenner says that it's a boy!"

"Deal!"

Maura sat back, shaking her head, torn between exasperation and amusement. Her Dad came back with a plate which held a large slice of cake. Her mouth watered and she tucked into it hungrily. The atmosphere in the room slowly returned to its normal state of laughter and she listened rather than talked. She looked at the picture of her and Sonny's wedding day, as usual, as her Dad said, in pride of place. She looked into the smiling face of her husband, upset that, even years later, Vincent was ruining her life and the ultimate damage was the end of what had been a very wonderful marriage.

_I had a dream my life would be  
>so different from this hell I'm living<br>So different now from what it seemed  
>Now life has killed the dream I dreamed<em>


	16. When Love Dies

_Thanks to Emma and Amy!_

A few weeks passed for Maura in harmony. Peter, it seemed, had got the hint and backed off, leaving her alone. She knew, though, that he was corresponding with Sonny behind her back, for he kept trying to persuade her to speak to him, but she refused. She had nothing to say to the husband who thought she was a liar. He and Tom could both rot in hell as far as she was concerned. She stepped out after a long, hot bath, filled with lavender bath salts. The smell had relaxed her. She ran her hands over her stomach and stared into the mirror. All those years ago, she'd done exactly the same thing every day; stare into the mirror and wait for any sign that she was having a baby, but a large bump had never formed. She'd used to hope it was a sign that she wasn't at all pregnant, but all of the other symptoms had told a different story. Maura felt the saddest thing was, she couldn't even say she was thrilled about this pregnancy. Wrapping herself in an old bathrobe, she went downstairs into the sitting room. Peter was in there, watching the news on television and she watched him for a moment. He was unaware that she'd come into the room. Despite his faults, she loved him immensely. He'd brought her up by himself and had to be a mother as well as a father to her. And there weren't many who'd say that he'd done a terrible job. She sat down at his feet and laid her head on his knees.

He was delighted with the show of affection. Since she was about sixteen, she'd liked him touching and hugging her less and less. He was honest to admit that it had broken his heart. Where had the girl, his little girl, who'd run to him for a hug whenever he came home from work gone? Where had the girl, so eager to spend time with him before, disappeared to? Before his very eyes, she had changed. She was only twenty-two now, and still a child. And she was having a child. It just didn't seem right. Now wasn't the time though, to bring it up. She wanted to be close to him now and he didn't want to ruin it by upsetting her. He took the brush she'd brought down from her and began to run it through her hair. It was autumn and he'd lit a fire in the grate. They used to do exactly this, years ago, before everything had changed. The memories brought tears to his eyes.

"How was the bath, baby?"

"Relaxing," she said, squirming in pleasure as he stroked her hair.

"Good," he said, bending down and kissing the top of her head. "That's my girl. Maura, baby, do you have a scan booked?"

"Next week."

"Three months, eh?" he said proudly. "Are you going to get a scan picture to send to Sonny?"

Maura grudgingly thought Sonny didn't deserve it, but it was his baby too, after all. She shrugged and said; "yeah I suppose."

"Why don't you talk to him, Maura?"

"I don't want to talk to him. He doesn't believe me! Why should I go back to someone who has no respect for me?"

"Because you love him and he loves you."

"Well that's not enough," she said. "I need trust, respect and stability and I'm not going to get it while he's hovering over me all the time, obsessing about my eating habits!"

Peter bit his lip on the verge of saying that it was taking a great deal of self control for him not to do so. He sighed and said; "I understand Maura, but it's just a shame. I know how much you loved him."

"Well right now, I'm beginning to hate him."

"Hate's too strong a word, Maura. Don't say that."

"No," she said after a moment. "I don't hate him. I just…hate that he can't trust me. It hurts."

"I understand," he said. "I'm going to make some tea. You want some?"

"Yes please," she said, leaning forwards to let him get up.

He got to his feet and left the room. He got out two large mugs and put tea bags into them. He was honest enough to admit that years ago, if Maura had Sonny had been on the verge of splitting up, he would have been glad, but Maura had fought so hard to be with him that he was worried. He liked and approved of his son-in-law now, but the more he tried to get Maura to speak to him, the more she dug her heels in and refused. It was like a role-reversal of a few years ago. And as for what she'd said about Sonny hovering over her…clearly, she hadn't noticed him doing the same thing. He could still remember what Nisha had told him years ago when Maura had first been diagnosed with her eating disorder.

"_You'll need to be very careful in future, Mr. Barton. Maura is clever, anorexics are clever. They have a great number of tricks to make people think that they've eaten. That's probably why you didn't notice. You're not the first. You're going to have to keep a very close eye on her."_

And so he'd had. She'd been right about the tricks. To pretend she'd eaten toast, she used to empty crumbs from the toaster onto a plate and leave it at the sink with a buttery or jam stained knife, but he realised no matter how much toast she claimed to have 'eaten,' the loaf of bread never got any smaller, nor did the amount of butter or jam. She'd used to claim she wanted to eat in her room because she was busy revising. Then he found the food in her bin. Her constant chewing of gum irked him, until Nisha informed him she did it to trick her body into thinking she was eating. He hadn't understood why she wore a rubber band around her wrist, until she told him that whenever they thought of food, anorexic sufferers would snap the rubber object. The most hurtful thing though, was the knowledge that she'd been visiting pro-anorexia websites, and even restricting the sites she could go on at home didn't stop her. She just found other ways to go on them elsewhere. It was then he decided that he had to have her sectioned. As much as it broke his heart doing so, he couldn't help her on his own. He had to leave it up to the professionals. Four years on, though, she didn't seem to have any trouble at all, but this latest incident with Sonny…he shrugged. He could help feeling that same old fear of before.

"Dad? Dad!"

He turned, startled. Maura was coming towards him, looking slightly disorientated. He put down the kettle and rushed to meet her, taking her in his arms.

"Maura? What's the matter, baby?"

"I feel really strange."

"What do you mean? How strange? Maura?" he urged.

"Nothing feels…real. What's…what's that smell?"

"I can't smell anything Maura, apart from burning wood. Maura? Maura?"

He grabbed onto her as she went limp and lowered her to the floor as she begun convulsing. Tears filled his eyes, and though he was unwilling to leave her, he ran to get the telephone and a pillow, which he placed under her head. Fingers trembling, he dialled for an ambulance. He explained the situation calmly – he had no idea how – to the telephone operator and waited anxiously for the ambulance, growing increasingly desperate as the seizure went on.

"Maura, it's all right. I'm here. Dad's here, the ambulance is on its way, you're going to be just fine."

He squeezed her hand and heard the sirens, announcing the ambulance's arrival. He ran to open the door as two paramedics got out, and he stood desperately as they got out their equipment.

"Please! Hurry up, she's through here, she's still fitting! She's pregnant!"

* * *

><p>"Has anything like this ever happened before?"<p>

"No," Peter said, calmer now. "There's no history of fits in our family. Well, not my side, at least. Maura's mother's side of the family are all deceased, but as far as I know, they had no history either."

"Right," replied Doctor Connelly. "And Maura's pregnant, you say?"

"Yes, three months. Look…she'll kill me if she knows I've been going on about this…again…but she has a history of anorexia. Back then, they told me that absences of potassium and the like can cause…fits."

"Do you have any reason to believe she's falling back into anorexia?"

"Well, she's been having a few marriage problems, but no. Our GP checked her over last week and said she was fine. Absolutely fine."

"I see, well, we'll check that ourselves. I notice Maura's wearing a plaster cast?"

"Oh yeah, that should be coming off soon. She broke her wrist in an accident about two months ago."

"What sort of accident?"

"Motorbike, she fell off. I told her that damn thing was a death-trap, but she never listens to me."

"Kids never do," said Doctor Connelly knowingly. "How serious were her injuries?"

"The broken wrist, a broken rib, and…" he trailed off.

"And?" Doctor Connelly prompted him.

"The head injury. She fell really hard. Her helmet broke. That's it, isn't it? It's nothing to do with her not eating; it's from the head injury she sustained! Sometimes, a fit doesn't happen for weeks… Is she epileptic?"

"It's possible."

"What about the baby?"

"There's no reason to be concerned, generally, epileptic seizures don't hurt an unborn baby. I'll go and see what's happened with Maura. I'll arrange for her to have a EEG scan and I'll be back as soon as I hear any news. Why don't you get yourself a coffee? And try not to worry. She's not going to die."

Nodding, he got some change from his pocket and went straight to the vending machine. Really, he thought, he should call Sonny, but it was best to wait until he knew that she was all right. Settling back on a seat, he waited.

* * *

><p>He was allowed to see Maura an hour later. She was confused and tired, but otherwise fine. She gripped at her Dad's hand.<p>

"Dad, don't let them keep me here overnight!"

"Maura it's not like the other hospital, baby. They just want to see that you're well."

"But I don't want to be here!"

"I promise, baby, it's just for tonight. OK? Just for tonight. So they can look after you and the baby."

She looked sad and pulled the covers tighter around her.

"Are you cold, baby?"

She nodded and he pulled the covers around her tightly, tucking them in. He took a seat on the bed, stroking her hair.

"They said they think I might have epilepsy."

"I know," he said. "But it's not the very end of the world, Maura. It doesn't mean your life is over."

"I know," she murmured. "But…why is it always me?"

"It's just that you're unlucky, Maura. It isn't anything that you've done wrong." He kissed her head. "Will you be all right for a bit?"

"Why?" she said desperately, clutching his hand. "Where're you going?"

"Just to get some things for you," he said, pulling from her hand. "I'll be back, I promise."

"Dad!" she said desperately as he turned to leave.

"I promise," he said. "You just sleep and when you wake up, I'll be back."

He kissed her head and departed. Maura tensed. She hated hospitals; the smell of antiseptic, squeaky shoes on squeaky floors and the staff running around in their scrubs, pretending they had time to talk. Being back here – even if she wasn't sectioned this time – was horrible. Then she thought about the possibility of her having epilepsy. This was so unfair! Why, why, why was it _always _her? Life seemed to want to punish her, to make her as miserable as it could. First she had to endure what Vincent had done to her, and lose the only good thing ever to come out of it – Eve. Then, years later, it had come back to haunt her, and should Sam ever wake up and remember, she was going to be in such trouble. Then she had lost Sonny. And now this. It sounded like something out of a ridiculous television soap, Maura thought. But this wasn't a soap. This was life. Her life. And slowly, it was all crumbling to pieces before her eyes. Sniffling slightly, she did as her Dad said and succumbed to sleep, like she so desperately wanted.

A week later, Maura went into hospital for tests. A few days later, the results came back. She was diagnosed with epilepsy. Peter and her brothers thought she was taking the news extremely well, but inside, she was dying. There was doubt that she could go back to being a Police Officer, if she wanted to and she found herself wishing she'd listened to her father. Stupid motorbike! Sniffling, she looked at the medication she'd been prescribed. She'd been assured that it wouldn't affect her unborn baby in any way. This, she thought, was just poetic justice, for what she'd done to Eve. She'd buried her, all alone in some park and left her there. For the millionth time, since that night, the same 'if only's' went through her head. She was going to be a terrible mother, if she couldn't even allow her first child the decency of a proper burial.

* * *

><p>She was six months pregnant and it was now nearing Christmastime. She was decorating the Christmas tree with her father, not believing how quickly time had passed. She and Sonny had been separated for several months. When he found out she was suffering from epilepsy, he tried to contact her to no avail. She had been too angry to talk to him and still was. He could go to hell. She sat, musing over the past. If Sonny didn't believe her, then fine. But Vincent, he was a different kettle of fish altogether. She was going to prove it; she was going to prove that he raped her. How, she didn't know right now, but she was going to prove it! Her baby kicked and she rubbed her tummy absently, and cradled it in her arms.<p>

"What's the matter, Maura?"

"Nothing, Dad."

"You're not…nervous are you?"

"No," she lied.

Sonny, Vincent, Lexi and Tom were coming back to Scotland for Christmas. Sonny and Tom would be staying next door with his parents, and Lexi and Vincent with Robert, much to the older man's chagrin. Like everyone else, he only put up with him for Lexi. They should all be arriving later and it would be the first time she would have seen or spoken to Sonny – with the exception of a few short letters in which she only talked about the baby. It was all she felt he had the right to know about. Stretching out a hand, she put the angel on top of the tree and stood back to admire their handiwork. The room was filled with pine, cinnamon and apple smells.

"Tea and Stollen, Maura?"

She nodded and Peter left the room. She sat down, listening to the music blaring from the radio. Like her father, she preferred music to television. Television was all the same – depressing and she had enough of that in her life. Peter came back with the Stollen and tea, and sat down next to her.

"You will be civil Maura, won't you?"

Her first thought was to snap at him for speaking to her like she was seventeen, but she merely looked at him sharply.

"Dad," she said. "I will. Believe me, I have no intention to be anything but civil, but don't expect me to be friendly to him."

"Maura, come on its Christmas. Christmas is a time for forgiveness."

"I'm not going to forgive him until he apologizes to me for accusing me of lying! He's done neither in any of the letters he sent me."

"You still haven't explained how the food got there, Maura."

She glared harder. "That's because I told him who it was and he refused to believe me!"

"What?"

"Who do you think, Dad? Who do you think is evil, vindictive and near enough to me to plant food in my room?"

"Vincent?"

"Who else?"

"Oh, Maura, come on…"

"Come on what? Either it was him, Sonny, Tom or Lexi. Either that Dad, or you just think it was me and have just been humouring me all of this time!"

"Of course I don't think it was you, but…why would he?"

"Why do you think? He likes making people's lives miserable, especially mine. You've got not idea, Dad; you don't know the half of it that he's put me through. The bullying, the comments. When we were in school, his nickname for me was Bambi. Because Mum was dead."

"But that's…that's sick!" he said, dark eyes narrowing in anger.

"It doesn't end there, Dad, believe me. I could go on for a lot longer. You've seen him bully Tom when he came out as gay. You saw the bruises on Lexi. So do you, like the rest of them, think it completely makes no sense to believe that he planted that food there?"

"No. I know. Why didn't they believe you?"

She shrugged. "Apparently, he wouldn't ever do anything that bad. They refused to believe me."

"I'm sorry Maura," he said, a hand on her knee. "And for what it's worth, I do believe you. But…let's try to have a nice Christmas, yes? And think – in just three months, you'll be holding your baby."

"Yeah," she said. "My baby."

"You are looking forward to it, aren't you?"

"Of course," she lied. "It's just going to be like anything new, isn't it? Taking time to get used to."

"And you'll do it," he replied. "Very quickly. Believe me, Maura, there's not going to be a dull moment."

She said, with a smile, "even though I kept you up all hours of the night when I was a baby?"

"You were worth every sleepless night I ever had," he said.

"Even when I ran away?"

The atmosphere in the room dropped. Nobody had ever mentioned that Christmas time a few years ago, least of all, Maura. Even though he'd never really understood why, even to this day, he'd never pressed the matter because Maura had always got so upset.

"They were terrible," he said. "I didn't know if you were dead or alive. I didn't know why. If it was something I'd done, or something someone…else had done."

"It was nothing anyone had done. It was a personal demon."

"And you couldn't talk to me?" he said, hurt.

"Dad…if you knew I'd done something, something really terrible, would you forgive me?"

"Terrible?" he said. "You? What could you possibly do that was terrible?"

She felt crestfallen. He still wore those rose-tinted glasses, with which he thought she could do absolutely nothing wrong. She was sure he would believe her if she told him about Vincent, but the pain the knowledge would cause him would be too great. He'd never forgive himself for what had happened under his roof and for not noticing that his daughter was pregnant. He put an arm around her, startling her.

"Maura? What's the matter?"

"I did something really bad, Dad. I'd be in so much trouble."

"What?" he urged. "Maura? Don't cry. Tell me."

"You'd hate me!"

"I could never hate you, no matter what you've done! Baby, oh…here take this," he said, passing her a handkerchief. "Maura? Tell me."

Close to tears himself, he hugged her tightly, and she squeezed her eyes shut, her chest heaving with pain. They held each other for a long time, and broke apart when the doorbell rang. Peter went to answer it and Maura rushed into the bathroom, to hide any signs that she'd been crying. There were several pairs of footsteps, coming into the house, and she guessed that her estranged husband had arrived. Her heart sank when her hunch was confirmed by the sound of his voice.

"…no, the flight seems to get shorter every time. So…where's Maura?"

"Oh, she's…Maura? Maura? Oh, she's probably in the bathroom."

"How is she?"

"Pregnant. Emotional. Always in tears. Just like her mother. Anyway, why don't you all go and sit down? I'll make you all some tea and Stollen."

"Thanks Mr. Barton."

The footsteps went into the sitting room and when she was sure the hallway was clear, Maura came out of the bathroom and followed Peter into the kitchen. He turned when she came in.

"Sonny's here."

"I know."

"You're not going to go and say hello?"

"In a minute," she said, picking up a knife and cutting several pieces of Stollen. "When I fight down the urge to be sick."

He put the kettle on to boil and took Maura's hand. He said; "are you all right?"

"Yeah."

"Maura, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

"I know."

"I mean anything. I could never hate you. Never. I'll always love you, no matter what. That's the beauty of being a parent, Maura. You always stand by your children. That kind of love is irrevocable." He put the five mugs of tea and plates of Stollen on a tray and said; "anyway, I know you and the others will probably have a lot to talk about, so…"

"Others?"

"Yeah, well Lexi and Vincent are here too."

"Vincent's here?" she said, disgusted.

"Baby, believe me, if I had my way, he wouldn't be, but I can't throw him out onto the streets, can I? Anyway, you lot probably have a lot to talk about, so I'll stay out here, all right?"

"Actually…Mr. Barton."

Both Maura and Peter jumped. Neither had noticed Sonny standing in the doorway. He looked nervous at the sight of Maura, who glared at him, and addressed Peter.

"I was hoping I could talk to Maura alone. Is it all right if we stay in here?"

"Maura can speak for herself, thank you very much!" Maura said sharply, glaring at Sonny, who reddened. Peter looked between the two nervously.

"Sorry. I want to talk to you. Can we talk in here?"

"Do you mind, Dad?" Maura asked.

"No, no, not at all," he said, putting their tea and Stollen on the table. "Take as long as you need. I'll be in the sitting room."

He picked up the tray and left. Sonny shut the door behind him and turned to look at his wife. She stood, her stance confrontational, glaring at him.

"How are you?" he said awkwardly.

"Pregnant."

"Yeah," he said, looking desperate to feel her swollen stomach. "Um…has it been all right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course it's been all right! just stop with the small talk, Sonny, all right? Do you believe me?"

"What?"

"What I told you. Before I left. Do you believe me?"

"Maura, I…"

"Do you believe me Sonny, yes or no?"

"I'm sorry. I can't."

"Then I have nothing more to say to you."

"Maura," he said desperately, going to her and gripping her arms. "Come on, stop this! I don't understand where this has all come from! I know you hate him, but why would you say a thing like this?"

"Why don't you tell me, Sonny, you seem to think you know it all right now!" She shoved him away and glared at him. "Think, Sonny. Think back. Do you remember the day you said Dad was warming to us being together? The day you came to my house for dinner?"

"Yes," he said, bewildered. "You were in bed sick."

"I wasn't sick, Sonny, I'd just been raped by your brother!"

"Well why didn't you tell me then? Straight away?"

"How could I? I was in turmoil, Sonny! Your brother thought he had the right to come into my room and force himself on me! Think! Think, Sonny! Don't you remember that it all went downhill from there? And, by the way, just in case you haven't actually noticed, I'm eating perfectly well and have done for months! So what exactly does that say about the food that I apparently hid in our room?"

"OK! Say he put that there! I don't know, thinking about it, maybe it is the kind of stunt he'd pull! But this? No. I'm sorry Maura."

She looked at him. There was finality in his voice that said he wouldn't change his mind anytime soon.

"Bye Sonny," she said, turning away.

"Maura…"

"You'll be sorry."

"What?"

"I said, you'll be sorry." She looked at him again. He was looking uncertain, almost afraid. "I don't care anymore. I don't care if you don't believe me, but you know what, I'm going to prove it. Then you're going to be sorry."

Without another word, she walked past him and went straight to greet Lexi. If anyone was the innocent in all of this, then it was her.


	17. Maura's Game

_Thank you to Emma and Jess!_

Maura was out, having some rare time to herself, doing some last minute Christmas shopping. She sat down in a café to rest her feet and have a tea. Stirring some sugar into the liquid, she looked at the people walking up and down the streets, like her doing last minute food and present shopping, battling against the strong winds and falling snow outside. She was dreading Christmas and had no idea how she was going to get through the day, nor did she have any idea how she was going to follow through with her promise to Sonny, even though she was so determined to. If she tried to bring it up with Vincent now, she was sure that he would smell a rat, because apart from the times where he'd used it as an underlying threat, she'd never mentioned it to him. She had to be as devious as him. And when she did finally prove it, she wasn't so sure she'd be accepting Sonny's apology. But what about her Dad? Finally telling Sonny and vowing to prove it meant she'd have to tell him the truth as well. He'd be devastated. From her bag, she took out a smack box containing the cufflinks she'd bought him for Christmas. The truth would kill him, but it had stayed a secret for far too long. She finished her drink, picked up her shopping and made her way to the taxi rank. She would have happily walked the short distance home, but her Dad had made her promise not to. Also, it was too cold.

* * *

><p>She was glad to step through the front door and relieve herself of her bags. Maura walked into the kitchen where Peter was sitting at the table, a plate of food in front of him and a tea that looked like it had gone cold ages ago. Judging by the cleaning products and hoover dumped in a neat pile, she guessed that he had been on one of his cleaning rampages of the house. On the kitchen counter sat a bowl of salad, freshly chopped for tonight's dinner.<p>

"It's cold out there," she said, running her fingers through her snow-covered hair. "Would you like another tea?"

"What's this, Maura?"

"What's what?" she asked, turning around. He gestured to the plate in front of him and Maura raised her eyebrows. "Well, it looks somewhat like a sandwich and some fruit. You're not going to eat it are you? It looks rank. Where did you find it, in the fridge?"

"In your room."

"What?"

"In your room, Maura! In your wardrobe! Where you used to hide it all!"

She slammed the kettle down and glared at him. "I should have known!" she said, angrily. "I should have known that you'd never actually trust me! What were you doing in my wardrobe, huh, Dad? Polishing the floor! Pull the other one!"

"Are you admitting it then?" he demanded. "Are you admitting that you hid this there? That you're still… anorexic?"

"Still anorexic?" she said, her voice deadly calm. "Do you want to see how anorexic I am Dad, do you? I'll show you how anorexic I am!"

He jumped up in alarm as she grabbed the bowl from the counter and began to stuff handfuls of salad into her mouth by the handful, pulling away when he tried to take it off her.

"Maura, Maura! Stop! Maura stop it!" He yanked the bowl from her hands and grabbed her arms. "Maura! Calm down!"

Breathing heavily, she wiped a slice of onion from her cheek and shoved him away. She said; "I didn't put the sandwich there. But what's the point of me telling you that? You're not going to believe me."

Turning on her heel, she stormed from the wood and went upstairs to her bedroom, locking the door. Her wardrobe door was partially open and she slammed it shut. Why couldn't he just trust her? Why did he have to snoop? This was all Vincent! Angry, she threw herself onto the bed and looked to the ceiling. Why was Vincent so determined to ruin her life? She'd never done anything to him, and couldn't understand where his hatred of her had come from. Being in this room was horrible. Sometimes, when she lay awake at night, the whole incident came back to her and for a moment, she felt so angry with her father. Why hadn't he just let her go to see Smithy with Jake? It would never have happened! If only she could easily prove it! If only there was something to back up her claims! If only there was someone else who knew! If only…there was someone else! Pausing Maura twisted her thick hair in her fingers, for the first time, allowing herself to think back. What was it he'd said to her, whilst she'd sat crying on the floor?

'"_This isn't the first time I've made a girl cry, like a sulky little kid'."_

Maybe there had been someone else. But who? Before she could wonder, there was a knock at her bedroom door and she jumped, sitting up in bed.

"What?" she said sharply.

"Maura, I've made you your tea. Do you want it?"

"Leave it outside. Please."

"Maura…"

"I said, leave it outside!"

"Maura, I…"

"Just go away Dad, all right? Leave me alone."

She heard the soft plonk of a mug being put down and footsteps walking away. She waited until she was sure he was gone before retrieving her tea. Was she really right? Could he have raped someone else before her? The only problem, Maura thought, would be finding out who it was. Needle and haystack came to mind, she thought. There had been a lot of girls at school, who, like Lexi, had found Vincent attractive. If only they'd known, but by the sound of it, someone had. It would be a slow start, but she was determined to do it. But first, she would deal with something that would be easier to prove. She finished her tea and went to find her father's video camera.

* * *

><p>Maura put phase two of her plan into action the very next day while out on a walk with Lexi. She watched her friend kick the snow up on the path. Vincent, Tom and Sonny were with Maura's family at her house, preparing for Christmas Day and if Vincent dared to go into her room again, she'd know about it. Their walk took them past their old college, and Maura stopped, her hands gripping the bars, genuinely thoughtful.<p>

"Funny old days, huh?"

"Yeah," Lexi agreed, coming to her side. "It seems like a lifetime ago. It's only been what, four years?"

"Something like that," Maura said vaguely. "It's funny that, isn't it? Carefree teenagers, not a care in the world. Sometimes, I think they were the best time of my life. College, I mean."

"They were the best," Lexi said cheerfully. "Now, all we have to worry about is paying the bills."

"Yeah," Maura said, turning away.

"You remember in the first year, when we worked on joint projects for psychology?"

"When we worked together? Of course I remember."

"Something to do with women who kill, wasn't it?"

"Yeah the psychology of female violence."

"That was a good project. You were so good at that."

Maura shrugged and said, "It wasn't all my hard work, you did it too. What did Vincent do? I can't remember."

Lexi thought for a moment and said; "I think…it was something to do with psychological disorders. He was working with Lyra Andrews, she did sociology as well. So she was really good at that."

"Lyra Andrews?" Maura said slowly, an image swimming into her mind of a girl, taller than her, with thick, curly, flaming red hair and green eyes. "Didn't she leave?"

"Yeah," Lexi said, scowling. "Selfish cow. Left him right in the lurch without so much as an explanation! Still, he managed to get a B. He did well enough without her help!"

"Why did she go?"

"I don't know," Lexi said, uninterestedly. "Maybe she just didn't like the place, but she could have had the courtesy to tell Vincent, it was unfair on him! He had to finish weeks of work! It was so unfair that Jeremy wouldn't let him join us, just because we had to work in pairs! Vincent was so annoyed, he…"

Maura lost track of what she was saying, grinding her teeth. As usual, it was all about Vincent. Lexi thought he was a Saint and for a moment, Maura felt bad about what she was planning to do, but it was about time she found out what he was really like. She remembered Lyra, a sassy girl who most people wouldn't have dared to cross – she had too much of a sharp tongue. She and Maura hadn't really been friends, more acquaintances, but she certainly hadn't had the impression that Lyra disliked college. In fact, she'd seemed to really like it there. Maura knew that she and Vincent had been alone at times, working on their project. Could she have found the victim?

"…if you ask me. Maura? Maura?"

"No, I don't think so."

"What?"

"What?" Maura said vaguely, turning to Lexi.

"Were you even listening to me?"

"Sorry, Lexi. I kind of got lost thought. What did you say?"

"I said, it's about time. That Vincent and I started a family."

"What?" Maura said, stunned.

"Well, we've talked about it. We've decided the time's right, so I've decided not to look for a job. He says I'll have enough to think about, while I'm pregnant and when I have the baby, I can't work anyway."

"Do you want a baby?"

"Vincent does."

"I didn't ask you want _Vincent_ wanted, Lexi, I asked what _you_ wanted!"

"If it makes him happy…"

"For Christ's Sake, why are you always so focused on pleasing him? Why don't you do what you want for once in your life?"

"It's a marriage, Maura, you have to make sacrifices!"

"This is a pretty big sacrifice Lexi; this isn't like giving up something you like because a tight budget won't allow it, its life changing. If you're not ready, then just say so!"

"OK, maybe I'm not ready. But he is. I like to do what he wants."

"Well nobody should be forced to do something they don't want to do, Lexi. Take it from somebody who knows."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Maura said shortly. "I'm just sick of him walking all over you, all right?"

"Maura, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. It's just annoys me, Lexi, that's all. Everything's always about him. That's not how a marriage is supposed to be."

"It's cold," Lexi said, still looking confused and a little hurt. "Let's get back, shall we? They probably have dinner ready."

* * *

><p>They got back to Maura's house to find plates being brought to the table in preparation for dinner.<p>

"It's finger food," Peter informed the two as they looked down at the various bowls and dishes. "We figured it'd be easier than doing great big dishes."

"Easier to see how much certain people eat, more like," Maura said, turning on her heel and walking into the kitchen. She was unsurprised when he followed her and closed the kitchen door.

"Come on Maura, please talk to me."

"Why? Do you finally believe me?"

"Maura…I'm sorry, baby. I found it and I freaked. It brought things back, Maura, that's all."

"You weren't just innocently cleaning my room, Dad, or you wouldn't have gone into the cupboard! Admit it, you were checking up on me because you don't believe me!"

"All right! I was…sceptical! But I know the more I interfere, the worse it'll get. I'm sorry."

"Dad," she said, her wide eyes pleading with him to believe her, "it wasn't me! It wasn't me who hid that food there! It was Vincent! I know I can't prove it, but it was!"

"All right!" he said. "OK. I believe you, Maura, OK? I know he's a vindictive, nasty swine, but let's not let him ruin our Christmas. Go and change or something, hmm? You're wet from snow, you'll freeze!"

She half-shrugged, like she couldn't care less, but went from the kitchen and upstairs to her room. She changed into a white dress and tied her hair into a high ponytail. Before she went downstairs, she looked at herself in the mirror and rubbed her bump. The child would be here soon and she wished they wouldn't be growing up without a father, but it looked like it was the way it was going to be. She turned around and gasped. Vincent was standing behind her. He looked her up and down, and licked his lips.

"Nice Maura, very nice. But you didn't have to get all dressed up for me."

"Get out of my room!"

"Are you going to make me?"

"Get out of here, Vincent, I mean it!"

"Why? Are you doing something private, like…hiding some more food?" he said, eyes glittering in malice.

"It's you," she said, her eyes narrowing. I know it's you!"

"Nobody else does though, do they?" he said smugly. "To them, you're always going to be the mad anorexic nobody can trust to eat. The more you try to prove them wrong, the crazier you seem. That's the best thing about watching it."

With a cruel laugh, he turned and left. Breathing heavily, Maura looked to the shelf where the video camera sat. It has recorded every word.

* * *

><p>Christmas Day dawned and Maura sat, eating breakfast with her family, her heart feeling a lot lighter. There was one thing she could prove and her eyes went to the small, CD sized gift under the tree. Her present to Sonny. It would certainly be different from anything else she'd given him. In the last few days, she'd been trying to track down Lyra Andrews and had discovered she still lived at the same address as she had at school and was caring for her ill mother. Maura had decided to save visiting her until after Christmas. If she was right, and Lyra had also been a victim of Vincent, the last thing she wanted to do was have it ruin Lyra's Christmas.<p>

"Extra sausages, Maura?"

"What?" she said, distracted.

"Extra sausages?" Peter repeated, tipping some onto Jake's plate.

"I won't say no," she said, holding out her plate and helping herself to some more fried bread.

"Maura, I had a call from Smithy yesterday."

"Oh yeah?" she said, pushing her sausage into ketchup. "Is he OK?"

"Yeah, he's great. Planning on spending Christmas with his new girlfriend. Andrea or something?"

"Andrea and Smithy? There's a pairing I would have seen coming," Maura said, eyebrows raised in mild surprise.

"Yeah, well he'd like you to call. Wants a catch up. He also thought you might like to know that Sam Nixon is showing signs of improvement."

"She is?" Maura said, a sick churning in her stomach.

"Yeah, they think they can take her off sedation soon."

"That's great," she said automatically.

"Yeah, they all think so too. He said he hopes it'll finally be the end of this investigation. He said they all feel sorry for the girl, but what she's done…"

"Is a crime," Maura supplied dully.

"Yeah. Anyway, it's not your problem anymore, baby, is it?"

He smiled and tucked into the extra food on his plate. Maura finished hers slowly. It had been six years now, since she'd given birth to Eve and buried her in the park. Every day, it ate away at her more and more. She finished her breakfast and shook her head when her Dad offered her more. She went to sit on the sofa and stared outside, thinking about Lyra Andrews. She wasn't sure if Lyra would even remember her. It had been a long time and it wasn't as if they'd been close. If she was right about Vincent attacking her, she'd have to tread very, very carefully. The doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the guests. Lexi was the first to run in and to Maura. She felt her bump and squealed in delight when she felt the kicks.

"It's magical!" she said.

"It's more science, Lexi," Tom said, taking a seat on the floor and looking at Maura's pregnant stomach.

"Well yeah, but you know what I mean!"

Sonny, the last into the room put down a bag of presents next to the tree and when everyone was in the room, they got down to opening their gifts. Maura got mostly clothes and jewellery. From Sonny, she got a silver heart, with her name engraved in delicate script letters, hanging from a fine chain. She looked up in time to see him opening her Christmas present to him. She'd styled the disk in a style of a DVD and entitled it _You and Me_.

"It's lovely Maura," he said, taking it to mean, as she'd hoped, as a story of their life.

"So that's what you've been doing on the computer!" she said, hearing the unmistakable relief in her father's voice. "That's a lovely present, Maura. Shall we stick it on?"

"Sure," said Sonny, handing Peter the disk. "Let's see what kind of a video maker Maura is."

"Maura," Peter said, throwing the control to her. "You know how to work this better than me."

She shrugged and waited until the main screen, a wedding photograph of her and Sonny came up. She pressed play and sat back, watching the video she'd watched a hundred times already. A montage of hers and Sonny's life, various videos, including the day they moved in together and their wedding. They were halfway through watching Tom's best man's speech at the wedding, everyone apart from Maura was laughing, when the picture fizzled out and changed to Maura's bedroom.

Confused, Sonny turned to her and said; "is this a part of this?"

She raised her eyebrows coldly and turned back towards the television. He did the same, and Peter looked questioningly at Maura before looking back at the television. The date on the screen stated it had been filmed only three days ago. On screen, the bedroom door opened and Vincent came in and looked around, as if to check nobody was there before going in, creeping quietly across the room, a bag in his hand. He took from it what was unmistakably food and put it in her bedside cabinet before creeping out again, a cruel look of satisfaction on his face. The screen went fuzzy, opening again on Maura's bedroom, with Vincent creeping in, just after she had changed. Maura watched her husband closely, a savage pleasure at the shocked look on his face as he listened to what was being said on screen.

"_Nice Maura, very nice. But you didn't have to get all dressed up for me."_

"_Get out of my room!"_

"_Are you going to make me?"_

"_Get out of here, Vincent, I mean it!"_

"_Why? Are you doing something private, like…hiding some more food?" _

"_It's you. I know it's you!"_

"_Nobody else does though, do they? To them, you're always going to be the mad anorexic nobody can trust to eat. The more you try to prove them wrong, the crazier you seem. That's the best thing about watching it."_

The picture changed again, this time to the end of Maura and Sonny's wedding night. Tom was recording Sonny and from behind the camera asked; "so, tell us Sonny. What's love?"

Her husband looked at the camera, smiled and said; "right now, Tom, it's the best thing in the world!"

The screen went black and there was a ringing silence for a moment before all eyes, stunned, looked to her and Vincent. Maura stared into her appalled husband's face and got up.

"I told you it wasn't me," she said, glaring into Sonny's stunned eyes. Before walking from the room, she said "Happy Christmas Sonny." She picked up her coat and slammed out of the house, leaving a stunned silence in her wake.

It was all Peter and Rory could do to stop Connor from lunging at Vincent when the front door slammed shut. For once, he was sitting statue still, all airs of smugness and superiority gone. The little bitch had outwitted him and shown him up in front of everyone!

"Well?!" Sonny said furiously, getting to his feet and glaring at his brother.

"Well what?"

"'Well what,' that's all you can say? You've been planting food in her room, you sick bastard!"

Lexi looked from Vincent to Sonny, upset and confused. She said; "what's going on?"

"Your precious husband, Lexi, has been planting food in Maura's room, to make it look like she's falling into her eating disorder again! This broke us up, you stupid, selfish bastard!"

"He didn't!" Lexi said, disbelievingly. "He couldn't have!"

"You just saw that didn't you?" Sonny said, rounding on Lexi, pointing at the television. "You saw it there for yourself, filmed in footage and you just saw him admitting it on tape! Open your eyes for once!"

"How dare you?" Robert said dangerously. Sonny turned towards him startled, thinking he was talking to him, but the older man was glaring at Vincent, who didn't look in the least bit ashamed. "You've had everyone in here thinking that she's starving herself to death! She's pregnant!"

"For God's sake, can't anyone take a joke around here?" Vincent said, glaring furiously at the people around him. What was wrong with them? He couldn't do anything against precious, Saint Maura? "It was just a _joke_!"

"A _joke_?" Peter shouted, outraged. "She was seventeen and nearly starved herself to death! She went onto those websites and talked to other poor, sick souls, competing about how low her BMI was compared to theirs! She became so low; I had to have her sectioned! And that is funny to you? And you…you come along years later, plant food into her room, alienate her from her husband, and you think that's all right?"

"Well it's not my fault Sonny wouldn't listen to her, was it?"

"You've pulled some stunts in your time, Vincent, but this has to be the worst!" his father Christopher said, fury etched into every wrinkle of his face. "How can you ever think someone starving them self to death is funny?"

"Oh…come on, he didn't mean anything by it!" Lexi said, upset at everyone ganging up on Vincent. "It's just his…"

"Oh Lexi, will you shut up about it just being 'his way!'" Sonny said angrily. "Maura's your best friend, and she nearly died! What, would it be funny for you to see her go through all that again, would it? It'd be a laugh for you to watch her be strapped to a chair and forced into an ambulance, kicking and screaming? It would be entertaining to see her waste away to almost nothing?"

"Of course not!" she said, horrified.

"Well, then! How can you think it's OK for him to do this? Do you think Maura thinks it's funny? Do you think she's…wherever she is, laughing her head off right now?"

"No!"

"Well then! Stop defending him Lexi, what he's done is sick! What if you'd been the one who'd nearly died and he did that to you? What if you had your family believing that you're not eating, no matter how much you insist you are? Would you think its funny then?"

"Well why didn't anyone tell me sooner?" she demanded.

Sonny sneered. "Probably because you wouldn't care what he did, he's the only one who matters to you."

"Maura is everything to me!" she said, hurt. "She's my best friend; she matters so much to me!"

"You've got a funny way of showing it," he said. "Your first reaction to this was that it's 'just his way,' as usual. If you really think what he did was disgusting, tell him. Well go on! Tell him!"

Lexi was fully aware of everyone looking at her, and she turned to face her husband. There was a gleam in his eyes, which almost dared her to tell him. Then she remembered: she'd told him that Sonny and Tom had found food in Maura's room and he'd acted like it was the first he'd heard of it!

"I told you!"

"Told me what?"

"When Maura left. I told you she was upset and walked out because Sonny and Tom found food in her room and you just let them think it was her? You let their marriage be torn apart! Very funny Vincent!"

He gave her a thunderous look and said; "whose side are you on, Lex, huh? Funny, the last time I looked, you were _my_ wife and you side with them!"

"Don't you dare talk to her like that!" Robert said, putting an arm around Lexi. "She thinks what you did was disgusting, just like the rest of us! Look at you; you can't even have the courtesy to apologise or explain yourself properly!"

"It was a joke! A mistake of a joke, by the looks of you lot! Have you all had a sense of humour bypass?"

"And once you realised nobody was laughing, you couldn't apologise?"

"And was it mistake because you shouldn't have done it or because you got caught?" Sonny said, disgusted. "I told you Tom, didn't I? When we found that food. I told you, right from the off that there was no way she was going bad!"

Tom didn't answer and Sonny looked around. He'd gone. For a few moments, everyone looked around, as if they thought he'd appear from nowhere. Sonny went out into the hallway and saw the front door hanging slightly open.

* * *

><p>Maura was sat in the park, her coat wrapped tightly around her. Snow was falling, hiding any sign that she'd been walking through the park. She still felt the satisfaction when she'd proved to Sonny that Vincent had been hiding food in her room, but the only regret had been doing it in front of his parents and Lexi, who'd known nothing about it. But it was a choice she'd had to make. It was the only way she could prove it was him, but she hoped he wouldn't take it out on Lexi. She shivered, wishing she hadn't grabbed such a thin coat in her fury and jumped as a heavy denim coat was put around her shoulders. She recognised the familiar smell of Fahrenheit aftershave as Tom's before she saw him. Coldly, she shrugged the jacket off, without even turning around. It fell into the snow with a soft thump and he retrieved it, putting it back on her.<p>

"It's cold, Maura," he said. "Take it. If you won't do it for you, do it for the baby."

Sniffing, she slowly pulled the coat around her and pushed her hands deep into the pockets. He took it as a thank you and sat down opposite her. There was a silence and Maura was the first to speak.

"If you're waiting for an apology, Tom, then you're not going to get one."

"I'm not waiting for an apology," he said, and she looked up. He was wearing only a short sleeved shirt, and looked freezing. He looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you told me it was him. You…you must have been desperate. To do what you did."

"Of course I was desperate; you all were expecting me to fall into the eating disorder again! What was I supposed to do, stand back and do nothing whilst you all thought I was going mad? He was never going to admit it, was he?"

"No," he admitted. "They're all furious at him, though. Your Dad had to hold Connor back."

"There's a big surprise," Maura said. "So, what's Vincent got to say for himself then?"

Tom rolled his eyes and said; "blames us all, of course, for not being able to take a joke."

"Ha fucking ha," Maura said sourly.

"That's pretty much the reaction of everyone else," he said. "Maura…I really don't know what else to say. I'm so sorry."

"That's all you came to say?"

"No, I came after you because I was worried. Despite everything that's happened, I do still care about you."

"Funny that, Tom, the last time I saw you, you called me every name under the sun."

"Maura, you lied to Sonny! You broke his heart when you told him you couldn't have children!"

"And I've explained all of that! You're the one who doesn't want to listen to me! Even now, you've had the proof shoved in front of you and you still can't believe what I told you?"

"Maura," he began, reaching for her hands. She pulled brutally away and glared at him.

"He's destroyed everything, Tom. My life in Sun Hill where I was happy! My adulthood now! Sonny, the best thing to ever happen to me! He's been ruining my life ever since I was sixteen!"

"Maura…"

"He raped me, Tom! For fuck's sake, your brother is evil! He forced himself on me and got me pregnant! Our… no, _my_ daughter is buried hundreds of miles from here, under a different name! She should be here! With me! Her mother!"

"Maura, how can you expect me to believe that nobody knew you were pregnant?"

"Look at me now, Tom! If you didn't know me, you were a stranger; would you walk past me in the street and think I was pregnant? You have all the ultrasounds, but do I look pregnant to you?"

"No," he said slowly, "but there are other symptoms of pregnancy rather than just a baby bump! You and your Dad are really close; do you expect me to believe you wouldn't tell him?"

"And who do you think would be in the grave if I did tell my Dad? Vincent or Eve?"

"Eve?" he said, momentarily distracted.

"That's her name," she said sadly. "Eve. That's what I called her. She died at birth. I didn't even get the chance to meet her properly. She suddenly looked back up at Tom and he was taken aback; the expression had changed from sadness to anger quickly. "But what's the point of me pouring my heart out to you? It's obvious you're not going to believe me, no matter what Vincent does. So I'm going to tell you what I told Sonny. I don't care. I don't care that you don't believe me, but just like I proved he planted food in my room, I'm going to prove he raped me. You're going to be sorry, Tom. Just don't expect me to be forgiving."

With that, she pushed the jacket from her shoulders, got up and left without looking back. She was going to try to enjoy what was left of Christmas and then, she was going to get to work, beginning with Lyra Andrews.


	18. Lyra

_Hi everyone! I hope you all had a good Christmas and are working your way up to a fun new year! Roll on, 2013! So, after a slight period of writer's block, I've finally decided where to take this, so thanks to Emma for reviewing and I hope you like the new chapter! H. xx_

The remainder of the Christmas season passed quietly. Maura kept to her room and out of everyone's way, hoping they'd get the hint and leave her alone, but it seemed that they hadn't. Her Dad was using every opportunity to try to make it up to her for ever doubting her. She wished he'd just leave her alone and stop apologizing – he was beginning to sound like a parrot. As was Sonny – when she'd gone back home on Christmas Day, he couldn't apologise enough, but she had told him in the nicest possible way she could manage – which hadn't been easy, given her mood – to stay out of her way. Before going upstairs to her room, she'd caught a glimpse of the murderous look on Vincent's face, and she was sure he wouldn't take her showing him up in front of their families lying down, but at that moment, she didn't care. He deserved it. His parents, she heard, had refused to speak to him for the rest of Christmas, and Robert was so angry, he was on the verge of throwing him out of the house, but hadn't because of Lexi. Lexi, who had of course, forgiven him. Maura gritted her teeth.

That had been what had hurt the most. When she had first been in hospital, Lexi had been the one who'd come to see her every day, who had tried to keep her spirits up with little jokes, reading to her when she hadn't had the strength to even hold books. It had been Lexi who had brought her music when she'd refused to see her family and it had been her who had held her hand throughout it. She'd been the one who had baked her little treats, cooked with her and helped her love food again. And now, here she was, asking Maura why she was so upset about the situation. Vincent hadn't _meant_ anything by it! It had just been a joke! She needed to stop being so sensitive! And, above all, how _dare_ she, Maura, show him up in front of all of their families! It had been so over the top and unfair on him! Maura bitterly wondered how many bruises it had taken before she had actually believed it herself. For the first time, she wondered what Lexi would say when she proved that Vincent had raped her. It would either destroy her or she'd stand by him, and Maura didn't think she'd be able to stand the second possibility. She looked at the address in front of her she had for Lyra Andrews and finally made the choice to visit her tomorrow. Time to prove it was running out fast.

She was due to give birth very, very soon and couldn't believe time had gone so quickly. It was February and with her due date nearing, Sonny had returned, in the hope to be with her when she gave birth. Maura sneered. In his dreams.

She'd spoken to some of her friends from Sun Hill and as far as she knew, Sam was improving greatly and Smithy had said that they would be able to take her off sedation soon. The question was, would she remember, when she woke up, what had happened? Agitated, Maura wrung her hands. She was scared. When Sun Hill found out that she was the mother of that baby, she was going to be in such big trouble.

Eve. Oh, Eve. She was buried all alone in Sun Hill cemetery with a mother who was the other side of the UK and a violent, rapist bully for a father. She deserved so much better than him. Than her even. She closed her eyes and tears leaked out of them. She scrubbed her arm across her eyes just as her Dad came up to see what she was doing.

"Maura? Why're you crying?" he asked, putting an arm around her.

"It's nothing Dad," she said. "Emotional stuff, that's all."

He smiled and said; "oh, Maura, you remind me more and more of your mother each day."

She smiled, genuinely this time. Even though she sometimes – perhaps unjustly – felt unwanted and abandoned by a mother who'd been mentally ill, she still liked to listen to those around her talk about her.

"Crying all hours, she was. Bring her dinner, she'd cry. Surprise her with fruit and nut, she'd cry. The baby kicked, she'd cry. I think she cried the whole nine months of her pregnancy."

"Do you think she felt anything when she was having me?"

"Of course she did. I'm sure she loved you, Maura."

"Then why didn't she want me?"

"Of course she did! She just…wasn't well."

"What if I turn out the same?"

"You'll have us," he said, pulling her close. "Your mother didn't have anywhere to turn to."

"She had you."

"Yes, but she didn't feel that she could talk to me. She was close to the boys, but remember, they didn't even know about you. She was ashamed of leaving you like that. But I see her so much in you Maura."

"Maybe I'm too much like her. Abandoning my baby."

"What?" he said, confused. "Maura, what're you talking about?"

"I mean…what if I do what she did? Leave my baby all alone?"

"You won't," he said. "You won't do that, Maura. You have me, baby. You have your brothers, and Sonny, and his family. You have a great support network. Don't be so afraid."

"I love you, Dad," she said, sliding her arms around him.

"I love you too," he said. "You'll never know how much. Anyway. Dinner's on the table. Are you coming down?"

"Yeah. Yes, I'll be straight down. Just…let me wash my face or something. Hide away any sign that I'm a snivelling wreck."

"You're pregnant," he said, kissing her head. "You're allowed to be a snivelling wreck."

"Who said that?"

"Me," he said, getting off her bed. "And my word is law. Anyone who says otherwise can answer to my fists."

She laughed slightly and followed him out of her room. She turned into the bathroom, washed her face and tied her hair up in a high ponytail. Her face looked too pale, her eyes too large. She needed some good food, like what she could smell from downstairs. She wanted to be part of the laughter she could hear downstairs. She went and stopped at the top of the stairs, listening to the talking and laughing. Just last year, she'd had a home of her own, just like this, full of laughter. Now it had all been snatched away from her. Before she started crying again, she went downstairs and threw herself into the warmth and laughter of the kitchen. Connor waved off her attempts to help lay the table and chivvied her into a seat. She took a breadstick from the jar in the middle of the table, nibbled it as the food was served, and then they all sat down at the round table. She twirled the pasta around her fork and sat back, listening to the banter; her brothers talk about their days at work

"…I swear, one of these days," Connor said, talking of his boss. "The man's a total prick. Asshole has his favourites, who get away with absolutely everything and the rest of us get told off for even coughing loudly."

"It's a boss' job to be a prick," said Peter, cutting his meatball in half.

"Maura's bosses weren't," Connor said, nudging her in the side. "Lucky duck. Anthony, then your Sun Hill lot? If you weren't my sister, I'd really hate you."

Maura laughed slightly. "Envy me Connor, it feels so good!"

"So she shows off shamelessly!" Connor said, picking up the bowl of garlic bread. "Here, have some, before these greedy sods finish it all. You've not had any yet."

"Thanks," she said, taking some of the hot bread and wiping it in the Bolognese sauce. "Do they all hate him? Your boss?"

"Totally," said Connor. My mate Richard – he got so angry, he wanted to resign, but his letter…well, it wasn't your average resignation letter. It went something like, 'Dear David the dumbass, that's it! I quit! I'm leaving and it's all because of YOU! I hate you, I hate working with you and I hate your Hitler ways! You are a bad spelling, favouring, brainless moron and I don't know what fucking idiot ever made you manager! He deserves to be castrated! Sincerely, Richard! A good staff member who follows the rules, wears his uniform correctly and doesn't have his phone out, playing games like the girls you're always undressing with your eyes!'"

The whole table shook with laughter. Maura wiped a tear from her face and said, "He should really give that to him."

"That's what we all said. But he needs the job. Family to support and all. That's why the moron treats him like it, because he knows that in his current situation, he wouldn't quit."

"Does he treat you like it, Dad?" Brad asked.

"Nah," said Connor. "Wouldn't dare, he knows I wouldn't take it."

"Good," said Brad seriously, taking the last slice of garlic bread. "Because I'd kill him if he ever did." The adults around the table laughed, Maura smiled across the table at him and he said, "Maura, I can do the same to Vincent."

Maura felt the atmosphere plummet, Connor frowned at his son, but his eyes smiled. Maura made and attempt to smile and put her arm around Brad.

"You just stick to protecting your old Dad, Brad. Leave well alone with Vincent; he's not worth the hassle."

"Hear, hear," said Maura's father, scraping his bowl clean.

"Anyway," she added. "I think your Dad needs all the protection he can get. Are you still scared of the dark, Connor?"

"Oi!" he said, as the table shook with laughter again. "You divulge my precious and most intimate secret, Maura Barton! Just wait!"

"Sure, seventy years! You'll try not to be dead by then won't you?"

"No, just wheelchair bound," he said, as the doorbell rang.

Brad jumped up to answer it. They heard a quick exchange before the door closed again. He came back into the room, trying to see through the enormous bunch of flowers he was carrying.

"For you, Maura," he said, putting them on the table in front of her. "It came with a card, here it is."

Maura took the card, opened it, read the few words inside and rolled her eyes.

"Sonny," she muttered through gritted teeth, stuffing the card away. "He just can't leave me alone."

"I'd be the same, Maura," Peter said, looking at the flowers. "Come on, isn't the point proved by now?"

"No," she said shortly, finishing her food.

He shrugged, sighed and picked up the flowers. He said; "where do you want me to put these?"

"In the bin for all I care."

"They'll look nice in the hallway," he said ignoring her and taking them to the sink. He filled a vase with water, cut the flowers to size and took them into the hallway. When he came back Rory and Brad were clearing the table, Jake and Connor were looking warily at Maura. Trying to keep the mood light, he said; "who wants pudding? Tiramisu?" There were nods from the boys and he said; "Maura?"

"No thanks," she said. "Save some for me though, I might have it tomorrow. I just want to get a bath and have an early night. Bub's wearing me out. Aren't you?" she added, stroking her stomach.

"You'd better get used to that," Peter said, kissing her as she got up. "It'll be every night for about six months."

"I'm sure I can handle it, I shared a house with three brothers nearly all my life, didn't I?"

"Oi!" her three brothers said, laughing.

She smirked at Connor and said, "and you don't fool me, brother. I saw Squeaky lying on your bed!"

"Good old squeaky," Peter said, with a laugh at Connor's mock outrage. "Couldn't sleep without it, could you son? Want tea before bed, Maura? I'll leave it in your room."

"OK, thanks," she said. "Night everyone."

"Night," the five men coursed as she went upstairs. She went into the bathroom, filled it with lavender bath salts. From her pocket she took the card that had come with the flowers and studied the writing – the writing she'd known straight away wasn't Sonny's.

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

* * *

><p>The next morning was cold. Everyone had gone out; her brothers, to work, Brad to his friend's and her father, shopping. She wrapped up warm and set off the short distance to Water Lane. The card unnerved her, and she kept looking over her shoulder for any sign of Vincent. Deliberately, she kept to the busy high road. If he was hanging around, waiting to strike, he certainly wouldn't do it in plain view of lots of people. That was the thing with Vincent, in front of others, he was always your best friend. It was when he got you on your own that you needed to worry. She held herself tighter as she reached the end of the high street and turned left into the quieter Collins Street and then right into Water Lane. Lyra lived at number fifteen and she stood outside for a moment looking at the peeling front door. The house was in poor condition, at least from the outside. Of course, Lyra wouldn't have time to attend to the house if she was caring for her mother. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the door and knocked.<p>

"Just a minute!" she heard a voice call, before there were footsteps. There were scraping sounds, and a jangle of a chain before the door opened.

If the sorry sight of the house surprised her, it was nothing to how Maura felt at coming face to face with Lyra. The years hadn't been kind to her. She was only twenty-three like Maura, but had worry lines, bags under her eyes and hair that looked as if it hadn't met with scissors in years. The only thing that made Maura sure she was Lyra was her height. She'd been one of the tallest girls in the class. She stared in surprise and Lyra raised her eyebrows.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"Lyra?" Maura said uncertainly. "Lyra Andrews?"

Lyra frowned. "Who wants to know?"

"Do you remember me? From college. Maura Barton?"

"Maura? Oh yes. Maura."

Lyra opened the door wider, Maura's own shock mirrored in her face. The two girls had never been friends, really, they were more acquaintances, but had been polite to each other and certainly not enemies. Lyra had always been one of the girls everyone wanted to be friends with, Maura herself had been included, but it seemed like that had drastically changed.

"Not to seem rude or anything Maura, but…"

"What am I doing here?" Maura asked. "I know, it's strange me coming when we were never that close, but…there's something I need to talk to you about. Would it be all right if I came inside?"

"Suit yourself," the other girl said. "But don't judge me on the mess and sorry state of the house, okay Maura?"

She stood back and Maura entered. Her first thought was that the house was very plain, but it was then she noticed all the cardboard boxes. Lyra appeared to be moving out. It looked as if she'd come just in time. Lyra closed the door with snap.

"Maura, how did you know where I live? I don't even know where you live!"

"Isabelle," Maura replied simply.

Lyra rolled her eyes. "Of course," she said, "Isabelle Moran, the social butterfly. Everyone's best friend."

She sounded bitter and Maura looked at her, taken aback. Lyra sighed and closed her eyes.

"That sounded really bitchy, didn't it? I envy her, I suppose. She's still having fun. Something I should be doing. Something I should have been doing."

"Yeah, I heard you were looking after your Mum. How is she?"

Lyra looked down and said, "I had to have her taken into a home. She's in the stages of Alzheimer's. I didn't want to. I really didn't. I just couldn't stand it anymore. She nearly electrocuted herself. I'm still going to see her, but I just…need some help."

"There's no shame in that, Lyra."

"Well it damn well feels like it. My own mother, put in a home with complete strangers."

"But she'll get care there, Lyra, real professional care. You can have some of your own life back."

"From a purely selfish point of view, yeah. That's a benefit, but…I don't know, for so long, it's just been me and her. Now it's not."

"Are you moving?"

"Yeah I have a little flat. Not far from here actually, but lots more affordable. And convenient, it's nearer work."

"Where do you work?"

"I'm a nursery nurse. Right now, it's as close I'll get to kids of my own." Lyra nodded at her slightly swollen stomach. "It looks like you got there first though, Maura, congratulations. How far gone? It's not much of a bump, five months?"

"No. Eight and a half actually."

"Wow," Lyra said, her eyes widening. "Must be a tiny baby. Sorry, would you like to sit down then? Come."

She led her into the kitchen and offered her a seat at the table and set about making them tea. Nobody spoke until she was sitting back down.

"This is weird," said Lyra. "I mean…you turning up, you're the last person I thought would turn up to see me."

"I know. Believe me, I didn't imagine myself doing it either. Until a few weeks ago."

"Really?" Lyra said. "Well…what do you want to know? What do you want to ask?"

"This is going to sound really weird, especially after all this time, but…why did you leave St. Louise's?"

Lyra stared at her then laughed. "You came all this way…"

"I only live the other side of the high street."

"But you came here to ask me why I left?"

Maura watched Lyra laughing, a mixture of embarrassment and anger rising. Something of it seemed to show in her face and she stopped, studying her.

"Why? What did Isabelle say?"

"Nothing," replied Maura. "It's something I wondered myself."

"You're so weird," said Lyra. "I left because I realised I was at a bad college, doing the wrong courses."

"It didn't seem that way to me."

"What is this really about, huh Maura?" demanded Lyra. "What did she say, Isabelle? Was she making her assumptions, spreading rumours again? I know the silly cow doesn't mean anything by it, but she opens her mouth without speaking all of the time! Well come on! What did she say?"

"I told you, it had nothing to do with Isabelle. Lyra, when you left, you were doing a psychology project."

"Oh yeah," she said disdainfully. "That. God that teacher, what was his name? Jason? Jay? No… Jeremy! That's it, he had the most boring monotone voice imaginable."

Maura couldn't argue there, so she just nodded and said; "you were working with Vincent."

Lyra's face froze, then she began nervously playing with her hair. She said, in a higher tone, "Vincent?"

"Vincent West. He went out with my friend, Lexi."

"Lexi," Lyra sneered. "That bimbo. Is he still with her?"

Maura nodded, biting her tongue as not to snap at her. "Yes. They're married."

"Well, more fool her," said Lyra. "She always was a bit of an idiot, refusing to believe he could do anything wrong. She thought the sun shone out of his ass. Well, she wasn't the only one to be fair."

"I thought you liked him."

Lyra reddened and scowled at Maura. "Yeah okay at first, maybe I did. So did a lot of girls. But he had a cruel sense of humour, Maura. Humiliating Hayley by reading out her diary to the class? That's not funny. Going on and on about how women should be submissive and slaves to men? As a child who saw her Mum being beaten by her Dad? That's not funny." Lyra picked up her mug and raised her eyebrows at Maura. "Calling someone Bambi because their Mum is dead? That's not funny, Maura, it's sick!"

"How did you know about that? He never said that around other people."

"He let it slip in front of me once. Thought I should roll around on the floor laughing and got pretty pissed off when I told him what I thought of him. I won't repeat it here, but there was a lot of effing and blinding."

"That's Vincent," Maura muttered. "Spiteful, nasty, he hasn't changed. Lyra, this is really, really difficult, but it's important."

"What?" Lyra said. She didn't look curious. She looked wary and afraid; Maura knew in that instant that she was really the right girl.

"Did you leave because of him? Did he ever hurt you?"

She held contact with Lyra until the other girl looked down. She shook herself vigorously as if trying to shake away a very painful memory. There was a beat of silence. That she hadn't laughed or even asked Maura what she meant seemed to further confirm Maura's suspicions.

"Lyra…please. I need to know."

"What is this Maura, huh?" she challenged angrily, looking up at her, tears in her eyes. "I barely know you and you turn up at my door, asking me all this, dragging things up and…"

"He raped me."

She paused mid sentence and stared. She mouthed the word 'what' but no sound came out. Maura looked down and spoke.

"It wasn't recent. It was years ago, when I was still in college. Not long after you left. I was at home, on my own, and he had to come in because nobody was at his house. I didn't want him there, but what else could I do? He pushed his way inside. I left him downstairs, but he sneaked up to my room when I was in the bathroom. Tried coming onto me. I told him where to go and he locked the door." Maura swallowed hard and wiped away a cold tear which slid down her cheek. "I tried to stop him. But look at the size of me Lyra, I had no chance against him. He was just far too strong. He ripped off my clothes, forced me to the floor and…raped me." Maura sniffed. "I didn't tell anyone, apart from my Doctor. I couldn't. Until now." She looked up at Lyra, who was looking at her, sympathy and pain in her eyes. "You remember he had a brother? Tom?"

Lyra nodded. "Yes, his twin. He was lovely. But after…I could never look at him in the same way again."

"I know what you mean. You remember they had an older brother, called Sonny?"

"Yes, but I never met him."

"He was my boyfriend. Husband, now actually. Soon to be ex by the looks of things. But…soon after I found out I was pregnant, I decided I'd kept the secret long enough. So I told him. I told them. Neither of them would believe me."

"They didn't believe you?" Lyra said incredulously. "I remember Vincent openly bullying Tom for coming out as gay! Which was, the single most brave thing I've ever seen someone our age do, by the way! They nearly got into a fight once because of his bullying ways, they always seemed like they hated each other!"

"I know," said Maura sadly. "But, while they both know he's a bastard, they both refuse to believe that he did it. Even though they know he beats up Lexi."

"She doesn't deserve that," said Lyra. "As thick as she is, she doesn't deserve that. So I take it she doesn't believe you either?"

"She doesn't know. I only told Sonny, Tom and my Doctor. Which seems like three more people than you ever told."

Lyra sighed. "It was just us. Just me and my Mum. It's been that way for years. After _he_ went to jail for beating her up, his side of the family refused to have anything to do with us. Not that I care. She's got no brothers or sisters, so I have no cousins or anything. She was out at work. Vincent and I came back here to work on that stupid project." She laughed bitterly. "You know, when Jeremy put me with him, I was so excited. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the class. Me, working with the best looking boy in the class. If only they knew."

"What happened, Lyra?"

"It was all going fine at first," she said. She nodded behind Maura. "We were working in there, in the dining room. He was his usual, cracking jokes, being charming, suave. You know. His façade. I suppose you were the one who saw through it because I could see that you didn't like him. At first, I thought it was because you were…jealous. I know," she said, at Maura's indignant look. "You've no idea how much I regret never asking you why you hated him. "Anyway, then the jokes started to not become so funny, the last straw was the Bambi one. I told him I thought he was sick and disgusting and he was outraged. I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of me going to ask Jeremy to put me with someone else and that I would tell Lexi how he thought it was okay to treat people like that. That was when he got angry. He grabbed me, starting shaking me, shouting and swearing. He said that girls like me and Lexi would always see him as a great guy and he could get them to do whatever it was he wanted. I told him, not in a million years and…he flipped when I pushed him away when he tried kissing me. He threw me onto the dining room table and…raped me. It went on for ages. I've tried to block it out, but it's impossible. And he…"

"Enjoyed it?"

"A lot," Lyra said, sickened. "The man's a fucking psycho, Maura. He didn't care that he was hurting me, that I was in pain, that I was crying. All he cared about was proving that he was a man."

"I know," Maura said softly, for once in years, feeling at ease that she at last had an ally. "The worst thing…was that he thought I was enjoying it too. Was convincing himself that I was playing hard to get, that I was up for anything. Just because…I'd slept with Sonny. I don't know who told him. I certainly didn't."

"Lexi?"

"I dunno, it wouldn't surprise me though."

"Maura…when he flipped, when he was shouting and swearing, he kept on mentioning you."

"Me?"

"Yes." Lyra shrugged. "I dunno, something about you being a 'special saint, a Daddy's girl, everyone's favourite princess,' some shit like that. It was like…he thought it was your fault that everyone hated him so much."

"He brought that on himself," she said. "After…after he did what he did to me, life became shit. I couldn't stand to be around him. I ran away –"

"I remember that, it was featured on the news for a bit. It was only for what…a week?"

"Yes."

"Where did you go?"

"London. I thought I could go and stay with my old friend, but he wasn't there when I went to call."

"So…where did you stay?"

Maura shrugged. "Wherever I could. Shop doorways, park benches. It was some of the darkest times of my life. I came home, just before New Year, but I still…couldn't handle it. I had a breakdown. I had to go into a hospital for a while. Anorexia. My Dad had me sectioned."

"I'm sorry," Lyra said, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Maura, I'm so sorry. If I'd told someone…"

"I know. I suppose we're both guilty of it, but who's going to believe that a sixteen-year-old boy raped a girl his age? Two girls? That's Vincent's game, he twists things. Recently, he started planting food into my room, to make it look as if I was going bad again…"

"Fucking bastard!"

Maura nodded and said; "I told everyone it was him, but nobody would believe me. So I had to take action. I set up my Dad's camcorder in my room and caught him on it, planting the food, and admitting it when he sneaked up to the room to taunt me. Then I played it to everyone on Christmas Day."

Lyra laughed slightly. "Oh, I wish I'd have been there to see that! So I take it they believe you now?"

"Of course, they can't not believe it after seeing it for themselves, can they? But Lexi, she had a go at me. Asking me how I could dare to humiliate him like that in front of everyone. She's not talking to me now."

"_What_?!" she said indignantly. "How_ you _could dare? After everything he's done?"

"He's always going to come first with her, Lyra. I realised that a long time ago. I might have been her best friend since birth, but he's as good as brainwashed her."

"She was always an easily led idiot. I'm sorry, Maura, I know she's your best friend and all and I get that after what he did to you, you don't want to give up on her. But…sometimes there's only so many times you can try before she's the one who severs all ties."

"I know," said Maura sadly. "But…I can't give up on her, Lyra. I just can't. I don't want to see him do the same to her."

"So, what do you want me to do?" asked Lyra, an underlying aggression in her voice.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" she repeated. "What, nothing…at all?"

"Well, what on earth did you think I'd want you to do Lyra?"

"I don't know," she said. "Go to the police?"

Maura shook her head. "No Lyra. I don't want you to go to the police. I don't want to go to the police. All that I want is to prove it to Sonny and Tom. And no, before you ask, I don't want you to tell them that he did the same to you. I just needed to know…that I wasn't alone. That I was right, and there was someone else."

"How did you know?"

"What, that it was you or that there was someone else?"

"Both."

"Recently, something he said…after he'd done it came back to me. He said it wasn't the first time he'd made a girl cry like a 'sulky little kid.' At first, I thought it was Vincent being Vincent, you know, bigging himself up, playing the big 'I am.' But then, I began to wonder if he actually did mean it. Then, Lexi and I were talking the other day, we were talking about that project and yours and Vincent's got mentioned. That was when I remembered that you'd left really suddenly. It was just a hunch."

"Maura…for the sake of your marriage…"

"There isn't a marriage anymore, Lyra. That ship has sailed."

"Well, for your sake then, and your baby's, I hope you prove yourself to them, but I can't have any part in this. I don't want any part. I went through this all on my own and I finally think I'm getting my life back together. I can't rake up the past. I just can't."

"I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes," she said. "Lyra, believe me, I wish I could just forget, but I can't. The two people who were really important to me think I'm a liar. I have to prove myself, or this will destroy me. He will destroy me. I can't let that happen. Not again. And not when I'm about to become a Mum."

"I hope you do," said Lyra, standing with Maura as she pulled on her coat. "Good luck with everything, Maura. I hope you find your happiness. You deserve it. Just…don't throw your life away on Vincent Fucking West. He's not worth it."

"It's a bit too late for that," said Maura.

And with a nod, she turned and left.

* * *

><p>The streets were emptier on the way back home, the skies darker. She'd been in Lyra's house for well over three hours. Although disappointed that Lyra wouldn't go to the police, she wasn't surprised. She couldn't condone the girl for something she wouldn't do herself. But it still all came back to one thing; proving it to Sonny and Tom meant proving it to everyone else. Lexi was already not talking to her for her 'out of order' behaviour to her precious Vincent, she'd disown her completely, Maura thought, if she ever found out about this. it was a risk she'd have to take, and it saddened Maura that Lexi would throw away their lifelong friendship over Vincent. It was a risk she was just going to have to take though, but she considered it to be one of the hardest decisions of her life. The house was empty when she got home and she thought her Dad should have been back by now, but then she remembered; he was spending the day with Brad. Oh well, it gave her some time to herself. Opening the window slightly to let in some air, she laid on the sofa, covered in the throw that was there for that express purpose and fell asleep.<p>

She woke up to the cold, sharp metal of a knife being held to her throat.

Her eyes were the only part of her that moved, rising up to meet Vincent's. She made an attempt to sit up and he pinned her down, keeping her still, the knife remaining at her throat.

"Think you're pretty funny, don't you, bitch?"

"You deserved it." The words were snarled, but ended on a whimper when he pressed the knife harder. "So, you're everyone's favourite girl and I'm enemy number one again. Big deal."

"Get lost then!"

"Now!" he said, eyes flashing dangerously. "I said 'big deal.' I never said I was going to let you get away with it, did I?"

"What're you going to do then Vincent, huh? Rape me again?"

"Rape you?" he said. "Now that's not how I remember it. 'Please Vincent! Vincent, please!' You were begging me for it!"

"Get off me! Get off!"

She clenched her teeth to hold in a whimper as the point of the knife nicked her neck. She tried to push his hand away and he grabbed her wrist. There was a short struggle before he pinned her down.

"Stop trying to fight me, you stupid little bitch! I thought you'd have learnt the first time, you're no match for me, you never were! Your little plan backfired, didn't it? Lexi hates you, she's determined to never talk to you ever again." He brought his face closer, applying more pressure to the knife at her throat. "If you ever try to take me on again, Maura, make no mistake, I'll destroy you. I'll crush you before you even see me coming!" He took away the knife but she had no time to relax before his hands grabbed her throat, dragging her up and forcing her against the wall. She struggled, clawing at his arms as his grip tightened. "If you think what we did years ago was bad, just try it and see what happens if you try to interfere in my life again. Lexi's mine, Maura, you'd better get over it. She'll always be mine." He laughed, watching her struggle. "Don't worry Maura, I'm not going to kill you. For only one reason. Watching you suffer is far too much fun. You're still the same whiny little kid you were back then."

He held her for a second longer before releasing her and leaving. She heard the door shut and stood, gasping and massaging her throat. The window was wide open and she slammed it shut, and locked it before making sure every window in the house was locked before going up to the bathroom, collapsing on the floor. She gasped, gripping her stomach as agonizing pain seared through it. She slumped against the bath, unable to move, crying in agony, and that was how Sonny found her half an hour later.

* * *

><p>"Dad! Dad! I want my Dad!"<p>

"He's on his way, Maura, please calm down!"

"Oh fuck off Sonny!" Maura said fiercely, snatching the tube from his hand and sucking on the pain relief. She glared at him. "How many times to I have to tell you to get out! I don't want you, I want my Dad!"

"Tough," he said, equally as fiercely. "This is my baby Maura, and I'm not missing the birth!

"Sir," said the midwife glaring at him. "I've told you before! If you want to stay in here with your wife, stop arguing with her!"

"I'm not going to be his wife for much longer!" Maura snarled, taking more of the painkiller, glaring at Sonny. When he'd found her in pain on the bathroom floor, her heard had soared at the sight of him. He'd held her in his arms, stroking her face so tenderly and it had been just like old times. But she couldn't allow herself to think of those. It would only hurt more later.

"Please Maura?" he said desperately.

It was the closest he'd come to begging and she gave him an icy stare, and snapped, "oh suit yourself!"

She whimpered, for all the world, looking like a little girl, Sonny thought. Hair all over the place, swamped in a hospital gown and calling out for her Dad.

"It hurts so much!"

"I know sweetheart," the midwife said, in a calmer town now that the pair had stopped arguing. "Maura, listen. You're in the second stage, you need to push with your contractions!"

"But I can't! it's early! It's too early!"

"It's only two weeks, Maura!"

"My baby's going to die, isn't it?"

"Don't say that Maura!" Sonny said, wiping her head with a handkerchief. "Our baby is going to be fine!"

She turned her gaze on him and for a moment, he thought he'd get another mouthful of abuse but she said; "it's not my fault Sonny!"

"I know it's not your fault, Maura, these things happen! Come on baby, you can do it!"

"He's right Maura. Just push for me. Go on, push. Squeeze Sonny's hand, scream if you want! The walls have heard it many a time before!"

Maura closed her eyes and turned her face to the side, pushing and pushing like they told her to. Suddenly, she was seventeen years old again, lying in Canley Park in the dirt, grass and snow giving birth to Eve all on her own.

"EVE!"

She might have screamed the word, or just thought it but didn't have time to think about it. The pain! It hurt so much! She thought she'd never forget the first time, the pain of giving birth to Eve, but even now, at hospital, under better care, it didn't seem to be much better. The last thing she saw before sinking into blackness was Eve, lying cold and still in front of her. Then she heard a cry! She was alive! Surely not…surely…not…

* * *

><p>"She's so beautiful," Sonny said, his voice full of emotion, looking down at the newborn baby girl, wrapped tightly in his arms. "I can't believe it. She's mine. And Maura's." He looked at his sleeping wife and said, "you're beautiful, aren't you? Just like Mummy."<p>

"Why did you say she was unconscious?" asked Peter, holding Maura's hand.

"They had to perform an episiotomy. An incision. They said she'll be all right though, she just needs to rest. She lost a lot of blood."

Peter put Maura's hand back on the bed and walked over to Sonny, his eyes shining with tears at the sight of his first granddaughter. He held out his arms hopefully and Sonny handed over the tiny bundle to him.

"She's so lovely, Sonny. Did you two ever get around to talking about names?"

"A bit. But I think Maura likes 'Eve.'"

"Eve?" Tom repeated, tearing his eyes from his niece for the first time since entering the room. "I never heard you two mention that name."

"No, but it's what she was shouting. All through the labour. Over and over again. Eve. Eve. Eve."

Tom bit his lip, and looked at Maura, thinking about their Christmas Day conversation. Eve. That's what she'd said she'd named her baby, the baby he'd been so adamant that she'd made up.

"Tom? What's the matter? Don't you like it?"

"Do you?"

"It's nice," he said, smiling at the baby. "It's a sweet name."

"Yeah, but don't get too ahead of yourself, huh? Let's see what Maura says when she wakes up, you two came up with lots of nice names. She could have just been shouting that randomly, you know how childbirth does weird things to women. Hey…Peter…can I have a hold?"

The older man nodded and bent down, lowering the sleeping baby into her uncle's arms. Tom brushed her cheek tenderly and looked across at Maura, who was still sleeping, her face relaxed. He thought about what Lexi had confided in him months ago, about Maura admitting she wasn't as excited about the pregnancy as she should have been. Uncertainly, he looked back at the baby girl in his arms, chewing his lip harder. All of this time, he'd thought Maura was making things up, stirring up trouble and being vindictive, but it just…didn't seem like Maura. He shook himself mentally. Maura had proved herself to be a good liar when she wanted to be, and for all Vincent's faults, he wasn't a rapist, he had to believe that. He pushed the matter aside and concentrated on the girl who was now the centre of his world.

But the little voice in his head still bothered him, whispering – what if you're wrong?


	19. Buried Secrets

_Thanks to Jess and Emma! Hol. xxx_

Maura winced and sat down on the bed, holding her stomach. She gritted her teeth. She was still in pain, days after giving birth to her daughter. Her daughter. Dragging her knees to her chest, she stared at the baby in her carrier seat, waiting to leave. She was awake, her large eyes wandering around the room, taking in the only surroundings that she'd ever seen. She didn't feel much like she was her child and Maura had only held her once. That had been a very brief hold. She just couldn't bring herself to touch her baby. Sonny and her family had fussed nonstop over the new arrival and for that, Maura was glad. It stopped her having to do it. She was chewing on her nails, something she hadn't done in years, when her Dad came in to pick her up, a wide smile plastered on his face.

"Ready to leave, baby?" he said, picking up her bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He picked up the carrier, smiling at his granddaughter. "Hello there my darling. Have you been a good girl for your Mummy?"

"Are we going?" Maura asked, making to rise.

He held up one hand. "In a minute baby. I've asked them to bring a wheelchair."

"A wheelchair? What for? It's not necessary, Dad, I can walk!"

He shook his head. "You're still bleeding Maura, and they said you're still in pain. You need to rest as much as you can."

His words were said in a tone that made it final. Maura sat back on the bed, watching him fuss over the baby, shaking a rattle at her. A few minutes later, the orderly came with a wheelchair. Trying not to show her irritation, Maura smiled as he helped her into it and wheeled her out, Peter following them. He settled the baby in the car, while the orderly helped Maura into the car. She smiled politely at him as he shut the door. Peter smiled at her and looked at the baby in the back.

"She's beautiful, Maura. You should be so proud. Sonny said he might pop around later."

"Oh. I don't suppose…you've heard from Lexi?"

"No," he said, his face darkening in a frown. "Sorry Maura."

"Why is she so mad at _me_?" Maura burst out indignantly.

"She's being an idiot, Maura," he said. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth, if she really, truly honestly thinks what that swine did was in the least bit funny."

"She's been my best friend since I was a child. I can't believe she's letting him come between us."

"I know. Don't worry, Maura, one day she'll see him for what he really is. Just maybe not one day soon."

Maura sighed quietly and laid her head on the window. The ride the rest of the way home was silent, and when he pulled into the driveway of their home, the front door opened and Jake came out to greet her as she got out of the car.

"Welcome home little sister! Hey, hey, hey! Be careful!" he said, catching her as she stumbled. "Don't exhort yourself, Maura, the Doctor ordered rest. That was a difficult birth."

"Tell me something I don't know," she muttered, glowering at the baby carrier.

"Come on, let's get you inside. I have blankets and the hot water bottle ready for you! And we've set the cot up and everything in your room! Wait till you see it, it looks great!"

"I can't wait," she said. "But…later. Let me sit down."

"Whenever you're ready," he said cheerfully, lowering her onto the sofa as Peter put the carrier on the floor. "Maura, have you and Sonny thought of a name yet?"

"No. We haven't talked very much about it."

"He said he thought you lived the name Eve, Maura."

"Eve?" Maura repeated, her blood running cold. "What made him think that?"

"He said you were shouting it," Peter said, tucking the blanket around her. "All through the labour. Tom said labour does strange things to women though, he's probably right. Your mother, when she was having your brothers, kept yelling out for John Hurt. 10 Rillington Place gave her the biggest crush on him."

Everyone laughed, Maura smiled. Connor sat cross legged on the floor in front of her, smiling at his niece.

"She's gorgeous Maura, really beautiful. You did good, little sister." He tickled her cheek. "Can I hold her?"

"Let Maura hold her first," said Peter.

"I don't want to," she said automatically.

"Why not?"

"I'm tired," she said faintly. "I don't want to. Not yet."

"Maura…"

"Dad, I said not yet. She's my baby, okay, not yours. Connor, go ahead."

The awkward atmosphere was covered by Connor picking up his niece and walking around with her in delight, shaking a rattle at her. Maura laid down, her blanket around her, aware of her Dad looking at her worriedly. She pointedly avoided looking anywhere at him and watched as over the course of the hour, she was passed from person to person and admired from every inch until she was at last put back in the carrier, fast asleep. Peter had just handed Maura a mug of tea when the doorbell rang, and he went to let them in.

"Must've had the same idea we did," Robert said cheerfully, coming into the room, followed by Tom, Sonny, to Maura's surprise, Lexi and to everyone's chagrin, Vincent. Maura's eyes prickled with tears as Lexi point-blank refused to look at her, and made a beeline straight for her daughter. Upset at the snub, she put down the mug and made to rise. Sonny automatically moved to help her.

"_Get back_," she snarled, so angrily, everyone stared. "I can get up myself, I'm not completely useless!"

With a tremendous effort, she got up, feeling like someone was sticking a knife into her stomach and twisting it, and hobbled out of the room, into the kitchen, pushing the door to. She got herself some water and sat at the table, holding her head in her hands. She wished everyone would just go away and leave her alone. And they could take the baby whilst they were at it. As soon as the thought went through her head, Maura felt sickened by herself. She was supposed to love that little girl out there, be out there with the rest of them, fussing over her and accepting compliments about how beautiful she was. She looked up, startled as the door clicked shut. There stood Sonny.

"Go away Sonny."

"No," he said, pulling out the chair beside her. "Maura, please, talk to me."

"I've got nothing to say to you, Sonny, not until you say you believe me!"

"Even if I did, Maura, what's it going to achieve, huh? Are you going to go to the police? Are you going to go back to Sun Hill and tell them all this?"

"I'll get arrested," she said, fear filling her eyes. "Go to jail."

He sighed. "Maura, please, how long are you going to keep this up? I know you hate him, all right? So do I. But for everything he is, he's not a rapist!"

"Go to hell then," she said coldly, pushing herself up on the table. "I've told you before, Sonny, I don't care if you don't believe me, but I'm going to prove it. You're going to be sorry you ever doubted me."

She left, ignoring him calling after her and went back into the sitting room, taking her place on the sofa. Robert was holding the baby, rocking her.

"She's beautiful Maura."

Maura smiled, but it was with gritted teeth. If someone said that one more time, she was sure she would tear out her own hair. She could feel Vincent looking at her, and from the corner of her eye, saw the small, smug smile on his face.

"Maura, what're you going to call her?" asked Robert.

Maura shrugged and said, "I don't know."

"I thought you liked 'Eve.'"

"I do, but…it just doesn't seem to suit her somehow. She doesn't look like an 'Eve.'"

"What does she look like?"

Maura wished she wasn't having this conversation and thought wildly about the names she and Sonny had talked about mere months ago and said the first one that popped into her head. She said; "Dominique. She looks like a Dominique."

"Dominique," Peter said, looking down at her. "I like that. Dominique West. It has a nice ring to it. Sonny? It's your choice too."

He nodded, delight spreading over his face. He said, "I like it. I like it a lot."

"Looks like that one's settled then," Peter said cheerfully. "Maybe we might like to have a little party Maura, welcome her into the family properly."

"If you like."

"We can all talk about it later," he said.

Maura sighed quietly and rolled her eyes. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife and after a few more comments of repetitive comments about Dominique, everyone went silent and all eyes seemed to be on Lexi, Vincent and Maura. Lexi was now staring hard at Maura, who was examining her nails, deliberately not meeting her eyes.

"Oh for God's sake, Maura!" she burst out angrily. "Why can't you just apologize?"

Maura raised her eyes to Lexi and said, her voice deadly calm, "Excuse me?"

"Why can't you just apologize to Vincent! You know you were in the wrong, what you did was out of order!"

"Lexi!" Robert said, sharply.

"No, Dad! She was unfair, unfair and selfish, humiliating him like that in front of everyone when all he was trying to do was have a bit of fun!"

There was a beat of silence, and Maura looked around at everyone's angry expressions. Then, Tom strode forwards towards Lexi, pulling something from his pocket as he went. She recoiled as he shoved the object directly in front of her face. She looked shocked, then disturbed before she raised her hand to her mouth, tears forming in her eyes.

"Oh my God."

"I'm sorry, Lexi," Tom said harshly. "But I don't get it. Why aren't you laughing?"

"Laughing?" she said, looking at him as if he was insane.

"Yes, laughing. Why aren't you laughing? I'm sorry; I thought you just said it was fun! I thought this was funny to you! A joke!"

"Tom, what's that?" Maura asked, sitting up straighter. Vincent was looking from the photo to his brother, glaring at him angrily. Peter moved around to see what it was and his face paled until he looked like he was about to cry and for some reason, that unnerved Maura more than Vincent's anger. She hardly ever saw her father cry. "Tom? What is that?"

"Show her," Peter said, his voice shaky.

Tom turned and held the photo out to Maura. She took it and it took a few minutes of hard staring before she recognised the gaunt girl in the photograph – herself. It was sometime in the summer, and she was wearing a dress which looked two sizes too big for her. Bones jutted out from everywhere; her chest, her arms and in particular, her face. Her eyes were sunken into her skull, the skin stretched tightly. It barely looked as if she had any skin at all. If someone had just even pushed me back then, she thought, I would have shattered into a thousand pieces. So this is why her father had been driven to have her sectioned. After all these years, she finally understood how seeing her looking like that had broken his heart, and it broke hers knowing she'd put him through it. Something of her feelings seemed to show on her face, for Tom took it back, looking a bit guilty.

"Sorry Maura," he said, before turning back to Lexi and holding her photograph in her face again. She looked as if she was witnessing a train wreck – wanting to look away, but unable to. "So, would you like to tell us then? Why you're not laughing?"

"How on earth could I ever laugh at that, Tom? Look at the state of her! She was so…near death."

"Right then, so what's funny about letting people think she's going to look like this again? How the Hell can you justify what that man you seem proud to call your husband did? If this is truly what you think is funny, Lexi, then you're just as mad as he is! What the Hell is funny about someone starving to death?"

"I was just saying…"

"What, that Maura was spoiling your precious Vincent's fun? Well, I think you can excuse everyone else in this room for being well and truly on her side here! Cos I mean, how _dare_ she be upset that nobody believes her when she says she's eating! How _dare_ she get upset at rotten food planted in her room! Yeah! How dare she spoil it!"

"I didn't mean…"

"Right, so what did you mean then? That she should have just let him carry on? She should have stood back and let everyone think she wasn't eating? She should have just stood back and been stressed out while she was pregnant, all so that sicko can have a bit of 'fun'?"

"I didn't mean… I…I'm sorry. I just…I forgot how terrible she looked."

"Yeah well the rest of us don't forget so easily, Lexi," he said harshly. "Least of all, Maura."

"I'm sorry."

He stuffed the photograph away and sneered; "I'm not the one you should be apologising to Lexi, am I? I'm not the one you've ignored for the past few months!"

He sat back down, his arms folded and face stony. Lexi raised her eyes to Maura and said, her voice trembling, "Maura, I'm…I'm so sorry."

Maura looked into the eyes of the woman she'd viewed for years as her best friend, and suddenly, she was tired, tired of her never listening to reason when it came to Vincent, refusing to report any of his violence and of her defending every single thing he did. This was just one time too many. Without answering, she got up and went upstairs to her room, locking the door.

She sat on the bed and looked around. It had been crammed with things for Dominique and at the end of a bed, stood a cot. A pink cot, crammed with toys and soft blankets. Little baby clothes sat in a pile, waiting to be put into drawers. She should be happy, but wished it would all just disappear. She crossed her arms over her sore stomach and wrapped herself in her duvet. Knocking at the door made her jump and she sat bolt upright.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Maura," Tom said.

Sighing, Maura got up and walked to the door, holding onto the wall for support. She unlocked the door and opened it. Tom stood before her, holding Dominique in his arms, who was gurning.

"What do you want?" she said wearily, turning and walking back in.

He followed her in and closed the door. "Your little one's hungry."

She froze, colour draining from her face. She hated breast feeding more than anything since Dominique's birth, but had no choice but to take her daughter as Tom held her out. He sat on the bed, showing no signs of going anywhere, despite her pointed glares. Dominique began to cry, the sound doing her head in, so she reluctantly unbuttoned her blouse and fed her.

"Maura, what's the matter?"

"Why don't you try feeding your baby when someone's staring at you?" she said snappily.

"No, Maura, I mean, what's wrong? You didn't want to take her, and you've hardly held her since she's been born."

"I'm in pain, Tom," she snarled. "Moving, even slightly, hurts, so you'll excuse me if I'm not running to the front of the queue to pick her up!"

"I'm…I'm sorry for what I did down there. That picture. It wasn't fair on you."

"Nothing is," she said bitterly. "Having to look at the man who raped me day in day out isn't fair either!"

Tom bit his lip and said; "Sonny said you were calling out for Eve."

"What, so you actually believe that she existed now?"

"Maura, I…"

"No. I thought not." She looked to where he was sitting and said; "its right there you know."

"What?"

"There. Right there, right where you're sitting. At your feet. That's where he did it."

Self consciously, he moved over and Maura smiled coldly. "Come on, make up your mind Tom!" she said. "Either you believe me or you don't!"

"Maura, if there was proof…"

"And when did I ever say that there wasn't any kind of proof?"

"What?"

"He attacked me, Tom. He slapped me around this room. I went to the Doctor. She has notes. She took records of my injuries. Internal and external."

"And it proves it was him?"

"Oh. I see," she said, buttoning her blouse with one hand with relief. "You believe I was raped, just not by your brother, is that it?"

He took Dominique and raised her on his shoulder, rubbing her back to bring up her wind. "Maura, I just can't believe that you would never say anything about it before. Ever, in six years. Why would you keep this quiet for six years and only say now?"

"They dug up Eve! They dug up my baby! It's only a matter of time before Sam wakes up and tells them it was me that pushed her down the stairs!"

"Maura…come on."

"Come on, what? Either I'll prove it before she tells them or I won't. Either way it won't be long before you, and all of them downstairs find out the truth. And you know what, I don't care that you don't believe me and I don't care if they don't. At least I won't be forced to keep it a secret anymore." She lay down and turned away. "You can go now. And you can take her with you."

"'Her' is your daughter, Maura!"

"Yeah and Mummy needs to rest, so why don't you take her downstairs and tell them everything's fine?"

She said nothing more and a minute later, she heard the door shut. She got up to lock the bedroom door again and changed into pyjamas and got into bed, glad her room was at the top of the house, so she couldn't hear the celebrations downstairs.

* * *

><p>It was the middle of the night when Dominique's cries penetrated the silence. Maura covered her ears. The nurse would come and pick her up, and shut her up. Like she had every night. Dominique continued to cry and then Maura remembered – she wasn't in hospital anymore. Nobody was coming. She sat up, throwing back the covers and glared at the cot.<p>

"Shut up," she muttered. "Just shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

She scrunched her hair, wishing the little brat would just shut up. She gnawed at her knuckles, rocking back and forth as she cried and cried. This wasn't real, it just didn't seem to be real. Everything was a blur. Knocking at the door made her jump and fall off the bed. The handle turned and the door rattled.

"Maura? Open the door."

She crawled along the floor and turned the key. The door opened as she pulled herself into a huddle in the corner and her Dad stepped in, wearing a dressing gown, eyes alert and bright. He stared from her to the cot.

"Maura, she's been crying for ages!"

"She only just started," she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

"No she hasn't, I've been listening!" he said, picking her up. "Oh dear," he added, wrinkling his nose. "Looks like someone needs a nappy change."

He looked at Maura expectantly but she didn't move so he crossed the room and disappeared. When he came back cradling a quiet Dominique, Maura was nowhere to be seen. He would have seen her pass if she'd come downstairs and he put Dominique down, his eyes falling to under the bed. He bent down and found her, just as he'd expected, huddled into a ball. She used to do that all the time as a child, whenever she was upset or distressed. He remembered the last time. It had been the day he'd called the professionals and the police who'd had to break down her door and bodily drag her out.

"Maura, come on. Come out of there." He reached under and took her arm, she jerked it away.

"Go away."

"Maura, come on darling. You're tired and you need to sleep. Come out from there."

She turned a vacant stare to him and said; "she was my baby, Dad."

"She_ is_ your baby Maura. You mean she is your baby."

"No. She was. _She_ was."

"Maura, baby, come on. Come out of there. You'll feel better when you sleep. Come on baby," he said, taking her hand. "That's it. That's my girl."

He held her in his arms, feeling her seize up. He frowned. She was cold and sweaty. Pulling her away, he took a good look at her. Her eyes were bloody and had puffs underneath. Her skin was unusually pale.

"My poor baby," he said sympathetically. "You're finding this really tough, aren't you?"

"I just need to sleep! But I can't!"

"We have some sleeping pills for you. A prescription from the Doctor. You wait right there and I'll get it. And…wrap up Maura," he said, putting her back into the bed and wrapping the duvet around her. "You're freezing. Now, you just wait right there. I'll be back."

"Dad. She was my baby."

"I know," he murmured. "Don't worry Maura. You'll feel better in the morning."

She fell back against the pillows in dismay. Why wasn't he _listening_ to her? She was trying to tell him about his other granddaughter, about Eve! He returned with a glass of water, and the urge to throw it in his face was strong, but her desire to sleep was even stronger. She downed the tablets and sat back against the fluffy pillows. Her father was becoming a blurred figure. He went to pull his hand from her grasp and she held on. Her body felt heavy, her mind dumb.

"Dad…I need to tell you. I need you to know."

"Morning baby," he said, stroking her hair. "It can wait till morning."

"No. You…y… need t…to know. I did something bad. Really bad. They'll lock me away."

"You're tired Maura. You don't know what you're saying."

Her hand clenched into a loose fist and she tried to raise it to strike him, but she couldn't. Her eyes closed and slowly, her hand released her grip. Peter watched her, then crept from the room, taking the baby monitor with him. She should sleep now. He'd see to Dominique if she cried. Anxiously, he looked at her, closing the door, hoping she wouldn't inherit everything from her mother.

* * *

><p>He kept a close eye on Maura, in the following weeks, willing for a change in her behaviour. Sonny, on paternity leave and a regular visitor to the house was his closest confidant and he watched Sonny coo over his daughter, half a feeling of joy, half terrible sadness. He sighed and put the tea pot down.<p>

"Something on your mind, Mr. Barton?"

"A fair bit."

"Is it Maura?" Sonny asked shrewdly. "Is she still…well… you know. Acting strangely?"

"She barely touches that little girl unless she has to. The Doctors mentioned something about the baby blues, but that lasts days. Not weeks. And…"

"And?" Sonny said, looking up at him.

"Well. Her mother. I see her mother so much in her, but I never thought I'd have to see this side."

"Her postnatal depression you mean? You think Maura has it? I know it's not great but…it's treatable."

"Yeah. But if only it was just postnatal depression." He looked across the table at the younger man, his eyes hard. "Sonny, what I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room. Maura doesn't know. I've never wanted her to know. It's between us, you, me, Rory and Connor."

"All right," he said guardedly.

"Alex had problems when the twins were born but she got over them. Almost. When she found out she was pregnant with Maura, she got scared. You know, when she was born, she abandoned her at hospital?"

"Yes."

"I think she thought that if she didn't…have Maura she'd feel better again. But she didn't. She was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis." He could tell from the look of horror on Sonny's face that he didn't have to ask if he knew what it was and he carried on. "In her family, there've been a history of mental health problems. Alex never went for help. You know how I've always said she died of an illness?"

"Yes."

"She didn't. One day, before Christmas, she straightened the house, left three notes, one for me, one for the boys and one for Maura. I've never given it to her. Then she went down to the tracks. She wasn't sick, Sonny, not physically. That wasn't how she died. She saw a train coming and threw herself in front of it. She killed herself."


	20. Christmas Eve, 2001

_Thanks to the usuals for reading and reviewing! _

For the umpteenth time, Peter looked out of the window and sighed. There was no sign whatsoever of Maura, and, glaring at the Christmas tree, he felt the urge to tear the whole thing down. It was Christmas Eve, where the hell was she? Tears filled his eyes. She'd been missing for the past three days, and police searches had come to nothing. If she'd been upset about something, why hadn't she just come to him, when she knew perfectly well that he would move heaven and earth for her, sell his soul to the devil himself if it made her happy. Maybe that was the problem. His lips thinned. He'd always given her everything. Now look. she'd run away from home at what was supposed to be the happiest time of the year, leaving her loving family worried sick. He looked at the presents underneath the Christmas tree, half of which was for Maura. He picked up the small box underneath, one of his gifts to her; driving lessons. Angry, he threw it back down and the doorbell rang, making him whip around. He ran to answer it, only to be disappointed when he came face to face with Superintendent Anthony Lamb; his oldest friend and Maura's godfather. Anthony saw his disappointment.

"Sorry Peter."

"News?" asked Maura's father.

"No. None."

Sighing, Peter turned and led the way into the house. Anthony wiped his snow covered shoes carefully on the mat and closed the door. "Where are the boys?"

"Doing the same thing they've been doing every night for the past three days. Searching every street corner for their sister." He glared out of the window again. "Where the hell can she be? I'll tell you something Anthony, when she gets back here, I'll slap that girl from one end of this house to the other, I promise you that. I've never raised my hand to any of my kids, but by Christ, she's pushed this too far!"

"And you really think hitting her will solve anything?"

He scowled. "Well, it'll make me feel better! Three nights, I've been unable to sleep! Three nights I've been out there, searching every single damn corner in Glasgow! And nothing! Where the hell is she?"

He glared as if expecting him to have the answers. Anthony went to the drinks cabinet and poured out two generous measures of malt whisky. He handed it to his friend who downed it in one.

"Peter, getting worked up isn't going to solve anything, nor is slapping her! Are you absolutely sure she's said nothing or done nothing lately to give you cause for concern?"

"She told me she was going to Lexi's, Anthony, that's all there was to it!"

"But I mean before! Has she…changed at all?"

He thought, then said, "Well…she's been…withdrawn. For a while now. Every time I went to even give her a hug, just a hug, she wouldn't let me. Or sometimes she would, just for two seconds. She spent a lot more time in her room, locked in. She's not the same girl she was a year ago."

"And you can't think of any reason why?"

"Well…I guess it started around exam time." He hung his head and said; "remember, when I kept her under lock and key? Made her revise for hours on end?"

"I'm sure she knows you only wanted her to do well."

"I know, but you also said I was pushing her too hard. Everyone did. She must've begun to hate me."

"Plenty of kids have parents that make them revise, but they don't run away. That can't have been all it was."

"Sonny came to me the other day, damn near crying his eyes out. He said he had to tell me, even though I'd be furious."

"Tell you what?"

"That he slept with Maura. That grown man had sex with my _baby!_"

"When was this?"

"He says months ago, and it was just the once."

"After she turned sixteen?"

"Yes, that's what he says." He scowled again. "But she's still a baby! A child! She shouldn't be having sex with an adult!"

"What else did Sonny say?"

"That it was only the once, he was adamant about that. But he thinks she rushed into it to keep him happy, though he says that she says she didn't."

"Sonny's not the type of man to only want one thing," Anthony said. "I've seen them two together Peter, he loves her."

"But he's an adult! She is a child! She knows damn well I didn't want them to be together, but oh no, as usual, Maura knows best!

"Well, how do you know her running away has anything to do with Sonny? I've spoken to him myself Peter; he's really cut up about all of this! He wants her back just as much as any of you!"

"Yeah, when she gets back here, he's not going anywhere near her!" he growled. Turning, he looked outside again and the angry expression dropped. "Maura baby, please come home!"

* * *

><p>Maura was sat, at that moment in an empty church hall, taking shelter from the bitter wind outside. Tears in her eyes, she hugged herself. She was cold, hungry and homesick. Running away to London to have her baby had seemed like the perfect solution to her problem at the time. Now she just wished she had told her Dad everything when she'd had the chance.<p>

She looked at her only slightly rounder tummy and touched it. Naively, she'd been trying to push the situation aside, and pretend it didn't happen, but it was impossible. At least for her. Vincent was just carrying on with his life, oblivious to the fact that he'd got her pregnant. Maura had tears of anger in her eyes, shaking with fury. How could he have done it to her? She'd made it clear that she didn't want it, told him to stop, to get off, even in vain tried to resist, but he'd still went ahead and forced himself on her. And he'd loved it. When she lay awake at nights, unable to sleep, his taunts rang in her ears.

The sick smile lingering around his lips whenever they were in company was more than she could bear. One of the worst parts was having to listen to Lexi go on and on about how good he was in bed. He knew he'd got away with repeatedly raping her that afternoon and he'd maintained, that if she _really_ hated what he'd done, she would have told someone. And she hadn't. Therefore, she must have enjoyed it too. He knew full well why she hadn't told anyone. That wasn't to say they hadn't noticed that something was wrong.

Her father had noticed her withdrawn state, not that there was anything particularly unusual about her being rather quiet, but there _was_ something strange about it when she was with her circle of friends, him, or Sonny. He put it down to exam and college stress, and feeling even guiltier about pushing her so hard, and had become more lenient, allowing her to go out socially from time to time. The problem was that she hadn't wanted to.

Sonny, her beloved boyfriend, the light of her life had noticed her reluctance to have any sort of intimacy with him, but, like her father had thought it was because of something he'd done. He still thought that she'd rushed into sex with him too soon, and he was wrong, but letting him believe that was easier than telling him what Vincent had done, even though it made her feel bad. She was lucky that he was so kind, caring and patient, but maybe that was because he was older. If she'd been going out with a boy her own age, she'd be ready to bet that they would want regular sex.

And what of this baby? What was she going to do when her waters broke? She was going to have to tell someone then, her Dad would be shocked, Sonny would be shocked, and as for Vincent – she shivered. What would he say if she told them that he was the father? She could hear it now in her head – he'd tell everyone that she slept with him willingly. Despite the situation, though, she couldn't help but feel affection towards the being growing in her womb. How the baby was conceived wasn't its fault, but she couldn't help but feel that every time she looked at her child, she'd be reminded of Vincent and of what he did to her. Then the child would kick and she would forget about it. Who was she kidding? There was no way she'd be able to keep this a secret when the baby was born.

That wasn't to say that she hadn't told anyone. She'd been in so much pain in the week following the attack, and so had gone to the Doctor's. Because they had to keep anything she said to them confidential, she knew she would be safe. Nisha Patel had been the family's Doctor for years. She was an intelligent, kind woman, with wide, warm eyes and long black hair which she often worn wore back. Her style as a Doctor was very warm, caring and never interfering. Maura knew she could trust her. She told her that she'd been raped and that she thought she had suffered some injuries. She had examined her gently, and taken notes of the external and internal injuries. She'd further questioned her about what happened and who had done it, but Maura couldn't bring herself to tell her – she'd said she'd been walking home on her own through the park and she'd been dragged into the bushes and raped by a stranger. Nisha had tried to persuade her to go to the police, but to no avail. She'd flat-out refused, so the Doctor had given her a contact number in case she changed her mind. It had gone straight in the bin after she left the surgery. She'd never report the rape and she never had. Oh God, what was she going to do?

She chewed her nails fearfully, momentarily angry at Smithy. She'd been knocking on his door every day for the past three days and eventually, she'd found out that he was away for Christmas. She'd been livid that he hadn't told her but then the reasonable side of her kicked in. how on earth was he supposed to know that she'd come, heavily pregnant, knocking on his door for help? How was he to know what she'd been through when she hadn't even talked to him since last Christmas? She supposed he'd always been so dependable that she forgot he wouldn't always be there. Unlike her Dad, who had always been there, no matter what. Sudden voices made her jump and she ducked beneath the benches, hiding herself. Two shadows passed without stopping and she made sure they were gone before running out of the church and into the night.

It had been snowing all day and seemed as if it would do so all night. The glistening, white matter lay on the streets, roofs and trees; a blanket of dazzling opaline white. The wind blew and whistled, the strong current pushing tree branches, snow falling from the leaves to the ground with a soft thump. It was late, it was cold and the streets were deserted. Sitting room curtains were open and in every house sat a family, gathered together around a roaring fire, drinking mulled wine or eggnog. Children sat in pyjamas, gazing in awe at the stockings above the fire, faces full of hope at the prospect of them being full in the morning, just a few hours away. It was Christmas Eve.

Maura felt incredibly lonely, left out of all the cheer; a slim, lone figure walking down the street, wearing only a cardigan for the cold, hunched against the wind. A girl, her pale face and large eyes the picture of innocence, but dirty, her hair tangled and knotted. Her bare feet scraped against the snow covered gravel, grazing them deeply. A little further down the pavement, she'd stepped on what she thought might have been broken glass, leaving deep cuts in her feet and crimson stains of red in the snow.

None of it mattered to her. Stinging tears ran from her eyes, not at first but turning icy the moment they were hit by the freezing cold air. She stepped on a rock, stinging her feet, and stumbling, she caught herself on a wall with one arm. There it came. The rush of waters she'd been expecting after the pains she'd had all day. She let out a cry like an injured animal, both arms crossed over her stomach. Savagely cursing Vincent, she braved on, wishing anyone would just stop and help her! Of course, nobody came. They were all celebrating. She passed the park and saw that the gates were open and ignoring the fact that anything could happen to her if she set foot in there, she ran in, hoping the unlocked gates were a sign that someone was there. A saviour!

Maura didn't even get the chance to search for anyone before falling to her hands and knees in pain, and with all the effort she could manage, dragged herself into an undergrowth of trees and bushes, rolling onto her back, staring at the sky. She wanted to double over, but the pain wouldn't allow it. If she ever imagined herself having a baby, it wouldn't be like this. It would be in a hospital, with Sonny holding her hand, for it should be his baby she bore, not his rapist brother's.

She hadn't felt anything like this pain before and hoped she never would again. After an hour slumped on the floor, breathless, in pain, and feeling as if she wanted to be sick, she felt the need to contract her vaginal muscles and push. To stop herself from screaming, she shoved her own arm into her mouth and bitten down hard. Blood rushed into her mouth, making her gag, but she kept her teeth firmly dug into her flesh. The pain had been so great; she'd thought she might pass out until she felt the baby coming out. Thereafter, she'd lain on her back, on the hard, cold earth, breathing heavily before gingerly sitting up and taking a look. What she saw almost made her scream.

Lying in the bloody mess on the ground was the newborn infant. The first thing she noticed was that the tiny thing was a girl, and then she begun to take in all the other details about her. Even though they were closed, she could tell she had large eyes. She had long eyelashes, resting on her cheek. She had a mop of dark hair, which curled slightly at the tips. She'd inherited that from her as well. She had a tiny, button nose in which she could see a hint of the man who'd fathered her. She had ten fingers and ten toes. All in all, she thought her baby was perfect. Apart from one thing.

She wasn't breathing.

Slowly, her hands trembling, Maura picked her up and held her to her breast, but no matter how desperate her willing, no matter how hard she prayed, her daughter didn't open her eyes once. This just got worse and worse. Maura held the baby to her tightly, not caring she was sitting half naked and holding a dead baby. Everyone, her Dad, Sonny, could all go away. Her baby was all that mattered now. Little Eve. The name had come to her straightaway, right when she saw her baby was a girl. Logically, she knew there was no way she could keep her, but she didn't want to let go of her either. But what she could do? If she sought help now, there would be a police enquiry. And what if they thought she killed her baby? She had to do something. She struggled to her feet and looked around.

Hidden in the bushes, right at the back of the park, she found a gardener's shed. It was broken, the padlock hanging off. Inside, she found a gardener's trolley, and attached to it was a large heavy spade and a pair of shears, paint flaking off. This could be it. This, she thought, could solve her problems. Nobody would ever know. She could go back home, without her child and nobody would be any the wiser. And she would tell her Dad… well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it, she decided. Reaching out, she removed the instruments and took it outside, deep into the bushes.

* * *

><p>The tears of pain, of misery, were still falling down her face, as she walked away from the park, her heart feeling like a boulder in her chest. She didn't dare to step back. Her feet scraped across the harsh, stone ground, leaving large footprints. She was freezing, having left her cardigan with Eve. It was more important for her to be warm than her. She deserved it more than her. She wondered where on earth what she could do now and where she could possibly go. She couldn't face going home: she was sure that after one look into her face and her father would guess everything straight away.<p>_"O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,  
>It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.<br>Long lay the world in sin and error pining.  
>Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.<br>A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,  
>For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn"<em>

She stopped when she reached the church, and stared. The singing had been what had made her stop. She longed to be a part of that crowd who were full of joy, not a worry in the world. What she wouldn't give to be happy right now, to be surrounded by love and joy. Silently, she sat in the shadows of the graveyard, listening. Inside the pocket of her raggy dress, she searched for her rosary beads – they weren't there. Frantic, she desperately turned each pocket inside out before being forced to accept that they weren't there. They had been her grandmother's – her father really was going to kill her now, that was if he found out she had lost them before he killed her for running away from home.

_"Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!  
>O night divine, the night when Christ was born;<br>O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!  
>O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!" <em>

"Hello," said a kind voice.

She jumped to her feet in alarm, stumbling slightly. The woman standing before her was wearing a long and expensive looking coat. She smiled at her, but Maura could see her trying to hide her shocked and somewhat disgusted expression at her own attire. This shouldn't have happened, Maura thought, her face paling more. She shouldn't have let herself be seen by someone! Her first instinct was to run away, but the stranger's voice stopped her.

"What were you doing sitting down there, my love?"

"I lost something," she said meekly.

"Well you're going to have a job finding it in the dark. What did you lose?"

"My beads. My rosary beads."

"Well at least they're replaceable."

Maura felt the urge to shout at her, but bit her lip. This woman didn't know. She didn't know she'd just lost the most important person in her life, and now she'd lost her most prized possession. She said; "They were my Grandmother's, real silver. My Dad is going to kill me."

"I'm sure he won't stay very angry for long, he'll know that you won't have meant to lose them."

"I hope so," she said. "I think I should go now."

"Well, why don't you come in, my love? Warm yourself up, have a cup of tea."

"I don't think I'll be welcome in church," Maura replied looking up at the house of God, tears filling her eyes. She hadn't been raised a very strict catholic, but it had always been some source of comfort to her. Now, she didn't think even that could help her now.

"Everyone is welcome at church. Why don't you think you're welcome?"

"I'm not a very good person, Ma'am. I don't think God will be taking me under his wing this Christmas."

"I'm sure that isn't true. I'm Anna," she said, slipping an arm around her shoulders. "Now, why don't you come with me, hmm? You look like you could do with some nice, hot tea and some warmth. I'm sure we can find you a blanket somewhere. Come on."

Anna was surprisingly strong and Maura couldn't – or didn't, from lack of strength - resist. She let her steer her into the church and into the kitchen, at the back of the building. Anna found a blanket and wrapped it tightly around her shoulders, which she was grateful for. She pulled it around her stomach, hoping it was looked like she was trying to stay warm. A large mug and a packet of biscuits were put down in front of her, and Anna sat down opposite, removing her coat. She was wearing an expensive looking dress underneath.

She saw Anna take a good look at her in turn, and felt thankful she had the sense to wear a disguise. She'd never usually wear clothes this dark and drab, and she certainly hardly ever wore jeans. Her long black wig was hidden under a short brown wig and she was thin and unkempt. Certainly not her recognisable, perky self.

"I'm head of the choir," Anna said.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, listening to the singing still coming from the church.

"That's OK, it's only a rehearsal. How old are you, my love?"

"Seventeen," she said. It was one thing she felt she didn't have to lie about.

"What are you doing, wandering around on your own? Christmas spirit doesn't spread to everyone, it's dangerous out there. Anything could happen. Where are your parents?"

"They're out visiting family. They won't even know that I'm gone."

"I'm sure they'd notice you were missing though, if anything were to happen to you. Do you want me to call you a cab? See that you get home safely?"

"No, that's OK. I only live two minutes down the road."

"If you're sure. You just drink that and warm up now, darling, hmm? I'll be right back."

She left, shutting the door behind her. Quickly, she drunk all of her tea, and, still wearing the blanket around her shoulders, ran to the back entrance. When Anna returned, accompanied by the Reverend, the only sign that she had ever been there at all was the mug, which was still hot.

* * *

><p>Christmas Day passed in such a blur, Maura couldn't even remember what she did. All she thought about was Eve, and every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was her baby girl, lying dead and cold on the floor. Now, she sat on a train back to Glasgow, her wig disguise abandoned, knowing and not caring that she was attracting stares of disgust for her smell and state. She glared through tear filled eyes at the people, chattering, laughing and looking down their noses at her, and she felt enraged. How dare they go about their normal lives? Did they have no idea who she was? What had happened to her? Did they have no idea at all of the pain she was feeling? Did they care? Apparently not, she thought with a bitter sneer. They were all talking and laughing about last Christmas with Nana Rita and this Christmas with Uncle Colin. All they cared about was their own lives. People were so selfish. And she was one of them! She'd left her poor baby buried all alone in a strange place, surrounded by complete strangers. She felt nothing but disgust and self loathing. Hunching herself tightly on her seat, she cried until she slept. By the time she awoke, she had arrived back in Glasgow and it was dark, the train empty. She got off, looking about in a daze and sat miserably on a bench on the platform. It began to rain. The next thing she was aware of was a presence next to her.<p>

"Maura darling?"

She turned slowly and stared into the face of her godfather. He stared back, trying to hide his shock. She was looking straight through him as if he wasn't even there at all. She didn't even blink

"Can you take me home?"

"Maura darling, are you all right?"

"I don't know."

"Come on my darling, come on my sweetheart," he said, pulling her up. "I'll take you home. Your father's been so worried! Where the hell have you been?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. London, after all, had been a strange place to her, and now her baby was there all alone.

"You don't…oh; we'll talk about it later! Maura, you're freezing. Here, have this. Have it!" he said, putting his coat on her and helping her into the police car. For a moment, she was reminded of the days when he used to let her dress up in his hat and coat. Why couldn't it still be those days? He talked the whole way back to Maura's house, but she couldn't have listened, even if she'd wanted to. She saw a curtain twitch and as Anthony got her out of the car, the front door opened.

"Maura!"

Her father's voice; relieved, joyful, angry, echoed through the street. He grabbed her, pulling her into his arms. She stood passively as he squeezed her tightly against his chest.

"Where in the hell have you been?" He sounded only angry now, and held her away, trying to look into her eyes. "Maura!"

"Peter, let's just get inside the house, OK?" Anthony said, taking Maura's arm. "We really don't need an audience in the middle of the street!"

He led the way inside the house. Once Peter had shut the door with a furious slam, he grabbed onto Maura's arm.

"Maura! You answer me, young lady, where the hell have you been? For nights, we've not been sleeping, worrying about you!"

She didn't answer and Anthony surveyed the scene nervously wondering whether to intervene or not. He could only imagine what he would do if Maura were his daughter, but there was something, something very wrong and it disturbed him. It was her eyes. Normally, so full of life, they were empty. Vacant. Haunted. He'd seen the look enough times in the eyes of victims of crime.

"…do you have nothing at all to say for yourself? Maura!" He shook her hard, viciously and she still remained passively in his hold, eyes never leaving his. "I raised you better than this! I didn't raise you to be selfish! Have you considered what you've put us through?"

Just as her haunted expression disturbed Anthony, it angered Peter. He shook her hard again and she continued to just stare at him. He raised his hand and a loud crack shot through the air. Maura fell to the floor. Anthony stared with his mouth open. He'd heard Peter voice the threat many times over the past week, but hadn't believed he'd actually follow through with it. Maura at last moved, raising a hand to her face. She didn't even cry, just stared at him. Anthony bent down and helped Maura up, examining her face. There was a gnash where Peter's ring had cut her.

"Maura, listen to me, you go upstairs. Go upstairs, darling, go on. I'll talk to your Dad." He watched her climb the stairs before rounding on Peter. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"She was making me so damn mad!" he said through gritted teeth.

"Oh and is that always your resort when she makes you mad?" he said fiercely. "How long has this been going on?"

"Going on? I've never hit my kids before in my life!" he said, outraged.

"She is half your size! Do you think you've made things any better? Slapping her? How do you expect to be able to find out what was wrong now?"

"I love that girl! I worship the very floor she walks on! You damn well know that, and so does she! So why did she do it? To me? To us? I know I shouldn't have hit her." He raised his hand and looked at the red streak across it. Maura's blood. "I know I shouldn't have. I lost my temper. I'll always regret it." A single tear ran down his face. "But I've been so worried. So worried. I haven't been able to eat or to sleep and now she turns up, with no explanation, looking like a tramp off the street!"

"Yeah, well try actually finding out what's wrong with her! Did you see the look in her eyes? Empty? Haunted? Something's scared her. When you've been a cop for as long as me, Peter, you notice these things. Now come on, let me make you a coffee."

"No, I should…"

"You should leave her alone for a bit," he said, steering him into the kitchen by his shoulder. "She's not going to go anywhere."

Peter sat down, and watched his friend make the coffee. When it was set before him he stared from it to his friend. "Did you see the way she looked at me?"

"What?"

"Afterwards. After I hit her. Did you see the way she looked at me?"

"Um…"

"Yeah, exactly. She just stared at me. She didn't even look shocked. She didn't even cry."

"Would you have preferred it if she had?"

"Maybe. Maybe I would have preferred her to show something to tell me what she was feeling! It's the same look she's had on her face for months now. Hollow. Empty. Not my Maura." He took a drink of the coffee grimaced, then got up. He took the bottle of brandy that stood on the counter and sloshed some into the mixture. "Where's my little girl gone Anthony?"

It was a question they both knew he couldn't answer.

* * *

><p>When Anthony had gone, making him promise to call if he needed him, Peter went upstairs. He splashed some water on his face before running a hot bath, filled with bubble bath. Breathing to regain his composure, he went up to Maura's room. To his surprise, she hadn't locked the door. When he couldn't see her at first, he found her huddled underneath her bed.<p>

"Maura come on. Come out of there. Come and get cleaned up. I've run you a bath."

Taking her arm, he pulled her out, mildly surprised when she didn't resist. He wrinkled his nose at the state of her, trying to be as gentle as he could whilst taking her downstairs.

"Maura, get these off," he said, pulling off her clothes. He didn't know who should be more embarrassed; him or Maura, though in her unresponsive state, she didn't look as if she was capable of feeling an awful lot. He hadn't seen her naked since she'd been a child. He saw blood smeared on her legs and felt even more awkward. "You're bleeding all over the place! Come on. Get in."

The water turned a murky brown in seconds. She sat in the tub, knees hugged to her chest as he cleaned her, rubbing shampoo into her hair and scrubbing her body with her favourite cherry body wash. He dipped her face cloth into the water and washed her face. She flinched slightly as he brushed her cheek and he lowered it guiltily. Now her face was clean, a bruise stood out against her pale skin.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'll get ice to put on that when you get out. Oh, Maura, I've been so worried about you! Maura, please talk to me. Say something. Anything. Maura, please. For me." She still remained as unresponsive as she had when she'd returned home and it was only on fear of his temper resurfacing that he kept on talking. "Remember when you were little, baby? You loved your bath times. I remember when you were about six and wouldn't get in unless I let you put on your swimming costume and goggles. You loved swimming, too, remember? My little duck. Not such a duck anymore, are you though? You're my beautiful swan. Baby…why did you run away? D…did I do something to upset you? Was it because of me? Was I pushing you too hard? I love you Maura, I love you so much. Please. Let me know that you're all right."

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper, but hearing it made him gasp in relief. He threw his arms around her, tears streaming down his face. To him, it was almost like hearing her first words all those years ago, when she'd been little, when she said 'Da.'

"Oh! My baby! My beautiful, precious baby! Come on; let's get you out of here." He pulled her out gently, wrapping her in a towel. As he was letting out the water, he caught sight of the slightly reddish stains of Maura's blood. He looked at her uncertainly; she was still standing just where he had left her.

"Maura…do…do I need to call the Doctor for you?"

"No," she said distantly.

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"In any pain?"

She just shook her head. The pain she was feeling wasn't even one he could begin to ever understand. Her baby Eve was rotting away in some strange place and she was still alive. Without warning, she felt prickling beneath her eyelids and the tears began to slide down her face. He came forwards, his arms outstretched and she stumbled backwards. He stopped short, as suddenly as if she had slapped him that time. He looked hurt.

"Please. Please don't touch me. Don't be nice to me. I don't deserve it. I'm such a bad person."

"But Maura…"

"I said don't touch me!" she said angrily, pushing his hand away. "I can't bear it! I can't bear the idea of anyone touching me! Just…don't!"

Feeling worse than ever, she left him looking hurt and confused in the bathroom and ran upstairs to her room, locking the door behind her. The towel fell from her body as she dropped onto her bed, cry. She'd hurt everyone so much. Her Dad. Her brothers. Sonny. Eve. But she'd done so much worse to Eve and for that, she'd never forgive herself


	21. Like Mother, Like Daughter

_Hey, all, here's the next chapter, sorry about the long wait. It's probably not as good as I wanted it to be, but Hell, Postpartum Psychosis proves to be a hard thing to write about. Anyway, thanks to the usual people for reviewing, and I hope you like it regardless._

Every now and then looking over her shoulder and listening out for noise, Maura continued packing her clothes into her suitcase, layering them neatly one on top of the other. Everyone had taken to creeping up on her lately, as if to catch her doing…something. Well, she reminded herself, they'd have to get through the locked door first. She glanced around at Dominique's cot. It was empty. She felt a savage kind of pleasure. If only it could be empty all of the time. If only she could leave her somewhere, somewhere someone else could take her so she'd never have to look at her again. If only she could just drop her. Send her to the moon. Anywhere that wasn't here. They wouldn't allow that though, would they? Not now they had a new princess to give all their attention to. Not that it really bothered her: it stopped them hassling her as much. Her Dad had always wanted another little girl he could dress up and show off, and coming from a family of boys, Sonny had been desperate for a daughter. She'd wanted the same once upon a time – but that had been before she'd learnt to be careful what she wished for. She pulled her sleeves up and looked at the minute cuts on her arms. It was her only outlet. She couldn't scream, or shout, or tell the truth. Not yet anyway. She pulled the sleeve back down and continued her packing, interrupted when the doorbell rang. She crossed to the window, but from the high angle, she couldn't see who had come to call. Everyone who lived here had keys. Who could this be? She went downstairs, crept to the door and peered through the peephole. Who she saw had her uttering a loud gasp of surprise.

"Lyra!"

She opened the door, as surprised to see her as Lyra had been to see her on her doorstep all those weeks ago.

"Hi," said Lyra.

"Isabelle," the two said at the same time. Maura chuckled slightly and stood back to allow her in. Lyra stepped into the warmth, taking everything in.

"Nice place," she said as Maura shut the door. "It's really…quiet. Erm…where is everyone?"

Maura shrugged uncaringly. "I don't really know. Work. School. Pushing a pram around the park."

"Yeah, I heard you had your baby. Tom, the proud uncle sent everyone in his contact list pictures, they got to Isabelle and now it went viral. To me. She's beautiful, Maura. What was it you called her? Danielle?"

"Dominique," said Maura, taking Isabelle through to the kitchen. "So. I have the feeling that this is about as much a social call as my visit was to you."

Lyra was surprised by the abrupt subject change and wriggled uncomfortably. She sat down and said, "Well…for so long, I thought I was all alone, so I blocked it out. But ever since I found out that he…did it to you…I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

For the first time since Dominique's birth, Maura felt something other than indifference. It was regret, shame.

"I'm sorry," she said, putting down a mug in front of her. "I shouldn't have come to see you. I shouldn't have dug up the past."

"I was angry that you did at first. But…I don't feel so alone anymore. Do you know, I've tried to avoid eating in the dining room ever since that afternoon? It was one of the good things about moving out. I don't have to keep pretending it doesn't exist."

"I know," Maura said sniffing. "That was the good thing about moving out of this place. But I'm back here now, and I reckon it'll raise a few eyebrows if I suddenly start asking to swap rooms."

"You and Sonny still haven't patched things up, then?"

"No," Maura said, stiffly. "And we're not going to. Ever. I love him Lyra, but I hate him at the same time. He knows what Vincent's like, he knows full well and yet he still doesn't believe me. Like he cares right now, anyway," she said. "All he has eyes for is his daughter; he's all goo-eyed over her. He used to look at me with that much love."

"Maura, I'm sure he loves you."

"Yeah, right," Maura said moodily, spooning sugar into her tea. "He does a good impression of it. He wants us to be a family and seems to think we'll just go back to the way we were."

"Maura, you can't throw your life away on Vincent West. You need to be happy."

"I haven't been truly happy since I was sixteen. He destroyed my life. Whatever it takes, I swear to God I'll do the same to him!" Her expression softened and she said; "I've told you Lyra, if you don't want to be dragged into this, I understand. But I'm not going to let him get away with it. I've had to look at his smug face, day in day out, knowing he knows he got away with it at the time. He could hurt Lexi. Or someone else. I can't have that on my conscience."

"Well, how do you intend to prove it?"

Maura shrugged sadly. "I don't know. My Doctor took notes of all injuries. She said they're good for evidence, but the only thing lacking is forensic evidence. Unless I can find a way of proving it was him, it'll be my word against his."

"You haven't told your father?"

"No."

"You don't think he'll believe you?"

"No. I think he will. But I know my Dad. He'll go in, all guns blazing and make a mess of everything. He doesn't know Vincent like I do. If I ever stand a chance of sending him down, then I need to make sure I get the evidence I need."

"You said you didn't want to go to the police."

"Well, I have the feeling that I won't have much of a choice soon," Maura said, thinking of Sam. "When I prove this, everyone will find out. Then I won't have a choice. I'm going to have to report it."

"It'll be harder to prove in a court of law."

"I know that. But I'll find a way. I'll be damned before I'll let him destroy my life anymore."

"Maura, I…"

"Don't worry. I'll keep your name out of it Lyra."

"No, what about your daughter?"

"What about her?" Maura asked coldly. "It's got nothing to do with her. It happened years before she was even thought of."

"He's a thug, Maura! What if he tries using her to stop you?"

"Well, with Sonny's eyes following her wherever she goes, I'd just like to see him try."

"Why can't you just forget him Maura? You deserve to be happy!"

"And I can't be happy, not as long as he's around, a constant reminder of that day! I try to get away; I move to London, he follows. He's everywhere I go! I can't get away from him! Not as long as he's free! It was too late to tell me not to throw my life away on him you know. I did that a long time ago. I'm not going to give up until I destroy him like he destroyed me."

Lyra watched her uncertainly. This wasn't the Maura she remembered from all those years ago. That Maura was fun, lively and sprightly, ready with a quick comeback to any comment. This Maura was angry and hateful. For very good reasons, she reminded herself, but all the same, it was unnerving. Trying to tell her not to go after Vincent was impossible and a waste of time – but at the same time, Lyra could see why and part of her wished she had the same fire in her belly, but the majority part was worried. Vincent was a dangerous man, Maura seemed to be terrified of him, but despite that, she didn't seem to care about what he could do to her.

"Aren't you scared of him?"

Maura looked straight into the other girl's eyes. "I'm terrified, Lyra. I've been scared of him ever since that day. And I don't want to live in fear any more. I'm just sick of it and I'm sick of him. I have to try to do this, do you understand that? Do you?"

"Yes. I think I do. And…I know what I said about not having any part of this, but…if you do need to talk, well you can come around."

"I appreciate that, but I'm not going to be around to come over."

Lyra looked surprised. "What do you mean? Where're you going?"

"Away. But you can't tell anyone I'm going. At least, not until I actually am gone."

Lyra looked uncomfortable, anxious and even upset. "Maura," she said, chewing her lip. "What's going on?"

"You'll find out soon enough," said Maura. "Probably the same time as everyone else, but its better that you don't know. I don't want you to feel any pressure to do something you don't want to do."

"But if you're going to disappear…"

"Oh, I'm not disappearing, Lyra. They'll know where I am, just not what I'm up to. It'll be cruel to do it this way, I know that. Especially to my father, after all he's done for me, but it's the only way."

The door opened just as the words left Maura's mouth and she leaned forwards to see her Dad struggling down the corridor, laden down with shopping bags. He looked up, saw Maura had company and his eyes widened. He smiled pleasantly.

"Hello," he said, putting down his bags and wiping his hand clean of sweat before offering it to Lyra. "I'm Peter Barton, Maura's father."

"Lyra Andrews," she said, her tight, anxious voice not going unnoticed by Maura. "I…I just thought I'd visit the new Mum. Pictures of the little one went viral."

Peter laughed. "The proud uncle and father couldn't help themselves. If only…" he bit his lip to stop himself completing the sentence, 'the mother could be the same.'

Maura glared at him, and said, her tone aggressive; "if only _what_, Dad?"

"If only I was clued up on technology and the like. The pictures would stretch further than Glasgow; I can tell you that now. England. Wales. Ireland. All fifty states and Canada."

He and Lyra laughed while Maura raised her eyebrows and said; "Well from the looks of things, you're about to feed a third world country for a year. What's all the shopping in aid of? Are we about to go through a famine?"

"Dinner, Maura, remember? To celebrate the new arrival. Where've you been lately when we've been talking and planning it? Everyone's coming."

"If 'everyone' includes Vincent, then…"

"It doesn't," he said quickly. "Don't worry Maura, he's not invited, and everyone understands that."

"Lexi?"

He shrugged. "She can like it or lump it, take it or leave it, whatever term you like. She can't expect us to invite him after everything he's done to you."

'You don't know the half of it,' Maura thought, and had to bite her lip to stop herself saying. To Lyra, Peter said; "we're planning a proper party for later in the year, to welcome the little one into the family properly. You must come. We'll send out invitations soon."

"Thanks," said Lyra. "I'll be sure to dig out my party dress. I'll see myself out. Thanks for the tea. Maura. Mr. Barton."

She left and Peter switched the kettle on, turning to Maura. "Lyra…I'm sure I never heard you mention her."

Maura shrugged. "She left, quite early into the first year. I haven't seen her in years."

"It's good to catch up with old friends. You'll see plenty of them tonight." He frowned at her. "Maura, the dinner's been planned for ages, you didn't really forget, did you?"

"Of course not," she said. "I just…I've just had things on my mind. That's all."

Forgetting tea, he sat down in front of her and picked up her hand. "Maura, baby, if there was something wrong, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would," she said, the words automatic, answering the question she'd been asked nearly her whole life.

"But you said before. There was something you did. Something really bad."

"Like you said," she replied after a pause. "I was tired. Out of it. Didn't know what I was saying. I'd better go and get ready, hadn't I?"

"Of course," he said, looking at her in concern. "Sonny and Tom would be here soon. You'd keep an eye on Dominique, while we get it all ready. Wouldn't you?"

"Of course," Maura said, keeping the bitterness in her voice to a bare minimum. "I can't let you lot have all the fun, now, can I?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she said, getting up. "I'm gonna have a bath. Just…call me when you need me."

She went upstairs, feeling her Dad's eyes on her all the way up the hallway. Why couldn't he just leave her alone, in fact, why couldn't they all just fucking leave her alone? She'd given them the long awaited daughter, niece, granddaughter, cousin, but yet they still wanted more. For her to play happy families. Well it wasn't going to happen. She looked in the mirror above the sink. It was just her now, she realised. Her against the world. The rest of them were all out to get her, as if it wasn't enough that she had half of Sun Hill on her case, now her family had to join in the act. In fact, they probably just wanted rid of her now she'd given them what they wanted. She sloshed bubble bath into the bath and watched the words the heavy, thick liquid formed – 'bad mother.' Gritting her teeth, she ran the water, the hot tap only and watched as pink bubbles formed. Steam filled the bathroom, fogging up the mirror. If they wanted rid of her, then they wouldn't be disappointed. She'd be gone by the end of the night. She climbed into the scalding water, turning on the shower radio as she went. Grabbing the buffer, she scrubbed furiously at her skin. She needed this urgently. The water might be so hot, it was unbearable, she might be scrubbing so hard, she was taking her skin off, but it was the only way to get rid of them – the insects that were crawling on her skin, never leaving her alone, no matter what she did. They were always there, when she was awake, when she was sleeping – or rather trying to. Even if the insects weren't there, she wouldn't be able to sleep because of the voices, the ones that never left her alone. It was low, it was taunting, it was sly – and it was always there. It was the voices telling her to shed her own blood, and the voices telling her that she'd be better off on her own. They were right though. Nobody wanted her. Like she cared anyway. But the voices also told her to do things that made her feel uncomfortable. Like, to go to Dominique's cot with a pillow. It told her that the child was evil. That she wasn't really hers. That, she could believe. She was scared to be alone with her thorough fear that she might give into the voices one day. She got out of the bath and stood in front of the mirror, staring at the scabbing cuts on her arms. The voices said they weren't deep enough. It wasn't enough. The baby was the problem. The bath's still full. Do it. Do it!

"NO!"

Frightened, Maura plunged her hand into the water and wrenched out the plug, watching as the water swirled down the plughole. She slid down the door, despite the hot bathroom, freezing cold. Surely this wasn't right? She was supposed to be her _mother, _but all she could imagine doing to her was…blinded, Maura anxiously chewed her fingers. She hadn't felt this way about Eve, and she had been the baby conceived out of rape! Dominique was the result of a loving marriage between her and Sonny! Well, supposedly. Composing herself, Maura got to her feet, bitter tears in her eyes. This was all her fault anyway. If she hadn't come along, none of this would be happening. She'd be at peace, possibly still happy with Sonny and able to somehow live with what had happened all those years ago. But there she was, a bitter reminder. Why had Sonny been so desperate for a baby? Wasn't she enough for him? Obviously not. And now he'd got what he'd always wanted, after using her to get it, he didn't want her anymore. She wrapped herself in a towel and was immediately met with the sounds of laughter from downstairs. Everyone was down there, preparing for dinner. And so, came yet another night where she'd have to hold her, and smile, and pose for pictures. Another night of pretending. She stood, listening, feeling rather left out before climbing the stairs to her room. She stopped short and glared. The kid was already in there, lying in her cot, fists clenched. She couldn't sleep that easily. She couldn't sleep at all. Scowling, she threw herself on the bed, and with a vicious brush of her hand, knocked the little red dress off, to the floor. She supposed she was supposed to dress her up. It was just dinner. She slapped moisturiser onto her skin; it stung as it went into the cuts and scratches on her arms. Wrapping her long hair in a towel, she crossed to her wardrobe and opened the doors. Her hand lingered on a brightly coloured dress before she pulled it away and yanked a long-sleeved black number from its hanger. It suited her mood and suddenly she knew what she was planning was right. It was clear everyone thought they'd be better off without her. It was best all round that she went. This just all felt so…wrong. She towelled her hair dry, and sprayed it generously with heat protection spray before straightening it. It'd been a long time since she'd done so. It now came down past her waist. She applied some make up and sat on the bed, staring at the dress still crumpled on the floor. Gingerly picking it up, she glared again at the baby, who she hadn't realised till that point was awake. She went to the front of the cot and stared down at her. When she looked at her, she saw nothing of herself. Only Sonny. Tom. Vincent.

"They don't need me anymore," she muttered, picking her up reluctantly. "Not now they have you. You make them happy, something I can never do. Know why? Because I'm a terrible person, but they'd never say it to my face. It's obvious from the way they look at me. They all hate me. And they don't even know the worst of it. But they will. Then they can have shot of me for good."

She dressed her and laid her back down in the cot before pulling out her suitcase from under the bed and checked it for everything she needed. Her tickets had come in the post that morning and she had the keys to her flat. She squeezed them tightly and jumped, bashing her arm on the bed as someone knocked on the door.

"Maura, food's ready, baby."

She gritted his teeth at her Dad calling her 'baby' and got up and unlocked the door. She saw the look of surprise on his face at her attire – she hardly ever wore black and hadn't straightened her hair in years. He was wearing a smart shirt and trousers.

"You look lovely, baby," he said warmly, stroking her hair. "Your hair's lovely. You get that from your mother. Looking at you, it's like looking at her. You're so beautiful. Like her."

"I'm not like her, Dad."

"You are," he said and pulled her towards him, kissing her forehead. He was hurt and confused when she didn't return the gesture.

"I've gotta go to the bathroom. Dominique's ready," she said, brushing past him.

He watched her go, tears prickling in her eyes. He picked up his baby granddaughter and cuddled her tightly. It was the closest he'd get to Maura for now.

"Come on my darling," he said, rocking her gently. "Dinner's all ready and Daddy's desperate to see you." He glanced at the closed bathroom door on his way past and went downstairs, into the garden where two tables were set up, laden down with food. Sonny's face lit up and he made a beeline for her.

"Hello my darling!" he said in delight, taking her from Peter's arms. "Oh, you're so gorgeous! Yes you are! Red's really her colour, isn't it? Just like Maura."

"Yeah, in twenty years' time, she'll be wearing a red wedding dress too," Tom said, tickling her stomach.

"Oh no, she won't," said Sonny. "No dating until she's twenty-five."

"With four ferocious uncles ready to break the legs of any guy who dared, let anyone try to go near her," Peter said, sitting at the table. "Bunch of Rottweilers the lot of you."

"Saves you money on a guard dog," Tom said cheerfully, sitting down and putting chicken on his plate as Maura came outside, shielding her eyes against the sun.

"Hi Maura," Robert said, pulling out a chair for her. She sat down and looked up and down the table.

"Where's Lexi?"

There was an uncomfortable glance up and down the table. Robert looked angry, disappointed and took the seat next to Maura. She sighed and looked down at her empty plate. Peter picked up a bowl of vegetable rice and piled some onto her plate.

"Here, Maura, eat."

"Dad, I can do it myself," she said, pushing the bowl away and picking up some bread and spooning tomato salad onto her plate.

There was a glance up and down the table before everyone began to gradually help themselves to food and wine. The food felt like mud in Maura's mouth and it wasn't long before the conversation, as usual, turned to Dominique. Maura gave the impression that she was listening by looking up at the conversation, but her ears pricked up when she heard her name.

"…but she'll have something of Alex's. Maura can pass them onto Dominique, like I passed them onto her."

"Pass what on?" she asked, glaring at the smiling baby.

"Those beads."

"What beads?" she said, tearing her eyes to her father.

"The rosary beads I gave you. That were your mother's. The silver ones."

Maura felt as if a boulder had dropped into her stomach. He hadn't mentioned those for years; and ever since the day she'd dropped them in Eve's grave, she prayed he'd forgotten about them. And he had. Until now. And they were in Sun Hill, in an evidence bag, and she had no hope of retrieving them. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tom wipe a salad leaf from his lip, shock filling his eyes.

"Maura?"

"What?" she said, shakily.

"You do still have them, don't you?"

"Of course I do," she said dismissively. "They're in my room somewhere, but she can have them when she's older. When she understands where they came from." Maura looked down at her nearly empty plate and put down her knife and fork with a loud clatter, startling everyone at the table. She stood up and said; "excuse me," before going inside.

She went upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door. Those fucking beads! Of course he'd remember them one day – and by the look on Tom's face, he'd made the connection too. She splashed water on her face, composed herself and opened the door, jumping back in shock to come face to face with Tom.

"_Don't do that_!" she snarled, glaring at him. "For Christ's sake Tom, there's a bathroom downstairs!"

She brushed past him and he caught her arm, dragging her back, ignoring her protest. He swallowed hard and said; "there were beads."

"What?" she said, bored.

"There were beads. In the pocket of the cardigan. In the grave. With the baby's body. Silver ones, like yours." He swallowed hard and said, "Maura…where are your beads? You still have them, don't you? You've got your ones."

"My beads, Tom, are in an evidence bag in Sun Hill. Because, as I've been telling you all along, that baby was mine!"

"No. It wasn't. They're not. You still have them here! Show me them Maura!"

"I can't," she snarled, pulling her arm away. "I don't even know why we're having this conversation, Tom. I'm telling you the truth, you don't want to listen! I can't show you my beads because I don't have them! I lost them the night I buried her! But you know what; you can carry on sweeping it under the rug. I don't care."

"Maura, please. You can end this all now."

"You want me to say that I'm lying Tom, and I'm not. Saying I'm lying will be a lie, and it won't end it. It'll end either with him behind bars or with me in the ground."

"Maura, you've just had a baby, how can you say that!"

"Well, it's good that she has you lot then, isn't it, cos she certainly doesn't need me. I did all right without a Mum."

"Maura, you need to speak to someone."

"I don't need to speak to anyone, Tom. What I need is for you to believe me. But that's just too much to ask, isn't it?"

Turning, she walked off. Tom watched her disappear down the stairs and scrunched up his hair, deeply concerned and disturbed. Who the Hell was this person and where was Maura? Nobody would even know that she'd had a baby, the way she was acting. She should be happy, and refusing to let anyone else have a hold of her, but it seemed she couldn't wait to give her to someone else. Her disinterest was shocking, infuriating, but it broke his heart. He wiped his fingers across his eyes. The niggling doubt he'd had in his mind had grown bigger and bigger. What if she was telling the truth? Her running away. Her breakdown. The rosary beads. So much of it seemed to make sense, but…Vincent was his brother. Surely, as much of a bullying bastard he was, he wasn't capable of rape, and surely not at the age of sixteen.

Oh, said the taunting little voice, but isn't he capable of beating Lexi to the point of hospitalization? Isn't he capable of being the most vindictive, hateful bastard? Doesn't he have the most horrible temper known to mankind? He's capable of just about anything. Why not this? Tom climbed the stairs to Maura's room and looked around. Here was where she said it had happened. He didn't know how she could stand to sleep in here. Memories must haunt her. Oh, what a total mess! He picked up her discarded towel from the floor and draped it over the radiator. It wasn't like Maura to be messy, he thought as he straightened her bedcovers. He got a whiff of her perfume and breathed it in deeply. It was the smell he used to get whenever he hugged her. Whenever she used to let him. He missed her deeply. What if what she said about Vincent was true? She'd never forgive him for doubting her. Pulling the corners of his mouth down, he sighed heavily and left the room. Back outside, Maura was sitting at the end of the table, looking down at her plate, looking as if she didn't belong there at all.

* * *

><p>Maura was up at two in the morning, quickly doing the last of her packing. Her hair was tied into a messy bun at the top of her head. When she was finished, her room was tidy to military precision. Taking one last look at her baby, she picked up her case and the baby monitor and crept quietly down the stairs. She stopped outside her Dad's open room and poked her head in. he was asleep, the dumbbells he'd been lifting before bed lying on the floor. She put down the monitor on his bedside table with a soft thump. A tear ran down her face and she brushed it away, bending over him and kissing his cheek.<p>

"I love you, Dad," she whispered.

Straightening up, she turned and walked out, the sensation of the crawling insects stronger than ever. She scratched furiously at her arms before taking her case, descending the stairs and with one last look around the house, closed the door behind her and disappeared into the night.


	22. On My Own

Hey all! Sorry about the gap in updating, had a slight case of writer's block and I don't think this chapter's perfect, but I hope its okay regardless! Thanks very much to Jess and to the new Guest reviewer! Your comments and kind words really mean a lot! Enjoy it! Hol. xxx

Maura yawned, looked at the clock and groaned. Was it really only seven o'clock? She'd only just got here an hour earlier. Not that she was particularly tired, despite being up for hours; she seemed to be on turbo charge lately, and she'd only had a baby…how long ago? It seemed like a lifetime ago. Her brothers had given her a locket as a present, with her baby's picture inside it and she opened it. Big, brown eyes stared back at her and she shut the locket and dropped it behind her shirt. She had better things to do than to sit down here all day, moping. She brushed her hair and swept it up into a neat bun. At least she looked halfway presentable. Her Dad was going to be frantic when he woke and saw that she'd disappeared – again. She felt a pang of guilt in her stomach, but one day he was going to understand why it had to be this way. The early morning sun shone, but why did she feel so cold? Maura stopped on the corner of a street and looked at her watch, then back at the house expectantly. Should be any time now.

_And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
>without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to<br>And now the night is near  
>Now I can make believe he's here<em>

Dominique was crying and the sound was loud and shrill in his ears. Peter turned around and groaned. He turned away, hoping that Maura would see to her for once, but the crying continued and he sat up, had just swung his legs to the floor with a thump when he saw the baby monitor on the bedside table. He picked it up slowly…that hadn't been there last night…his eyebrows contracted as he thought hard. It may have been a dream, but he'd heard Maura's voice, telling him she loved him, felt her cool lips on his head as she kissed him goodnight. He got up and thundered up the stairs; and behind him heard a bedroom door open.

"Dad, what's going on?" he heard Jake ask groggily.

He threw open Maura's bedroom door. In the same room, the crying was louder now, but his granddaughter was all alone.

"No!" he said, frustrated, picking up Dominique and beginning the ritual of comforting her, soothing her cries.

"Dad!" Jake appeared, having taken the stairs two at a time. "What the hell is going on?"

"Maura's gone!" he said, frantically. "Here…take her will you?" He thrust Dominique into Jake's arms and yanked open her drawers and wardrobes. "And so is all her stuff!"

"Dad…"

"She's gone!" he said, bug-eyed with panic. "She's ran off!"

"Oh come on, in the middle of the night, she can't have gone that far!"

"This is Maura we're talking about, who can disappear like a ninja at the snap of a finger!" said Peter fiercely.

"Dad…"

"Call Sonny! Call Robert! Call the army! I don't give a damn who you call, Jake, just go and find your sister! She's not in her right mind now, she could be anywhere."

As his son left the room, his screaming niece clutched in his arms, Peter glanced around the room, scrunching up his thinning black hair in worry. This was just like déjà vu, this. it was the same feeling he'd had when he'd come home from work to find Alexandra and his sons gone, and the next he'd heard – other than that she'd bore him a daughter, who she gave to him – she was being wiped from train tracks after throwing herself in front of a train, leaving their three children motherless.

"Maura!" He didn't mean to say the word out loud, but it came out, angry and bitter. Why did she have to do this? Why couldn't she, for one, just tell him what was wrong. Well, he knew what was wrong. He just didn't want to admit it. It was Postpartum Psychosis. Alex had it, now Maura had it as well. What if she'd gone and done the same thing? The thundering footsteps downstairs told him that the twins were awake and in on the situation and were on their phones, shouting at each other, yelling suggestions and amongst it, Dominique was still crying; crying to be fed by her mother. He went downstairs, took her from Jake and went downstairs to feed her. She was such a beautiful baby, just like her mother. How could Maura not want her? But then, he could ask the same thing about Alexandra. Maura had been – he'd thought – the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen – but Alex had just dumped her like she was last week's rubbish. The one thing they had in common though was who they'd left the baby with – him. Like mother, like daughter. He rocked her from side to side, patting her bottom. She wanted her Mummy, but Mummy didn't want her. Oh, Maura, he thought regretfully, why couldn't you have just talked to me?

_Sometimes I walk alone at night  
>When everybody else is sleeping<br>I think of him and then I'm happy  
>With the company I'm keeping<br>The city goes to bed  
>And I can live inside my head<em>

Like clockwork. Maura had only been waiting fifteen minutes when the front door opened and Smithy stepped out. He was the early bird, always up before necessary so he could go for a run before work. He got a few steps down the path when arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him back. She saw the curly dark hair that belonged to Andrea as they kissed on the doorstep. It looked like they were happy. She smiled a bit and when they eventually unglued themselves, she straightened up as he came down the pathway and when he walked past her, she stepped out and they collided.

"Sorry!" he said, straightening up, and grabbing onto her shoulders to steady her. Then he looked down at her and his face lit up. "Maura!" he exclaimed, hugging her tightly. "You didn't say you were coming back! How are you? How's the baby?"

He looked around as if he thought she'd appear out of thin air. Maura shrugged.

"She's fine."

Smithy's smile faded. He felt uneasy. Maura always hugged him back when he hugged her, but that time, she hadn't. There was something different. Something wrong. Forgetting his run, he put an arm around her shoulders.

"Come on," he said. "Why don't we go for a coffee? We've got a lot of catching up to do."

"If…if you wanted to go for your run…"

"I'll be doing plenty of that later," he said dismissively. "Missing one morning run won't kill me.

They walked in silence to the café, and he got her seated before going to order breakfast and drinks. When he came back, she was smiling the smile he remembered and loved – albeit a bit forced.

"So…you two look happy."

His face lit up. "We are," he said. "We had a bit of a rough patch at first, she had some personal issues and with…Kerry…well, how suddenly she died and all. It was a beautiful service you know."

"I'm sorry I missed it."

"We understood," he said. "All the stress, it couldn't have been good on you and the baby."

"No," she said.

"I saw the photos. She's beautiful. You should have seen everyone at the station after the pictures went viral. I think everyone wanted to clone her."

"They're welcome to."

Smithy's startled look at Maura's coldness was covered by the coffee being brought over. Was this normal, he wondered. Even Andrea would talk about her daughter to him with warmth, but Maura just sounded so…uninterested. As minimal as his experience was with new mothers, this couldn't be normal behaviour. Surely she should be elated and…come to think of it, where the hell was her baby?

"She's with Dad," Maura said, dumping more sugars into her coffee than was necessary…but hang on, he thought…she didn't even take sugar! "My Dad I mean. Not hers. So if they want to clone her, they'll have a long wait."

Their breakfast was then brought over, and he hungrily cut his sausage in half and ate it. He glanced up at Maura. She was staring down at the beans on toast, not looking in the slightest bit tempted.

"Maura, are you all right?"

It seemed like such a stupid question, as the answer was obvious, but it had to be asked.

"I'm fine," said Maura. "I'm just a bit overwhelmed, that's all. No offence Smithy, but…"

"I get it," he said, "I'm a guy. I wouldn't really get it."

"I'm sorry. That was really rude."

"No. You're right. But…you can talk to me, you know. If you wanted to. I'd try to understand."

She stared at him for a moment before the same false smile plastered across her face. She said; "everything's fine, Smithy. I promise. Now, tell me, how are things with you and Andrea?"

"Great," he said, smiling. "Really great. We're moving in together…I mean, it has only been a few months, but we're really, really happy."

"I'm happy for you," she said, with the same false smile plastered across her face. "That's great. It really is. Nice to know that some couples are happy."

"You and Sonny still haven't patched things up?"

"No," she said. "He believed Vincent over me, he actually thought I'd put him through what I did years ago, what I put them all through. Pretending to eat."

"Pretending to eat?" he said, his face impassive. Maura gave him a sour look.

"Please, Smithy, don't pretend like you don't know. That I had a breakdown, starved myself, was sectioned."

It must have been cold by that point, but she began to eat her food; his own tasted like mud in his mouth.

"Jake told me when you were in hospital," he said quietly. "After your accident. That was the first I knew of it."

"I wouldn't do it to them again Smithy. I know I broke their hearts, broke my Dad's heart."

"I know," he said, grasping his hand. "What happened Maura?" he asked, his eyes full of sadness. "You were always so…so happy."

She'd even fooled him then, Maura thought. "It was a lot of things. A Dad, disapproving of Sonny. Him pushing me and pushing me over exams. Vincent. Being a bastard as usual."

"I don't know what your Lexi is thinking."

"You and the rest of the world," said Maura. "She finds out he's been planting food in my room and she still sticks up for him. Blames me for not being able to take a joke."

"It's warped, they're warped."

"He's more than just warped Smithy, he's evil. I know how that sounds," she said, narrowing her eyes at the expression on his face. "Melodramatic, right? One day you'll see Smithy, just like everyone else, what an evil piece of work he really is."

"Jake said he used to pick on people a lot. Tom. You."

"Still does," she said. "Leopards and spots, Smithy."

"That I believe. So…what're you doing back here? What're your plans?"

She shrugged. "Rebuild my life again, I guess. Find a job. Settle a few scores."

The way she had said 'settle a few scores' made the hairs on his neck stand up, but he pushed it aside to ask about what she'd said before that. "Well how controlled are your seizures?"

"Never have them," she answered. "As long as I keep to my medication, I'm fine."

"Well, why don't you just come back to Sun Hill, then? As long as your seizures are controlled, you're all right to come back."

"I don't know," she said, twisting her fork in her hand.

"Come on Maura!" he wheeled, more out of anxiousness and desperation. "You were such a great Police Officer, I don't know why you threw it away!"

"Nothing to do with me having a baby," she said, her smile wry.

"I know, but…"

"It was just a tough time, Smithy. Vincent, Sonny, the baby, my accident. It all just got on top of me."

"And you have a job here waiting for you Maura, what's the point searching for something else? Where else are you going to find a lot of great colleagues like us?"

The words were said with a big grin, and in spite of herself, Maura smiled. She said; "all right, but the Inspector…"

"I'll talk to her," he said, gulping the last of his coffee after a glance at his watch. "I'll get her to call you, but I've got to go before my ass is toast for being late and besides," he added, "Sam will be made up to see you back."

She raised her eyes slowly to his face. "S…Sam?"

"Well, yeah, you two got on really well together. You made a hell of a team. I think the crime rate must have shot up about fifty percent without you here as her right hand man…well, sort of," he said.

"I thought she was still in hospital?"

"Oh no, she is, but she's awake," he said casually. "Talking, walking and can't wait to get back to work. She woke up a few weeks ago actually, not long after you had your baby, but they're not letting her leave until they're satisfied she's all right and as for coming back to work –" he laughed "- let's just say Jack's telling her it's her desk for the first few weeks, or she stays at home."

"Does she…remember…what happened?"

"No, she doesn't," he said, his eyes darkening. "But you know, the first thing she said when she woke up? Was that Kerry could tell us."

"Kerry?" Maura said, startled.

"Yes, she was there that night, she was hiding. Whoever the girl was, Kerry would have seen her and for whatever reason, didn't tell us who she was; she didn't tell anyone. It kind of made us think that she might have known her."

She did, Maura thought, an iron hand squeezing her stomach tightly. She looked up again when Smithy put his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Maura; I really have to go now. But I'll call you later, OK?"

She just nodded and sat there, the hand continuing to squeeze her stomach tightly. The moment she had dreaded – Sam was awake – but she didn't remember it, for a moment, Maura wasn't sure whether to feel elated or angry, because if she had remembered, the whole thing would be over a lot quicker. With a scrape that made everyone in the café stare, she pushed back her chair and exited the building. She suddenly felt incredibly chilled, despite the hot sun and started on her way home. On the way past an off-licence, she stopped and paused before going in and examining the alcoholic drinks.

_On my own  
>Pretending he's beside me<br>All alone  
>I walk with him till morning<br>Without him  
>I feel his arms around me<br>And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
>And he has found me<br>_

"So, let me get this straight," said Gina. "You don't think she's in her right mind, but you want her to come back here and serve as a Police Officer?"

"Her epilepsy won't be an issue, Gina."

"That wasn't what I meant, Smithy, and you know it! If she's not in her right mind, what on earth makes you think she's fit to come back here?"

"Of course she's fit!" he said. "She's just…different, that's all. Like when I asked her about her daughter…it was like she couldn't care less."

"Some sort of depression?"

"I don't know," he said slowly. "That's what her Dad seems to think – I called Jake after I left her to find out what the hell was going on, and she hadn't even told them she was coming back, her old man was like a raving lunatic. I could hear him from the other end of the phone."

"Oh so not only is she 'different' as you put it, but she also runs off without telling her family?"

"Gina, I need to keep an eye on her, all right, and I know it'd make Jake and Peter feel a lot better. Her being here is the only excuse I'll have to check up on her – if I keep going to her house, she's going to know they put me up to it."

"Why don't they just bring her back home?"

"She's twenty three, Gina, not ten. They can't make her go home, even if she has left her baby with them."

"She's what?"

"Yeah, I know, but from the way she was…it just seems like the best thing. Listen, I know I'm probably not describing her in the best light, but I know Maura. She just needs something to focus on, something to get her back on the straight and narrow. This is perfect for her and if it goes wrong…I'll shoulder whatever responsibility."

"That's very gallant of you Smithy, but whilst Maura's here, she's to be treated the same as every other officer under _my_ supervision."

"Does that mean yes?" he said cautiously.

"I'll call her," she said, settling back behind her desk. "Once I'm sure it's what _she_ wants as well, we'll set the ball rolling. OK?"

"Thank you," he said gratefully and walked out of the office, smiling widely as he walked into the warm embrace of Andrea.

"It's only been half an hour and you're still pleased to see me!" she said cheerfully, clutching at his hand.

"Always pleased to see you, darlin'," he said, swinging her hand.

"So, what did she say?"

"She said she'd call Maura."

Andrea looked up at him. "You don't seem too happy, Smithy, I thought it was what you wanted; Maura to come back."

"I do, but…" he rubbed his neck. "It was just a bit…disturbing, Andrea, how much she's changed. How different she was. I can't really describe it, you've got to see it, but it was like she was just…existing, you know? Without anything else."

"She's always been so full of life though."

"I know, that's what got me the most. She always looked forward so much to being a mother, Andrea, but she's now just…I don't know. Not interested."

"Do you think it would help if I talked to her?" she said carefully. "I know our situations weren't really the same, but…it might help her."

"I'm not so sure she's in the heart-to-heart mood," he said, stroking her hair lovingly. "We'll see. Usually, when Maura wants to talk, she'll come to us."

"Touché," said Andrea. "I'd love to see her back though."

"Yeah, me too. Come on, we all know who my favourite Scottish constable will always be though."

"Better make sure it stays that way," she said, giving him a brief kiss. "I'll see you later; Sally's probably waiting for me."

"Bye baby," he said, watching her skip off. He smiled. It had taken a long time, but through the counselling, she'd become so much happier. They were truly happy together and even just yesterday were considering moving in together as she was hardly at her own house anymore. But Maura…he shook his head. What on earth had happened to her? Jake had been full of hysterical relief when he'd heard Maura was in Sun Hill, but she'd neglected to mention that she'd come back without telling them – in the dead of night, no less. When he was off, he'd go and see her, maybe get her to tell him what the problem was.

_In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
>All the lights are misty in the river<br>In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
>And all I see is him and me forever and forever<em>

Maura sank further into the sofa cushions, the bottle of malt whisky lay on the floor, already three quarters full. Her phone lay on the floor as well, off. She'd had her father bending her ear backwards about running off. Crying had done the trick though, as usual. Not that she had been faking them. Maura swung her legs to the floor and sighed. Kerry had known it was her, why hadn't she turned her in? She'd deceived them all for months, pushed Sam down the stairs, could have even killed her, but she hadn't given her away. Why? It was an answer she'd never know. She rubbed her head and looked at the bottle. How had she become like this? Drinking to blot out her problems? She pulled up her sleeve. Cutting herself to forget about her pain? She didn't even like malt whisky. Ten years ago, she was happy and loved. Now she was depressed and alone. She should be happy that she'd come back to Sun Hill and walked straight back into her old job, but it felt foreboding. Sam was going to be there. Well, she was just going to try to keep out of her way. At least being in Sun Hill would keep her busy. Again, she brought the locket from beneath her shirt and looked at it. She didn't even know why; she hadn't really been thrilled to receive it, but she supposed it was just another one of their ways to try to get her to bond with Dominique. They should just quit. She wrenched the chain off and put it on the table. Snatching it up again, she threw it, the chain glittering across the room. It hit the wall and fell into the bin with a clatter. She gave a satisfied snigger; that would teach them to stop trying to trap her. She should have left the damn thing behind with the baby. That would have given them a big enough hint if they hadn't got the message already.

When her Dad had – finally – spoken to her earlier, he had been furious, shouting down the phone at her, reducing her to tears, so much so that she'd hung up on him. There had been silence before he called back ten minutes later, calmer and apologised, no longer shouting, but desperate to know what was really wrong with her. His desperation and pleading had almost made her cry again. She was too overwhelmed, she'd told him. Smothered. Trapped. Sad and lonely.

But I was here for you, Maura, he'd said.

Yes you had been, she thought. But you hadn't understood. If she'd told him she wished she'd never had his darling granddaughter and how much she hated her, he would have had those damn people called back to the house and sectioned her there and then. She just needed some time, she'd said. Alone. Some space to get my head together and work out what to do. Besides, she and Sonny had to sort things out; either set the ball rolling for a divorce or get back together.

_And I know it's only in my mind  
>That I'm talking to myself and not to him<br>And although I know that he is blind  
>Still I say, there's a way for us<em>

She rubbed the fourth finger of her left hand, still unused to her rings not being there and wished with all her heart that they could be getting back together. I miss him. I love him. There, she thought bitterly. Happy now you've finally admitted it to yourself? She picked up the bottle and took a swig. Urgh, disgusting! How the hell her Dad could drink it straight, she'd never know. He'd flip his lid if he saw her doing this, yet another thing he was strict about, her having a drink. Even if she had so much as a glass of wine, even now, he'd purse his lips and look at her disapprovingly. It wasn't ladylike, he said, a young girl shouldn't want to drink. That was for old men who played card games and smoked cigarettes by the fireplace. The boys never got the same amount of stick. Just because her mother hadn't been a drinker, he thought she shouldn't be either. He was always telling her how much like her she was. It was like he wanted to her to _be_ her. Tough luck, because she'd never be the woman who abandoned her. But wasn't she? She'd done it to two of her babies and neither of them deserved it. That was why she was better off with Sonny. Someone who could love her. And she would go back to her usual status, alone, forlorn and burying her head in the sand. Well, why change the habit of a lifetime? Sadly, she looked at her phone lying on the table. It was now switched off, but earlier she'd had calls from Sonny and from Tom. Tom was desperate for her to get in touch and Sonny had sounded as if everything was still as it was between the two of them. Before all the trouble had begun. He'd said he wanted her back, that he wanted them and Dominique to be a proper family. He said he'd get her all the help she needed. He still thought she was ill. From the way he was acting, it was like he'd thought she hadn't even recovered in the first place. She wanted to be with him, but not whilst he was being like that.

Tom though had sounded genuinely concerned, but in a different way from Sonny. He'd mentioned her getting help as well – but only in regard to her so called 'strange' behaviour towards Dominique. Maura twisted her hair, biting her lip. It was like he was starting to almost believe her – or at least have doubts that she was lying about everything. In some ways, he'd always been like her best friend. He'd been the one person she could talk to about everything – especially when it came to Vincent. She'd never been able to speak with Lexi about Vincent, as she wouldn't hear a word against him. Even now, he could do no wrong in her eyes, even when she saw his ways for herself. Losing Tom's support had been like losing a limb. And losing Sonny had been like having her heart torn out. By the feeling of it, it was still being stamped on. And with Doc Martens. With Vincent himself wearing them. she hated him! She hated him so much! If she had a gun in her hand right now… Stop it, stop it right now Maura! This was madness! What on earth was coming over her? first the voices were telling her to kill her own baby, now Vincent! And she still couldn't shake these goddamn bugs! Leeches! She scratched furiously, but the symptoms refused to let up, so she jumped to her feet, looking wildly around for something else to use. Uttering a cry of rage, she leant against the wall, her forehead touching the cool plaster and began to slam her head repeatedly against it, ceasing to stop even when the blood trickled down her face. _  
><em>

_I love him  
>But when the night is over<br>He is gone  
>The river's just a river<br>Without him  
>The world around me changes<br>The trees are bare and everywhere  
>The streets are full of strangers<em>

Smithy banged on the front door again and squinted to see through the rippled glass. He'd been knocking for the past few minutes. Something was keeping Maura from opening the door. Maybe she'd gone out? But where to? Maura didn't go out very much, she much preferred nights in. she might just surprise him though, she had been doing a lot of that lately and not just to him. Turning to leave, he glanced through the sitting room window and stopped short, staring at what looked like a leg poking out from behind the sofa. He tentatively knocked on the glass.

"Maura? Maura?"

The leg twitched and dragged behind the sofa. He banged on the glass harder, rattling it in its frame.

"Maura? Are you all right? Maura! I'm not going anywhere until you open this door! I'll break it down if I have to! Open up now!"

If his shouting hadn't attracted the attention of neighbours, this certainly would, he thought as he barged the door with his shoulder, breaking it clean open. It hit the wall with such force, the pane of glass cracked. Leaving it swinging, he ran into the sitting room, tripping over the carpet and grabbing onto the sofa to steady himself. He pushed the sofa aside and looked at the heap on the floor that was Maura.

"Maura? Are you all right?"

He reached out to touch her shoulder and she jerked away, wrapping her arms around her body and hunching further into a ball.

"Leave me alone."

"Maura, it's all right. What's wrong? Why're you hiding behind here?"

"Smithy, just go away. I'm fine."

"No, Maura, I'm not going away! Just…come, get up!"

He pulled her into a sitting position, and pulled her easily to her feet. She, frightened by his force, began to struggle violently.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go!"

"Maura, calm down!" he said in alarm, struggling to keep hold of her as she tried to twist out of his hold. "Is that…are you bleeding? Let me see your head!"

He took hold of her head, pushing her hair back and stared in shock at the cut on her head from which blood oozed.

"Jesus, Maura!"

"It's no big deal! Just let go of me! Let me go! Smithy, let go!"

"Calm down!" he said, holding her against the wall. "What on earth happened? Did you fit? Didn't you take your medication?"

"Medication, medication, medication! Will everyone stop going on about the goddamn medication! I'm not a kid Smithy, I'm perfectly capable of taking my medication! Now get your hands OFF ME!"

He slowly did and backed off a few steps feeling the urge to cry. Who the hell was this stranger? Her glaring eyes softened and it was like watching Jekyll turn to Hyde as the tears vegan to cascade down her face.

"Smithy I…I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me. God, I don't know what's _wrong_ with me!"

"Hey," he said kindly, reaching out warily to touch her shoulder. "Come on, don't get so worked up. Let me clean you up, hmm?"

"You're not going to tell my Dad about this, are you?"

He looked at her blankly. "Maura, I'm your friend, not your headmaster. Why would I do that?"

She shrugged and scowled. "Because everyone else does. I even cough loudly; they go running to tell him."

With good reason most probably, he thought, but didn't dare say it out loud. He took her through to the bathroom and cleaned the blood from her face and washed the cut thoroughly, examining it carefully. It didn't look like it would need any stitching. He left her sitting at the kitchen table while he made drinks, only letting the chilled look cross his face when he had his back to her. Jake had said she'd been 'acting strangely' and he could see that she was – only she didn't seem to think so. He put sugar into his mug and turned to her.

"Sugar, Maura?"

She stared at him. "No, of course not. When have I ever taken sugar?"

"But you…"

"But I what?"

"Never mind," he said, turning around and pouring milk into the mugs. It had only been a few hours ago when she'd heaped about six spoons into her mug at the café. "It'll rot your teeth anyway."

"Says you," said Maura as he brought it to the table. There was silence as he stared at her, then she said; "I fell."

"What?"

"My head. I tripped. I think I was on the verge of a seizure. I sometimes get these signs, when it's about to happen and I was in a hurry to get my medication. I fell."

"Right," he said. "Well, as long as you're all right."

"Of course I'm all right," she said. "Please, Smithy, don't you start with the whole 'Maura's a useless fool' routine as well!"

"I've never thought anything of the sort!"

"You sound just as rehearsed as the rest of them," she said coldly, rising her eyes to the heavens. She took a drink from her mug and grimaced, looking disgusted. "There's no sugar in this."

"You said you didn't want any," he said bewildered.

"You didn't ask me!"

"But I…"

"Forget it," she said, snatching the sugar pot and throwing herself onto the chair. His mouth slightly open, he counted one…two…three…four…five…six….seven sugars she heaped into her mug. She drank without bothering to stir it. "So what are you doing here anyway?"

He was startled at the return of her abrupt tone and wondered for the first time if coming back was really what was right for her. he said; "Well Gina said she called you."

"And she didn't tell her right hand man everything?" Maura rolled her eyes at his expression. "Yes, she called me. I'm going in tomorrow to talk things through with her. "She was very coy. Asked me a lot of questions."

"I think she just knows you've had a tough time. You know Gina, she's wise. Clued up. She wants you back as much as anyone else."

Maura sneered. "And reporting right back to my Dad, no doubt!"

Where on earth had all this come from, he wondered. She'd always been really touchy about her Dad and people checking up on her, but had made a joke of it before. This was just taking it to a whole new level. This was paranoia.

_I love him  
>But every day I'm learning<br>All my life  
>I've only been pretending<br>Without me  
>His world will go on turning<br>A world that's full of happiness  
>That I have never known<br>_

Maura's piercing scream echoed through the bedroom and she sat up with a gasp, trembling and shaking. She shoved her arms out in front of her, determined to get him off of her before realising she was all on her own.

"Goddammit!" she muttered reaching out to turn on her bedside lamp. She gulped down some water quickly and sighed. She could feel him on her; she could feel his bulking muscles, his heavy, sweaty body and the tearing pain as he forced himself inside her. It was a nightmare that had never gone away. Consciously, she rubbed between her legs. He'd been so rough with her that she could barely walk for days afterwards. And she'd bled so much. Her father had insisted on looking after her until she 'felt better.' She'd had to feign recovery from her illness of course – any longer and he would have frogmarched her to the Doctor's. And the last thing she had needed was him finding out and starting world war three. But he was going to find out. And he was going to be hurt. She felt a pang of guilt and pushed it away. Someone had once said that crime couldn't be fought unless she was prepared to do what was necessary. That couldn't be more true right now. She looked at her clock. it was six in the morning. This had been happening day after day. She'd been waking up at six and hadn't been able to get back to sleep; no doubt this would be one of those nights. In fact…she didn't need to. she felt so…energetic! She jumped out of bed and dug around in her unpacked case for her tracksuit. She'd go for a run, that's what she'd do! It always helped her to clear her head. made it seem like she was running away from her troubles.

The air felt so…clean, so fresh! It whipped her face, her hair. It didn't even matter that it was stinging the cut on her head! Maura smiled and spread her arms out as she ran. This was the way she liked it, on her own, nobody staring, judging or accusing. Well, Sonny hadn't. that had been what she'd loved most about him. That he'd accepted her for who she was, and had never held any of her past deeds against her. He hadn't been like Big Brother, like her father was. Sonny had never made her feel like Winston Smith in her own house. Sonny had later confessed that though he was worried, he could see that behaviour had been what had driven her away from home to begin with, so he'd backed off. when she'd wanted to be alone, he'd left her alone. When she wanted a cuddle, he'd give her the best one ever. when she wanted him to listen, he'd be there with a sympathetic ear. He'd been her all, her soul mate, her other half. And exactly what had she done to repay him? Done to him what her mother had done to her father, something she swore she'd never do. Her energy coming down from her high, she sighed quietly and slowed to a walk. This always happened. When she was on a high, she'd think about Sonny and it would come crashing down around her. Suddenly cold, she wrapped her arms around herself, perspiration dripping from her body. She walked with her head bowed until she reached the cemetery and looked around before entering. The last thing she wanted was a repeat performance of the last time she was here. It was as if they had chosen to bury Eve by this oak tree on purpose, she thought, as she fixed her eyes on the tree that stood above the grave. It made it stick out like a sore thumb. Well, they probably did, do it for that reason, she thought. It was easy to find and easy to keep surveillance on. Weather they were or not right now, she didn't care. She just wanted to be alone with her daughter and stood above, the grave for a moment before arranging the flowers neatly, as if she was tucking her into bed. It was something she'd never got a chance to do. From the looks of things, complete strangers had been leaving flowers here. The thought touched Maura's heart. not everyone out there was bad. Maura didn't realise someone was coming up behind her until she heard the twig snap and the hairs stood up on the back of her neck. Involuntarily, she spun around and her face paled.

"Maura? What're _you_ doing here?" said Sam.

_I love him  
>I love him<br>I love him  
>But only on my own<em>


	23. The Calm Before the Storm

Hey all, sorry about the gap in updating, I've been really busy with work and voluntary activities. Hope you like it! Hol. xx

"Maura, _what are you doing here_?"

The bouquet of flowers still held in her hand, Maura didn't rise from her knees, completely speechless. Nobody had told her that Sam was actually out of the hospital! Now she'd caught her at Eve's grave, Goddammit, if she didn't remember before, she certainly would now!

"Maura, answer me!"

"I…" Maura's eyes narrowed and she looked down. "I wanted some air. I was passing, so I thought I'd come in and…and see Kerry. Then I remembered that I didn't even know where her grave was. I passed the little one's and…just thought I'd stop. I thought she wouldn't get many visitors, but clearly I was wrong."

She didn't dare look up, and Sam's knees bent as she knelt down next to Maura, assisting her in rearranging the flowers.

"I come here all the time," she admitted. "Congratulations, by the way. I saw your new arrival."

"Thanks," Maura said shortly.

"What's the matter?" Sam said, surprised.

"Nothing," Maura said, in the same abrupt tone. "It's just been a stressful few weeks, that's all. Anyway, what are _you_ doing here?"

"Walking. Retracing my steps. Trying to remember."

"You…don't remember?" Maura said, awkwardly.

"No," she said frowning. "It kind of…comes and goes, you know? I can see her…just not her face. I can't remember what she sounded like, but I remember she was scared. Scared and desperate. But there was something familiar about her."

"Familiar?" Maura said faintly.

"Yeah…some kind of spicy smell. Maybe her perfume. I don't know. Hey…you're looking a bit green. Are you all right? Maura, come, come on," she said, pulling her to her feet and guiding her over to a bench. She sat her down and rummaged in her bag. "I have a bottle of water in here somewhere… here, have some of this."

Maura sipped the icy water, fighting down the urge to throw up. Sam's hand rested on her shoulder in comfort. Maura looked up at her.

"Better?" she said, kindly.

"A bit. I felt sick earlier. That's why I went out. I thought a walk might do me some good."

"So, you're coming back to Sun Hill, then?"

"How did you know?"

"Oh, Gina told me," she said casually. "Believe it or not, uniform and CID do talk to each other, Gina and I are good friends outside the office. She said you were back and were coming back to Sun Hill. That's nice to hear."

"What was Kerry doing here with you? That night?"

"She was my backup," Sam said sadly. "She was supposed to be following, but not taking action – unless she had to. For whatever reason, she didn't step in so it makes me think that she knew her."

"She didn't leave a note, any indication?"

"No. Nothing."

"Are you angry at her?"

"No. I do wish she'd stepped in, but…"

"No, not Kerry. Her. The girl."

"No. I don't think she was deliberately trying to hurt me, if she wanted to, I don't think she would have called the ambulance."

"Do you think she's all right?"

Sam looked at Maura as if she were insane. "No. I don't. She's crumbling and sooner or later, she's going to self destruct. Well…anyway. Why don't I show you what you actually came here for then? Come on, Kerry's grave…well, she's this way."

It was the last thing she wanted to do, but Maura followed Sam the few minutes' walk across the cemetery, trying to slow her breathing down. If she kept up acting like this, Sam was going to know there was something wrong. She stopped suddenly and Maura walked straight into her and apologised, flustered.

"It's all right," Sam said, stepping aside slightly. "She's just here."

Maura stared at the angel headstone, the pure white shining brightly. Someone had obviously been to clean it regularly, probably Cameron. Kerry's father wasn't up to very much.

"Cameron comes here a lot," Sam said, confirming her suspicions. "I think he spends more time here than at the station. She was buried with her daughter, look."

She pointed and Maura stared, surprised. She read the inscription aloud. "Chloe Young, died on 22nd of October 2002." She blinked and turned to Sam. "I don't…she had a baby?"

"She was premature," Sam answered. "Died a few minutes after she'd been born. I didn't know about it until the other day. Hey, hey, Maura!" She followed her as Maura fled from the grave, tears rolling down her cheeks. She caught up with her at the gate. "Maura, are you all right?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "I...don't feel well."

"Do you want me to take you home? My car's just over here."

"I need to go to the station."

"I need to go too, so let me take you. Come on."

She guided Maura to the car. She wanted to pull away and run but didn't. In the car, Sam gave Maura some more water. And sat with her hand on her shoulder until she'd calmed down.

"Are you sure you're ready to come back to Sun Hill, Maura?"

"No," she said, putting on her seatbelt. "But the bills aren't going to pay themselves."

"Ask Gina to put you on light duties," she said, starting up the car. "I'm sure she'll know to anyway, but it takes months to bounce back after having a baby."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I know."

Maura sighed quietly and laid her head on the window. She dug her nails into her knee, biting her lip hard. Calm down Maura, she thought, breathing hard. Stop behaving like a lunatic. She's going to get suspicious. Sam looked across at her and gave her what she thought was an encouraging smile. It took all the energy she could muster to smile back. She felt a wetness on her thigh and stopped digging in her nails.

* * *

><p>Everything had happened so fast, Maura thought, as she tightened the belt around her waist. Loose before, it hung lower now, feeling uncomfortably heavy. Maura looked in the mirror as she brushed on her face powder, the final part of her mask. The carefully constructed façade she'd built up for seven years was falling apart. It would only be a matter of time before everyone found out the truth about her. Then they'd hate her for sure. She dabbed some concealer on the dark circles, which never seemed to fade and slammed her locker shut. She exited the locker room and came face to face with Smithy, who smiled widely and swept her into his arms, hugging her tightly. She was startled and tears stung her eyes as the scent of his aftershave filled her nostrils.<p>

"I just wanted to stay welcome back," he said into her hair. "It's so good to have you here. I really missed you."

"I missed you too," she said truthfully, breaking free of his hold.

He looked hurt that she hadn't returned his enthusiastic hug, but hid it quickly and stroked her hair, smiling kindly.

"You'll be in CAD," he said. "If that's all right. I know you'll probably prefer to be back on the streets in action, but…"

"It's fine," she said shortly. "It'll make it easier for you to report back to my dad. Won't it Serge?"

She walked off, and he watched her disappear, a pit of dismay in her stomach. She wasn't supposed to know that he was spying, but somehow, she always had. If it wasn't him, it was someone else. He could understand why it was so annoying to her though, it would annoy him too if, at twenty four, he still had someone reporting back to his father like he was five. Though, it might actually be nice if he had a father to care, like Maura. Postpartum psychosis; thinking about the name merely sent a shiver down his spine, especially now he knew how Maura's mother had really died. What kind of frame must you be in to decisively throw yourself in front of a train? It was incomprehensible. Keeping it from Maura felt wrong though, it was her own mother, surely she had a right to know the truth? But what if her knowing tipped her over the edge? He couldn't tell her the truth just for his own piece of mind though, not only would it be selfish of him, but it could set her way back and he wasn't going to be responsible for alienating her further from her family. Not only that, Jake would kill him if he dared, but he might have to beat Peter to it. He sighed and shrugged. He'd held a torch for Maura for a long time and in all honesty, when she'd first come to Sun Hill and told him she and Sonny were 'on a break' there had been a feeling of hope; hope that his feelings might be returned. It was unrequited though, it always had been and it always would be. She didn't love him the way he loved her. It had Jake who'd been blunt with him about it; told him he'd always known how he felt about Maura, but he needed to get over it. She wasn't about to suddenly see him after years of being with Sonny and fall in love with him. He needed to get on with his own life, Jake said, not waste it hoping for something that would never be. It had been the wakeup call he'd needed, for now he was happily settled. He'd have to remember to thank Jake one day, even if he was going to keep a closer eye on Maura from now on.

* * *

><p>Maura woke up with a headache. She looked at the empty bottle of wine on her bedside table and sighed. Every day was the same; she'd go to work, sit for hours in CAD, come home and drink herself into oblivion, between all those things, frantically trying to avoid both Sam and Smithy, both of which were proving extremely difficult. Smithy couldn't leave her alone for more than a couple of hours and Sam kept asking for her opinion on cases. She acted like she mattered. She was crazy. Maura got up and went to have a shower. When she was younger, she found the shower the ideal place to cry; the running water and radio muffled her sobs and her red, blotchy face was explained away by hot water. Now was no different. She could scream, shout, pound on the walls, cry and nobody would know. She let the razor fall from her hand and blood ran thinly down her arm. It should have stung, but it didn't. Getting out, she bandaged herself up and dried herself. She was changing in her room when the door bell rang making her jump and hit her elbow on the wall. Scowling and rubbing it, she walked to the door, the figure of someone tall and stocky standing there. Probably Smithy. Having had just about enough of him forever in her face, she opened the door, furious.<p>

"Smithy, will you just leave…"

She stopped. It wasn't Smithy. It was Tom. Tom, looking in about as bad a state as everyone kept claiming she looked.

"What do you want? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"No!"

"Please Maura," he said, taking a step forward.

"Take one more step, Tom, and I'll scream," she threatened. "I swear to God, I will!"

"All right, all right," he said, backing off. "Please, don't get upset. I didn't come here to upset you. I just want to talk to you."

"So talk!"

He looked uncomfortable. "I don't want to do it on the street. Please Maura. Five minutes. Then I'll go."

"I'll be timing," she warned with a scowl before allowing him entry. "You look like shit, by the way."

"Could say the same about you," he said, following her to the sitting room. He looked at the bottles on the table and picked one up, his eyebrows raised. "It's not like you to be on the strong stuff, Maura."

She snatched the bottle from him, glaring. "I said you could come in, not that you could interfere. You have four minutes left, so spit it out!"

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"What?" she said, the bottle falling from her hand.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Y…you believe me?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me to be. I'm sorry I abandoned you."

Maura's legs trembled and Tom moved quickly, catching her in his arms as she fell. He held her to his chest, stroking her hair. She felt wetness on the top of her head as his tears fell.

"I shouldn't have let you walk away from us. Not when you're like this."

With a struggle, she shoved him away and stared at him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Maura, you need to come home where we can look after you."

She laughed bitterly. "And there was me thinking you cared. There was me thinking you'd began to believe me."

"Maura, I do care! Why don't you come with me? Let me take you home."

"I AM home!"

"Maura…"

"For a moment there, you almost had me believing that you were on my side." Her face darkened and she took a step forwards. "Do you know how much I hate you right now?"

His expression was as if a knife had pierced his heart.

"Maura…"

"I hate you. I don't think that was possible, but I do! Get out."

"Maura…"

"Tom, your five minutes are more than up, so get the hell out of here! GET OUT!"

Grabbing the nearest ornament to hand, she hurled it violently at his head when he didn't move. He ducked and it hit the wall. Straightening, he stared at the broken pieces and at Maura, shocked.

"You need help."

"I need you to get out!"

"Your daughter needs you."

"Why would she need me? She has you, who obviously knows best!"

"You know, whilst growing up, all you ever used to say was that when you became a mother, you didn't want to do what yours did. Look in the mirror, Maura! You're abandoning your child!" he said, taking something out of his coat and holding it in front of her face. "Look! Just look at her, Maura!"

Maura made herself look and in spite of herself, felt shocked. At three months old, she'd already grown so much. Her hair was longer and she was wearing a cute bunny onesie.

"She's beautiful, Maura. Just like you. Why don't you want her?"

Numbly, Maura took the photograph and stared at her daughter, tears brimming in her eyes. Even she could see the resemblance between her own baby pictures and this one.

"She doesn't need me."

"Yes she does," he said. "She needs her Mummy. I need you too. You're my best friend, Maura. And Sonny, he needs his wife. He loves you. Come back to us. Please. We'll look after you."

"I can't," she said. "I can't come back. Not until I prove it to you. Not until you believe me."

"Maura…"

"Tom, your brother raped me! Stop trying to make out like it all happened in my imagination! He forced himself on me when I knocked him back! Told me how much I loved it as he _violated_ me! He kept on doing it. Harder and harder. For hours."

"Maura…"

"HE RAPED ME!" she shouted, tears streaming from her eyes. "I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to prove it to you! And I'm going to do it before Sam remembers I pushed her down the stairs. I don't care what I have to do. I don't care if I end up in prison. I don't care anymore. You're going to be sorry. Please. Just get out."

"Maura…"

"Tom, please," she said, dropping the photograph and turning away. "Just go."

"I'll see you at work," he said. "If you're staying Maura, so am I. I'm not leaving Sun Hill without you."

She didn't say anything and he turned and left the house. Sonny was waiting in the car outside and looked disappointed when he saw his brother alone.

"Well?" he said, as Tom got in, as if he was hoping his wife would appear from nowhere.

"I tried," Tom said gloomily. "She's still insisting that Vincent raped her. She's still insisting the baby was hers."

"I'm gonna talk to her," Sonny said, unbuckling his seatbelt, stopped from getting out when Tom grabbed his arm.

"No, Sonny, leave her. She's…she's unstable. Don't go in there. She's drinking, quite a lot. Bottles everywhere."

"I can't just leave her! I love her!"

"I know, Sonny, I love her too. But don't go in there. It'll make things worse."

"But if she does something stupid! Hurts herself!"

"She won't. She's too determined to 'prove it.' I can keep an eye on her at work, Sonny. I'll make sure she's all right."

"What if she's telling the truth, Tom?"

"Pardon?"

"Come on. You've seen the state of Lexi. You saw that video on Christmas Day. You saw how he treated people at school."

"But this, this is different! Rape? It's…its criminal! Illegal!"

"Oh and beating up your wife isn't? Everyone's been turning a blind eye to it for years, Tom. Except Maura. She's told Lexi for years to get away from him. Her hate for him goes beyond everyone else's. Ask yourself, why?"

"Innocent until proven guilty, Sonny," Tom said stubbornly, starting the car. "He's my twin brother, okay? I know he's got a nasty streak, but he's not capable of rape. Not at the age of sixteen."

As the car drove away, Sonny stared longingly at the house. There was a sick feeling in his gut, telling him he'd been wrong to doubt his wife. She wouldn't say it without a good reason, you stupid man, it said. She wouldn't say it unless it wasn't true.

"She's ill," Tom said, as if he'd heard the voice. "She's not well, Sonny. She needs professional help."

"She needs me."

"She's beyond the help of love," his brother said kindly. "It's not going to be enough. And we have no reason to call the men in white coats. Not yet."

"So, what, are you saying we just wait until she self destructs? Tom, on _that day_, they had to break down her bedroom door, pull her from under the bed and drag her to that ambulance kicking and screaming! Do you remember the look on her face? She was screaming for me. Begging me to help her."

Tom was silent. He remembered the day clearly, having to hold his distraught elder brother back as he tried to reach his girlfriend, shouting to her that he loved her. Their father had to help him drag Sonny in the house to stop him getting to Maura. Then he remembered something else. Vincent. Standing to the side with a tearful Lexi, watching Maura with glee. He'd been enjoying it.

"Sonny, if it is true, I'm never going to forgive myself for not believing her. I love her, but you didn't see her in there. She could tell herself the sky was green and believe it. She's lost it!"

"I could help her!"

"No you can't. You couldn't help her last time and you can't help her now."

"I have to," he said. "I promised Mr. Barton. I promised I'd bring her home. That I wouldn't let her end up like her mother."

"Nobody's going to let that happen," said Tom. "Right now, she's pushing everyone away. We can't force her to come with us or to talk to us. We need to wait for her to come to us."

Sonny scrubbed at his eyes. "I love her, Tom," he said tearfully. "I love her so much. I can't just sit back and watch her destroy herself."

"Sonny, you can't make her let you help her. She doesn't want your help. She wants you to say you believe her. Can you look her in the eye and do it?"

"She's lied to me before."

"I know. That's why I can't do it. I don't want to leave here without her. She needs help, but she's not seventeen anymore. We can't make her come with us. Let's just go home, all right? We can work out what to do next. Smithy's coming over later to talk to us about how she's been. Then we can work out what to do."

Sonny nodded and slouched in his seat. Tom saw the naked longing in his face to have Maura back in his arms. He loved her and always had, despite all she'd put him through, and he, Tom, still loved her too. He saw the longing in her face when he'd given her the photograph of Dominique, which, he realised with a jolt, he'd left behind. It was his favourite one of his niece when she was already smiling. Oh well. Maybe it would actually show Maura what it was she was missing.

* * *

><p>Before Maura's eyes, the photograph was consumed by the flames. She watched calmly as it was reduced to nothing more than ashes. Angry tears ran down her face. She genuinely thought Tom has begun to believe her, but he just thought she was mad. I am not mad, she thought angrily, and a sly voice asked, 'who're you trying to convince?"<p>

"Fuck off," she said angrily.

"You are mad though," it said. "Look at yourself. You're drinking too much. You're not sleeping. You're a mess. You'd be fine if you got rid of the kid."

"Leave me alone!" she screamed, grabbing a bottle from the table, smashing it against the table and slashing at her arm. With a scream of pain, the bottle rolled away and she clutched her arm to her chest, her t-shirt staining crimson. She gritted her teeth. Surely Sonny and Tom coming back would mean Vincent would soon follow. He never missed an opportunity to make her life a misery and now, it was time to repay the favor.


	24. Frontline

_Thanks to Jess for her latest review! And, as of more plans being made, this story will go on for longer than planned. I smell a big, juicy, whodunnit..._

_Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
>She felt it every day.<br>And I couldn't help her,  
>I just watched her make the same mistakes again.<em>

Smithy finished the last of his paperwork and sighed, pushing it away. It wasn't up to his usual standard, but he couldn't have paid full attention, even if he'd wanted to. He looked at his watch. It was nearing the end of Maura's shift and he was expecting her. He needed to speak with her, find out what was going on. Why she wasn't herself, why she was so…so haunted. She hadn't been herself for quite some time and it wasn't just since her baby was born. There had been something different about her from the very first moment she'd come to Sun Hill, but slowly, before his eyes, the bright, cheery girl was disappearing and in her place, was this total stranger. A stranger who glared at him, who didn't return his hugs, who talked back to him. It was unacceptable, Gina said. Maura, she'd reminded him, was his responsibility, and he was to have a stern word with her about her conduct of late, especially arriving at work smelling of alcohol day after day. Having a go at her was the last thing he wanted to do or the last thing she needed. She was depressed, Tom had told him. She needs your support. But she also needs you to be in charge, Gina had said. You can't let friendship cloud authority. If you don't discipline her, I'm going to have to have her moved elsewhere. Desperately, he'd agreed to speak with her, even if he didn't plan on shouting. If she was moved, there was no way he and Tom could keep an eye on her. And talking of Tom…clearly there was something else going on. It wasn't just that Maura wasn't being a mother to Dominique. More than once, he'd caught Tom trying to talk with Maura and it always ended with her pushing him away and telling him to leave her alone. They'd been so close once, loved each other so much. Once upon a time, they couldn't pass in the corridors without giving each other a hug or with Tom cheerfully calling her 'babe.' Something else was going on, something else that nobody was telling him… he looked up at a knock on the door. Maura stood, dressed in her street clothes. She didn't smile.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah. Come in. Close the door."

She did and he gestured to the chair in front of his desk. She lowered herself into it, her lifeless eyes staring at him without blinking.

"Look…Maura…I'll just get to the point and say it, okay? This…your conduct of late, it's been unacceptable."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I mean turning up to work half dressed and smelling of alcohol. I mean your frequent shouting matches with Tom. I mean you talking back to me every day. When we're here, at work, I'm your superior first and foremost. You don't undermine me in front of the others. Please don't make me give you a written warning. This backchat needs to stop."

She looked as if she was struggling to muster the energy to do the same now, but as soon as her mouth opened, her shoulders dropped and she slouched in her seat.

"I'm sorry."

She said it so quietly; he barely heard it at all. Her head dropped, and so the first sign he got that she was crying was when she wiped her eyes. He wheeled his chair around to her desperately.

"Oh Maura, don't, I didn't mean to make you cry!" he said, upset, squeezing her hand. "Come on. I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean to make you angry."

"I'm not angry Maura, I'm worried," he said, handing her a tissue from his pocket and giving it to her. "You're not yourself. You're not happy. All this, the drinking, the sarcasm, the arguing with Tom – it's not you. Come on. Talk to me."

"I just…I feel so alone."

"Don't be silly, you're not alone," he said, stroking her back. "You have me. You have Tom and Sonny. They care about you."

"No, they don't. They don't give a toss. They just keep telling me that there's something wrong with me."

That's because there is, he thought, but knew it would be unwise to say it out loud. He put an arm around her shoulder in comfort.

"Maura, you're not yourself. You haven't been yourself for…for months now."

"They don't care about me Smithy," she said, tears streaming down her face. "They hate me. They deserted me. They didn't believe me."

"About what? Believe you about what?"

"They called me a liar."

"What about? Maura?"

"Smithy, please don't take my job away from me too!" she said, gripping the front of his shirt so hard, he was startled. "Please! It's all I have!"

"Calm down, nobody's going to take it away from you!"

"I'll be good!" she said, pleading like a child. "I'll be better!"

"Okay, okay! Maura, calm down!" he said, prising her hands away. "It's all right. It's okay."

"But I made you angry. I upset you!"

"No, you didn't," he said. "I'm not angry. I'm just concerned. Come here."

He held her to him, hiding the fact that he desperately wanted to cry. She was crying softly into his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"Okay," he said softly. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you. Listen, I'm off in ten, why don't you come to mine for the night, hm? We can eat junk and watch rubbish on TV, just like old times."

"But Andrea…"

"She's going away," he said. "She's going to see family. She won't mind anyway, she knows you're important to me."

"Am I?"

"Of course you are," he said. "You matter, so much. Come on. Come home with me. Let me look after you. Yeah?"

"Okay."

"That's my girl. I'm gonna go change. You can wait here, I'll come and get you." leaning across his desk, he opened the drawer and produced a packet of butterscotch sweets, giving a few to her. "They say sucking on some of these is very soothing."

She smiled tearfully, unwrapped one and put it in her mouth. He smiled and got up, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"I'll be right back," he said, leaving. Outside, he came face to face with Gina and sighed. At her raised eyebrows, she'd obviously been watching the whole thing.

"Sergeant, since when did telling someone to buck up involve hugs and sweets?"

"She got upset," he said defensively. "She was worried she'd annoyed me."

"Smithy, she has!"

"I know," he said. "But look at the state of her! I can't shout at her, not when she's like this!"

"She needs help, Smithy."

He knew that already, but hearing it out loud made it so much worse. He sighed and said, "I know. But please, let me try first. I know I can get through to her. Give me a chance."

"She's a good officer," Gina said, glancing at her. "A good girl. I don't want to lose her. But she needs to sort it out."

"She will!" he promised. "I'll make sure."

"See that you do, Smithy."

"I'm taking her home with me tonight," he said. "She's staying. There's something else, something nobody's telling me."

"What?"

"I don't know, that's what I want to find out. She said something about Tom and Sonny calling her a liar, about them deserting her. There's something they haven't told me, and I'm going to find out what."

With that, he walked away and instead of going to the locker room, headed straight for Tom's office. He knocked and didn't bother to wait for an answer before barging in. Tom was halfway out of his seat, intending to open the door and looked shocked.

"You haven't been honest with me!"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, don't act all innocent, Tom! What aren't you telling me? Why's Maura just said to me that you and Sonny are calling her a liar? About what?"

"It's private," Tom said, scowling, turning away to file papers away.

"Oh no, you don't! If you want my help, you need to be honest with me!"

"Because she did lie to Sonny! All right? Before she ran down here the first time, she told him she couldn't have kids."

"But she can't. She has…"

"No, she doesn't. She lied. She admitted it. She didn't want to have a baby. Sonny did. And now, after that, she expects us to believe…"

"Yes?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Tom!"

"She said that when she was sixteen, she was raped."

He couldn't believe his ears and stared. "What?!"

"Yeah. And after all that with Sonny, you think I should believe her when she only thinks to mention it seven years later?"

"Who does she say did it?"

"She doesn't," Tom lied. "She said she doesn't know. It was a stranger, when she was walking home through the park."

"Why would she lie about something like that?"

"Why would she keep it to herself for years?" challenged Tom. "All these years and didn't think once to say something."

"You don't think it might explain her breakdown years ago?"

"No," Tom said stubbornly. "I think it's all about attention. It always has been with her."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this! You actually think she would lie about that?"

Angry, Tom slammed the drawer and glared at him, resisting the urge to tell him everything else.

"Look Smithy, I appreciate you wanting to help her, all right, but you haven't been there the past few years. She's told me so many lies and each time I believed her. I can't believe this. I can't believe she'd keep quiet for seven years and say it at the time when she conveniently didn't want a baby!"

"What's Dominique got to do with it?"

"Nothing," said Tom, shortly. "Look, I'm sorry, but this is a family matter. We really, really appreciate you helping her, but please…don't confront her about this."

"And if she tells me?"

He hadn't thought of that, but simply looked at Smithy and shrugged. He said; "if she tells you, make up your own mind. It seems you already have anyway."

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
>Too many, too many problems.<br>Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
>She wants to go home, but nobody's home,<br>It's where she lies, broken inside.  
>With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes,<br>broken inside._

Smithy watched Maura sleeping in his bed, breathing slowly and deeply. He'd heard her tossing and turning before some time before daring to creep up, thankfully finding her asleep. She was the tiniest person in the station, not to mention the frailest. How could anyone hurt her unintentionally, much less force themselves on her? Well it's all about power isn't it, he reminded himself. Whoever it was did it because they could. And how could Sonny and Tom not believe her? She lied to them, moron, the voice reminded him. She lied about not being able to have kids. She lied to me about it. She wouldn't lie without good reason though, he thought, closing the door over and going back to the sitting room where he'd pulled out the sofa bed for himself.

Maura woke with a jerk, gasping. She was…wet. Wet and sticky. Getting up, she stumbled in the dark from the bedroom and to the bathroom. She flicked on the light and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in terror. She was covered in blood; it was dripping from her arms, her hair, and her…she reached down and stared in terror at the blood on her hand. Then she screamed. Bringing her hands to her hair, she pulled, screaming manically, clawing at her blood soaked clothes until Smithy grabbed her arms. He was naked apart from his boxer shorts.

"What? Maura, what's wrong?!"

"The blood! Get it off me! Get it off me!"

"Blood? What blood?"

"Can't you see…?"

Maura turned to the mirror and stared with her mouth open. She blinked. Her nightshirt was bright white, her hair straight and clean. The blood was gone.

"T…there was blood! I was covered in it!"

"Maura, there's nothing here!" he said, staring at her, disturbed. "You're fine!"

"B…but there was blood!" she said her legs trembling. "On me. My hands."

"There's nothing here. It was your imagination," he said, feeling her forehead. "You're boiling. Sit. Maura, sit!"

She sank onto the end of the bath and watched him soak a cloth in cold water. He went to her and held it to her head. Maura closed her eyes as it cooled. Her breathing slowed as it cooled her down. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight, unsuccessfully trying to hide that she was crying.

"Don't cry," he said, stroking her hair.

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop it," he said. "It's all right."

He peeled her arms off and came down to her level, his hand holding her arm.

"Maura, tell me, please. What's wrong? Whatever it is, we can get it fixed."

She smiled at him sadly and touched his face. "You're amazing Smithy. But you can't help me. I have to do this on my own."

"I can try!" he said desperately. "Everyone just wants you back Maura. The real you."

"She's gone," Maura said. "She won't be coming back."

He looked down as the burning tears fell from his eyes. She brought his face back to hers, wiping the tears with her long, cold fingers.

"I miss her. I miss you. You were always so happy. Singing. Dancing. Laughing. Doing five things at once. What changed?"

"Me," she said quietly.

"I'd do anything to see you smile like that again. I'd do anything to have you back. I'd do anything for you, Maura, you know that, right?"

"There is something you can do."

"What?"

"Don't let me be lonely tonight. Please."

"Okay," he said, wiping his face. "Come on."

Getting into bed with another woman felt wrong, he thought as he climbed beneath the sheets with Maura, but it wasn't as if anything was going to happen between them. It never had and it never would, even if he'd never stopped loving her. More to the point, even if she wanted to and if he did, he couldn't without feeling that he was sexually assaulting her himself. She was hardly in any fit state to give consent. Even here, now, holding her close with his hands all over her smooth golden skin, he felt like a molester. She had her arms wrapped around his chest so tightly, it was difficult to breathe. Neither of them could sleep. In the darkness, he heard her murmuring quietly and he strained to listen, thinking she'd finally fallen asleep and was talking. Then he realised she wasn't talking, she was singing. Something he'd heard her singing before. Something about a little fall of rain. Why was it so familiar? Her body – not heavy to begin with – suddenly relaxed against his, and her grip slackened. He kissed her head. Her singing gave him hope. He hadn't heard her sing in years.

"You're still there," he said. "Somewhere, you're still there somewhere. I'm going to bring you home, whatever it takes."

He held her closer and kissed her again, tucking the covers around her to make sure she was warm before falling asleep himself.

_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why,  
>You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.<br>Be strong, be strong now,  
>too many, too many problems.<br>Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

"…and she was in the bathroom, screaming her head off," Smithy said, relaying the story to Tom. "Convinced she was covered in blood. She was pulling at her clothes, yanking at her hair. I've never seen her like that before."

"She used to wake up screaming all the time," Tom said quietly. "Especially after…you know, she was sectioned. They all said, that of course, it was traumatising, but Sonny said she used to wake up screaming all the time. Nearly every night. He had a hard time calming her down." Sighing, he threw down his pen and covered his face. "Vincent."

"What about him?"

"She says it was Vincent."

"Who did what?" Smithy's mouth dropped open. "What?! You said…"

"I _know_ what I said!" Tom said through gritted teeth. "But I thought the less people who knew about her lies, the less people would get hurt."

He gaped, the image of the tall, dark stranger who'd grabbed Maura and dragged her struggling, into the bushes, melted away and replaced by Vincent's, an evil smile on his annoyingly handsome face. He was nasty. He always had been. But he was also Tom and Sonny's brother.

"And you think…"

"Yes," Tom snarled. "He's my brother!"

"And what does that make Maura?" he shot back. "Your next door neighbour?" He went red as Tom gave him a funny look. Of course, for years, that was exactly what she'd been. "I mean…she's your sister!"

"In law," Tom said. "Vincent and I share blood."

"Oh yeah? Well I find that really hard to believe!"

"You're not the first person to say it," Tom said stoutly. "Look, I know he's not very nice, okay? I know he's been a bully since he could walk and talk. He's done some horrible things…"

"Planting food in Maura's room? You call that just 'horrible?'"

"Fine! It's evil! He's always seemed to love picking on her. Maybe especially her. But this? He's my brother. He'd never do something like that. Not to his brother's girlfriend. And not when he was sixteen!"

"Sixteen?"

"Yes. That's what she says. Now do you see why it's so unbelievable? Can you really see that, him doing that at sixteen?"

Well he was always evil; Smithy thought stubbornly but didn't say it out loud. Tom, though, took his silence for agreement and raised his eyebrows.

"Well there you go then. So, anything else happen?"

He shrugged. "Not…really. I mean, she asked me to stay with her…nothing happened!" he said as Tom narrowed his eyes. "Look, you want me to get close to her, don't you? Last night was the first time in months that she's let me hug her!"

Tom rolled his eyes, and said, "so?"

"So, I stayed with her, but she didn't sleep for ages. She was singing."

"She hasn't…sung for ages," Tom said softly. "I miss her singing."

"It was something she used to sing a lot." He frowned and thought; her words had been so quiet, the majority were hard to make out. "Something about the rain."

"A Little Fall of Rain," Tom said. "You will keep me safe, and you will keep me close, and rain will make the flowers grow."

"Yeah, that's the one," he said nodding, surprised by Tom's good voice. "What is it?"

"Les Misérables," he said."You remember. She and I had our end of year play when we finished college. You came to see it, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah," he said, remembering the performance.

"She was Eponine. I was Enjorlas." He gazed out of the window thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, it was probably the last time I ever heard her sing. Where is she now?"

"She's in the evidence room, sorting the log book. She begged me to give her something else to concentrate on. There's a lot to concentrate on, so it'll keep her busy."

"Keep her out of trouble," he said darkly. "I hear you had to tell her off."

"I didn't tell her off!" he said, annoyed. "It's the last thing she needs."

"Yeah well, her dad should have told her off more often," he said with an ugly scowl which made him look just like Vincent. Just carry on keeping an eye on her. Please."

He sat back down and went back to his computer. Smithy took it as his dismissal and left in shock. Vincent raped Maura, he thought, desperately wishing he hadn't heard so. Then he hated him more than ever. Vincent was taller than him, making him over a foot taller than Maura, and bulked up like a wrestler. How could he...? He forced his anger away as he knocked on the door of the evidence room, planting a false smile on his face.

"Maura?"

She appeared from behind a shelf, covering her mouth as she sneezed.

"You okay?"

"Just…" she sneezed again "…got a nose full of dust."

"Yeah, this place probably hasn't been cleaned since the place was built. You gonna come to lunch?"

"I've got a sandwich," she said, looking over her shoulder. "I'm fine."

"You gonna come home with me tonight?"

She looked startled. "Are you sure that's okay?"

"Course," he said. "I like having you. Nobody else wants to play cards with me."

She smiled slightly. "Okay. Thanks."

"Good." He smiled too. "I'll call for you at the end of shift okay?" He went to leave.

"Smithy wait," she said, going to him and throwing her arms around his waist in a big cuddle. He held her back. She was such a sweetie. So gentle. "I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep and I'm sorry for annoying you at work." She pulled back and looked at him. "I'll try harder. I promise."

"That's my girl," he said. "Come and find me if you need me."

He left, closing the door. Maura's smile faded. Being in his arms last night had been comforting, but not enough. She'd wanted Sonny's arm around her. He'd been texting her daily, asking if she was okay. She hadn't replied to one. She went back to her place on the floor where she'd been sat, rewriting the log book and checking the evidence bag, rewriting labels. It was a bit more distracting than working in CAD. Her half eaten sandwich sat next to her. She took it with her medication, trying to push Sonny to the back of her mind. It was no good. She wanted him like a kid wanted candy. She looked at the picture of them she had on her phone and with a quick decision, deleted it. Standing up, she continued with her work and came across a badly packaged gun. One look at the signature had her rolling her eyes. It was Kerry's. She always had seemed allergic to any sort of paperwork. Then she felt sickened with herself. That's a dead woman you're thinking badly of, Maura, she thought. The dead woman who, for some reason, protected you. Maura held the gun in her hands as if testing the weight. It was some kind of semi automatic pistol and very heavy. She remembered the day it had been acquired, not long after she'd come. It had been used in an armed robbery. The manager of a bank had been shot and killed, and his killer had been stupid enough to leave this gun with prints at the scene. Well, he had been out of his head, desperate for drugs and people like that did stupid things. She stared at the gun. She needed something like this to beat Vincent. There was no way he'd come with her if she just demanded he did, but if she had this…

It was stealing, she thought, horrified, holding the object at arm's length. They'd kill her. She'd lose her job for sure. She was going to lose it anyway, though. When everything came out. It seemed she was as desperate as the drug addict who'd killed an innocent man she thought as she searched for the bullets.

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
>It's where she lies, broken inside.<br>With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes,  
>broken inside.<br>_

Maura had been different, Smithy thought, watching her work. Since he'd been allowing her to go back out on street duty, she'd changed. But maybe it had something to do with Vincent coming back. He gritted his teeth. That man just couldn't leave alone! He'd come by the station, 'to meet Tom' but had obviously been hoping to run into Maura. And he had before Smithy could stop her coming through the door; prevent her from dealing with him. He hadn't missed the flicker of fear that had passed Maura's face when she'd seen him. From the smug look on his face, Vincent had also seen her reaction and had obviously taken delight in sweetly telling her all about her daughter and how he'd loved babysitting for her. He was becoming her favourite uncle, he'd bragged. He'd seen the anger in Maura's eyes and it was only Tom showing up that saved Vincent from a broken nose. Whether that would have been from himself or Maura, he couldn't tell. The hate radiating from Maura had been so strong, it was terrifying. When he'd left, she was shaking. And he could see in her eyes what she had pictured in her head. she might be indifferent, but she clearly didn't want him anywhere near her daughter, and he'd heard her on the phone to her father as she left, demanding he keep Vincent away from Dominique. That Vincent was in London, not Scotland, and therefore nowhere near Dominique didn't seem to cross her mind. She hated him so much. And nobody was asking themselves why.

* * *

><p>Maura looked at the thin blister packs of pills that she'd acquired from the doctors a few days previously. She'd not been able to sleep well, she'd told him. Kept waking up, screaming and shouting. She couldn't focus on work. Please, she'd begged him. Give her something to help. He'd been reluctant to, but close to tears, she'd pleaded and he relented. She didn't plan to use them for herself. She was for once, going to make Vincent feel as small as he'd made her feel nearly all her life, even before he'd destroyed it. And she was damned before she let him anywhere near her little girl. She was just a baby. She didn't deserve him as an uncle anymore than she deserved her as a mother. She looked at the gun in her bag. Mercifully, nobody had noticed it was missing. Grabbing it, she held it in her gloved hand. It really was heavy. And it was loaded. Tonight was the night she had to make it happen. Sam was beginning to remember. At least, not her, but things like what she was wearing. Her smell. She'd piece it together soon enough and if she did it before Maura could get a confession out of Vincent, she'd never, ever have a hope. Maura pulled her hair into a high bun, neatening it. She sniffed and looked in the mirror. She was dressed to kill; leather trousers, long black coat and heavy steel toe boots, designed for running and kicking the hell out of anyone who came too close. She made up the protein shake Vincent always drank and crushed up some of the sleeping pills, stirring them into it. She was counting on him to follow her. He never missed an opportunity to taunt her, not ever. Seeing him at her mercy, for once, helpless… Maura smiled. She really hoped he'd beg. Just like she had years ago. Packing the bottle and everything else into her rucksack, she buttoned up her coat and headed to the front door. Pulling it open, she screamed. Sonny stood there, hand poised to ring the bell.<p>

"What do you want now?" she said, stepping out and closing the door.

"You!" he blurted, catching her arm. "I want you, Maura."

"Well I don't want you," she said, jerking her arm away.

"Maura, please!" he said desperately, catching her waist and holding her close. "I can't take this anymore! I want you! I love you. Six years ago, I made a promise to you. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, forever and ever, till death us do part. I love you so much, baby."

It had been a long time since she'd been his baby. Tears filled her eyes, but she pushed the feelings and him away and glared at him harshly.

"It's over Sonny. Deal with it. I gave you the ring back."

"I want you to have it!" he said, pulling it from his pocket and taking her left hand. He went to put it on and stopped, blinking at the glove. "Maura, what on earth are you wearing gloves for? Why are you dressed like this? It's boiling!"

"What are you? The clothes police?"

"I just… forget it. Maura…I love you. How much clearer do I have to make this? Come back to me. Come back to us." He removed her glove and pushed the ring onto her thin finger and held her hand, watching the rubies sparkle in the sun. "There," he said. "Perfect."

He held her face, bringing it close to his and kissed her, snaking his arms around her shoulders. Pulling away, he smiled at her. Coldly she prised his arms off and his smile dropped.

"You broke those vows when you called me a liar. Leave me alone, Sonny. I mean it."

"But Maura," he said, his eyes filling with tears. "I love you."

"Yeah? And I love you. But I'll get over it."

She pushed him away and walked to her car. She'd just opened the door when she heard him running after her. Sonny got to her as she shut her door and he banged on the window, trying to open the door with tears streaming down his face. Begging her to talk to him, to stay, not to go. He was forced to stand back as she started the engine and accelerated away. He watched her car disappear and sat on the pavement, tears streaming down his face. He had a horrible feeling he'd lost her for good.

_Her feelings she hides.  
>Her dreams she can't find.<br>She's losing her mind.  
>She's fallen behind.<br>She can't find her place.  
>She's losing her faith.<br>She's fallen from grace.  
>She's all over the place.<br>Yeah, oh._

Maura sat in her car outside the sports centre. All the lights were off in the gym, so that must mean everyone would come out soon. Her hands tightened on the wheel and her eyes narrowed and as the door opened, Vincent stepped out. Her mouth dropped open. He was hand in hand with a red haired girl who'd she'd never seen before. The girl was staring up at him greedily. He had the look of arrogance on his face she was used to. Unbelievable, she thought. If that had been Lexi with another man, he'd murder her. He doesn't even like her looking at another man on television! Then she wondered why she was surprised. This was Vincent. The rules were different for him. She watched him kissing her, and rolled her eyes. Get a room, she thought. He pulled the girl away and said something. She had an annoyed pout on her face and stuck out her lip. He said something else and she smiled, looking satisfied. Smug.

"Get away from him," Maura whispered, watching her walk away to her car. "Get as far away from him as you can!"

He was watching her go too, his eyes firmly on her rear end. He'd been locking up with her. Maura's lip curled. It didn't take a genius to work out what had gone on with the two of them alone. He watched until her car had driven away before turning and coming her way, scowling as he surveyed the car park. His eyes came to rest on her car, the only one there and she saw him squint. Maura got out of the car and raised her eyebrows at him. She saw his expression change from amazement to anger.

"See Vincent, if I was the one cheating on my spouse, I wouldn't do it in broad daylight for the whole world to see. You never know who could be watching." She pulled her phone from her pocket and smiled tauntingly. "Or taking pictures."

She hadn't, but it had worked. He stormed forwards as she got back into the car and yanked open the passenger door, throwing himself into it.

"What're you doing here, Bambi?"

"After all these years, you still can't think of a better taunt than Bambi?" she said, bored.

"Give me that phone!"

"Uh…no," she said, sliding it into her back pocket.

"What, jealous are we Maura? You want some too? We both know how happy I am to give you what you want."

"Don't fucking touch me," she warned.

"As if," he said sneeringly, looking at her. "It'd be like shagging a rake. Go and put some weight on. Oh," he said, raising an eyebrow as he saw the shake in her cup holder. "What's this, Maura? The health freak is drinking what isn't real food!"

"It's not," she said shortly. "But it'll do when I'm on the go."

"Well I have needs too, so don't mind if I do!"

She watched him swig the shake and tried not so smile. Go on, she thought. Down the lot. He did and he shot her a look. Immediately scowling, she snatched it away and glared at him. The cup was empty. Good, she thought, smiling inside, but giving him a filthy look.

"Sorry," he said in a sing-song voice. "Better luck next time. Now, if you'll be so kind as to take me home. I've had a long day."

"Well it's about to get longer," she said. "I've been having nightmares. Recurring nightmares."

He yawned. "And you're telling me because…?"

She glared at him. "Because I can't tell anyone else."

He looked across at her lazily. "Maura, sweetie, it's been seven years. Aren't you over it yet?"

"Over it?" she snarled. "You raped me!"

"Best lay I've had," he said. "It's great to have someone who puts up a fight. Makes it even better when I win. But don't tell Lexi that."

"You're disgusting," she said softly.

"Whatever. You know you enjoyed it. If you didn't, you would have told someone. You didn't. You enjoyed it too."

"I screamed at you to stop!"

"You said no. You meant yes. You liked it so much, we did it three times. Or was it four? Maybe it was more, even. I lost track."

"Shut up," she said, her hands shaking.

"What did you think I was going to do? Apologise?" He saw her tears and laughed. "You're pathetic, Maura. I hope your dreams are every bit as good as the real thing was. Now, if you'll just hand over that phone and take me home. There's no need for the rest of the world to know."

She looked at him defiantly. "Try taking it."

"Is that another challenge, Maura?" he asked. "I'll be happy to rise to it. Only I can't really be bothered. I'm knackered."

Maura watched him, her arms folded. "Really?"

He yawned. "Just give it to me and you won't get hurt."

"Like I said. Try taking it. If you can."

He glared at her through his half closed eyes and made an attempt to lunge at her. He fell back in his seat.

"What've you done to me?" he snarled, his speech slurred.

She leant across. "How does it feel? To be the one powerless, and out of control?" His eyes closed and she smirked, leaning over to put on his seatbelt. "Tighten that seatbelt, Vincent. We're going for a trip down memory lane."

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
>It's where she lies, broken inside.<br>With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes,  
>broken inside.<em>

She's lost inside, lost inside  
>She's lost inside, lost inside<p> 


	25. Showdown

_Thank you very much to Jess and Emma for your reviews!_

Sam pressed her fingertips into her eyes, scowling at the paperwork in front of her. She just couldn't concentrate at all, not when the girl kept taking over her mind. She could almost see her…so near, and yet so far. The wide, frightened eyes. The shallow breathing. And the smell, the pungent smell of sweetness coming from her. And it was _so_ familiar. She was so familiar. But from where? The voice…in her mind, it sounded as if it was coming from a badly tuned radio, but it was still familiar. Higher, perhaps, from fright and adrenaline, but familiar nonetheless. Every time she got closer to her in mind's eye, the memory would slip, like smoke through her fingers, and she'd be more confused than ever.

"Sam?" said Phil, coming up to her desk. "You okay?"

"I can see her eyes, Phil. I can hear her voice. I can smell that sweet scent, but…I just can't remember who she is!"

"You can't force yourself to remember. If all you're going to do is sit here, thinking about it and getting wound up about it, you're going to annoy yourself."

"And what if I never remember? She's out there, alone and scared."

"She pushed you down the stairs. Why do you care so much?"

"She didn't mean it. She called the ambulance for me. She got me help. If she really wanted to hurt me, she wouldn't have done that. I scared her away."

"Why are you so sure that you know her?"

"I just am. I can't describe it, but I just know. I don't think I'm the only one who knows her."

"Don't wind yourself up," he said. "Have you eaten?"

"No. I've been too preoccupied."

"Come on Sam," he said, pulling her up. "We're getting some food down you."

"If you think I'm eating from the canteen, then…"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said. "Workman's Brunch is two minutes away, and we all know how you secretly love a good fry up. So come on, get your malnourished butt out of that seat!"

"Takeaway, Phil."

"All right, skinnybone."

"Only you could get away with calling me that," she said, shrugging into her jacket as they exited CID together. She let forth a groan of irritation as she looked outside at the pouring rain and pulled her hair into a hood. As they exited, someone was coming in, their hood up and head bowed. Sam brushed past him and caught a whiff of something sickly sweet. The smell! The perfume! She turned so quickly and stared at the man as he walked to the reception desk, wiping his face that the door bashed into her, making her wince.

"Sam?" Phil said. "What's wrong?"

"N…nothing," she said gloomily, stepping out and following him outside. That, after all, was a man and certainly not the_ girl_ she'd seen at the cemetery. Maybe though, she could ask him what perfume it was. If he was still there when she got back. He smelt as if he'd had a bath in the stuff. In the café, she stared for so long at the menu that Phil had to nudge her to get her to order, and she eventually chose a sausage and red onion toastie, even though she didn't feel hungry anymore. Her insides twisting, she walked back to the station by Phil's side, more positive than ever that she knew who the girl was. He was still there. It was Sonny! His hood now down, Sonny stood, tears dried on his face, leaning against the wall. He saw her and smiled weakly.

"You okay, Sonny?"

He nodded. "Just waiting for my brother."

"Oh," she said awkwardly as Phil tapped his foot impatiently. She went to turn away, but at the last minute, turned back to Sonny and blurted out; "Sonny? What perfume is that?"

"Strong, huh?" he said, breathing it deeply. "It's called Angel."

"You have a bath in the stuff?"

"It's Maura's."

His eyes filled with tears and his head dropped again. Sam's eyes widened and she felt an iron hand grip her stomach.

"No," she said, as Tom came through the door, shrugging his coat on. "It can't be."

"What can't be?" Tom asked distractedly, looking at his brother. "Sonny, you okay?"

"Sam, what's wrong?" Phil asked as she stared at the brothers, her face pale white. She swayed and grabbed onto the wall at the same time as Phil grabbed her arm. "Hey, hey, Sam!" he said, as the brothers turned to stare. "What's wrong?"

Her mouth hung open and she was back in the park, walking quietly towards the girl who was ripping up the plants with animal ferocity. She was angry. That had been her baby's grave and someone had planted flowers over it like she was never there. She could hear her crying. She was yards away and jumped as she stepped on a twig. She also jumped and turned around. Sam recoiled in shock. The face staring back at her looked…guilty. Shocked. Angry. Distraught. Maura's face.

"Maura," she said softly.

"What about her?"

"It was Maura. At the grave. She's the baby's mother."

Sonny's tears stopped and he looked slowly at Tom. He saw his own shock reflected in his brother's face.

"You're sure?" Phil asked.

"I'm sure," she said. "She left, so soon after. She doesn't want to be around me. She's been scared I'd remember if she hung around me too much. She hasn't wanted to be part of the case. Because it's her."

"You have to be sure, Sam, this is a colleague. That is her husband and brother, right in front of you!"

"I'm sure, Phil!" she said fiercely. "I can see her. I can see her as clearly as I can see you now." She turned to Sonny. "Where is she? I need to see her."

"I don't know where she is," he said uncomfortably. "She took off when I tried to talk to her."

"About what? Tried to talk to her about what?"

"About us. I wanted to have her back. She wouldn't listen to me."

"Sonny. Why did you two break up?"

Sonny's mouth opened and he looked sideways at Tom. Tom looked back equally shocked. And equally guilty.

"Sonny!"

"She…she told me that…" he rubbed his neck, his voice trembling. "I thought she was lying to me."

"Sonny!" Tom said warningly. "It can't be."

Sam narrowed her eyes. "You two, back through the door, right now! You'd both better start talking to me and start talking now!"

* * *

><p>It was hot, so hot! Breathing heavily, Maura tore off the coat and jumper she was wearing, left only in a black vest. She let her hair down from the bun, shaking it loose and glared at Vincent, sat in front of her. He'd been drifting in and out. Maybe she'd overdone it on the sleeping pills, but the flicker of fear on his face when he'd glimpsed her had been worth the few seconds of satisfaction. She sat on the bench in front of him, the gun held loosely in her gloved hands. She hated this man more than she'd hated anyone, the feeling was so strong, it even scared her. She'd known the church would be empty. They were sat in what looked like the Sunday school room, judging by the drawings and work on the walls. It had been the room Anna had taken her to on the night Eve was born. Breaking and entering. False imprisonment. Concealment. Assault. Theft. Your list of crimes are building, Maura, said the nasty little voice that just wouldn't let her be.<p>

"This is the only way," she said softly.

"Doing what you should have done years ago?" it mocked.

"Fuck off," she growled.

"Talking to yourself, Maura, you're madder than I thought."

She looked up slowly into Vincent's glaring eyes. He scowled and the expression flickered. For once, she didn't look scared of him. She looked…crazed. Capable of anything. This stare…frightened him. It threatened his hold over her. She jumped off the table and walked to him, staring down. He made an attempt to move and failed. He looked down at the tight ropes binding him.

"What're you playing at, you crazy bitch? You need locking up."

"Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt and all that. Thanks to you!"

"Always willing. You still need the straightjacket," he said. "Now let me go, and you'll only get a black eye!"

She laughed and he chilled.

"I don't think you get it," she said. "You're not in charge here anymore. You're so two faced. The perfect gentleman in front of everyone else, suave, charismatic. But all you ever want to do is hurt people, isn't it? Make them feel small. You're bad news. You always have been. All you want is control. Keeping me terrified of you all the time."

"It was kind of the point, Maura," he said as if she was stupid.

"I know. Then I wondered. How you would like the power and control taken away from you. How you'd like being helpless. When I was out of it on those sleeping pills, doped out of my mind, you loved it, didn't you? Well, now you have a taste of that. That's right," she said, as his eyes narrowed, "In your shake. Don't ask how many, lost count. I told you those things were bad for you! Makes you feel…as if nothing's quite real, doesn't it?"

"You're mad! You're off your head!"

"And who made me like that? You did! You did, the moment you forced yourself on me! Well, you know what they say. Don't get mad. Get even."

He scoffed. "After a repeat performance, Maura? Untie me and let's see how good you are at persuading!"

She smiled again, with her face half hidden in shadow; she resembled the phantom of the opera. She was frightening.

"I have evidence. I can destroy your life right now, and make no mistake, I will. But first, I want you to tell me why."

"Why? Because you thought you could resist. Because I wanted to. Because I could."

"So, when did you decide you wanted to rape me?"

He shrugged uncaringly. "There was never a plan. _You_ just wound me up. It's just as much your fault. More. Thinking you was too good for me. I warned you what would happen if you took up with my soppy brother!"

"Sonny is more of a man than you could ever dream to be!"

He sneered. "Yeah. My brother who panders to and doesn't control his women. Lets them go around half-naked."

"Sonny is kind and gentle. He doesn't need me to be scared of him to feel good about himself!"

"Why don't we just get in the open what this is about, Maura? You feel guilty because you enjoyed it. You really liked it rough, didn't you? Tight little cunt."

"Shut up," she said, trembling.

"'Please, Vincent, please! Please give me what soppy Sonny won't!'" he mocked in a higher voice. "You were begging me for it. This is what this is all about, isn't it? You can't live with the fact that you cheated on Sonny. Well, I'll never tell."

"I didn't cheat on him! You _raped_ me!"

"But you liked it. I can give you more." He smiled spitefully. "I can give you more right now. I bet you've wanted it, haven't you? Ever since that day."

"Shut up!"

"I bet you've even been dreaming about it, haven't you? Feeling me between those legs. Feeling me deep. Come on. Untie me. I can give it to you that good again. I wouldn't mind. You might be a tight little cunt, but you're a good one. You loved my hands on you, didn't you? Squeezing those boobs, that arse, those legs. God, you have nice legs. Come on Maura, we can go for round two. More, if you like. Tight little bitch. That's why you brought me here, wasn't it? I think that's what they call date rape."

"Fuck you," she said softly.

"If you insist," he said. "Come on. The floor's probably not comfortable, but there's always the table. I'll even tell you how good you are. Like last time."

"SHUT UP!"

In blind rage, she raised the gun and fired. She missed by a mile, and the bullet hit a wall, the loud crack echoing through the small chamber. He looked shocked that she'd actually fired the gun.

"Lucky for me that you never were a good shot, even though it only used to be a puny basketball. You're mad, you know that? You should still be in hospital. Hey, where do you think you're going? Don't you dare leave me here! HEY! Get back here and untie me so I can teach you a lesson you won't forget! Maura!"

His voice muffled as she closed the door behind her, breathing heavily. She was sweating and tearful. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to make her snap. It was supposed to be the other way around. She could still hear him cursing and the unmistakable sound of his chair rocking as he struggled to get free. He wouldn't, that she wasn't worried about. That was the thing about police handcuffs. They were strong.

"MAURA!"

She squeaked and ran off towards the benches where she could no longer hear him. She sat down and from the pocket of her jeans, took the dictaphone. She'd been recording since the car, but getting a confession hadn't been enough. She'd wanted an explanation.

'Because I could'

She scoffed at herself. What were you expecting him to say, Maura? Deep down, she'd always know it was why he'd done it. Wasn't it why all rapists did it? Because they could? Power? Control?

She had the proof. But playing this recording to Sonny and Tom wouldn't be enough. They needed to hear it from their evil brother's lips, watch his face as he confessed to raping her. Be there. She found her phone in her pocket and turned it on.

* * *

><p>The incident room had descended into a stunned silence, even though Sam had long stopped explaining the situation. Andrea was the first to move, looking first at Smithy, whose teary eyes were fixed on the ground. She looked back at Sam.<p>

"This is a joke, right?"

"No, Andrea," said Sam. "I'm afraid not."

"But it…it must be. It can't be her. It can't be Maura."

"It is. It was her, at that gravestone. Sonny and Tom West have told us that Maura admitted it to them. She admitted burying her daughter. She admitted writing the letters. She admitted knocking me down the stairs."

"But she…she was right here. The whole time."

"I know," Sam said quietly. "But right now, we need to find her. She's missing. And there's more to it." She took a deep breath and spoke to the room. "Maura told Tom and Sonny that she became pregnant when she was sixteen. Eve – as she apparently called her daughter – was born when she was seventeen. There was a period, during Christmas, six years ago, when she ran away from home. Disappeared. Didn't come back for a week."

"But…she says she was with Sonny since she was fifteen. Why didn't she tell him?"

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Maura says that Sonny isn't the father. She says the pregnancy was the result of rape. She says her attacker was Sonny's brother. Vincent. He is also missing. He was locking up with a colleague, Diana Miller, and CCTV shows him getting into a black range rover. Maura's car. He hasn't been seen since. We need to find Maura, and we need to find her now. She's a seriously ill woman."

Smithy glared up at her.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he demanded. "Seriously ill? She's mad? She's lying?"

"I didn't say that, Smithy, nor will I ever say it until…"

"Vincent is evil!" he snarled, slamming his fist onto the table so hard, everyone jumped. "He raped her!"

"That's as may be Smithy," Sam said calmly. "But she's also not well. You've said so yourself. You know the history of her family."

The colour drained from his face and he shook his head.

"She wouldn't. She can't!"

"We need to find her. We need to find her fast. Vincent's wife Lexi doesn't know anything and for now, we keep it that way. She thinks he's on a night out. According to Diana Miller, they were more than 'just colleagues.' She didn't even know he was married. He didn't wear a ring at work, apparently. He was due to go to her house tonight."

Smithy sneered and said; "That doesn't surprise me. I've known that man for as long as I've known Maura. He's evil. He always has been. He abused Lexi. She was sure of it. Everyone else turned a blind eye. Not her. She hates him."

"Just because someone isn't very nice, it doesn't mean they're a rapist, Smithy."

"Are you calling her a liar?" he demanded. "You as well as her husband and best friend?"

"Smithy, I haven't said she's lying," Sam said patiently. "I'll never say it. If you don't calm down, you're staying here."

"Oh no," he said. "No, you don't! Everyone else abandoned that girl, and if you think I'm staying here and letting everyone else who deserted her…"

"Enough," said Gina. "Smithy, shut up and calm down. You're not the only person in this room who cares about Maura. If she trusts you, you're going to need to have your phone attached to your hand. She'll call for help. Eventually. Right now, we need to concentrate on finding her. You know and I do – she's not well."

"But she wouldn't," he said, his voice shaking. "She wouldn't do anything. She wouldn't hurt anyone. Not even…"

"You don't know that. She's an epileptic. If she hasn't taken her medicine, she'll be in trouble." Taking her eyes off him, she addressed the room. "It's too obvious, but her house is the first place to try."

"Come on, she's not that stupid," said Smithy. "She wouldn't leave anything that could tell us where she is there."

"We need to check, Smithy, you know the rules. No stone left unturned."

"She hasn't really been home much though. She's spent a lot of time with me. At my house."

"Then we need to search your house, too. And interview room two, right after this, Sergeant, thank you."

"I need to be out there, looking for her! I…"

She gave him a steely look and he fell silent.

"If you want to find her, you know you need to co-operate. I know you care about here and you don't want to hear this, but she's unpredictable. Okay?"

He nodded, his face pale and sat back against the desk, eyes fixed back on the floor. Andrea slipped her hand into his and squeezed it tightly. He returned the pressure as a tear rolled down his face. Why hadn't she _told_ him? Would she be scared that he'd turn against her? That he'd report her? That he wouldn't believe her? Probably all three. That he would have deserted her? Absolutely not. That he wouldn't believe her? He hadn't doubted her for a second. But would he have reported her? He closed his eyes. Honestly, he didn't know. It was a terrible thing to decide; a secret too horrific to tell but at the same time, too terrible to keep. He was the only person she had turned to lately and all she thought she had. He didn't judge her, she said. Stare at her and keep reminding her she had a baby to look after. He didn't bring up Dominique unless she did. He looked after her. He cared about her. So did everyone else, he reminded her gently but at those words, she'd shrugged, turned away and said nothing for the rest of the night.

"…I didn't want to confront her about it," he said to Sam, rubbing his eyes as he sat opposite her in the interview room. "I didn't want her to know Tom told me. I wanted her to tell me herself."

"But she didn't?"

He shook his head sadly and said, "I could tell something was wrong from the very moment she came here. She wasn't the same girl she used to be. But it was when she came back after having Dominique that she began to go downhill. She's been depressed, drinking. She knows she shouldn't drink so much on her medication. I should've looked out for her more."

"This isn't your fault, Smithy. Maura hid this really well."

"Too well," he said. "She's good at that." He sighed. "Sonny and Tom might have told you, but she was sectioned six years ago."

"They didn't mention it," she said, her eyes widening in surprise. "Sonny was crying too hard to make much sense. Why?"

"She became seriously ill. Stopped eating. Jake showed me a picture. The state of her…and it was all thanks to…to _him_."

"To Vincent?" she said, and he nodded. "What about recently? Has she been eating?"

"She's been eating fine," he said with an ugly scowl. "But that was another of Vincent's games. He was planting food in her room a few months ago and had everyone thinking she was becoming sick again. He loves tormenting her. And he's finally pushed her over the edge. And you know what? I hope she gets him back for everything he's done to her. Whatever she does to him, he'd deserve."

"What do you think she's planning to do to him?"

Smithy shrugged. "I don't know. But I hope it hurts. If she doesn't kill him, I sure as hell will."

"You really think she's planning to kill him?"

"No. But I can dream. Are we done here?"

"Yes," she said. "Smithy, by all means get out there and help them search for Maura. But you know the rules…"

"If she calls me, tell you," he said, rolling his eyes. "I know."

He stood, turned to leave and looked back at Sam as he touched the door handle. She was watching him carefully.

"She won't hurt him," he said. "That's the thing about Maura. She doesn't hurt people no matter what they've done to her. She self-destructs. If I were you, I'd be more worried about her. Vincent doesn't deserve anyone's concern."

He left and Sam watched the door close before stopping the interview tape. She said, "I know."

* * *

><p>"Sonny, we need to call Sam!"<p>

"No!" Sonny said furiously. "You saw the message. Unless we come alone, she's not going to come out. She knows how they work. She'll be watching." He frowned at his phone. "She says by the rear gates of the park."

The brothers paused and looked around. The only sounds were the wind blowing and light rain pattering onto the ground. Sonny's phone beeped again. He opened the message and sighed.

"What?"

"She's told us to throw our phones into the bin. She knows we've told them. She knows they know." He looked around, his eyes narrow and waited. All was silent. "She's here. Watching. Give me your phone."

"What are you, crazy? You're just going to give in?"

Sonny glared and Tom felt chilled. Wordlessly, he held out his hand and Tom reluctantly handed his phone over. Sonny turned them both off, destroying the sim cards before throwing them both away.

"I had all the pictures of Dominique on that," Tom said, annoyed. "Though I guess that won't matter to…"

"Shut up," Sonny said, annoyed. "There are more important…"

They both jumped at a rumble of thunder. The lamppost above them began to flicker and they both looked up at him uneasily.

"Sounds like a storm's coming."

Sonny and Tom whipped around. There, standing below a lamppost on the opposite side of the road, in what had seconds ago been an empty spot was Maura.

"What are you Maura, some kind of ninja?" Tom demanded.

"Are you two alone?"

"What do you think?"

"Yes," Sonny said, nudging Tom sharply and crossing the road to join his wife. "Maura, come on. We can end this now. We can take you to the station. Just tell us where he is."

"No," she said, fixing him with a steely glare. "I don't need you to take me to the station. You don't decide when this ends. I do. If you're done with your attempt at persuasion, follow me."

"Maura, where's Vincent?" Tom asked, catching up with her.

She didn't answer and walked faster. They looked at each other and broke into a fast jog to keep up with her. She turned a corner and jumped over a low wall into the churchyard.

"Maura, what are we doing here?!" Tom said as she stepped into the light. "Come on, this has gone far enough!"

"Tom!" said Sonny, sliding off his coat, watching Maura. "Maura baby, you're shivering. Here."

"I'm not your baby," she said, taking the coat off and shoving it back at him. "And I don't need your pity."

"Maura…" he said, hurt.

"Shut up," she said, turning and leading them through the door. "I told you. we're over."

"Then why are we here?" snapped Tom as Sonny looked down tearfully.

She didn't answer and led them through the back and to the locked door. The moment she opened the door, she heard Vincent's voice.

"…about time! If you don't get these off me right now…" he trailed off and stared as Tom and Sonny followed Maura into the room. "So, you're stupid enough to bring them to see this?"

"What are you Maura, insane?" Tom hissed barging past her to Vincent. He looked at the binds and winced; Vincent's wrists were bleeding due to the tightness of the handcuffs. "Where're the keys for these things?"

He heard a click but didn't look around until he heard Sonny say, "Maura, no! Stop!"

Tom turned and gasped. He was staring at the gun Maura was pointing at Vincent. Although she was shaking, her hands were steady.

"Get back Tom, or I swear I'll shoot."

"Do me a favour, she couldn't hit water if she fell out of a boat!"

"Shut up Vincent!" snapped Sonny. "Tom, get back. Tom!"

Shocked, he backed away, his hands up. For the first time, he felt scared. Maura resembled a wild animal about to pounce on its prey. She was frightening. And she hated Vincent enough to do it.

"He's away Maura," Sonny said, shooting Tom a warning glance. "He'll stay away. Okay? What is it? Why're we here?"

"Your little slut of a wife wants you two to join the party," said Vincent snidely. "She wants an audience as well as a repeat performance!"

"No," Maura said. "No! I want you two to hear this. You've been accusing me of lying for a _year_! Now you're going to hear it for yourselves. Say it," she said, turning her glare on Vincent. "I said, say it!"

He gave a dramatic sigh and turned a sorrowful gaze on Sonny.

"I'm sorry Sonny. We've just been having a talk, you see. About the past, and Maura here got upset. She couldn't let it go. Couldn't forgive herself for the time when we…well, it was just sex. But she felt so guilty about cheating."

Sonny's shocked expression turned to incredulous and he looked at Maura. Stunned, at Vincent manipulation, she gaped at him before she looked into Sonny's eyes.

"Sonny, it…it wasn't like that! I didn't…I didn't want it! He raped me!"

"Maura…"

"How can you believe I'd sleep with him _willingly_?!" she demanded. "He forced himself on me!"

"She's told herself that ever since," said Vincent. "I was there because I'd forgotten my keys. She was all sad and lonely because daddy dearest was making her study. She was missing some _action_, if you get my drift. I felt bad for her. I was comforting her but we ended up getting it on. I felt terrible after. Your girlfriend and all. She couldn't stop crying afterwards. Felt so guilty. But we both agreed it was best to keep it a secret. But she's told herself ever since that I made her do something she didn't want to do."

"You did!" she screamed, advancing on him with the gun inches from his head. She rounded on Sonny and Tom. "He did! He ripped my clothes off me; he touched me, and forced himself on me! I screamed at him to stop it! He had me on the ground, covering my mouth with his hand!"

"She liked my tongue in there too."

"Shut up!"

"It got a bit heated," he said, rolling his eyes at Sonny. "I won't deny there was a bit of blood, but she liked it rough. Obviously you just couldn't satisfy her. We did it four times, maybe more. We just got carried away! She had to drug me to get me here, you know. Wanted more. I told her that was date rape."

"It didn't happen like that!" Maura said shakily. "Sonny! You know I've always hated him! How can you believe what he's saying?"

"You lied before, Maura," Tom said. "You don't have a great track record!"

"Oh, what, and he does? He doesn't have a history of lying? Bullying? Violence? Planting food in my room?"

"Oh yeah, that. I never did explain that one properly, did I? I could see she wanted attention. It was a way to make sure you two never let her out of your sight. Made her the centre of attention!"

"That's not what you said at Christmas!" she said. "Tom! You told me what he said, that's not what he said at Christmas!"

Tom looked from Maura to Vincent and scoffed.

"Oh, you're both as bad as each other," he said.

"Tom!" she said, stung. "How can you believe this? You really think I'd go anywhere near him, even if he was the last man on earth?"

"Well neither of you have a great track record of being honest! And look at you! Running around, dressed like Lara Croft, breaking into a church and waving a gun around! Look in the mirror! You're a state!"

"I think that's her way of trying to be sexy, Tom," said Vincent. "Doesn't work for me, really, I'm more of a lingerie person myself. Like the last time. I did tell her that, so I don't know what's all with leather."

"Vincent, will you just _shut up_?" Sonny snarled finally. "You're making this worse!"

"Your little wife just can't handle the fact that she played away! thank god you two are here, I couldn't make her see sense about the whole thing."

"Shut up!" Maura snarled.

"She doesn't know what she's doing, she's sick!"

"He admitted it! He was taunting me!"

"Then why haven't you gone to the police Maura? When it happened? Later? Now? Why haven't you gone to them and told them that I 'raped you?' Shall I tell you why? Because I didn't. you wanted what happened!"

"Your speaking privileges have run out!" Maura screamed angrily. "Shut up or I'll shoot!"

"Shut. Up! Both of you!" Sonny said angrily. "Maura. Outside. Now. I need to talk to you."

"No! Whatever you've got to say to me, you can say it here!"

He looked straight at her. "Maura. I want to talk my wife. Alone."

"If I'm coming, so is he!" she said, jerking her head at Tom. "He'll let him go!"

"Tom," he said, opening the door. "Out, now! NOW!"

Sonny rarely shouted and Tom jumped, looking shocked before obeying. Sonny held the door for Maura and she shook her head, gesturing for him to go first. He did so without objection and she followed, leaving the gun, taking a look at Vincent. He gave her a smug look a puckered his lips at her. She glared before slamming the door and following them outside. Sonny screwed up his hair and turned to Maura.

"Sonny," she said, pleadingly. "I didn't sleep with him! How can you think I'd even consider cheating on you?"

"I never thought you'd lie to me either!"

"He is lying! He's twisting things! You think I'd willingly take my own clothes off and beg him to have sex with me?"

"This is Vincent. He loves to twist things. I never said I believed him, Maura, but look at you! Look at the state of you! How can you expect me to believe anything you tell me? You have Vincent hostage and are waving a gun around, for god's sake!"

"He's pushed me to this! He is in there, telling you that I slept with him because I wanted to! You know I hate him! you've always known that! Are you just so angry at me for lying to you, that you're going to ignore the facts? That Sam saw me at the grave? At my Eve's grave? What do you think, I was there in the dead of night for the hell of it? You're going to even ignore her?"

"I'm not ignoring anything, Maura but all _this_," he said gesturing to her, "This isn't you! You've lost the plot!"

It hurt coming from Sonny lips. She stared into his eyes for a moment, tears slipping down her cold face.

"He laughed at me while I cried. Staring down at me, touching my hair as I cowered in the corner, telling me to leave a window open because he might come back. Do you know what he said to me? With a proud grin on his face like a cat with the cream? He said, 'this isn't the first time I've made a girl cry. Like a whiny little kid.' He was sixteen, like me! He was a child! How does a _child_ say _that_?"

"But Maura, what are we doing here?"

"Only what's necessary."

"You sound like a psycho!"

She thought of the dictaphone in her pocket. She could play it to them. play it to them in front of Vincent. And see him talk his way out of that one. Visions of making them hear it from his lips faded and she sighed.

"Fine. You've left me with no choice."

She made the mistake of turning around and Tom moved quickly, grabbing her roughly, pinning her arms behind her back and shoving her face first against the wall. He dug the handcuff keys from her pocket and threw them to Sonny.

"Tom!" Sonny said, catching them.

"Sonny, this has gone far enough! Vincent! Now! Call Sam!"

Not needing telling twice, Sonny ran inside the church. Struggling to no avail, Maura slammed her steel toe boot against Tom's shin. He let go of her with a grunt of pain, cursing. She ran into the church.

"Maura!" he shouted, running after her.

Maura burst into the room as Sonny was undoing the tight handcuffs. She lunged at Sonny with a cry of rage, grabbing onto his arm.

"Sonny, no, stop, you're letting him go!" he shrieked as Tom caught up and he grabbed her pulling her away. "I can prove this!"

"No Maura, it ends now! This has gone far enough! You need help!"

"He has to pay for what he did to me!"

"Please?" he said. "Stop this! For our baby. For Dominique. We can get you help."

He didn't believe her. he believed Vincent. He believed she cheated on him. somehow that was worse than him not believing that Vincent raped her. defeated, she went limp in Tom's arms, crying loudly. Through her tears, she could see Vincent's face, with that same smug smirk. He had tears in his eyes as well, of triumph. With his hands free, he wiped them away, laughing.

"Don't cry like a whiny little kid."

Sonny froze. Tom's grip relaxed until he let go. Maura closed her eyes. Finally, she thought. Tom walked right up to Vincent, his eyes narrowed.

"What did you just say to her?"

"Don't cry like a whiny little kid," he repeated, his body shaking with laughter.

Sonny gasped, his hands against his mouth as he backed away from his younger brother. Tom stared from Vincent to Maura, guilt all over his face. Vincent finally noticed the atmosphere and looked up. He looked between the three and the smug, triumphant look slid off his face. Scoffing, he looked down at his lap, then back at his two brothers.

"All right, so now you know," he said coldly, the mask well and truly slipped. "It doesn't change anything! She still drugged and kidnapped me! Held me hostage and threatened me with a gun! She has no leg to stand on. If she goes to her little friends, she'll be thrown out of the police and then I'll sue them for having this mentally unstable woman who can't handle the pressure! And let's face it, you don't have a great track record in the mental health area. But please, Maura, do. Seeing your life unravel is my favourite form of entertainment." He looked at Sonny, who was staring at him with shock, guilt, anger and disgust all over his face. "Aw, truth hurts, Sonny doesn't it? If you want, I can tell you more. Tell you what a crap job you did on her the first time. Do you want to hear how tight your little wife was? How she felt me really deep? She put up one hell of a fight. It made it all the better when I won."

Maura saw the blur of Tom's fist as he lunged at Vincent. The powerful punch caught him in the jaw, knocking him to the floor. Falling with him, Tom continued punching. Shocked and terrified of his violence, Maura backed away, bumping against the table. Sonny looked as if he were torn between stopping a furious Tom and comforting his distraught wife, but chose the latter.

"Maura, I'm so, so sorry!"

He came to her, his arms outstretched but as soon as his fingertips touched her, she pushed him away so hard, he nearly joined Vincent on the floor.

"Get away from me! Don't touch me!"

"Maura, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what? For breaking my heart? Branding me a liar? Believing that I'd ever cheat on you with him?"

"Everything! Maura, I love you!"

"Evidently not enough. My part's done here. I've done what I told you I'd do. And I also meant the second part. Don't think for one second that you can apologise and I'll just melt into your arms. So right now, you can do what you like. You want to stop Tom so go ahead and stop him. Then the three of you can go to hell."

Turning on her heel, she ran out into the night. He pursued and only then did Tom stop, breathing heavily. His twin's face was covered in blood and he was barely conscious. Suddenly disgusted that he shared blood with this man in front of him, he got up and backed away like he had the plague. Maura was right, he was evil. He was evil enough to taunt her about raping her. he'd been doing it for years. And he and Sonny had just abandoned her when she'd needed them the most. He dug through the bag Maura had abandoned to find her phone and hung up with Sam as Sonny came back, sobbing.

"She's gone," he said, his chest heaving. "I couldn't find her. she ran. I called for her to come back. I told her I loved her so much. She didn't come back to me. What've I done to her, Tom? I've destroyed her."

"You didn't do it by yourself," he said. "You didn't start it. This started with _him_."

"And it ended with me! With you! take a look around! Look at what she's been driven to!"

"Thanks to him!" Tom snarled, starting towards a moaning Vincent.

Sonny grabbed his arm and held him back as they heard the sirens.

"Tom, no. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it. but leave it to the police. We've both done enough. More agro is the last thing Maura needs."

"Maura!" Sam's voice shouted. "Maura!"

"Here," Sonny said, walking out with his hand held out. "She's not here. She's gone."

"Where is she?" Sam demanded, taking in the sorry scene, his eyes on Vincent.

"I don't know," he said helplessly. "She took off when he admitted it. he raped my wife. Eve was her baby."

"Get the paramedics in here," Sam said, standing aside, casting a disgusted look in Vincent's direction. "The rest of you, we need to find Maura. God knows what she's done to herself."

Sonny's face drained of any remaining colour. "She won't. she wouldn't. I…I need to find her. I need to hold her."

"Sorry Sonny, but I need you both to come with us. I can't let you see Maura until we've spoken to all three of you. Tony, Callum, please get them out of here."

The two were led out as the paramedics went in. Tom cast a last venomous look at his brother. He was no longer a brother of his. He passed Smithy who looked at him, coldness in his eyes, but a slight smile on his face as he looked from the blood on his fist to Vincent. His eyes hardened and he put his hand on his baton. Sam saw.

"Smithy," she said warningly. "Go and find Maura. She needs a friendly face."

"Good idea. Or I'll do something I won't regret."

"Smithy!" Sonny called desperately. "Please, please…tell her I love her."

"I'm not telling her anything," he said nastily "That's something you should have proved yourself."

Giving them both the dirtiest look he could muster he walked off, knowing exactly where he was going. He knew exactly where he'd find Maura.

* * *

><p>Maura sat with her arms around Eve's gravestone, surrounded by flowers, salty tears soaking her top. She was cold, it was still raining heavily but she didn't care. She was where she wanted to be, with her baby girl, and she'd stay until someone came to find her. and eventually, they would. She should have felt triumphant, now that she'd proved the truth to Sonny and Tom, but she could only feel empty. Somehow, it still felt as if Vincent had won; listening to describe what he'd done to her to Sonny…he wasn't sorry. He never had been. Eve was still dead. Her life was still in tatters. She still had nobody.<p>

A twig snapped and she jumped. Maura closed her eyes but the rough hands that she was expecting didn't grab her, nor did she hear the angry voice berating her. instead she felt a presence kneel in the wet grass next to her. she breathed in the sexy, spicy smell that was Smithy.

"Maura?" he said, and she could hear the tears choking his voice. "Are you all right? Maura?" He cleared his throat and his voice was stronger. "Maura it's okay. They've got him. everything's fine."

"My baby's still dead."

It was the thing that hurt the most, he could hear it in her voice and his tears came again, dripping off his face.

"I know," he said, fighting to keep his voice steady. "And I'm so, so sorry."

He reached out a large hand, rubbing her shoulder. The small action of comfort made her cry louder.

"Why're you being so nice to me?"

"Because you're the innocent one in this. I know that."

"Everyone else doesn't. They're all after my blood."

"They're not," he insisted. "Nobody's angry, Maura, they're worried. You've kept it to yourself, all these years."

"I wanted to tell, I just didn't know how."

"You could have told me! Why didn't you?"

"Nobody else believed me."

"I do believe you, Maura. I believed you from the moment Tom told me."

She looked around at him for the first time. "Tom…told you? when?"

"A few days ago. I didn't want to ask you. I wanted you to tell me yourself. I wanted you to trust me enough."

"I do," she said tearfully. "When…when I came here…when Eve was born, the first place I went to was yours. I wanted your help. But you weren't there. Neighbour said you'd moved away. I called out for you. why didn't you come? I kept calling for you, but you didn't come."

He pulled her to him, holding her to his chest tightly. Somehow, what she'd told him made it all the worse. When she'd wanted him to be there, he'd let her down.

"I'm here," he said. "I promise I won't let you down again. I'll stick by you. but Maura…I need you to come with me. Please."

She understood, nodded sadly and said, "Can I say goodnight to my baby?"

"Of course," he said, releasing her and respectfully backing away.

He watched as she rearranged the flowers and kissed the gravestone, before sitting on her knees and singing a quiet song. He recognised the words of Faith Hill's 'There You'll Be.' Sniffing, she got up and turned slowly to face him.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded. "Do it. Please."

"I can't."

"Please Smithy. Please. Just do it,"

He bit his lip, fighting the urge to cry again. When he finally spoke, his voice was steady even though he was trembling.

"Maura Barton, I'm arresting you for concealment and assault. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you may later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?"

She nodded and looked down, not meeting his eyes as he put a hand in the small of her back and guided her out of the cemetery towards the flashing blue lights.


	26. Maura's Confession

_Hello again, and thanks to Emma and Jess for their reviews! There's a long way to go yet, and if I have my way, Vincent will get worse than have a certain body part chopped off. Hope you like the chapter! H. xx_

Smithy escorted Maura to the station, keeping her close the whole time. Keeping her safe, never letting her out of his sight. Silent tears streamed down his face as he sat in the back with her, even though she'd long stopped crying.

'"_Why didn't you come? I kept calling for you, but you didn't come!"'_

Those words, he knew, would haunt him for the rest of his life. Maybe, just maybe, if he'd been where she'd wanted to be, all of this mess could have been avoided. Vincent would have been punished sooner, Maura wouldn't have fallen into such despair, and Eve would still be alive. Maybe if he'd been where she wanted him to be, she would have been his as he'd wanted. He closed his eyes and the tears streamed quicker down his cheeks.

What's wrong with you, you selfish bastard, he berated himself. She's just lived through seven years of hell and heartbreak, yet all he could think about was how it could have benefited him if he'd been there. Maura had never wanted his love, only his friendship, his support. Something nobody else had given her. She turned, staring at his tears, slid her slim hand into his and squeezed it.

"Don't cry."

"I'm so sorry, Maura," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You're here now," she said, her head on his shoulder. "So thank you."

"I'll never leave you, I promise. Whatever happens, I'll stick by you. I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you," she said, sniffling as Inspector Gold steered the car into the rear yard. She parked and locked eyes with Maura in the review mirror. Despite her pain, Maura was shocked. She'd never seen the Inspector looking at her like that before. She looked so…pained and there were tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Maura," she said. "I wish it hadn't. I'm sorry you didn't feel you could tell us. I'll do whatever I can to make things less harsh for you, I promise you that."

"I want to face what I did," she said. "I abandoned my own baby."

"You weren't in your right mind. That is to say…I mean…I didn't…"

"You're not wrong," she said softly. "I'm sorry. I've let you all down."

"No. We let you down. Whatever happens, you won't face it alone. I promise."

"Thank you," she said softly, wiping her eyes. "It means a lot."

"You ready?" asked Smithy, squeezing her hand.

She nodded and the tears started again as he opened the door. The other cars arrived back in the yard, and Maura felt all eyes on her. Smithy put a protective arm around her as if shielding her from view.

"It's all right," he said softly.

"Maura! Maura!"

They both turned, startled. Sonny made to run forwards, but was held back by Callum and Tony.

"Let me go! Please let me go! I love her! Maura, I love you! Please Maura, forgive me!"

"Smithy, take me inside," she said coldly, turning away.

"Maura, please!" Sonny said, a desperate plea in his voice. "I'm so sorry!"

"Come on," said Smithy. "Gina, I can take Maura inside. Do something about Sonny. Please."

"Give him this," Maura said, her voice stopping Gina as she was about to walk away. She slid the delicate ring from her slim finger and pressed it into her hand. "Hopefully then, he'll get the message."

Firmly turning her back, she walked with Smithy as Gina went to Sonny. The last thing she heard before the heavy steel door of custody slammed shut were her husband's sobs of devastation. She closed her eyes. Smithy saw the flicker of emotion on her face. She still loved that man, he realised. She just wasn't ready to admit it to herself yet. Putting an arm around her shoulders, he steered her to the custody desk where June stood, telltale tear tracks on her face. She looked at Maura, utter sorrow in her eyes before fixing her eyes on the computer screen, fingers poised to type.

"Your name?"

They could have done it all without even asking her the questions, but they had to do it properly and Maura had no desire to sabotage their investigation any more than she already had. She was going to make it as easy as she could for them. She owed them that much.

"Maura Alexandra Barton."

"Your full name, Maura," she said quietly.

She sighed quietly. "Maura Alexandra Barton-West."

"Date of birth?"

"Sixteenth of December 1985."

"Primary residence?"

"Cherry Tree Drive, number thirteen."

"Do you have, or have you ever had any history of mental illness?"

She was going to have to get used to hanging her dirty laundry on the line for all to see, she thought, and again felt the hands on her as she was dragged from the sanctuary of her house to the ambulance on the night she was sectioned.

"Yes," she said softly. "I was sectioned six years ago for anorexia. I have epilepsy."

"You've got medication?"

"It's…in my bag," she said, her eyes widening in panic.

"It's all right, Sam's bringing it," he said, stroking her back.

"Anything in your pockets, Maura? Empty them please."

She obeyed and brought out wooden rosary beads, not as beautiful or as valuable as the ones in the evidence room and the dictaphone. Smithy picked it up, his eyes widening.

"It's all on this. Isn't it?"

"I had to," she said. "I was going to play it to Tom and Sonny, then I decided I'd rather they heard it from his evil lips in person. When you found me at that graveside?"

"Yes?"

"You should have left me to rot."

"I could never do that to you," he said, tearing up again. "I care about you too much."

"I'm not worth the worry. Just take me to the cell."

"Six is free, Smithy," June said quietly, passing him the keys.

He took the keys in his shaking hand and followed Maura to the cells. She stood quietly as he opened the door. She went to walk in and he caught her arm, turning her to face him. He didn't try to hide his tears.

"Listen," he said, stroking her hair. "Whatever happens, I'm going to be right here. I want you to listen to me, okay? You're worth every single minute of the worry this night, okay? I'm so sorry I have to do this to you."

"I knew this day would come. I've known it since I buried Eve in the park. I did that to her. I abandoned her, I left her alone. It's the worst thing a mother could do, I know that. I deserve everything I get. But thank you. You'll never know what your kindness means to me."

Reaching on her toes, she kissed his cheek and turned, walking into the cell with her head bowed. Instead of taking a seat on the relatively comfortable mattress, she slid down the wall to the hard ground and moved no more. He looked at her, shaking with sobs before closing the door with a heavy clang.

Maura looked up when she heard the door lock. She heard Smithy crying outside before footsteps approached and took him away. Probably Gina.

"…good! I wish I had fucking killed him!"

She heard Tom's furious shouting as he was brought in and closed her eyes. She should feel sorry that he'd been arrested, but she didn't.

"Get him here! Get him here right now, and I'll finish the fucking job right in front of you! Make your job easier!"

"Tom, you need to calm down!" she heard Callum shout.

"Calm down?!" he shouted, and she heard the tears in his voice. "He raped Maura! He's tormented her for years! He's the reason she's turned out like this! You need to let her go! Where's she? Where's Maura?"

"Away from you," she heard Smithy say. "And right now, you're best off as far away from her as possible."

"I need to apologise."

"You've had a year to do that," he said coldly. "Maura doesn't want to see you. She's got every right to hate you."

"I know," she heard Tom say tearfully, his voice calmer. "I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that he was capable of…"

"So it was easier to believe Maura was lying? Mad?" Smithy shot back. "Easier to believe she was the one lying? You thought Maura would accuse even _him_ if it wasn't true?"

"He's my brother. I didn't want to believe he could be so…evil."

"Newsflash Tom, he is evil," Smithy said coldly. "I know that and I don't even know him as well as you do."

Heavy footsteps told her he'd stomped away. Maura hugged her legs to her chest tightly and laid her chin in her knees. She could tear Tom crying as he was placed in a cell nearby hers. It was hard to feel even a twinge of sympathy for him. He'd come to her when it was too late. A year too late. Maura shivered in her wet clothes and pulled the thin blue blanket from the bed, wrapping it tightly around herself. Her dad. Her precious, beloved father had desperately longed for answers for years. Now he was finally going to get them. And it had to be from her. Nobody else. After all he'd done for her, she owed it to him to tell the truth, and to his face. It wasn't something she could do over the phone. Maura dried her eyes and waited until they were ready to interview her.

* * *

><p>Maura sat in the interview room, changed into a fresh set of clothes Smithy had brought for her. Sam sat opposite her, Gina at her side. Maura had refused her right to a lawyer and instead had Smithy by her side. Ever grateful for his support, she longed to reach out and grab his hand. But she had to remain calm.<p>

"Maura, I know this is hard, but I need you to take me back to that day, six years ago."

"It's not hard," Maura said, her voice flat. "I've never forgotten it. Vincent was at my house because he'd forgotten his house keys. Nobody was in at his house. Or so he said. It was an idea of my dad's; that if any of the kids forgot their keys, we should go next door to wait."

"Is that why you never told him? Because you thought he'd blame himself?"

"Partly. Partly, I was just scared he wouldn't believe me. I was sixteen, Vincent was sixteen. Who would think a sixteen year old would do that to a girl their age? It beggars belief!"

"You're a Police Officer Maura, you know that's not the case."

"I know it's not the case. But I'm not a Police Officer. Not anymore. I messed that up for myself. I'm sorry."

"Maura, you're the victim here. Don't think we don't know that."

Maura sniffed. "Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Vincent!" she spat. "Where is he?"

"In hospital. With Lexi."

"Does she know?" Maura asked, panicked.

"No. She thinks it was a brawl in a nightclub that got out of hand. I doubt he'll tell her the truth any time soon. Back…to the story, Maura. That day."

"He was there…yeah because he had no keys. I made him a tea…no it was a coffee. Four sugars. Vile. And popcorn…I mean, crisps. I left him downstairs, told him he could watch the television or play on the computer. I went back upstairs. I was watching a film, trying to enjoy my free time without my dad constantly in my face, nagging me to revise. I was watching Bring it On. I haven't been able to watch it since. I went downstairs to the bathroom and that must have been when he crept up. I found him in there, snooping." Maura flushed and fiddled with her hair awkwardly. "He'd found my pills, was taunting me about dad finding out. He hadn't known that I'd…you know, had sex with Sonny. He'd have killed me if he'd known."

"Are you positive Sonny couldn't have been Eve's father?"

Maura heard the desperate longing in Sam's voice and nodded.

"A hundred per cent. He couldn't have been. We slept together once. Christmas Eve, four months before. We used protection. I had the pills, just in case. I did take one after Vincent…but it didn't work. I kept being sick after. I showered. I know I shouldn't have, but I wanted the smell, the feel, off me!"

"I understand," said Sam. "But Maura, you know I need to ask you. What happened?"

Maura closed her eyes and slim tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I never wanted to remember," she whispered. "But I could never forget. I've spent six years trying to block this out."

"It's all right," Smithy said, taking her hand. "It's fine. Just take your time."

"He locked me in," she said, looking down at the table. As she spoke, she could see it happening in mind's eye, like a tape that had never stopped playing in her nightmares, or whilst she was awake.

"_We're all alone here, Bambi."_

"_Cleverly observed!" she said, not liking the look on his face of pure, unadulterated anger. "What the hell are you doing?"_

"_I could show you what you're missing," he said, advancing on her as she backed away from him. "What you could have if you were with the right brother!"_

"_The right…? All right, let's get a few things straight, shall we? I'm with Sonny. I love Sonny. He is the 'right brother' for me. As much as I hate you, you are Lexi's boyfriend and, if you actually think I'd do anything with you, you're even madder than I thought! And, even if we were the last people on a post-apocalyptic earth, I wouldn't go anywhere near you!"_

"_And…breathe," he said coolly, placing a large hand either side of her body, against the wall. "Come on Maura, you know you want it. What good is it, denying it?"_

"_Vincent, what the…?" She was cut off as he shoved his lips up against hers in a rough kiss, his hands gripping her arms like a vice. With a struggle, she shoved him away. "Get off me! Stop! What the hell do you think you're doing?"_

"_Giving you what you want, Maura, and seeing as you can't get it from Sonny, I think I can make a pretty good substitute! Better even!"_

"_What I want? What I want!?" she said incredulously. "I think you need to go and take a good look in the mirror if you think I'm the one who's desperate here!"_

_A loud crack echoed through the room. Vincent had slapped Maura across the face, hard, sending her flying. She fell backwards, bumping her head on the end of her bed._

"_You've got too much of a smart mouth, Maura."_

_Slightly dazed, she tried to sit up and he was on her in seconds, pushing her back onto the floor, flat on her back. She looked up at him, terrified._

"_Vincent, what are you doing? Get off me!"_

_He raised her up slightly by the shoulders and pushed her back down, slamming her head violently against the floor._

"_Shut up!" he said, the look in his eyes wild and aggressive. Not that they had ever held the kindness of Tom's and Sonny's. "You think you're so much better than me, don't you?"_

"_No!"_

"_Yes you do! You think you're so much better than me! Special, saint Maura! Everyone's best friend!"_

_Where all of this bitterness had come from, Maura couldn't understand. After all, most people's opinion that he was a bully was perfectly justified and he'd brought it on himself by behaving the way he did._

"_Vincent, get the hell off me! You're hurting me!"_

"_You'd put out for my brother. You act all up for it. You're getting what you want, Maura, what we both want."_

"_I don't want this! I don't!"_

_She struggled and he laughed, watching her become increasingly desperate. She couldn't believe that this boy, who she'd known since she was a baby, could be thinking of doing this to her, even if they didn't like each other. He was sixteen, like her! A child!_

"_Vincent, just stop, please! Just go! I won't tell anyone about this!"_

"_Go? But the fun's only just beginning," he said pinning her wrists above her head with one hand and sneaking the other up her top._

"_Stop! Stop! No, stop!" she cried, struggling weakly as he squeezed her small breasts roughly._

"_Shut up," he snarled, covering her mouth with his other hand, releasing her wrists._

_It didn't matter that her hands were free, he thought. She'd never be able to push him off. It didn't stop her trying, though, as she tried to pull his hand from under her top. He dug his sharp nails in, her muffled cries beginning to annoy him. He held her jaw shut, the pressure hurting her. She soon realised it was futile to carry on screaming, so she stopped, her struggles becoming weaker._

"_Good girl," he said. "You know it's better to do things my way! Get this off! Off! Now!"_

_He ripped the blouse from her body, tearing it, discarding it carelessly on the floor and looked at the cowering woman before him. Her bellybutton was pierced and she was wearing a pink lacy bra, and though he personally thought there was no need, he loved it._

"_Nice of you to get all dressed up for me, Maura," he said, scratching her back as he unhooked the undergarment and wrenched it off. He began squeezing her breasts again, ignoring her tearful pleas._

"_Please stop it!"_

"_Stop pretending that you don't want it too, Maura. You know you want it. You love it! You should be thanking me!"_

_He sat up straight and for a moment, she thought he was stopping, but he tore off his own t-shirt and got to work on her jeans, pinning her arms down with his knees._

"_No! No! Don't! Stop!"_

"_We may as well do it properly. I'm sorry I don't have any candles, Bambi; we could have made this really special, romantic. I mean, I might not be as experienced as you, but I can at least show you how a real, dominating male would do things instead of my soppy brother! Get these off! Oh, now look what you made me do!"_

_He tutted. She'd been struggling so hard, the zip had broken. He climbed off of her momentarily to get them off and she took it as her chance to scramble away towards the door. He grabbed her, throwing her face first against the wall, a muscular hand covering her mouth._

"_How're you planning to get out, huh Maura?" he whispered in her ear. "Smash through the door? It's locked, and I have the key. You want this Maura. You want it and so do I. Stop trying to deny it."_

_Pinning her against the wall with his torso, he pulled off his own jeans and pants, and, turned her around, slamming her against the wall. She saw that he was naked and struggled harder than ever. She hadn't really believed he was serious before; he was the kind of person to play taunting mind games, yes, but that he really would do it hadn't crossed her mind. But he was mad enough to do it. And he could._

"_Vincent, please!"_

"_I know Maura, I will. Nice of you to ask me so nicely."_

"_No! Please, stop! Please don't do this!"_

"_You say one thing when you really mean another Maura. We both know how desperate you are to shag Sonny again, and you're lucky enough to get the better deal. Only this time, I'll be one dominant one! Oh, what's this? Matching bra and knickers Maura, you really shouldn't have!"_

_She struggled to stop him as he yanked her knickers down, but unsuccessfully. He was a big boy, but none of it was fat, it was all muscle. He was excited by the 'chase' as he saw it, and aroused, felt his member stiffen. He touched her genitals, running his fingers along the lips, and humiliated, she struggled to free herself. She screamed as he pushed two fingers inside her, moving them roughly._

"_You like that, huh? Didn't Sonny do this with you? Didn't treat you very well, did he, for your first time?"_

"_Stop it! Please, please stop it! I don't want this! Vincent, please!"_

"_Did you play this hard to get with Sonny?" he said. "Or is this little show just for me? I'm flattered Maura."_

_She fought down the urge to be sick as he pushed them harder, his other hand touching her buttocks. The more she flinched, the more violently he slammed her against the wall. Finally, he stopped, and, grabbing her arms, forced her to the floor._

"_Please!"_

"_Oh shut up!" he said, covering her mouth. "I'm sick of listening to you deny what I know you want!"_

_She crossed her legs together in a desperate attempt to stop him taking the assault further. He ran his other hand down her body, touching her breasts, stomach, thighs and vagina. He laughed at her attempts to push him off, the taunts pounding her head as if he was beating it._

"_Who's so special now, Maura? If all of them could see you now, so desperate to feel a cock between those legs that you'd take it from your boyfriend's brother? And you'd tease that brother to get him to put his cock in your pussy? Oh well, who am I to turn it down if it's offered to me on a plate? Open your legs! Open them, you bitch!"_

_She refused, shaking her head, feeling the perspiration all over her body as he struggled to get them open. He pinched her arms tightly. Maura cried as he pushed his knees between her legs, and shoved them wide apart._

"_Please!" she said in one final plea, the tone not unlike the one of someone praying. "Vincent, please!"_

"_As you asked so nicely."_

_She cried out as he forced himself deep inside her, the pain making her lose her breath for a few minutes. His back arched in pleasure, a faraway expression on his face. And then he began to move roughly inside her with hard, merciless shoves, his pelvis thrusting wildly._

"_Oh God!" he moaned, grabbing her shoulders as he moved up and down. "Sonny did such a crap job, you're so tight! Lucky you have me here to help you. You have such a tight pussy."_

_Vincent wasn't just nasty, she thought, he was pure evil. She sobbed, pleading with him to stop, struggling to push him off. His chest was sweaty, and he was breathing heavily. He had her bottom half pinned firmly down, but he wasn't feeling the pain she was feeling. He was enjoying it._

"He wouldn't stop," Maura said, her voice shaking. "He was so crude, so rough. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to."

She looked up to see revulsion on the faces of the three other officers; Sam was tearing the paper in front of her to pieces, Gina looking at her nails, white faced and Smithy drinking water, a greenish tinge to his skin, his hand still holding hers. Sniffing, she carried on.

"After, I just tried to block it out. It wasn't until about six weeks later that I discovered I was pregnant with Eve."

"How did you manage to keep it a secret?" asked Sam.

Maura shrugged. "I didn't show," she said. "I wore baggy t-shirts to cover what little bump there was. I wanted to tell dad, so many times but I couldn't. But I did tell someone. Someone I knew wouldn't tell."

"Who?"

"My GP. I went to her because I was in agony. Bleeding…a lot. She took notes. She's got some physical evidence."

"That's really good, Maura," Sam said encouragingly. "I can get her details from you when we finish. So, when Eve was nearly due…?"

"I came here," she said, shifting uncomfortably. "I ran away. I knew that if I dropped where I was, they'd start asking questions and I was too much of a coward to face them."

"But why here?"

"Because," Maura said, shooting a sideways glance, "It's where Smithy was."

"I'm so sorry," he said, his tears dripping onto the table.

"It's not your fault, it's not his fault. I came looking for him, but he'd moved away. I didn't know where and it wasn't as if I could call my brother and ask. I was trying to find help. A hospital. Anything. But then…I felt her coming. I was in so much pain. I don't know how I ended up in the park, but that's where she was born. Where I buried her. When she was born…she didn't move. Didn't cry. Didn't breathe. I tried. I really did. I wanted her, I wanted to be her Mummy. But I couldn't save her. She died because of me."

"Maura, it wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done."

"She was so beautiful," Maura said softly. "Long legs, ten toes and fingers, soft curly hair. She was gorgeous. Perfect. I really loved her."

"We know that," Sam said, watching her carefully. "Maura? The burial?"

"I found a spade," she said. "Gardener had left his shed unlocked. I cut the cord with the shears. At the time, the area was really dense with bushes. I dug a hole and wrapped her in my cardigan. I didn't want her to get cold. But she was, wasn't she? It wasn't a proper burial. It wasn't peaceful, it wasn't dignified. She had all those insects, crawling all over her. She was alone for all those years. I didn't know it was illegal. Not at the time. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't know…"

"You were only seventeen. You were a child."

"A child old enough to know better. How could I have done something like that? Even now, I have a second chance and I still can't be a good mother, not even for Eve's sake."

"Dominique? She's so beautiful."

"I know," Maura said tearfully. "But I can't look at her, not without feeling like a failure, not without being reminded of her big sister."

"So, you went home?"

"Yes," Maura said, composing herself. "My godfather, my dad's best friend, he brought me home. I've never seen my dad so angry. He kept asking, why, why, why? I wouldn't tell him and it made him so mad." She rubbed her cheek consciously. "He slapped me. I wanted him to do it again, but all he did was hug me and apologise. He kept asking for answers after that, but I couldn't tell him, and in the end, he gave up. Made up his own mind."

"What do you mean?"

"He blamed himself. He thought I ran away because of him constantly pushing me over exams and trying to stop me seeing Sonny. He practically moved Sonny in after that. But I didn't want him around. Sonny was…is an affectionate person, but I didn't want him touching me. How could I ever tell him that his own brother…? Sonny always cared about him and looked out for him. Not that he deserved it. I really thought he wouldn't believe me. And I was right, wasn't I? When I came here and they found Eve's body, the judgements here starting flying; 'what a monster, she could have asked for help, how could she do such a thing?' I knew I couldn't tell anyone. But then he followed me here. He kept pushing and pushing, planting food in my room, trying to make me look crazy. I couldn't take it anymore. So I told Sonny and Tom. They didn't believe me, because I'd lied to them before. About not being able to have children. Sonny wanted a baby more than anything. I hated lying to him, but I was too scared. Everything I touch, I curse. Why should the new baby be any different? I wanted to say goodbye to Eve one more time, so I went to the grave, but you found me there."

"I frightened you."

Maura sniffed. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, it was an accident. You called me an ambulance, you got me help."

"Kerry saw me. She could have told, but she didn't. Why?"

"We'll never know," said Gina. "So, you went home?"

"Yes, I went to Scotland. But he followed me, again. When Dominique was born, I just shut down. I know it isn't right, but I didn't want to touch her. I could tell people were becoming angry with me. They, _she,_ was better off without me. I came back here, but he followed me _again_. I couldn't take it anymore. So I decided it was time to play him at his own game. I got some sleeping pills from my doctor. I told her they were for me, but I crushed them into a protein shake, it's about all Vincent drinks. And I went to where he works. He came out with a redhead, kissing her in broad daylight. His shirt was untucked and her buttons were done up wrong. I knew what they'd been up to there. She left and he saw me, and got into my car. He drank the shake, just as I wanted. It didn't take long for the pills to take effect."

"How did you manage to get him into the church? He's twice your size!"

"He walked," said Maura. "He was so drugged up, he couldn't resist. He drifted in and out for an hour before he woke up. Everything's on the dictaphone." Maura gripped her hair. "It didn't go as I imagined it. I wanted an explanation; I wanted to know why he'd ruined my life. But he taunted me."

"We've listened to it," Sam said, thinking of the sickening recording. "Maura, you had a gun. Where did you get it from?"

She shifted and looked uncomfortably at Smithy. "The evidence room."

"Here?"

She nodded, biting her nails. "Smithy gave me the job to rewrite the log book. I found one that hadn't been packaged properly and wasn't written well in the log book. It was the semi-automatic used in the bank robbery just after I came."

"Who originally signed it in?"

"Kerry," Maura whispered. "I'm sorry. I know it was wrong. It was a moment of madness."

"You fired it."

"Once. At the wall. I wanted to shoot him so badly, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to his level."

"What happened when Sonny and Tom turned up?"

"Vincent began twisting things. He told them that I'd slept with him willingly, but then I told them what he'd said to me after he'd raped me, that it 'wasn't the first time he'd made a girl cry like a whiny little kid.' We were outside, so he didn't hear me tell them, but as Sonny was letting him go, he said it to me again. They believed me then."

"What did he mean by that? Was there others? Another victim?"

Maura thought of Lyra, but shrugged. "I don't know. Knowing Vincent, it was just talk."

"What happened?"

"Tom went mental and attacked him. Sonny wanted to stop him, I could tell, but he came to me instead. I didn't want him near me. I pushed him away and went to Eve. I stayed until Smithy came for me."

Sam finished the sentence she was on and looked up at Maura.

"I'm so sorry, Maura. I'm going to do everything I can to reduce punishment."

"Thank you. But right now, there's something more important I need. My dad. He needs to know…"

"You want me to…?"

"No. I want to tell him. But I don't want to do it over the phone. I need to tell him face to face."

"You want to be let back to Scotland?"

"I know it's a big ask," she said, her eyes shining. "But please, I need to do this. I owe it to him for putting him through years of agony."

"You know we don't usually let people who've been arrested leave the country, Maura."

"I know," she said. "But I can't let him read it in the paper. I can't let Sonny and Tom do it. I have to do it. He needs to hear it from me. I'll give you whatever you need to put Vincent away. I'll see every psychiatrist in the country. I can even take being put away. Just please, let me tell him myself. My godfather, Anthony? He's the Superintendent of the local police station there. You can tell him. He can keep an eye on me. He'll be good at that."

"I'll see what I can do," Sam said, looking at her watch and reaching for the tape recorder. "Interview terminated 23:52. Maura, we'll take you back to custody. You're going to be bailed."

"Where am I going to go?" she asked, her lip trembling.

"With me," Smithy said, taking her hand. "You're coming home with me. I'm gonna look after you."

"But I can't…Andrea…"

"You don't need to worry," he said firmly. "I've already got your things, and there's no way I'm letting you go to some bail hostel, surrounded by strangers."

"Thank you," she said, sniffing, tears welling up in her eyes. "I don't deserve your support."

"Yes you do. You should have had it sooner."

He pushed back his chair and got to his feet, holding out his hand to Maura. She took it and let him pull her up and lead her out of the room.

* * *

><p>Maura was in the bath. She'd been in the bathroom for over an hour and he hadn't heard a peep, except for the odd sloshing of the water. Should he go in, make sure she hadn't done anything stupid? He had his hand on the doorknob before changing his mind and walking away. No. She was entitled to her time alone. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel like she was living in 1984. He called a Chinese takeaway for some food before sitting down to compose himself before Maura came out. Why hadn't he looked out for her more? She was reaching out to him and he'd looked the other way. Why wasn't he there for her? He sneered bitterly. Because he'd been wrapped up in his new relationship; a relationship, which, by all accounts, looked as if it was as good as over. Andrea hadn't been able to understand why he was so insistent on being around for Maura. As far as she was concerned, Maura had lost the plot. Yes, she'd been through a lot of trauma, but so had she, but nobody saw her threatening people with a gun! Smithy sighed. They were two completely different situations and she knew it! Losing someone the way Andrea had was horrific, but she hadn't had to spend seven years looking at the man who raped her, watching him marry her best friend with her warnings about him going unheeded. She just hadn't understood. Some of her things had been gone from his house when he and Maura had got there. He was gutted, but wasn't about to cast Maura onto the streets. She needed him more right now.<p>

Smithy jumped as Maura sat at his side, her wet hair falling about her face. He smiled and moved to put an arm around her, stopping abruptly. She slid her spindly arms around his neck, breathing him deeply.

"Thanks for letting me stay."

"You're always welcome here Maura, always."

"Where's Andrea?"

"She thought it was better to leave us alone," he lied. "She didn't think you'd like being overwhelmed with people. She's at her house. "

"I don't want to come between anyone," she said, her eyes widening. "I can leave!"

"No," he said, holding her close. "I don't want you to leave. I want you here. Besides, I've ordered Chinese."

"You hate Chinese food."

"You don't."

"You're so good to me."

"Of course," he said, running a hand through her wet hair.

"Smithy, I'm scared."

"I know," he said. "But whatever happens, I promise you'll always have me. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"But I'm always going to be afraid. I'll still see Vincent in my nightmares, hear his voice. I'll always see Eve. She was so beautiful, Smithy."

"I bet she was," he said softly. "You were her mother."

"But I abandoned her."

"Stop it," he said. "Stop torturing yourself Maura. It wasn't your fault she didn't live."

"It's my fault she was alone all these years. My poor innocent baby."

"She was blessed to have you as her mother. The way things happened, it couldn't have been prevented. I don't blame you. Nobody does."

She looked down at her hands and asked, "Did you see Sonny?"

"Yes," he said uncomfortably. "That's why I took you out the back way; he was in the front office. I didn't think you want to…well; just tell me if I was out of order."

"No, you're right, thank you. I don't want to see him again. I really love him you know."

He noticed her present tense of the word, but chose not to comment on it. He massaged her shoulders comfortingly.

"I know honey, but I also know how much he hurt you. It's not going to be so easy to forgive and forget."

"And Tom?"

"Released," he said. "Without charge. Surprise, surprise, Vincent wasn't keen to press charges."

"Lexi?"

"She doesn't know," he said insistently. "I promise. She wasn't in the room when Gina and I went to the hospital."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing," he said dismissively as the doorbell rang.

He got up and went to open it, not wanting to tell her that Vincent's words had been that she'd deserved everything she'd got. Gina had to drag him out of the room as Vincent had laughed. He opened the door to the delivery man, paid him and took the dinner through to Maura. Collecting plates, he dished them up high and kept a careful watch on Maura as she ate. She was clearly only doing it to make him happy and put it down when the plate was empty, looking relieved.

"Want more?" he asked.

"No. Not right now. Maybe later, I might have it for lunch. Smithy…do you think I'm going to go to jail?"

"Not if I can help it," he said. "I promise, I'll do what I can to keep you out."

"The CPS won't be so sympathetic, will they?"

"They don't have souls of stone, Maura. Don't think everyone will be against you. They won't. Maura, you're going to be all right. Come here."

She rose and made to come to his outstretched arms when the shrill ringing of the doorbell made her shriek and jump into his arms, making him fall backwards.

"It's all right," he said, kissing her head. "It's just the doorbell."

Sitting her on the floor, he went out to answer it. Maura held her breath anxiously, breathing a sigh of relief when she heard him greet someone in a friendly tone. He came back, leading Inspector Gold.

"Hi Maura. I see you two've filled your boots."

"Maura was hungry," Smithy said, grinning.

"Smithy was hungry," Maura said, almost at the same time. "There's plenty left over."

"Not my thing, but thank you," she said, taking a seat on the sofa.

"If you're here to march me back to the station in handcuffs, please don't draw it out."

"Don't worry, that's not why I'm here. I've spoken to your godfather."

"That was fast," Maura said shakily. "What did he say?"

"Well I won't deny that he's very upset. Like all of us, he doesn't understand how you made yourself carry on. He's happy to tell your dad for you if you change your mind, but he understands you want to tell him face-to-face yourself."

"So…?" Maura said cautiously.

"So, you've been granted permission to go back to Scotland. Anthony will come and get you himself and escort you back."

"Escort," Maura said with a soft scoff.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you go alone. You went with Smithy willingly last night, so I know you won't run, but its procedure."

"I know," she said quietly. "Thank you.

"There's more," she said uncomfortably. "As you know, the CPS had to be informed and sympathetic though they are, they have…terminated your employment."

Maura had been expecting it, but still came as a blow. She felt a tightening in her throat but nodded, dropping her head, though not before they'd seen her tears. Smithy moved at once to comfort her, gathering her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry Maura," Gina said, watching her cry on Smithy's shoulder. "I hate that we have to lose you."

"I brought it on myself," Maura said miserably, wiping her eyes. "There's more though. Right?"

"Afraid so. You'll need to report to your police station every day for checks. And…the press know…no, not that it is you," she said hastily at Maura's panicked expression. "But they know an arrest has been made. We'll hold them off for as long as we can, but I can't guarantee you that they won't find out. You'll need to tell your family as soon as you can."

"Okay."

"The CPS is happy to let you stay in the custody of your dad. As long as you stick to the rules."

"When is Anthony coming for me?"

"Tomorrow," she said. "If it's okay with Smithy, he can take you to the airport."

"Of course," Smithy said, squeezing Maura's shoulder. "When does she need to be there?"

"An early flight," said Gina. "Get her there at ten and wait with her until her godfather shows up. Check the ID, you know the usual. And Maura…I'm really sorry. This never should have happened to you."

"Where is _he_?"

"Still in hospital. Tom left him with concussion."

"Would have been worse if I'd got my hands on him," Smithy said, a low growl in his tone.

"When he's well enough to be discharged, he'll be arrested. We've taken out a restraining order on him on your behalf. If he attempts to contact you in any way, he'll be in even more trouble."

"Thanks," Maura said, overwhelmed. "Thanks for understanding."

"We aren't about to abandon one of our own Maura. I'll see myself out. And if there's anything you need, call."

She left and Smithy rubbed Maura's slumped shoulders.

"Hey," he said. "You okay?"

"I knew I'd lose my job," she said in a small voice. "I just didn't expect it to hurt so much."

"You've still got us, though Maura. You haven't lost us. And it's not so bad. It'll give you the time you need to rest and relax. Spend time with your family, be with your daughter."

"You really think I can be a good mother?"

"I think you can be the best," he said. "You've got such a big, generous heart, you have so much love to give. You have a family who love you. You can be happy."

"I'm not sure I deserve it."

"Yes you do. If anyone deserves to be unhappy, it's Vincent. He caused this Maura, he made you this way. You were so full of life before he changed everything; laughing, dancing and singing."

"I blamed my dad you know."

"Because of his idea?"

"No. Because he wouldn't let me come here. The week it happened…was the week Jake was staying with you. Remember?"

"Yeah," he said quietly, remembering the bitter disappointment Jake told him that Maura wasn't coming.

"I blamed him. I thought, If only he'd let me come with Jake and not made me take those damn extra classes during half-term, I wouldn't have been home alone and he wouldn't have been able to…to…"

"Come here," he said, pulling her to him as she broke down in a storm of crying. "It's okay. Cry all you want."

She clung to him, her grip painfully tight, her eyes screwed up and chest heaving at the agony inside her. She hadn't let anyone hug her like this in years. And she was going to have to face telling her father; maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, or even the day after that. Soon, his life would be torn apart and she knew she'd be left once again feeling like it was all her fault.


	27. A Little Fall of Rain

Smithy had Maura at Heathrow airport at nine and was waiting with her in the departure lounge. Offers of getting her something to eat or drink were met with negative responses and she merely lay in his arms trembling. He stroked her hair, holding her tightly.

"What if he doesn't believe me?"

"Of course he will," said Smithy. "He's your dad. And you have proof."

"I don't want to play the recording. I want to believe me without the evidence."

"He will believe you," he assured her, kissing her head. "Everything's going to be fine, I promise."

"How?" Maura said tearfully, pulling away and looking into his eyes. "How can you promise me that? How do you know he won't call me a liar and throw me out?"

"Because he loves you," he said simply. "He'll believe you. Come on, come back here."

She nestled her head into his shoulder, screwing her eyes up against the agony in her heart. He could see it written all over her face. Her heart had been broken for seven years; it was going to take a long time to mend. Stroking her back, he looked around, keeping an eye out for her godfather. A crowd of people walked into the departure lounge and he squinted. Last to come in was a man, large and burly, who scanned the large space, the expression of someone who hadn't slept on his face. He had the build of a tank and the coat he was wearing had to be custom made. The steel toe boots he was wearing weren't unlike the ones Maura had been wearing. He met Smithy's eyes and paused, a flicker of recognition on his face. Smithy shook Maura and she jolted, opening her eyes. He jerked his head in the man's direction. She looked up and met his gaze, her eyes widening as she shakily got to her feet. Anthony stood for a moment, looking at Maura, an expression of sorrow on his face. The hurt look on his face was too much for Maura to bear, and she fled in the direction of the bathroom. Smithy pursued, getting there as the door shut. Anthony joined him seconds later. Smithy sighed and turned to face the older man.

"Stared at her for too long," he stated regretfully.

"No. She's been like it all day."

"Understandable," he said, running a hand through his thinning grey hair. "Just leave her; she'll come out when she's ready."

"Uh…" he shuffled his feet, feeling almost stupid to have to ask, but orders were orders. "Mr…Sir…"

"Please," said Maura's godfather wearily, rolling his eyes. "Call me miserable old sod, old codger, call me what you like, just not 'Sir.'"

"Right," he said. "Just…my Inspector asked me to check. ID."

He looked surprised for a second, opened his mouth as if he wanted to argue but then shrugged as if to say 'whatever' before bringing out his warrant card.

"Right," Smithy said awkwardly. "Sorry, I know we've met, but…"

"No, no, you're right to make sure. "He sank onto a hard plastic seat, tears filling his eyes. "How could this have happened? How could this have happened to my beautiful daughter?"

"It could have happened to anyone," Smithy said quietly.

"I know. But in her house? Under her dad's nose? Under mine? And she kept it to herself all these years? She was _pregnant_?" He suddenly glared up at Smithy. "Your Inspector said she came to see you that night. Did you know?"

"_No_," he insisted. "No! I didn't know anything until about two weeks ago! Tom told me that Maura had said Vincent raped her, but everything else came out a few days ago."

"I'm sorry," said the older man. "I'm just…I'm trying to make sense of all this!"

"You're not the only one," said Smithy, sitting next to him. "I don't know how she's lived with this, all these years."

"I always knew that little sod was evil," Anthony said, clenching his fists. "I just didn't know how evil. How dare that piece of filth take my lassie, and force himself on her!" A few people looked around and he lowered his tone. "I should have protected her. This is going to kill Peter. I found her you know, the night she came back after...I knew something was wrong, I could see it in her eyes. I tried to ask. I should have tried harder."

"You're not the only one," he said. "I knew something was wrong the moment she turned up here. She insisted everything was fine. I shouldn't have left it at that."

"Maura's too much like her mother, good at blocking things out and putting on a façade. That isn't a good thing, Sergeant Smith."

"I know," Smithy said, looking him in the eye. "I mean, I know. Jake told me."

"Ah," he said slowly. "And Maura?"

"I didn't tell her," he said. "I'll never tell her. You have my word."

"Thank you," he said, looking up quickly as the door to the ladies' toilets opened. Maura came out, looking calmer, though the tears hadn't yet dried. He stood up and wordlessly held out his arms to her. She took a step back, her lip trembling. "Come on darling, come to me. It's all right."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, Maura, of course not. I could never be mad at you. This wasn't your fault. Come here. Come on."

She walked into his arms, burrowing her head into his coat. Anthony closed his eyes as the tears leaked down his face.

"Everything's going to be fine, Maura, I promise."

"I'm going to go to jail!"

"No, you're not," he said. "Everything's going to be fine."

"But I did such a terrible thing!"

"You were only a child. There's only one person to blame here and I'm going to do everything in my power to see him sent down. Nobody's ever going to hurt you again. I promise."

"I'll leave you both to it," Smithy said reluctantly, pulling on his coat. "You'll be called for your flight soon. Maura, if you ever want anything, you know where I am."

Maura broke free of Anthony's hold and wrapped her arms around Smithy's waist in a vice grip. He held her tight, smelling the apple blossom scent of her hair and the smell of his own lynx body wash on her skin.

"I'll always be here for you," he said. "I won't let you down ever again."

"_Passengers for the 10:30am British Airlines flight to Glasgow Airport_," announced a voice over the loudspeaker. "_Please make your way to departure gate nine. That's passengers for the 10:30 flight to British Airways to Glasgow Airport; please make your way to departure gate nine_."

"That's us, Maura," Anthony said gently. "Come on honey, we have to go."

"It's all right," said Smithy, kissing her forehead. "I promise, I'll see you really soon. I'll come and see you. You just go and see your baby."

Kissing her again, he slowly prised her off and put her back in her godfather's arms. He stroked her hair and smiled.

"Everything will be fine."

"Come on," Anthony said, taking her hand. "We have to go. Smithy, thanks for everything."

"Anytime," said Smithy, handing Maura her jacket. "Maura, if there's anything you want, anything at all, call me. I'll always pick up."

"Maura, come," Anthony said, beginning to walk away. "Smithy, we'll be in touch."

Maura looked at Smithy until he was out of sight, naked longing in her eyes. He'd stayed with her again last night, knowing she hadn't wanted to talk, but had just wanted him there. He'd held her close, knowing after everything, she wasn't accustomed to having hands on her, especially men's. He was so kind, so caring, but she'd spent years being furious with him for not being there when she wanted him to be. He was here now. He'd been there all along. That was all that mattered. Unlike Sonny and Tom who were there when it was too little, too late.

Settled on the flight, Maura sat in the window seat, her arms crossed tightly across her body. Her godfather kept shooting her anxious glances, annoying her. She was about to snap at him to stop it when laughter distracted her. She leant forwards and blinked. In the aisle across from her sat a mother and her child. The mother could almost have been her and the little girl looked to be about six. Just like Eve would have been. The mother laughed and hugged her little girl. Maura's eyes filled with tears and she turned away. Anthony's arm immediately went around her shoulder.

"Maura, honey?"

"I feel sick," she whispered.

"You do look a bit pale," he said, and rummaged in his bag. "Here, take one of these."

She took the little white pill that she assumed was for travel sickness and leant back in her seat, tears falling down her face. Soon, she began to feel dizzy and reached out a hand to Anthony, desperate to tell him. He took her hand and squeezed it.

"It's all right. You just sleep. When you wake up, you'll be home, safe in your bed."

_Take a look at my body,  
>look at my hands,<br>there's so much here,  
>that I don't understand.<br>Your face saving promises,  
>whispered like prayers,<br>I don't need them._

"…comes crawling back. Look at the state of her!"

"Dad!"

"Well! Running off suddenly, coming back unannounced, she needs to grow up!"

"Dad, will you shut up! You're gonna wake her up!"

Maura opened one eye and peeked at the figures before her. It was her Dad and Connor, yet again arguing. Her eyes filled with tears. Her father had never talked about her like that. There was so much fury in his tone. He sounded like he hated her.

"Well look at her! Clothes not ironed, unbrushed hair. I didn't bring my daughter up to look like a tramp!"

"You didn't bring her up to be a judgemental asshole either!"

Maura's eyes opened in shock and she sat up. Peter's fists were clenched and he was red faced, wearing the same expression of anger he'd had when he'd hit her. Connor smiled widely and jumped onto the sofa next to her, pulling her into his arms. It took every bit of self-control Maura had to not push him away.

"Hello baby sister! Oh come on, you can give a better hug than that! That's better! How are you?"

"I'm all right," she said quietly. "How long have I been here?"

"Only about an hour," he said. "Anthony brought you in, all sweet and angelic looking in your sleep. He said you were taken ill on the flight. Is something going on, Maura?"

"No," she said. "I just wanted to come home."

"And whatever Maura wants, Maura gets, right?" Peter said, scoffing and walking off.

Maura looked at her brother in confusion as she heard the kitchen door slam shut. Connor's jaw was twitching angrily, just like Peter's would.

"Is he angry at me?"

"He's just tired, Maura," he said lamely. "You know what he's like; when he's tired or pissed off, he lashes out at the nearest person."

He wasn't like that at all; Connor was saying it to make her feel better. Maura bit her lip anxiously and her brother kissed her head.

"Don't worry princess; he'll be all right tomorrow. I have to get to work. A night of screaming abuse from drunken teenagers. Fun, right?"

He grinned and gave her another hug before getting up and leaving, closing the door with a snap. Maura rose to her feet, feeling woozy. It must have been a sleeping pill that Anthony gave her. She walked to the closed kitchen door and made to open it before changing her mind and stepping away. He didn't want to see her. She was crazy to think he'd ever believe her. With a heavy heart, she went upstairs in misery and stopped by the stairs leading to her room, staring into her father's. There was Dominique's cot. Hesitantly, she walked in and stared down. Her baby was awake, gripping at thin air. She'd grown so much and looked so different. It was hard for her to believe that she was the same tiny baby she'd held all those months ago. Seeing Maura, she began to cry and on impulse, she picked her up, holding her to her chest. She continued to cry, and the first sign she had that Peter had come upstairs was when he grabbed her shoulder, wheeling her around.

"What're you doing?" he demanded fiercely. "She was asleep! Why did you wake her?"

"I didn't wake her up, she was already awake," Maura said shakily, shocked at him grabbing her. "She was crying, so I picked her up."

"Give her to me," he said. "Maura, I said give her to me!"

She handed her baby over silently and he stomped from the room. Maura waited until his footsteps went downstairs, then went up to her room, rubbing her shoulder. He hated her. It didn't look like she was daddy's little girl anymore. Her suitcase was on the floor, open, all of her clothes had been put away. Picking up her phone from the bedside table, she slid to the floor, scrolling for Smithy's number.

"_Maura_?" he said, picking up on the first ring. "_Maura? You all right_?"

"Smithy?" she said, choking on her tears. "Smithy, he hates me. My dad hates me."

"_Maura, what's happened_?"

"He thinks I'm a selfish brat," she said, sniffing. "He doesn't even want me near Dominique. He took her off me. I just wanted to give her a hug!"

There was a sigh. "_Maura, I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair to you_."

"How am I ever going to tell him? He's never going to believe me."

"_He's confused_," said Smithy. "_You need to remember that the last few months, years even, have been really confusing for him. He's spent all this time wondering what's wrong with you._"

"I guess," she said. "But he's never been so cold before."

"_It's a big thing to tell him, Maura. If you can't tell him yourself, try writing it down. Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine._ _I promise. Okay?"_

"Yeah," she said, sniffing.

"_Sleep on it_," he said gently. "_I'll try and hold the news being told the press until you do, but I can't guarantee you there won't be a leak. Everything's going to be fine. Your dad loves you, no matter what. He'll believe you. Go and get yourself a shower and look after yourself. I'm always here, whenever you want me. My phone's always on. Okay?"_

"Okay," she said, sniffling. "Goodnight, Smithy."

"_Night, Maura," _he said and she hung up, staring miserably at the floor. She stared at the place where it had happened years ago. She dragged her knees to her chest and sobbed as if her heart would break.

_I've been treated so wrong,  
>I've been treated so long,<br>as if I'm becoming untouchable.  
>Contempt loves the silence,<br>it thrives in the dark.  
>With fine winding tendrils,<br>that strangle the heart._

Peter took at seat at the kitchen table to feed Dominique, feeling regretful. He should have been glad that Maura had moved to comfort her crying daughter, something she'd never done before. And there he was, charging in guns blazing and demanding she give her to him. Like a madman, like she was a danger. But she'd spent the first four months of Dominique's life pretending she didn't exist; leaving when the going got tough, turning up again when it suited her. And look at the state of her! He was honest enough to admit that when his best friend had brought her home, he'd been ashamed of the state of Maura. It wasn't as if she'd ever been a fashion-obsessed girl, but she'd always taken enough pride in her appearance to look presentable and well turned out; stylish clothes, neat hair and freshened makeup. And today, she turned up looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge. It was all very déjà vu.

She was ill, like her mother. The last thing Dominique or Maura needed was any more animosity. She was home now, and ready to take the first steps to being a mother. She still needed help though, and there was a long way to go.

"Look at your silly old granddad," he said, tickling Dominique's tummy. "Let's fill your boots, then go and see Mummy, shall we?"

Maura sat on her bed, wrapped in an old bathrobe, sniffing. She lay back against her pillows, turning onto her side. It felt as if the world was well and truly against her. How was she ever going to tell her father now? He wouldn't ever believe her; he didn't even want her anywhere near her own baby. She had just wanted to comfort her. Her baby had been crying, and couldn't bear it. She'd just wanted to hug her. Maura jumped at a soft knock on the door and she sat up, wiping her eyes.

"Come in."

The door opened and Peter stepped in, carrying Dominique. He smiled awkwardly and came up to her.

"Hey," he said. "Someone wanted a hug from their mummy."

"What do I do?" she asked, frightened, staring at her smiling baby.

"You were doing it perfectly before!" he assured her, leaning down. "Here, hold your arms like this...that's right, there you go."

Maura's arms trembled as she held her daughter and she looked down at her. Everyone was right, she was beautiful. The mattress sagged as Peter sat down next to her.

"Maura baby, I'm sorry. What I did was out of order."

"It's okay."

"No it isn't," he said. "I shouldn't have taken her off you like that."

"I wouldn't ever hurt her."

"I know you wouldn't," he said. "Maura, I'd never think you'd hurt your baby, ever! I overreacted, that's all. I was angry."

"At me?"

"You ran off, Maura. I didn't know where you were. I was worried sick. You're not yourself. You didn't call, no letters, nothing, you're not yourself. Please Maura, tell me what's wrong!"

She looked at her dad's pleading expression and the words she had planned to say got lost on the way to her throat. She looked back down at Dominique.

"Help me, Dad," she pleaded. "I want to be her mummy, I really do. But I don't know how."

"It's not something you automatically know how to do, Maura. Every parent thinks they should know automatically how to look after their baby."

"Shouldn't we?"

"That's not the way it works. You have to get to know each other, but she's sweet and beautiful, just like you."

"Just like I used to be," she said, looking down.

"You'll always be my baby," he said. "No matter how many grandchildren I have."

"Even after everything I've done?"

"Maura, you're so special. You're my only daughter. No matter what, I'll always love you. I just don't understand where everything went wrong. Why you changed."

"I…"

"It's okay," he said. "You're home. We can get you whatever help you need."

"More than your love," she thought, and hugged Dominique to her face, screwing her eyes up as tears spilled down her face.

"Maura, everything's going to be okay," he said soothingly.

"How do you know?"

"Because I'll make sure of it," he said, kissing her forehead. "I love you so much. I'd do anything to have you back. I'd do anything for you."

Smithy said near enough exactly the same thing, Maura thought, looking down. Maybe people did care about her. Maybe there was hope for her.

"Are you tired, my darling?"

"A bit," she said. "It's…been a long day."

"Here," he said tentatively, holding out his arms for Dominique. "I'll put her to bed."

"Can I do it? Please?"

"Of course," he said, standing up. "She likes her bed. Just like you. She's just like her mummy."

Maura choked out a laugh and followed him down the stairs, holding Dominique as if she were clutching a china ornament. She was like a delicate little doll, down to her little feet and curly hair. Just like Eve. When she'd been born, it had like being in a time warp. She'd opened her eyes, bleary and confused, and Sonny, seeing she was awake had come to her, presenting her with their little daughter.

"Look," he cooed. "Look, Maura. She's beautiful."

Eve? She'd thought and reached out a hand to touch her face. Frazzled, she looked up at Sonny. Where's Eve, she'd wanted to ask.

Dead and now buried respectfully, she reminded herself. Dominique can't replace what you've lost. She followed her dad to the cot and laid her daughter down, pulling the blankets over her.

"She's just like you were," Peter said. "She's a good baby. Falls asleep easily, sleeps through the night. She loves her bath time too, especially the rubber ducks. Remember? Quack, quack, quack. That's that you used to do. Then you became my beautiful swan. Make sure you dry that hair before bed. I don't want you catching a chill."

Peter uttered a gasp of surprise as Maura threw herself into his arms, burrowing her head into his shoulder. He almost cried. She hadn't done it since she was sixteen; she'd used to duck away from him whenever he even went to touch her hair. Before everything changed, she used to wait for him to come home, sitting on the staircase, and jumping into her arms when he walked through the door. Then, it was like he didn't know her any more.

"You want some tea, Maura?"

"Hot chocolate," she said, her voice muffled.

He laughed. "All right. Hot chocolate it is. I'll bring it up to you. You hungry? You must be. You haven't eaten since you got here."

She wasn't, but shrugged. He wanted to father her, probably overjoyed that she was letting him hug her after so many years.

"I'll bring you some soup," he offered. "Made it myself today. Minestrone. You want bread?"

"No, just the soup is fine. Thank you."

"I'll bring it up to you. Go dry your hair."

She left the room, her head bowed, her heart heavy. She loved him so much, how could she ever tell him about Vincent and Eve? It was going to kill him. Numbly, she found her hairdryer and began to blow dry her hair straight. It was longer now than the last time she'd straightened it and fell past her waist. She was going to get it cut. But first she had to tell him, and in turn, her whole family. She wondered if Sonny had told his parents yet. Surely she would have heard about it by now if he had. And Lexi, how long would it be before she found out? And would she stand by Vincent or turn against him? Well, she'd stood by him after everything else. Why not this? Even if he had done the most despicable thing possible. It was probably just 'his way' as usual. Footsteps announced Peter's arrival with a bowl of soup and a mug of hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream and a flake. It had been a long time since he'd let her eat in her room. He set the tray down in front of her.

"There you go. I'm downstairs if you want anything else."

"Thanks, Dad."

He turned to leave, and she said; "Dad?"

"Yes, darling?" he said, turning back to her. She looking at him, biting her lip, and he took a lock of her hair, twisting it in his fingers. "What is it?"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"It's all right, darling," he said, cupping her face. "It's fine. We've made progress tonight. Tomorrow, we'll call a counsellor. Take you to Nisha. We can sort things out. I promise, everything's going to be fine. You just get a good sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Vincent raped me. She thought the words, but wanted to say them out loud. How could she say the words when he thought the problem was merely to do with Dominique?

"Night Maura," he said, kissing her head and leaving.

Maura stirred the soup around the bowl and look a spoonful, blowing on it lightly. It tasted just as good as she remembered. Scraping the bowl clean, she left the tray and took her hot chocolate to her bed. She couldn't bring herself to tell him face to face. It would break his heart and seeing it would be too difficult. She was going to take Smithy's advice and write him a letter.

_They say that promises  
>sweeten the blow,<br>but I don't need them.  
>No, I don't need them.<br>I've been treated so wrong,  
>I've been treated so long,<br>As if I'm becoming untouchable.  
>I'm a slow dying flower,<br>Frost killing hour,  
>the sweet turning sour,<br>And untouchable._

Maura woke at six in the morning and went straight to her desk, and sat with a pen in her hand and a notebook in front of her, desperately trying to put into words what had happened all those years ago. Soon, scrunched up pieces of paper were surrounding her and she sat back, sighing. It was just as difficult to put it into words as it was to say it out loud. Running her fingers through her hair, she pulled it into a ponytail and picked up the pen again. She looked over her shoulder at where it had happened, and putting pen to paper, she wrote.

The letter clutched in her hand, she went downstairs, finding her father already awake. She felt crestfallen. She had to go and report for bail, and had planned to leave the letter for him to find when he woke up. He looked up from making coffee and smiled.

"Ah, darling, you're up," he said. "You missed the party last night."

"Party?" she said uncertainly.

"Well, your brothers. Overjoyed to have the golden girl back, came home with booze and snacks, and where was said golden girl when they got home? All sweet and asleep in her bed!"

"Sorry," she said in a small voice.

"That's fine, my darling," he said, ruffling her hair. "You want some coffee?"

"No," she said. "I was going to go for a walk. Clear my head."

"It's early," he said, raising an eyebrow. "And it's raining."

"A bit of rain never killed anyone," she said, standing up. "Rain makes the flowers grow."

He smiled. "You were so fantastic in that role, best of the bunch."

"That's a bit biased, Dad."

"Maybe, but it's still true," he said. "My lovely Eponine. You don't sing anymore Maura."

It was a statement but demanded an answer. She shrugged and said; "I don't feel like it anymore."

"Nothing like a good musical to get you in the spirit. We need to go and see it again. When you're better, we'll make a trip up, yeah? Just you and me."

"That'd be nice," she said. "But I'm going for my walk." She stood back, and was about to leave the room when she turned back. "I…I've left something for you. By the phone. But don't look at it until I've gone."

"What is it?"

"Just look at it when I've gone," she said and left the room hurriedly before he asked anymore questions. She grabbed her raincoat and hurriedly slammed out of the house, running down the street in case he read it quickly. She walked the short distance to the police station and stood outside, biting her lip. Everyone there knew she was Anthony's goddaughter. How much must she be humiliating him? She thought she'd rather be arrested for failing to report for bail, but walked in anyway with bated breath. To her astonishment, she found her godfather waiting for her in the front office and he immediately enveloped her in his strong arms, staying with her as she signed papers then walking with her outside.

"I thought you should know," he said. "I had a call from Inspector Gold this morning. Sonny and Tom are coming back home, they should have flown in sometime this morning. They need to tell their parents. But don't worry. They've been warned that they can't say anything to your father unless he knows."

"Lexi?"

"She's still in Sun Hill. She doesn't know yet. But she'll find out soon enough."

"And she'll stick by him as usual," said Maura, putting her hood up. "Sonny and Tom are staying at their parents'?"

"Yes, but they've been told to leave you alone."

"Good," she said.

"Maura? Your dad?"

"I tried," she said. "I tried to tell him. I couldn't. I left him a letter. It probably wasn't the best way, but…I didn't know how to say the words."

"I know," he said. "Are you going home?"

"No," she said. "I'm going for a walk. I'm going to wait for him to find me."

"Find you where?"

"With Mum," she said. Then, with a nod, she turned and left.

He watched her, feeling chilled. With Mum, she'd said and he made to run after her, desperate to stop her doing something stupid. Then he stopped. She didn't know about Alexandra, she didn't know how she really died. Maura wouldn't do anything like that; she just liked to go there to feel close to her mum. He watched her disappear as the rain became heavier. She seemed to float away, in an eerie fashion, resembling Little Red Riding Hood in the jacket. And that boy, he thought, was just like the big, bad wolf. His heart aching, he went back into the station, his head bowed. Poor Peter, he thought. This was going to rip his world apart.

_Oh, I need the darkness,  
>the sweetness, the sadness,<br>the weakness, oh, I need this.  
>I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight,<br>Angel sweet love of my life, Oh, I need this.  
>I'm a slow dying flower, Frost killing hour<br>The sweet turning sour, And untouchable_

Peter finished reading the paper and folded it in half, leaving it on the table in front of him before going out into the hallway and picking up the envelope left in front of the phone. 'Dad' was written across it in Maura's delicate, script writing. Puzzled, he went to take a seat in the sitting room, tearing the envelope open with his thumb before settling on the sofa. He read through the letter, the blood in his veins turning to ice only halfway through. Hyperventilating, he put it down and closed his eyes before bring it back to his face and starting again. But the words were still there, just as terrible as they'd been before, yet worse as he read on.

"No," he whispered desperately. "Not my beautiful baby. Not you."

_Dear Dad,_

_I guess a letter isn't the best way to tell you this, but I couldn't think of any other way. I tried to tell you, so many times over the years, but it was so difficult. I'm sorry I had to do it this way, but I didn't have the heart or the guts to tell you; I've spent every day since that one in March years ago just like always; as the coward I am. The way I changed had nothing to do with you, or Sonny. It had everything to do with Vincent. _

_I owe you an explanation for the reason I changed, and for why I ran away that Christmas. I ran away because I was pregnant. Not by Sonny, by Vincent. After he raped me. In this house, in my bedroom. I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was two months gone. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I couldn't find the words. I felt dirty, ashamed and terrified you'd hate me. This is the reason I ran away. This is the reason I broke up with Sonny. And this is the reason I'm home._

_Where's my baby? There's no easy way to tell you this either. She's dead. She was born asleep. She was the baby, Dad, the baby they dug up in Sun Hill. When she was born so silent and still, I didn't know what to do, so in another act of cowardice, I buried her. I buried her in that park and she was dug up years later. I guess that was the beginning of the end. You want to know why I can't bring myself to have anything to do with Dominique? It's because I can't bring myself to even look at her without thinking about what a terrible thing I did to her sister. Her name was Eve, because she was born on Christmas Eve. She was my daughter and I loved her._

_I told Sonny and Tom, but they refused to believe me. Not until Vincent pushed me over the edge. I drugged him, tied him up and took him hostage. They only believed me when he confessed, as proud as anything and as usual, not even remotely remorseful. Everyone at Sun Hill knows as well; I was arrested. I have to go out to report for bail and I lost my job. I'll never be a Police Officer again._

_Dad, please don't hate me for not telling you sooner. I need you. I need you so much. I'll be waiting for you where you buried Mum. If I see you there, I'll have my answer and if I don't, I'll still have my answer. Please forgive me. I love you._

_Maura. _

_Do you remember the way  
>that you touched me before?<br>All the trembling sweetness  
>I loved and adored?<br>Your face saving promises,  
>whispered like prayers.<br>I don't need them.  
>No, I don't need them<em>

The letter fell from his hands and he fell to the floor with an anguished yell, clutching his chest. He hardly ever cried, but the tears ran down his face.

"My baby," he said. "In my house. Under my roof. My poor, innocent baby! Maura!"

I need to find her, he thought, scrambling up. I need to hold her, I need to hold my baby. He had grabbed his keys and was about to leave when he remembered Dominique and went running upstairs, shoving some things into her changing bag before picking her up. He hugged her tearfully.

"Come on," he said. "Mummy needs me right now. She's always needed me, and I was too blind to see it."

Heaving with sobs, he went out, went next door and thumped hard on the front door. He waited, bouncing Dominique on his hip and the door was eventually opened by Leanne. Her face was tear-stained, her mascara streaked and her hair on end from all the times she'd ran her hands through it in frustration. She was holding a sodden tissue in her hand and her eyes widened at the sight of Peter. He glared. Even though they hadn't known either, at that moment, he held them just as responsible, for turning a blind eye to their son's evil all his life. now, thanks to them, his innocent daughter had suffered and all he could feel was red hot rage.

"Peter," she said, her voice, a tight, fearful squeak. At her words, her husband, Christopher joined her, and put his arm around her shoulder. His chin was wobbling, and there were tell-tale tears in his eyes. They knew.

"Peter," he echoed, his voice shaking under Peter's angry glare.

"I need you to take Dominique," he said, passing her to Leanne. "I need to find my Maura."

Leanne hugged her gurgling granddaughter, breathing in the smell of talcum powder. Christopher took the bag of things from him.

"She's told you," he said quietly.

"Yes!" he said angrily.

"Is she okay?"

"No!"

"Peter, I…we're so sorry. I thought we'd raised him better than that."

"No, that's just what you've told yourself for years! He's evil, he always has been and you damn well know it! Look what he's done to her! He's destroyed her! He did that disgusting thing to her, under my roof! And as for those other two, they're no better! Accusing her of _lying_?"

"They feel terrible," said Leanne, with an anxious glance over her shoulder.

"Oh, they're here are they?" said Peter, said raising his voice. "Well, they can both stay the hell away from Maura."

"Sonny loves her."

"Evidently not enough. He doesn't even have the guts to come out here and face me himself, does he?"

"He feels terrible. They both do. Look, when you bring her home, we could come over? Talk about things properly."

"Your son raped my daughter. What is there to talk about?"

"If we could just…"

He silenced them with a scowl and said, "I think your family's done enough to my daughter, don't you?"

Without another word, he turned and left. Christopher put an arm around his wife's shoulders as her tears started again and they watched him get into his car and accelerate down the road.

_I need the darkness,  
>the sweetness, the sadness.<br>The weakness, I need this.  
>I need a lullaby,<br>A kiss goodnight, the angel sweet  
>Love of my life, Oh, I need this.<em>

Peter drove quickly; the journey which usually took around forty minutes took half the time. The windscreen wipers swept across the windscreen forcefully, but the rain pattered hard, a never ending shower. Teary eyed, he wiped his face, his hands shaking on the wheel.

Please let me find her; please let her be all right. He reached Loch Lomond and drove around frantically. Maura was a very little girl the day they'd came here to scatter her mother's ashes and she hadn't come here since. At least, not that he knew of. How would she remember where it was? He slowed, looking frantically around and caught sight of a small figure, sat underneath a tree, not large enough to shelter her from the pouring rain. Her hood was down, the long hair which had been so beautifully straightened that morning was matted and stuck to her face. Maura. He parked quickly and went up behind Maura, trying unsuccessfully to stop crying. Maura was shivering in the cold, her teeth chattering. Rocks crunched under his feet and he saw her back stiffen. She'd heard his step. He gave up trying to stop himself crying and got to her, sitting next to her on the wet grass.

"Don't hate me, Dad," she said, her voice shaking.

"I don't, I don't hate you! I love you," he said, his voice breaking as he gathered her in his arms. "I'm so sorry. I should have protected you. Everything's okay, darling. Everything's going to be fine. I promise. Let's get in the car, hmm? You'll catch your death out here. Maura, come on. Its okay, nobody's going to hurt you. I'm here."

"That's all I need to know," she sung softly and his eyes screwed up. And you will keep me safe. And you will keep me close. And rain will make the flowers…"

"Grow," he finished as her voice shook and trailed off.

"I'm so sorry," she said, through her tears.

"No," he said. "NO! Don't you be sorry. You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be sorry. How could I not see?"

"You see me better than anybody," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "She was so beautiful, Dad."

He didn't need to ask who she was talking about. "I know. I'm so sorry, baby. Come on, come on darling. You can't stay here; you'll catch your death."

"At least I'll be with Eve."

"But you wouldn't be with me!" he said. "I couldn't bear to lose you, not twice."

"Why did he do it to me, Dad? How could he do it?"

He didn't reply, but shook with anger. If that boy was in front of him right now…it wouldn't be Maura up on serious charges. He got up, pulling Maura to her feet, supporting her as her legs trembled. With his arm around her shoulders and her arms wrapped around his waist, father and daughter walked back towards the car, hidden beneath the heavy sheet of rain.

_Well, is it dark enough?  
>Can you see me? Do you want me?<br>Can you reach me? Or I'm leaving  
>you better shut your mouth, hold your breath<br>Kiss me now you'll catch your death  
>Oh, I mean it. Oh, I need this.<em>


	28. For the First Time in Forever

_Hey all, sorry about the gap in updating. Thanks to Emma, enjoy the chapter. H xx_

The house was quiet. Nobody else had returned home. Peter shut the door and looked warily at Maura. She had her arms wrapped around herself, shaking and shivering, her teeth chattering. He put an arm around her, guiding her to the staircase, summoning all his willpower not to start crying again. If he did, he knew he wouldn't stop.

"Come on baby," he said. "Get those wet things off, you're going to catch a cold. Want something to eat? A drink?"

Maura shook her head and started up the stairs to her room. As soon as she gripped the banister with a trembling hand, he pulled her away, cupping her face.

"No, you don't have to go up there Maura. Go into my room, go on baby. I'll get you some of your things. Go on in."

She obeyed and he went upstairs, taking them two at a time, closing the door and looking around him. It hadn't changed since the day he'd had the attic converted for her. Still with the red walls and cream carpet, it was just how Maura had wanted it to be. Even at eight, she'd known her own mind. It was supposed to be her haven, her sanctuary, but in here, maybe even at the very spot he stood, she'd faced unspeakable terror. How many times would she have screamed for him? How many times must she have woken, shouting for help? Crying and terrified. He didn't want to think about it. Grabbing her large suitcase, he opened her drawers and began stuffing her clothes, all of them, into it. She never had to even step foot on the staircase ever again, enter this room ever. He'd sleep in here to spare her the pain, even if he'd forever visualise how and where everything happened. With a cry of rage, he curled his hand into a fist and punched the wall. The plaster flaked and he watched as blood oozed down his fingers.

"My poor baby," he said, sliding down the wall, gripping his hair.

Maura had been crying out for his help ever since she'd been sixteen. Seven years of suffering in silence. Her pleading voice rang in his head and he covered his ears. It did little to help.

"_No…no, please no! I'll eat! I'll get better! No! No! Daddy, please!"_

_He stood by, watching silently as a Police Officer, a mountain of a man, dragged his daughter from under her bed as if she were no more than a doll. She resisted, her hand clutching the wood of her bed, and he hauled her up, yanking her arms across her chest in restraint. It seemed even pointless, Peter thought. Maura could just about muster the energy to speak, it could have been Lexi restraining her and she still wouldn't have stood a chance. Her eyes met his._

"_Dad! Daddy please, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll get better! Please! Tell him to let me go!"_

"_I'm so sorry!"_

"_Please! I want to stay with you! I want to stay with my dad! Dad, tell him!"_

_Her screaming and crying echoed up the staircase as she was dragged down. Tears dripped down his face. She was desperate, but he'd heard her promises to get better too many times before and felt powerless to help._

"_DAD!"_

"_Maura, calm it down!"_

"_I don't want to calm it down!" she screamed. "I want my dad! Let me go, I want my dad!"_

_He followed them down the stairs, catching them at the front door, Maura still fighting the officer holding her like a wild animal._

"_Dad, please don't do this to me!"_

"_It's for the best," he said. "I can't…I can't look after you anymore."_

"_I'll be good!"_

"_You've said that before Maura. I can't watch this anymore. I'm so sorry. It's for the best."_

"_No! Please!"_

_The word ended on a sob as he dragged her out. Anthony put a hand on his shoulder and those both jumped at an angry shout._

"_Hey! What're you doing with her? What're you doing to my girlfriend? Let her go! Mr. Barton!"_

_Peter and Anthony rushed outside. Sonny had been alerted by the shouting and had come out to see what the fuss was about. He was making furious attempts to get to Maura, to be held back by Christopher and Tom. _

"_They're taking her to hospital," Anthony said calmly._

"_Like hell they are!" said Sonny furiously. "Dad, Tom, let me go! Maura! Maura!"_

"_Sonny!" she screamed. "Sonny, please help me! Don't let them take me away!"_

"_Maura! Dad, Tom, no! Let me go! Let me help her! Maura! Maura!"_

"_Sonny!"_

_Maura's cries became muffled as the ambulance doors slammed shut. Even as it drove away, Sonny fought desperately. In despair, Peter hid his face in his hands, but through his fingers, caught the gleeful look on Vincent's face._

The memory faded away and Peter cracked his knuckles. All these years, he'd just thought that had been Vincent being Vincent, the nasty little boy he'd always been but now, it meant so much more. Her pain, his gain.

"Evil little bastard," he said through gritted teeth.

It had been Maura's eighteenth year. She'd just finished college, and his heart had burnt with pride, watching her perform as Eponine in her school's musical. She could have been anything she wanted to be, but he'd ruined her life. Anorexia was about control, the experts has said and he'd felt guilty. She wanted control because he was always trying to control her. At least that was what he'd spent years thinking, until that morning. Knowing the true reason for her need to control now, though, didn't make him feel any better. He closed the case and took it downstairs. Maura was sitting on his bed, still in her wet clothes.

"Maura, honey, come on," he said, peeling off her wet raincoat. "You'll catch your death sitting in those. Get them off and come to the bathroom. Wear my dressing gown if you're cold. I'll run you that bath." He kissed her head. "I love you Maura."

He didn't expect an answer, nor did he get one. He left and she obediently took her clothes off, wrapping herself in his gown. It nearly reached her toes. She stared at the suitcase. It looked like he'd brought all her clothes. He wasn't going to make her sleep in her room tonight, or ever again. That much, she was sure of. She pattered to the bathroom where she found him stirring the bubble filled steaming water with his arm.

"Where's Dominique?"

"Next door," he answered, wiping his arm on his jeans. "You want her? I'll get her."

"No. Let them spend some time with her. They know. Don't they?"

"Yes," he said.

"Do they hate me?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"No, Maura baby, nobody hates you. This wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry. You know I love you, don't you? You know I love you so much. Come on. Into the bath."

She went to pull off the gown and paused, looking awkwardly at him. He got the hint right away.

"I'm downstairs, baby. If you want anything. Anything. Just call."

He left, closing the door. Maura took off the robe, letting it drop to the floor and stepped into the bath, holding her legs to her chest. Despite the hot water, she felt chilled to the bone. He knew and still she didn't feel any better. Now he knew, so would the whole world. Soon, she'd have to relay the entire experience in court, be branded a child-killer and be put in jail where she'd be viewed as scum of the earth. And Vincent? He'd be locked away with dozens more just like him, convinced that it was always the woman's fault. He had never felt any guilt or remorse and he never would. Closing her eyes, she slid underneath the water, blocking the world out.

* * *

><p>"NO!"<p>

Maura jerked awake at the anguished shout and peeked out from under the bedcovers. The bedroom door was open and she could hear crying coming from downstairs. The shouting and crying became louder; Maura covered her ears, but not before hearing her dad's voice.

"Connor, Connor, come here son!"

She could imagine him charging to go next door, to shout the odds, but instead he'd collapsed to the floor like his father before him. Rory sat with his head in his hands and Jake with his hands to his mouth, pale faced and shaking his head. Peter was crying again, his arms around his eldest son.

"My boy," he said, hugging him tightly.

"How could he do it? How could he ever do that to her? She's so sweet and gentle. She's never hurt him."

"He doesn't need an excuse. He did it because he could."

"She had a baby," Rory said tearfully. "Our niece. Your granddaughter."

"Her name was Eve," said Peter. "How could I have been so blind? I had her locked up."

"She was sick, Dad," Jake said, lowering his hands. "That was different. You weren't to know this happened."

"I should have," he said. "I'm her father. I'm supposed to protect her. I failed. I came home and found her in bed. I knew something was wrong. I should have pressed it. My poor, sweet baby."

"Where is he?" Connor demanded. "Vincent!"

"In London still," said Peter. "Tom beat him to a pulp. He's in hospital but will be arrested when he's fit to leave."

"I'll fold him into a pretzel if I ever see him again!" said Connor, pulling from his father's hold and getting up.

"Con, where're you going?" Peter called as he went upstairs. His son ignored him and didn't look back, instead going to the bathroom and locking himself in. At the sink, he filled his large hands with water and splashed his face, staring into the mirror. Maura was his baby sister. All her life, he'd sided with her over their father's controlling behaviour of her, turned a blind eye whilst she didn't revise when he told her to and even covered for her when she sneaked out to see Sonny, yet the one time she'd needed him more than ever, he hadn't been there. Exhaling deeply, he left the bathroom and stood in the doorway of his father's room, watching Maura. She wasn't asleep, he could tell. She was shaking too much. Without even taking off his shoes, he climbed on the bed next to her and wrapped a strong arm around her as she sobbed softly.

"Ssshhh sweetie," he said, kissing her head. "It's okay. He's never going to hurt you ever again. Nobody's every going to hurt you ever."

"I'm going to prison."

"No you're not," he said. "I'm not going to let you go to prison. Everything's going to be okay, honey." His hands, as large as frying pans, stroked her damp hair. "It's all right, my darling. Nobody's going to hurt you ever again. It's all right. Rest."

He pulled her head onto his chest and tucked covers around her, cocooning her in, protecting her. When Peter came to see what he was doing, he was holding his sister's body, tears cascading down his face.

"Look at her," he said softly as Peter sat on the end of the bed. "So sweet and innocent. So perfect. I held her like this when she was a little one. I swore I'd always protect her. I haven't."

"She's my daughter. Protection was my job. I promised your mother. She'd be so disappointed in me."

"If she can see us, see her, she'll know you'd have done anything to protect her. She tried to protect herself. She lost because she was fighting a…monster."

"I'd die for her. For any of you. Come, son. Let her rest."

"No. I need to hold her. She's so innocent, so pure."

"She needs some space," Peter said shakily, carefully lifting Maura up. "Come. She's fine where she is, son. She's safe."

Connor stood up and watched as Peter tucked Maura into bed and kissed her head. Tears continued to leak down his face. As Peter led him out of the room, he took a longing look at his sister. He heard Jake, tearful, on the phone to someone as they went downstairs, clearly Smithy.

"Where's Rory?" he asked, wiping his eyes.

"Gone for a walk," he said. "Needed to clear his head. Sit down. I'll make us some tea."

Connor sank onto the sofa cushions, running a hand through his hair. Numbly, he picked up the letter Maura had written. His eyes stared at the last few words. 'Please don't hate me.'

How could he ever hate Maura? How could anyone hate her? Why did Vincent hate her so much? Because she represented everything he wanted to be, but never could. Kind, gentle, generous and clever. He was always competing with her, much to her irritation. His jealousy was plain to see. To everyone but Maura herself. The extent of his hatred for her must have hit Maura herself when it was too late. A mug was held out to him and he accepted it. Peter sat beside him, putting a mug on the table for Jake.

"She sang, Con. She sang for me today. I wish it had been under different circumstances."

"She sang all the time. She was such a happy girl. He ruined her life. She'll never be the same again."

"I really love that girl, I'd die for her. For all of you. If only I'd been there." He rubbed his hair. "If only I'd let her go to London. She never would have been home alone that day."

"We can't spend this time going over 'what ifs,'" said Connor. "If I'd gone straight home instead of going for a drink, I'd have been here. I'd have been able to do something. But I wasn't. I'll have to live with it and so will you. It isn't about us though, Dad. It's about Maura."

"I know," he said miserably as Jake came back in. His stepson picked up the mug he'd left for him and sat down, looking glum.

"Smithy couldn't tell me much," he said to his father and brother. "But the scumbag's been arrested. Lexi of course had a meltdown." He screwed up his face and scowled, putting on a high voice. "'How can you arrest him on the say so of some silly slut? Whoever they are, they're jealous!'"

"Silly slut?" echoed Peter furiously. "Just who the hell is she calling a silly slut?"

"They haven't told her it's Maura. Yet. But even so. She acts like the sun shines out of his… She always had. You know that. Remember Christmas? It was all a joke after all."

Snarling, he sat back into the pillows. Peter put down his mug and went to the mantelpiece, picking up a picture of Maura. She was six years old, the picture of wide eyed innocence, a smudge of chocolate on her face, a gap in her toothy smile. His pride and joy. And yet, just ten short years later, her life would be destroyed. Tears filled his eyes and he ran a hand through his thinning black hair.

"Dad?" Jake said cautiously.

He put the picture down and turned around, wiping his eyes.

"Food," he said. "Are you boys hungry? Want pizza? I'll make some pizza."

Without saying another word, he walked off. Jake looked stumped and made to rise to follow. Connor held up a heavy hand and he stopped.

"Don't, J. Leave him. You know what he's like. A bit of dough pounding will do him some good."

"How was she?" he asked, looking to the ceiling.

"Completely traumatised," he said quietly. "I haven't seen her like this since…"

"Don't," said Jake, closing his eyes. "Please, Con, I don't want to think about that day. She needed help. But not like that."

"We didn't know that at the time," said Connor softly. "He'll never forgive himself for this."

"Neither will I. I should have fought him more about taking her to London. Should we go and find Rory?"

"No. Leave him. He won't want us around, not when he's crying. He probably won't be back for the rest of the night."

"He'll miss dad's pizza. Poor sod."

They both laughed and there was an awkward silence. What do you say, Jake wondered. How do you make something like this right? His eyes narrowed and he looked next door. Not that some people could ever make it right. Vincent was scum of the earth, but somehow, to him, Sonny and Tom seemed so much worse. They deserted her. Cast her aside. Abandoned her when she needed them the most. Branded her a liar. Sonny, who had on their wedding day promised her the world, broke her heart. Tom had been her best friend, but when it came down to it, blood will out, no matter how bad it was. The delicious smell of baking bread, herbs and tomatoes filled the house. Maura loved Peter's pizza. He very much doubted the melt-in-the-mouth food would taste very good right now.

* * *

><p>Maura awoke twisted in bedcovers and bathed in sweat. She was dismayed that her brother was no longer there. She'd only fallen asleep because he'd been holding her. Making her feel safe and secure. She sat up, got out of her father's bed and went to the bathroom for a shower. She stood naked under the water and picked up Peter's razor. Maura closed her eyes as the blade sliced her skin. It didn't even hurt anymore. She pressed harder and clenched her teeth together. There it was, the old familiar sting. She got out and bandaged the arm, hiding it under a jumper. Her hair went into a plaited up style, mimicking a crown. Maura crept halfway down the staircase and sat down, listening. She could hear quiet murmuring from the sitting room and could smell pizza cooking from the kitchen. She hadn't had Peter's homemade pizza in years and despite her misery, she felt hungry. The house wasn't usually this quiet. Where was Brad? Connor probably didn't want him here to witness this. He was a good father. She wasn't a good mother. She never would be, no matter what Smithy said.<p>

Maura jumped as the door opened and Rory came in, his hair wet, removing his denim jacket. He placed the wet clothing on the banister, and looked up the dark staircase, straight into Maura's eyes. His face crumpled and held out his arms.

"Come," he said softly, holding out his arms.

Maura edged back a step, shaking her head. She saw the hurt in his eyes and from the corner of her eye, saw Jake and Connor in the sitting room doorway.

"Please, Maura baby. Come here. I need to hold you."

"Rory," Connor said warningly as he put a foot on the staircase. "Don't push her."

Rory ignored him. "Please Maura. Please."

A tear ran down his face. Maura ran down the stairs to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He lifted her off her feet, holding her tightly.

"I love you so much, Maura. We all do."

"I don't want to go to prison!"

"You won't. I promise. Nobody will touch you ever again." He kissed her head and whispered, "I smell pizza, baby. Shall we go and have our share, before these greedy swines have it all?"

She choked out a laugh. "Don't touch my plain cheese pizza."

"There's a plain cheese with your name on it, my darling," Peter said, rubbing Maura's shoulders. "Come."

"I don't want to talk about it. Please."

"Okay. Anything you want," he said, prising her off her brother. "You go in on." He watched her totter off and turned to his three sons. "Now, you heard her. Don't mention it. Don't mention him. Don't push her. Now, dinner's getting cold."

He went through to the kitchen and they followed. Peter sat at Maura's left, Jake on her right and the twins opposite. Maura, strangely, was the only one eating, it took a few minutes before the others followed suit. Jake's phone rang as he was finishing his last bite. He glanced at the screen and snatched it up.

"Smithy. What's going on? Yeah…she's…she's fine," he said, glancing at Maura, who shrugged. Jake raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? How did she take it? Oh, there's a big surprise… she is?... she did?... No, thanks, I'll tell her…What? Oh!" He bit his lip. "Hold on." He held his phone away from his mouth and said to Peter, "He has some time off. He wants to come and see us. See Maura."

"I really don't think…" Peter said, his mouth already set in a 'no' before he looked at Maura and stopped. Her pleading eyes stared into his and he sighed. He'd already let her down once by not letting her see the self same friend. He couldn't do it again. "He's welcome. Of course."

Jake smiled slightly. "We'd love to see you. When are you up?" He stood up and looked at the calendar over Rory's shoulder. "That's no problem; I'll get you from the airport. Yeah. See you then…bye."

"What did he say?" Maura asked quietly.

"Lexi knows," he said. "She's on her way back here. They…they played her the recording Maura."

Maura pushed her plate away, feeling sick.

"She blames me. Doesn't she?"

"She didn't say anything, Maura. But she's on her way home."

"Don't worry about her, baby, do try to eat some more," Peter said, pushing her plate back towards her. "I flattened that crust just for you. Thin and crispy. The way you like it."

"When's Smithy coming, Jake?"

"A few days," he said. "I'll have to dig out the airbed."

"It's all right Dad," isn't it?" said Maura, staring at him. "Him coming."

"Of course it is," he said, squeezing her hand. "If it makes you happy. You can have whatever you want."

"I can't have Eve. Can I?"

"No," he said, as the boys looked at each other warily. "You know that if I could, I'd bring her back. But I can't."

"If…if I could have given my life for her that night…"

"Don't. Don't Maura, please. Don't say that."

"She was just an innocent baby. Why her?"

"You were an innocent baby, too, my innocent baby. These things, they just happen. I know it isn't fair."

"She was beautiful."

"I know," he said. "You were her mummy. Of course she was beautiful. I bet there was nothing of that monster in her."

"I wouldn't have let her be anything like him. She was mine." She pushed her plate away again. "I'm sorry; I don't think I'm hungry anymore."

Peter made to argue, but a glance from his three sons stopped him. He sighed.

Okay. I'll leave it in the fridge for you. If you don't eat it tomorrow, these gannets will."

"Get the appetite from you," Rory said. "Greedy to the end."

"At least I'll die happy," he said patting his stomach. He picked up Maura's hand and squeezed it, his bright eyes serious. "Listen, darling. Whatever happen, you'll always have me. Us. We won't let you down."

The five all looked towards the door at the shrill ringing of the doorbell. Connor's eyes narrowed and he made to get up.

"Sit," Peter said so sharply, he started. He got up and opened the door. There was an angry silence.

"Decided to show your face finally?" he said coldly.

"Mr. Barton," Sonny said quietly.

Connor moved to put an arm around Maura's rigid shoulders. She could feel the anger radiating from him and her two other brothers and trembled.

"What do you want, Sonny? Maura doesn't want to see you."

"I know," he said shakily. "I know she doesn't. So I won't ask. She'll have every right to hate me."

"Noble of you to think so. When you asked me if you could marry her, I said yes because I thought she made you happy."

"She does!"

"I thought you made her happy too."

"So did I. I love her."

"You have a very funny way of showing it," Peter said scornfully. "That brother of yours is bad. But you, you're ten times worse. She needed you and you let her down."

"I know, and I'm never going to forgive myself for that."

"You're in good company there, son, cos none of us will either. It's getting cold and this is getting boring. You've got about ten seconds to spit out what you want before I shut this door."

"Dominique!" he blurted out. "How…how long do you want us to have her for? We're happy, for as long as you need the space…"

"The weekend," Peter said stoutly. "Have her for the weekend and bring her back Monday."

"Okay. Uh..."

"Anything else?"

"No. I guess not."

"Thank you," Peter said coldly and shut the door in the younger man's face. He came back through to the kitchen, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He made an attempt to smile at Maura. "It's okay baby," he said. "You don't have to see anyone you don't want to see."

Once upon a time, she would have screamed at him for interfering in her life but now, could only feel grateful to him for taking control at a time when she felt particularly powerless.

"Thanks," she said softly. "I'm…just gonna go to bed." She got up, and at the kitchen door, turned back. "Um…do you still have the pills the Doctor prescribed? For sleeping?"

He looked as if he'd refuse before relenting and retrieving them for her from the drawer. Pressing them into her hand, he kissed her head.

"You sleep well, my darling. Call me if you want anything. My room's yours, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured. "Night."

She tottered upstairs as if she were in a daze. When the bedroom door closed, Rory looked at Peter.

"Dad, you can't let her keep taking those!"

"She needs them," he said flatly.

"If she becomes dependant on them…"

"I won't let her take them every night," he said. "But for now, she needs them."

"Dad, I know you feel bad but giving her what she wants isn't the answer."

"What am I supposed to do, Rory? This all happened because I wouldn't let her go away. She wants to see her friend. I can't stop him coming. She doesn't want to talk about a painful time. I can't make her. She can't sleep. What do you suggest I do, leave her there tossing, turning and crying? Maura needs to rest. It's been seven long years of hell."

Rory pushed his own plate away and sighed. "I know," he said quietly. "But Dad…she's taking what mum used to take."

"I know, son," he said, squeezing his shoulder. "I won't let her end up like your mother. But right now, just for tonight, she needs the sleep. Okay?"

"Okay," he said quietly. "I'll clear this stuff up."

Quietly, he cleaned up the kitchen and without asking, poured four drinks. The men sat around the table, drinking quietly.

* * *

><p>Maura lay in her dad's big bed, wrapped in her duvet, her eyelids becoming heavier as the sleeping pill took effect. When her husband had come earlier, she'd been torn between wanting to jump into his arms and slamming the door in his face. She could hear the pain in his voice. He was torturing himself. As well he should. Maura wrapped her arms around her favourite childhood teddy bear, and rolled facedown into the cushions.<p>

Soon, she was walking, stumbling every few steps, wandering through a dark park.

"_No, no, please no! Wake up! Wake up!_"

She walked behind a cluster of bushes; flowers held in her hand, tears flowing down her cheeks, bare feet crunching in the snow beneath her. She stood above the spot, shaking with sobs. She fell to her knees and with a shaking hand, laid the flowers on a mound of earth. Suddenly, it crumbled away and a hand emerged, grabbing onto her finger in a strong, inhuman grip. She screamed.

Maura sat bolt upright, screaming, acutely aware of the hands on her, squeezing, her not letting her go, keeping her at the graveside. The baby cried.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Eve, I'm sorry!"

"Maura! Maura come on, wake up!"

"Eve, I'm sorry!"

"Come on Maura, come out of it! Wake up! Wake up!"

Breathing heavily, she opened her eyes and looked at the four concerned faces surrounding her, her brothers bare chests on show, wearing only boxer shorts. Peter was holding her to him, stroking her back, repeating that it was all right.

"It was just a dream. Just a nightmare."

He smoothed back her sweaty hair and kissed her, trembling with her. Her scream had been terrifying, it was unbelievable that someone so innocent looking could make such a horrible sound. He looked up at his three sons, who looked just as freaked out.

"One of you, run a bath. One of you, get a drink. Something cold. And one of you, change these bedcovers. Come on darling."

He swept her into his arms as if she was still six and carried her into the corridor. She clung to his neck and heard him thank one of the three who brought her a drink of warm milk.

"Dad, it was Eve," she said, her voice tight.

"I know baby, I know."

"I abandoned her."

"You were just a child yourself. You panicked."

"I lost my rosary that night, Dad, the one you gave me." She looked up at him tearfully. "It was buried with her. I don't have them. I can't give them to Dominique. I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter," he said. "I've still got you. Material things don't matter."

"But…"

"It doesn't matter. You're more important."

"Bath's ready," Jake said, poking his head around the door.

"Go on baby," Peter said, helping her up and looking pointedly at Jake who scurried out of the bathroom, taking the hint quickly. "I'll make your bed up for you."

Maura closed and locked the door, breathing heavily for a few moments, inhaling the steam. Slowly, it felt better. She stripped off her clothes and climbed into the bath. The water was warm, but did little to make her feel so. It had always been a recurring nightmare. Sometimes, she could smell her. Sometimes, the grave would be open and she could see her decaying… STOP!

Maura gripped her swimming head and started at the end of the bath. Slowly, she picked up the razor again.

* * *

><p>Peter was fluffing the pillows when Maura came back, the faint glow of dawn shining through the curtains. He smiled as she sat on the bed.<p>

"Hey sweetie," he said. "Your milk's there, I warmed it for you."

"Thank you," she said, picking it up and sipping it.

He sat next to her, a glass of water in his hand and reached for her arm with his free hand.

"Listen honey, I know that right now, things seem like rubbish, like you'll never be happy again. But you will be."

"How do you know?"

"Because you don't have to keep your distance any more. For the first time in forever, I finally understand. It'll take time, but we can fix this hand in hand."

"You think so?"

"I know so," he said and she downed the milk quickly, settling against the pillows. He tucked the crisp, fresh sheets over her. "Try and get more sleep now, Maura. It's nearly five."

Maura grabbed his arm as he made to rise, a desperate look in her eyes.

"Stay. Please, Dad. Hold me."

"Okay," he said, lying in the empty space beside her. Maura pulled herself closer, her arms around his waist. He kissed her softly. "I love you, so much."

"I love you too. I'm sorry I let you down, Dad."

"You didn't Maura, I let you down. I'm sorry I didn't let you go to London."

"I spent years being angry at you. Then I realised that he wanted to hurt me. And he would have found an opportunity to do it regardless. It wasn't your fault."

"I was supposed to look after you

"You have. You're an amazing father. There was nothing you could have done to stop him. Just like I couldn't defend myself."

Her voice broke and he hugged her tightly. It was tighter than she needed or wanted but it was his way of keeping her out of harm's way, never letting anyone touch her again.

And on the other side of the wall, Sonny, tears streaming down his face, was cradling his own baby daughter, vowing to never let any harm come to her as long as he lived. And one day, if Maura would allow it, he'd do the same for her.


	29. Breaking Point

_Thanks to Jess and Emma for their reviews!_

Maura had refused to leave the house to come with Jake when he went to pick up Smithy, but when he came through the front door, she charged down the stairs and ran into his open arms, surprising everyone. She'd kept her distance from them all, spending days on end in bed and shying away from physical contact, breaking Peter's heart. He looked bewildered and hurt as she buried her head into Smithy's coat, breathing in his smell.

"Hello honey," he said, dropping a kiss on her head. "You okay?"

She made a noise between a grunt and a 'yes' and held on tighter.

"Maura, come on, that's enough," said Peter, reaching for her.

"Its fine, she's fine," Smithy said, arms around her shoulders. "Maura, let's sit down, come on."

He took her into the sitting room. Peter stared after them, looking anguished and furious, almost as if he regretted allowing him to come already.

"Jake, take his bags upstairs."

He turned away into the kitchen, and Jake obeyed, sure he saw his father wipe away a tear. Jake went upstairs with his shoulders slumped. He couldn't pretend he didn't feel his father's pain. Ever since the truth had come out, Maura had retreated into a shell, ashamed, as now the whole world knew. Not two days after the families had found out, it was broadcast on the news. That had been bad enough, but then the comments had started; despite the situation, people had been criticizing her, belittling her, _threatening_ her. She was hiding in her house, traumatised, and yet some people saw fit to threaten her life. So scared she was of a threat coming true, she hadn't even opened the bedroom curtains, only leaving to answer bail, and even that was under the escort of a police car with two officers.

Jake put Smithy's bag down on the guest bed in his room and ground his teeth. His sister had been through hell, and people were making out that she was to blame. She hadn't watched television, or read a paper or gone on the computer since. The comments had devastated her, but even more so had Lexi's silence. She'd been back in Scotland for nearly a week, but hadn't attempted to speak to Maura. Probably feeling sorry for herself. Scowling, he went back downstairs and found Maura lying in Smithy's arms, her eyes closed. He saw Jake come in and carefully lifted Maura off, lying her on the sofa and draping his denim jacket over her. He followed Jake out of earshot to the dining table, where they sat down.

"She doesn't look good," he said in a low voice.

"She's not handling it well," said Jake, rubbing his eyes. "It's gotten worse since the whole world found out. You must have seen the comments. 'Burn in hell, bitch. Not fit to be a mother. If I ever find you…'"

"'I'll bury you alive like you buried your baby alive.' Yes. I saw. Poor darling."

"Eve was already dead," said Jake, his hands balling into fists. "She was a kid. She was a scared kid. She never would have…"

"You and I know that. Your dad and brothers know that, so does everyone else. I've been a cop for a long time Jake. I've seen it before. You're always going to have the people who want to condemn her, who want to see her locked up."

"But she didn't do anything! She doesn't deserve any of this."

"I know. But she's never going to be free from those people. How is your dad? He didn't seem very happy just there."

"Maura won't let him touch her," Jake said. "He knows he shouldn't push her, but he just wants to hug her. Then she just ran to you…"

"Oh," Smithy said awkwardly. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine. It's just good to know she won't shove someone away. But even when she wakes up screaming, she won't let him near her. She won't let any of us near her. The doc put her on antidepressants. All they make her do is either sleep or sit there in this catatonic state."

Smithy looked at Maura and sighed. She seemed to have shrunk to little more than a child, with her dark hair tangled, messy and unwashed.

"She been eating?"

"Doc gave her some meal replacement drinks. It's the closest she'll get at the moment and she's terrified of going back to hospital. So she'll eat them if it means she can stay here."

"Has Lexi been?"

"No," he said with a scowl. "We haven't heard a thing from her. The selfish cow is sitting at home, whining about how her precious Vincent is behind bars probably. And you know what, Maura knows that. It's what hurts her the most."

"And what about Sonny and Tom?"

"They've been keeping their distance," he said. "As they should. We've only seen them when they pick up or drop off Dominique."

"Is she with them?"

"No, she's upstairs," he said. "Maura's trying her best with her. Sometimes she likes to sit and have a cuddle. Sometimes she just watches her in her cot. She's trying, she really is."

"I know. She can be the best mother. She's got so much to give."

"Thank you," Jake said. "I mean it, thank you. Your support means so much to her. And to us, too."

"I second that, son," Peter said, coming to the table with three mugs.

He took a seat between the two and sighed.

"She's been looking forward to you coming all week," said Peter. "Thank you for being here for her."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he said sincerely.

"How is Andrea?"

"She's okay," he said. "She's fine. She sends her best. So does everyone else."

"You've all stuck by her," he said. "None of you abandoned her, or blamed her."

"Nobody could possibly blame her. She was just a kid." He rubbed his neck. "I really wish I'd been there when she came to call for me."

"You weren't to know, Smithy."

"I wish I had," he said softly.

"I wish I'd been there too. But it's not about us. It's about her."

"I know," he said. "It doesn't make me feel any less bad."

"We'll get her through it," he said, grasping the younger man's hand. "You, me, my boys, we'll help her through this. She's had darkest hours before. This might be her darkest yet. We just need to hug her. Hold her hand. Do whatever it takes."

"Yeah. Course we do."

"That's a good lad. Now, are you boys hungry? I can make us some pizza?"

"Say yes," Jake advised Smithy with a wry smirk. "He won't let you leave otherwise."

"I'm hungry," Smithy said as Jake received a playful smack for his cheek. "Honest."

"Any preference for toppings?"

"No, I'm not fussed. I'll eat anything."

Peter went to get up and they all looked to the ceiling as Dominique's cries penetrated the house.

"Someone else is hungry as well," Jake said, getting up. "Dad, its okay, start dinner. I'll see to her."

Smithy automatically followed Jake, pausing to stare at Maura. She was curled up, her arms hugging her body as if protecting herself. He fought the urge to sweep her up into his arms and cuddle her.

Leave her. Let her sleep.

He sighed and followed Jake upstairs and found him in what had been Maura's room. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. It had happened to her here. In here, that piece of filth had…

"Want to go downstairs?" Jake asked, hitching Dominique onto his shoulder. He didn't wait for an answer and led the way out of the room. "Come. None of us like being in here, dad did sleep downstairs in Maura's room on a camp bed, but then Maura wouldn't let him near her, and someone had to stay with Dominique, so he sleeps up here. Your bed's that one," he said, jerking his head at the other bed as they went into his room. "Here, can you hold her? I just need to get her bottle."

Smithy found Dominique in his arms before he could protest. Awkwardly, he looked at the screaming baby in his arms. She looked just like Maura, right down to the big eyes and curly hair. He was no good with babies, but this felt right. Smiling, he held her to his shoulder, rubbing her back. Her cries died down as Jake came into the room.

"Wow," he said. "She doesn't usually take to strangers. Maybe she's just used to men."

"She's sweet," he said as Jake took her back and popped the teat of the bottle into her mouth.

Jake laughed. "Oh, she's sweet all right. But you won't think that when you hear her screaming all night." His eyes grew serious. "You've never stopped. Have you?"

"Stopped what?"

"Maura. You still love her."

Smithy's face grew red. It may well have been true, but he'd managed to accept she wouldn't be his when she married Sonny and made himself move on with his life. He sighed and sat on the bed.

"I tried not to. When she married Sonny, I backed away, I left her alone. At that time, I knew she didn't feel the same. That she wouldn't be mine."

"And now?"

"I don't know."

"Andrea?"

Smithy sighed. "We're not together anymore."

"Oh," said Jake, slightly surprised. "Why?"

"She hasn't taken this whole thing with Maura very well. Remember, I told you she lost her baby. She uh…she finds Maura's reactions…OTT."

"OTT?" said Jake coldly. "Meaning?"

"Meaning, she doesn't understand how Maura's feeling. And how can she? Their situations were completely different. But we had a fight. She didn't like that I was coming here. Gave me an ultimatum, her or Maura."

"You chose Maura."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"We're always going to be grateful Smithy. But right now…"

"I know, she doesn't need me confusing her further," he said. "I've controlled myself for this long. I think I can do it for longer."

"Then you're a better man and its Andrea's loss. Does she…does she think Maura killed Eve?"

"No," he said. "I don't think so. She just doesn't understand. How can anyone? Unless you've been there, you'll never, ever understand."

"So tell me, who else feels that way? I was under the impression that they were all her friends."

"Everyone else seems to be keeping their opinions to themselves. I don't think they can believe it still. That she made herself carry on. That she could make herself work on cases so close to home, but still carry on as if nothing ever happened."

"I don't know how she did it either. Vincent," he said sharply. "Will he get bail?"

Smithy scowled. "He's got himself a good solicitor, Jake. Michael Sherwood, scum of the earth as far as ever police officer in London is concerned. He defends some evil people and still makes out like they're innocent, that it was all the fault of the victim."

"So…in court…?"

"Honestly? Maura needs to find her voice. He will tear her to shreds."

"She's already in shreds!" Jake said indignantly. "Anyway, that bastard has admitted it! How can he possibly pin the blame on Maura?"

"Oh, he'll find a way," said Smithy with a scowl. "That's why he's so popular with the scum of the earth. Just like him. Believe me, I don't like to admit that he's good, but he is."

"Don't tell Maura," he said. "The last thing she needs is to hear that some monster barrister is waiting to paint her as the villain."

"She's better prepared though," he said, but said no more and there was silence until Peter called them down for dinner.

* * *

><p>Smithy rolled over in bed and opened his eyes, listening hard. He could hear quiet crying. Dominique? He sat up and listened hard. No, that definitely didn't sound like a baby. Maura.<p>

He got up and crept out of the room. He needn't have bothered. With Jake's heavy snores, he could sleep through a cyclone. By the glow of the hallway lamp, he could see Maura, sitting against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. Deliberately, he made loud footsteps as not to frighten her and she looked up as he approached.

"Maura? What's the matter? Why're you out here?"

"Nightmare. He keeps coming back."

"Can I sit down? Is that okay?"

She nodded and he sat next to her, automatically putting an arm around her. She flinched.

"That's not okay? Sorry."

He went to pull his arm away, hurt and upset, and she grabbed his arm, keeping it there. She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"He hurts me Smithy."

He didn't need her hint what her nightmare were about and pushed down the fury bubbling inside him. The amount of times he'd been close, so close, to grabbing a gun himself and storming down to that prison…

"He won't ever hurt you again. I won't let him. Why don't we go downstairs, hmmm? I can make you a drink. You'll feel better. Come Maura. Come on."

She made herself get up and go downstairs under his guidance. The nightmare flashed in front of her eyes and by the time they were kitchen, she was wailing. He sat her in a chair and she grabbed his hand as he turned to the fridge.

"Don't leave! Don't leave me!"

"I'm here, I'm here honey, I'm right here. I won't leave. Promise."

He prised her fingers off and opened the fridge to get the milk. A few minutes later, he set a tea down in front of her and rubbed her shoulders, massaging her neck until she calmed.

"That's it. That's my girl."

He took a seat in front of her and rubbed her hands.

"You're icy cold."

"I'm always cold," said Maura.

He rubbed them between his hands to warm them and frowned as he caught sight of a cut on Maura's arm.

"Honey, what's that?"

"Nothing," she said, flustered, trying to pull her hand away. "It's nothing Smithy! Please don't!"

Ignoring her pleas, he pushed the sleeve of her nightshirt up past her elbow and stared at the criss-cross cuts up and down her arm. He raised his eyes to Maura's face, wide eyed, and pale with fear.

"Please don't tell my dad."

"Maura, why?"

"I can't help myself. I know it's wrong. But it's the only thing that makes me stop feeling scared."

"What, cutting yourself to shreds?" he said furiously, but regretting his tone the moment she shrunk down in her seat. "Maura, this…this isn't the answer."

"I know," she said as the tears slid down her cheeks. "But when I wake up, terrified, and convinced he's there, on me, I don't know how else to make it stop. The pain…reminds me that he's not really there. That this time, it's not real."

"Maura, he's never there! He'll never hurt you again."

"You don't understand!" she said desperately.

"Why you're causing yourself even more pain, you're damn right I don't!"

She sniffed loudly and looked down.

"Explain then!"

"It's not the first time," she said. "After…after she was born. After Eve was born, I had no outlet. I tried herbal things at first. Kalms, St John's Wort. Nothing made the fear or pain go away. I scratched myself at first. But my fingernails were bitten nearly to the bone. It didn't do anything. It didn't help. Then I used my comb. It made marks. But it wasn't enough. Then one day, I cut myself washing up." She held out her arm and showed him a faded, but visible scar on her palm. "It was a genuine accident. But it really hurt. It bled a lot. I had to have stitches. That was when I realised…"

"That the best way of punishing yourself was cutting yourself to shreds!"

"Please stop it!"

"Come," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "Maura, honey, come here."

She sat on his lap, burrowing her head into his shoulder. He held her skinny, shaking body close, kissing her, unable to control the tears streaming down her face.

"I can't take this anymore! I hate it! I hate having to rely on tablets to get me through the days. I hate jumping every time a car drives down the road. I can't stand him haunting my nightmares."

"Talk to me then!" he said desperately. "Please! I can't stand to see you looking so sad. Your dad, Jake and the twins, they just want to hold you. They want to help."

"I…I just feel so ashamed."

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of," he said. "You know how much they love you, how much we all love you. Listen. You're here and he's going to rot in prison. Don't let him drive you to hide forever. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

"Please don't tell my dad."

He sighed, battling with his conscience. Don't tell, and risk Peter's, Jake's, and the twins' wraths if they ever found out. Tell, and lose Maura's trust forever.

"Smithy? Please. Don't tell him."

"I'll make you a deal. Stop. Stop and I won't say anything. You know how much I care about you. Seeing you like this…it hurts. It hurts me Maura."

He stroked her hair and kissed her head.

"I won't tell anyone. You've got my word. But you've got to stop this Maura. You need to stop…beating yourself up about this."

"It's been six years Smithy. It's hard to break the habit of the lifetime. She was such a beautiful baby."

"I know," he said. "Come on. You ready to go back to bed?"

"Stay with me. Please Smithy.

"Course I will honey," he said, lifting her from his lap. "Come on. You need to sleep. You can't carry on like this."

"I know," she said tearfully. "I'd do it a lot better…if I had you there."

"You'll always have me, Maura. I'd do anything for you."

She reached onto her toes and kissed him, this time on the lips, briefly, lips touching for a split second before pulling away. He stood stunned, fighting the urge to pull her back and kiss her until he was breathless. But he didn't. Being forceful would scare her. And in any case, she didn't mean anything by it, she was just thanking him. With a heavy heart, he took her back upstairs.

* * *

><p>Maura woke up first the next morning and looked into Smithy's relaxed face, his arm was around her shoulders. He'd held her close all night, shushing and comforting her every time she woke up, shaking and scared. Poor man must be exhausted. She pushed herself up and slid from under his arm and got up, creeping out. Jake stood in the doorway, yawning.<p>

"Mornin' little sister. Seen Smithy? Early bird's probably gone out for a run."

"Um…he's…" she gestured behind her. "He's in there. He was looking after me. I think I kept waking him up. He's tired."

"Oh," he said, a faint crease appearing between his eyebrows.

Maura saw the hurt in his face. She didn't let him near her. She didn't let anyone near her but had been sticking to Smithy like glue. They just wanted to hug you, he'd said. They want you to know they love you. Jake's gaze dropped awkwardly and he turned to go back into his room.

"Jake?"

He turned back to her and gasped slightly as she threw her arms around his neck. He stood unsure, then hugged her back, his arms loose around her waist. His head dropped onto her shoulder and behind her, he saw Smithy peering through the doorway, a smile on his face. He smiled back and his friend backed into the bedroom shutting the door quietly. Jake ran his hand through Maura's hair, smiling.

"You know how much we all love you. Don't you?"

"I know. Where's dad?"

"I think he's still in bed," said Jake, releasing Maura. "Wait…Maura?"

He watched as she walked shakily towards the stairs to the attic room. Her hand trembled as she took hold of the banister and he watched as she made her way up the stairs stiffly as if rocks were chained to her feet. Smithy came out of the room, his t-shirt rumpled.

"She gone upstairs?"

"Yeah. What…what did you say to her last night?"

He shrugged. "I just told her the truth, that's all. That you all love her, you just want to help her."

"Well…thanks."

He shrugged.

"I just wanted to help. She needs you."

"Even so. Thank you."

Maura's hand trembled as she opened the bedroom door and peered in. Peter was lying in bed reading and looked up when the door opened. His eyes widened in shock when he saw who was standing before him.

"Maura, darling," he said, lying down his book.

She climbed onto the bed before he could get up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You okay darling?"

"Yeah," she said, lying on his shoulder. "Just…just wanted a cuddle."

"You can have all the cuddles you want," he said, wrapping his arms around her, but before he could get comfortable, Dominique woke up and began to bawl. "Someone feels left out," he said with a short laugh, reluctantly letting go of Maura and getting up.

He picked up Dominique and turned back to Maura who paused before holding out her arms for her daughter. He handed her over and Maura cradled her, wrapping her arms around her.

"She's hungry," she murmured.

"You know your baby well," he said, kissing her head. "Shall we get a bottle and breakfast? Maura? You hungry?"

"A bit," she murmured, getting up, rocking her daughter, whose cries had turned weak.

"Come on sweetie," he said, putting an arm around her and leading her out of the room. They got downstairs to hear Jake's voice.

"…I didn't give them enough notice apparently, but at least I'll be home early. What will you do today?"

"Explore probably. Go around Scotland hoping I won't get lost."

"I'll come with you."

Everyone looked at Maura in surprise and her cheeks heated. She hastily took Dominique's bottle from Peter and popped it in her daughter's mouth.

"You don't have to come out if you don't want to."

"I do want to. It's about time anyway. I can't even remember what the park looks like."

"Okay," he said awkwardly. "When do you want to go?"

She shrugged.

"When we're done here? We can take Dominique with us. She might do good from fresh air."

She fed herself toast with her left hand, holding Dominique with the other. They ate in a surprised silence before Jake said he had to get off to work, and left the way he usually did, half dressed and his coffee in a travel mug. Peter left soon after, leaving Andrea and Smithy alone.

"He still works?"

She gave a short laugh.

"Yeah, he's not past the retirement age yet. I think it irks him cos he's the eldest at the fire station. Had a good long career out of it."

She looked depressed and he moved to put an arm around her.

"Maura, you okay?"

"Yeah. I just wish I still had the job. It was the only thing that kept me going."

"Well I'm sure this little one will be happy to keep you busy," he said, holding Dominique's little hand.

"Yeah. But Smithy…I don't really know what I'm doing."

"What parent does? Look at her. She's beautiful. Just like you."

"Tom said that."

"One of the only things he's been right about. I'm going to grab a shower, okay? You'll be all right?"

"I'll be fine."

He got up.

"Smithy! Last night…the injuries. My arms…"

"I told you. As long as you stop. I won't tell anyone. I promise. I won't be long. Okay?"

She nodded and he left. Maura stood up and picked up her medication from the windowsill. Each day, she pushed the small pill from the blister pack and swallowed it. It was so small, she didn't even need a glass of water. But all they did was make her feel like and resemble a zombie. Enough was enough. She put them in a drawer and breathed in a deep sigh. Dominique gurgled out a laugh as if she were agreeing with her.

"Good idea, right?" she said, bouncing her on her hip. "Come on. Let's go get you dressed. I've been dying to see you in that little bunny onesie."

* * *

><p>Maura and Smithy walked around the town and she was well aware of the adoring stares they received as people mistook them for a couple and him for Dominique's father. He was also painfully aware and tried hard to ignore the wish that it were true. They got some lunch and walked to the park near Maura's house to eat. Dominique was asleep at that point. Maura stared at her.<p>

"Look at her. Snug as a bug. She can sleep through anything."

"She's a cutie." He looked at Maura curiously. "Did you take your meds today?"

"I took my epilepsy one," she said.

"The antidepressant?"

She wanted to lie, but couldn't and shook her head.

"No. I don't want to take them anymore. They don't make me feel good. All I do is sleep or just sit there. Staring. It freaks them out. You know when you've come out of an operation, and are still heavy on drugs and just drift in and out?"

"Yeah."

"That's what it feels like. You don't know what's real and what's not. You don't know who's a friend or who's an enemy. Sometimes, I don't even know if its day or night. I'm just going to have to find another way to deal with the demons."

"Whatever you need. I'll be here," he said, holding her hand. "You're right. Your hands are always cold."

"Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise," he said, putting his arms around her. "You don't need to be sorry for anything. You've done nothing wrong."

He put an arm around her and sighed quietly. Looking across the park, he started. Two figures were standing, staring in their direction. Sonny and Tom.

Maura felt his movement and stared in his direction before he could stop her. He felt a dagger in his heart at the split second longing in her face when she saw Sonny. It passed quickly and she sighed.

"They haven't seen her for a few days," she said. "Will you take her to them? Please. They can have her for tonight. If they want to."

He nodded and stood up, taking hold of the pushchair. He wheeled it over to them, holding onto the handles tightly to stop himself from lashing out.

"You're here," Tom said dumbly.

"No Tom, I'm a figment of your imagination," snapped Smithy. "Maura wants to know if you want Dominique tonight."

"Yes! Yes I do," Sonny said, going to pick her up, but seeing she was asleep, settled for tucking a blanket around her. "How is Maura?"

"Fine. No thanks to you."

"Smithy, we both know we messed up. Don't you think we feel bad enough?"

"Yeah? Well so you should. Really Sonny, how do you think she is? She's in bits! She loved you so much!"

"I love her too."

"You have an odd way of showing it. Leave her alone. Don't come near her."

He turned on his heel and walked away. Maura stood up as he approached her and he put an arm around her as they exited the park. There was silence on the short walk home and at the door, Maura jumped into Smithy's arms at the sound of a loud voice. He put his arms around her protectively.

"Maura! Maura darling!"

She peeked out from behind him and breathed a sigh of relief. It was Robert, with Lexi lingering behind him.

"Robert," she said, her eyes on Lexi.

"Sorry lovely, I didn't mean to scare you…uh…" he looked at Smithy, who was giving him a curious stare.

"Smithy, this is Robert," she said. "He's Lexi's dad."

"Oh," he said, his face clearing. "Sorry."

There was an awkward pause.

"Sorry," Robert said again. "I didn't mean to surprise you. I probably should have called. I just…I'm so sorry darling."

"Should we go in?" Smithy said, a hand on Maura's shoulder. "Come on. Let's not do this in the street."

She let them into the house, her hands shaking. Smithy helped her out of her coat and hung it up, taking Robert's and Lexi's. The two men stood warily as Maura and Lexi looked at each other.

"Robert…want to come through? Let's put some tea on."

"Very good," said Robert and followed Smithy.

Maura led the way into the sitting room and shut the door.

"I don't know about you, but I need something a bit stronger than tea."

Lexi's lips turned up in a smile before her mouth shook.

"Maura…I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

She threw herself into Maura's arms, who was startled and a little scared, and no idea what to do as she cried on her shoulder. Somewhere between the feelings of fear and confusions, resentment began to creep in.

_She's known what he was like. She's always known what he's like. Shouldn't I be the one crying? Shouldn't she be the one comforting me?_

She put her arms around her nevertheless and held her as she cried hysterically.

"I don't understand! I don't understand this at all! How could this have happened?"

_He's an evil sonofabitch, that's how. _

"He's always had a temper, of course he has, but this? Rape? How could it have happened?"

_Stop saying that!_

"I just need to know! I won't be mad! I need to know!"

"Need to know what?" Maura said finally.

"What happened?" Lexi said, pulling away, her hair everywhere and eyes wide.

"They played you the recording. You heard it. I don't want to go through it again. You know what happened."

"No, I know what he did. I want to know what you did!"

"I don't understand you."

"Stop playing games Maura! What did you do to him?"

Maura stared at her. "What did I do to who? What are you talking about?"

"To Vincent! What did you do to him?"

"What do you mean, what did_ I_ do to _him_?"

"Why did he do it? What did you do to make him so angry?"

Lost for words, Maura took a step backwards from her. She couldn't possibly mean…

"Come on! Tell me! Did you wind him up?"

"Are you trying to say I deserved what he did because I somehow provoked him?"

"Well you were always making him angry! You make someone angry Maura, you deal with the consequences! So what did you do? What did you do to make him do it?"

Maura stared at her and before her eyes, she could see that day in mind's eye. The violence, the aggression, the sadism. His enjoyment. And here Lexi was, speaking to her as if she deserved it.

"Get. Out."

"What the hell did you do to Vincent?"

"I said GET OUT!"

Her scream brought Peter and Smithy running into the room; Smithy seeing Maura's distraught state.

"What's going on?" Robert said, putting his arm around Lexi.

"Ask her! Ask her what she just said to me!" Maura said.

"I need to know what you did to him! They need to know it wasn't all his fault!"

Robert dropped his arm as if Lexi was diseased and gave her a disgusted look.

"I beg your pardon, Alexa Nichol?"

"Its West," she said furiously. "He's my husband! It wasn't all his fault! Are you both blind, like the rest of the world? She brought it on! She made him angry!"

"You're saying she deserved it?" he said furiously.

"She did something to him! She provoked him! Then robbed him of a chance to know his baby!"

"She was already dead!" Maura said tearfully.

"Yeah, that's your story! Who gave you the right to name her anyway? 'Eve?' He doesn't like that name! You didn't even ask him!"

"She was mine! Not his!"

"I think you'd better get her out of here Robert," Smithy said, his voice shaking with rage. "Before I do something I won't regret."

"Don't worry, we're going," Robert said, giving Lexi a thunderous glare. "Lexi, we are going. Now!"

Maura broke down in a storm of tears when the door slammed shut. Smithy sunk to the floor with her as her legs gave way.

"How can she blame me? How can she accuse me of provoking it?"

"You mustn't ever believe that Maura. You did nothing."

"He…forced me…"

"No, no, no. Don't. Don't make yourself relive it."

The front door opened, then closed.

"Maura? Smithy?"

Peter appeared in the doorway and took one look at Maura before he threw himself to her side, forcing Smithy out of the way.

"What the hell?" he demanded of Smithy. "I just saw Robert and Lexi having a right shouting match out there before he shoved her into the car."

"Lexi blamed Maura."

Peter's face darkened and Smithy felt apprehensive. He was expecting to see the pits of hell open beneath them.

"That spiteful, selfish little…"

He trailed off and shook his head.

"Where's Dominique?"

"Tom and Sonny have her. We ran into them in the park," Smithy said, rubbing Maura's shoulder.

"Probably just as well," he said. "I can't believe that girl."

"Me neither," he said, stroking Maura's hair. "Maura, honey, come. I'll take you to lie down. Come."

He peeled her off her father and took her upstairs. Peter looked at the wet patches on his shirt from Maura's tears, and shaking with anger, made himself get up. He poured himself a large brandy and one for Smithy too. He was on his third by the time the younger man came back downstairs.

"She's sleeping," he informed him, sitting down, rubbing his neck. "I can't believe it. Robert and I were talking in here. We thought Lexi and Maura needed some time. If I'd have known how it was going to escalate, I never would have left her alone with Maura."

"I don't blame you son, Lexi would have done it whether you were there or not. Can I actually get this straight? She said it was Maura's fault?"

"Yeah," he said, feeling his blood begin to boil. "She said Maura must have done something to provoke him otherwise he wouldn't have done it. Then she went on about Maura had no right to name Eve because Vincent didn't like that name."

"Selfish little bitch," he said. "They deserve each other." He looked angry, then sickened with himself. "That didn't sound right. Maura's said for years that he's abused her. But he's behind bars! She's had every chance to back Maura up and tell the police what kind of a man he is and she still sticks by him. I can't close my eyes you know. All I can hear is her screaming for me. Or crying."

Smithy did too, but chose not to say it. The last man who'd promised him that he loved Maura had broken her heart beyond repair.

"I mean, how did she live with it, all those years? How did I not know?"

"Jake says she distanced herself from you all."

"She did. I was so stupid. I thought it was just Maura having a stroppy teenager phase. Her mother was much the same. So I left her alone. I let her go to the gym. I let her go running every day. I let her fix her own 'dinner'" he said, emphasising the last word with air quotation marks. "I only thought she was taking it too far. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she brushed me aside. The night I found out…I thought it was my fault at first. She came in and I wanted to talk to her. She brushed me off, mumbling about going to bed. She couldn't walk straight so I thought she'd been drinking. I hated her drinking. Still do, to be honest. I grabbed her and she fell. I thought I'd hurt her. My little darling. I shook her but she wouldn't wake. That was when I noticed. I must have been blind."

Peter went to raise his glass to his mouth, but saw it was empty and frowned. Smithy retrieved the bottle from the countertop, next to the microwave. He poured generous measures into their glasses. Peter downed half in one gulp then put the glass down with a heavy thud.

"I'm such a hypocrite. I hate my twenty three year old daughter drinking and here I am swigging down brandy like there's no tomorrow."

"You were saying? About when you found out about Maura."

"Yeah. She fainted. I touched her hand and it was as cold as ice. Connor took her coat off and…it was like she was a skeleton. I could probably have wrapped my hand around her arm twice. She was diagnosed with anorexia. It was all about control, they said. I felt _so_ guilty. I thought it was because of me. I thought she was trying to take back control from me. I always thought that until three weeks ago."

"I'm sorry," said Smithy.

"When she was in hospital, I searched through her things. I found her diary. It was her recording her weight day after day, proud as she became thinner and thinner. She had these pictures in there, of these girls, I don't think she even knew them, but they were skeletal. Every single bone…" He grimaced. "It was sickening. And you know the joke of the matter? When she was sectioned, the only person she let see her was Lexi. I thanked that girl for lifting Maura up. Now she's destroyed her. That's why I'm so glad you're here, son. _You've_ lifted her up."

"Whatever happens, I will stick by her. She's so important to me."

"I can't thank you enough."

He smiled but felt guilty, the voice in his head urging him to tell the man about Maura's self harm. He opened his mouth to do so, and the older man looked at him questioningly. Instead he said, "You don't have to thank me. I'm just glad I can help."

He kicked himself. Every moment he left it, it got harder and harder to tell him. Tell him, he reminded himself and you lose Maura forever. She'll never ever forgive you. But if he finds out that you knew and didn't tell him, he won't be so quick to express his gratitude. In fact, he'll never want you anywhere near her again.

"Even so. I'm grateful. You…you don't think they'll really send her to prison, do you?"

He sounded like a little boy, asking if his best friend was still his best friend. He sighed and shrugged.

"I really don't know. If they do, it's more likely that she'll be in the care of psychiatrists. Anyone can see that she's…"

"It's all right, you can say it. She's not well. She hasn't been well since she was sixteen. Sometimes, I'm not sure if she ever will be."

Smithy bit his lip. His daughter was handling things worse than he knew, but he couldn't break her trust. Not when he seemed to be the only person she'd turn to. Tell him and she'll never trust you again. I can't be yet another man who lets her down.

So he sat back, and drank his brandy, remaining silent.

* * *

><p>Maura's face was sore from crying. She sat up in bed, Lexi's words ringing in her ears. She blamed her for what that…evil man had done to her. Maybe so did everyone else. Maybe they were all just tired of her dramas and episodes. Maybe that's why they left her alone instead of attempting to speak to her.<p>

_Nobody wants you around._

"Please leave me alone," she sobbed at the taunting voice.

She was chilled. Looking around, she saw on top of the wardrobe, the winter fleece her father put on the bed when nights were cold. Right now, she needed it and, getting up, reached out to retrieve it, standing on her toes. It fell on her toes, and with it, a shoebox which fell to the carpet with a soft thump, the lid bursting open and the contents spilling everywhere. She sighed. She couldn't even get a blanket without messing things up. Putting the fleece down, she bent down and began to gather the fallen papers. Glancing at them, she started. Her own face stared back at her from a newspaper article. A very old newspaper article. She blinked and picked it up. It wasn't actually her at all.

"Mum."

She stared at the clipping, dated December 22nd, 1986. The year after she'd been born. The day after her mother had died.

'_She was very, very sick_," she remembered her father saying to her, close to tears, when she'd been very little and wondered why she didn't have a mummy like everyone else. '_She couldn't get better, so the angels came to take her where she'd be happy. She's watching over you now.'_

She'd been sick, Maura thought, holding the yellowing paper in her shaking hand. She died of meningitis. Why was it in a newspaper article? She dragged her eyes to the headline and suddenly felt as sick as she had the day Vincent had attacked her.

'**MOTHER OF THREE COMMITS SUICIDE.'**

_A local mother-of-three has died after taking her own life. Twenty-eight year old Mrs Alexandra Garcia-Barton of Glasgow stepped out in front of a train at Glasgow Central Station before horrified onlookers. One witness describes Mrs Garcia-Barton calmly stepping in front of the approaching train. She leaves behind a husband, eleven-year-old twin sons and a daughter, aged one. Superintendent Anthony Lamb of Glasgow police commented on the death just four days before Christmas as an 'absolute tragedy,' and describes Mrs Garcia-Barton as a devoted wife and mother._

'_Alexandra was a joy to have known,' he says in a statement released late last night. 'She lit up the lives of those she met and we will all miss her dreadfully. She had however suffered for a number of years from mental health issues, which had worsened following the birth of her youngest child. Her family thank everyone for their support, but wish that at such a time their privacy be respected.'_

_An inquest will…_

Maura dropped the article. She'd never been sick. She'd killed herself. She'd stepped out on front of a train and… Maura brought a hand to her mouth feeling bile rise in her throat. She gulped it down and lowered her hand, feeling a bubbling rage. She'd been lied to her entire life. Nobody had ever told her. Because she was to blame. She looked at her godfather's words, forever printed on the paper.

"_She had however suffered for a number of years from mental health issues, which had worsened following the birth of her youngest child._"

She was the youngest child. Not Rory, not Connor, her. She'd caused it to happen. Caused so much pain. She looked at the other papers scattered around her, each and every one of them about her death. Her dad must hate her.

"_He does. He hates you. He blames you."_

She silently gathered the papers, putting them back into the shoebox and came across an envelope. It had her name written across it, and it too, was yellowed with age. She looked at the writing. It wasn't her dad's spidery scrawl. In fact, it looked a lot like her delicate script.

"Mum's"

She made her writing the same as she did, with friendly little flicks on the letters, standing out to her like a wave. She looked at the back. It was still sealed. She left it out and put the lid on the shoebox, replacing it, reasoning she wasn't doing anything wrong. She hadn't been snooping, she'd accidentally found it, and in any case, it was addressed to her. It was mail intended for her own eyes.

But she'd killed herself. Because of her. That was probably what the letter said. That it was all her fault. She gathered her purse, a blanket, the sleeping pills, a notepad and pen and put them all into a bag, putting her hair up into a messy bun. She put on the same steel toed boots and quietly crept down the stairs, listening quietly. The boys hadn't come home yet, and Smithy and her dad were in the sitting room. She wanted to say goodbye one last time but merely put on her coat, glancing one final time at the professional portrait of her mother on the wall. She touched it.

"See you soon, Mum."


	30. Collateral Damage

_Thank you so much to Emma! Much appreciated comments. _

"_Good God! What are you doing? 'Ponine, have you no fear? Have you seen my beloved? Why have you come back here?"_

"_Took the letter, like you said, I met her father at the door. He said he would give it, I don't think I can stand anymore!"_

"_Éponine, what's wrong? There's something wet upon your hair. Éponine, you're hurt! You need some help. Oh, God! It's everywhere!"_

Smithy watched the old footage, tears silently falling down his face. He hoped Peter wouldn't mind him putting it on, though the elder man had fallen asleep, tipsy, some time ago in the kitchen. Six years ago, he'd watched Maura in this very performance, blown away, at her performance as Éponine, wondering where all her raw emotion had come from. Now, he watched her as the fatally wounded gutter girl fall into the arms of the actor playing Marius, and knowing the truth, it was clear to see exactly how she gave such an emotional performance as the dying Éponine. Marius cradled her tenderly in his arms, and remembered how he'd wished he'd been playing him, just so he could hold Maura that way. Now, he hated himself for ever thinking the thought.

"_Don't you fret, M'sieur Marius. I don't feel any pain. A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me now. You're here. That's all I need to know. And you will keep me safe. And you will keep me close. And rain will make the flowers grow."_

A loud sniffle made him jump and turn around. Peter was standing behind him, eyes glued to the television. It was like watching a parallel to Maura's own plight. Quickly, he picked up the control and pointed it at the television.

"No," said Peter, as he was about to press the 'off' button. "Leave it."

He sat down next to him, his lip trembling. They watched the performance in silence, their hearts heavy.

"_So don't you fret, M'sieur Marius. I don't feel any pain. A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me now."_

"_I'm here."_

_"That's all I need to know. And you will keep me safe. And you will keep me close."_

_"I will stay with you, 'Till you are sleeping."_

_"And rain..."_

_"And rain..."_

_"Will make the flowers..."_

_"Will make the flowers...Grow."_

Smithy hid his face in his hands, overcome with emotion, watching her die on screen. The night she'd sung the same song to him, he'd thought it was a sign of hope. Now, he wasn't so sure. He started at a hand on his shoulder. Peter squeezed it gently.

"It's all right son," he said softly. "Let it out."

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have put it on."

"It's all right," he said. "It's fine. I like to watch it sometimes. Just to hear her sing." Peter looked at the screen. "Look at her. How could I have been so stupid? I thought she looked thin because of clever make up and costume design. I let her get as bad as she did."

"You weren't to know."

"I should have! I'm her dad. I should know my daughter inside out. But I thought…if I kept trying to interfere, I'd just drive her away. I should have listened to that doubt in the back of my mind. Even if it was just a niggling one."

This was a broken man, thought Smithy worriedly. What if Maura seriously hurt herself and he'd beat himself up even more so than now if he thought he could have prevented it. He rubbed his head. Forgive me Maura, he thought.

"Peter…there's something you need to know."

"What?"

"It's Maura."

"It's all right, son, you don't have to tell me. I know."

"You…know?" he said, open mouthed.

"Of course I know. It was obvious. It always have been. Even more so now."

"Sorry…I don't…"

"Son, I know how you feel about my Maura."

His mouth fell open and his eyes bugged out. "Oh."

"Jake told me before you came. You should have seen him. Like he was expecting it to be some massive shock to me." He laughed. "Poor Jake. I think he thought I'd go bananas or something."

"You knew? All this time?"

"Of course I knew. Believe it or not, I was your age once. You look at her the way I used to look at her mother."

"I'm sorry," he said awkwardly.

"What for? Falling in love? Don't be silly, son, you don't just plan to fall for someone."

"How I feel right now doesn't matter. She's the important one. But that…that wasn't actually what I wanted to tell you."

"No?" said Peter, one eyebrow raised. "What is it then? If it involves digging our way into a prison with spoons and a machine gun, just tell me when and where."

He laughed slightly and said; "I've thought about it. Believe me. But no. it's…its Maura. Last night, she woke up again. Another nightmare. I heard her crying, so I went out to her. She was sitting in the hallway, frightened, so I took her down here to get a drink. I saw a cut on her wrist. There were a lot more on her arm. She's been doing it to herself."

Peter blinked at him for a moment, as if struggling to comprehend what he'd just been told. Then, he put his head in his hands and cried.

"I'm sorry, Smithy said quietly. "I know I should have said something this morning. But she begged me not to. She didn't want you to know."

"How long?"

"She said she used to do it after…after Eve. But she…she needs help. She doesn't want to take the antidepressants anymore. I'm sorry Peter. She begged me not to tell you. But if she'd gone too far and…"

"I know. I know son," he said, rubbing his shoulder. "Thank you for telling me. I'll have the doctor called here first thing tomorrow. Maybe…it would be best if she went back to hospital for a while."

"She's terrified of that."

"I know. But sometimes, the right solutions aren't the easiest." He dried his face on his sleeve. "I'm going to give Robert a call. Can you check on her? See if she wants anything?"

"Of course I will," he said, getting up, taking another look at the screen. Feeling terribly guilty about breaking her trust, he went upstairs and knocked softly on the bedroom door. "Maura, honey?"

He pushed open the door and turned on the light. Standing in the doorway, he looked around the room, heart in his mouth. It was empty.

"Maura?"

He checked under the bed. Empty. In the wardrobe! Empty.

"Maura?"

Bathroom. Empty! Upstairs in her…Peter's room. Empty!

"Maura!"

He ran towards the staircase, Peter was standing at the bottom with a scowl on his face, as he talked on the phone.

"…well, Robert, you can tell her to leave Maura alone from now on! Hang on…" He held the phone away from his mouth as Smithy came charging down the stairs. "What's wrong?"

"Maura! She's not there! She's gone!"

"What?"

"She's not here! She's gone!"

To Robert, Peter said; "I'll ring you back," and hung up the phone. "Are you sure? She's not upstairs anywhere?"

"She's nowhere!"

"Well…she can't have gone far!"

They both looked at each other and knew they were thinking the same thing: can't she?

"We'll drive around," Peter said, roughly pulling on his coat. "She's fine. She's just upset."

"Upset is what she was last night Peter, I think what she's feeling now goes a bit beyond that!"

"Did she take anything?"

"What?"

"Did she take anything? Is anything missing?"

"Um…" Smithy trailed off stupidly, thinking. "I…don't know. I didn't look."

Peter grunted and ran upstairs, Smithy trailed at his heels. He watched from the doorway as Peter picked his way through the chaotic mess in the room. He sighed and scratched his thinning hair.

"She had a journal," Smithy said finally, pointing to the bedside table. "It's gone. Is there anywhere she would have gone? To think, to write?"

Peter shrugged.

"Possibly. Maybe the folly. Loch Lomond. We should start by…"

The stopped dead mid-sentence and looked at the knitted blanket dumped on the bed in a heap. The colour drained from his face and he looked shakily to the top of the wardrobe.

"You…tell me you got that down!"

"Down? No, it was already there."

Peter looked to the wardrobe. His secret box was on the edge of the wardrobe. He'd always made sure it was in the middle. Hidden. Underneath the blanket. He lifted it down and rifled through it. Smithy watched, confused.

"Oh no! No, no, no, no, no!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"She knows! Maura knows! She knows about Alex! These articles, I had them all in order! They're a mess! There was a letter here for her, from Alex! Its gone! She knows!"

Smithy raised his hands and ran them through his hair.

"Damn it."

_I hurt myself today  
>To see if I still feel<br>I focus on the pain  
>The only thing that's real<br>The needle tears a hole  
>The old familiar sting<br>Try to kill it all away  
>But I remember everything<em>

Maura sat on the wet grass. She raised the bottle to her mouth and drank, the vodka burning her throat. The pen fell out of her hand and she slid further down. Tears were dried on her face.

"_Your fault. Your fault. Your fault."_

"NO!"

Her scream frightened birds. Squawking and squealing, they flew away, branches shaking and leaves falling. From her bag, she took the tub of medication and looked at the smudged writing. Many a time, since the day Vincent attacked her, she'd laid awake, unable to sleep, just wishing it would come forever. When it did, there was probably a special place in Hell reserved for her. Maybe it would even spit her back out. She wondered if Peter and Smithy knew she was gone yet. Probably.

They were probably glad.

She removed the lid and threw it carelessly aside. It wouldn't be needed anymore, and tipped some of the medicine into her hand. Paracetamol. Simple. But affective. Tipping her head back, she leant against the tree, staring into the sky, at the many stars.

When she was little, her dad used to tuck her into bed at night and tell her stories, kissing her face, stroking her long hair, staying with her until she'd fallen asleep, for she'd been afraid of the dark. Not anymore. In the dark, she felt safe. It was the daytime that terrified her.

Her favourite story had been the one about the souls in the stars. It was a long time ago now, but she hadn't forgotten it. He'd told her that the thousands of stars in the sky represented all of the good people who had died, the angels of Heaven, and they were looking down at the world below, keeping everyone safe. And somewhere up there was her mother, taking care of her.

Only it wasn't true. Her mother may be one of those stars up there on this night or even every other night she'd looked to the sky, but she surely wasn't looking down on her and keeping her safe. If anything, and even _**if**_ she cared to look down at her, it was with contempt. Hatred. For ruining her life. For driving her to… Maura closed her eyes. What must she have done, what absolute agony must she have caused to make her own mother calmly and coldly step out in front of a… It should have been her. Raising her hand, she downed the vodka. She was too cowardly to do it sober. Lowering the bottle, she blinked.

There, from behind a bush, stood a little girl, watching her.

_What have I become  
>My sweetest friend<br>Everyone I know goes away  
>In the end<br>And you could have it all  
>My empire of dirt<br>I will let you down  
>I will make you hurt<em>

"Anything?"

"Nothing!"

Still in his security guard uniform, Connor wrung his hands anxiously. Sweat ran down his back and he rubbed his face.

"She should have been told about mum. Years ago."

"Connor, she's been in no fit state to know something like this!"

"Rory, she's not a child! When the hell are you and dad going to get that through your head? We kept this a secret from her and now look how she's found out! Great fucking timing!"

A door behind them opened and Sonny came outside, looking nervous.

"I heard raised voices," he said nervously. "Is everything all right?"

"Never you mind," Connor said roughly. "Why don't you get back to trying to be a good dad?"

"Con!" Rory said sharply as Sonny looked down, his cheeks reddening in shame. He sighed. "Have you seen Maura?"

"Maura?"

"Yeah, Maura," Connor said, rolling his dark eyes. "You know, Maura. Our sister. Your wife. The woman you claim to love?"

"What's happened?" he demanded, ignoring Connor, stepping closer.

"She knows," Connor said shortly. "She knows the truth about mum."

"What? How?"

"Oh what the fuck does it matter how?" demanded Connor. "She knows! That's all there is to it! She found some articles our stupid father decided to keep, if you must know!"

"Where is she?"

"If we knew that, we wouldn't fucking be standing out here in a state, would we?" shouted Connor, stepping towards Sonny.

"Keep it down!" snarled Tom's voice said. "People are trying to…oh."

He'd come outside and paused. Connor scoffed.

"Oh look, the other traitor's come to poke their nose in," he said. "Maura's gone off. First, Lexi blamed her for what your brother did to her and now she's found out about mum. Now she's gone missing. And the time we've taken talking to you two waste of spaces, we could have used looking for her!"

"Lexi…blamed her?" Sonny said finally, lowering his hands.

"Yeah. She said Maura must have provoked him, damn near saying she deserved what she got."

He turned as a car screeched to a halt beside them, tyres splashing water from the large puddles at the group of men. Peter, Jake and Smithy got out. Ignoring his son in law, Peter turned to his sons.

"Did you find her?"

"Sorry, dad," Rory said, shaking his head. "Dad, we really need to call Anthony now."

"I have," he said. "They've got a team out. He's told us to stay put, but he can't really expect me to…" He trailed off and suddenly glared at Sonny, who looked rather scared. "And what are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?"

"Look, Mr. Barton…"

He sneered. "Ever the polite young man. It's just a shame you couldn't have been more loyal to your wedding vows."

"You think I don't know the damage I've done?" he shouted, stunning the group, tears running down his face. "You lot, every single time you see me, it's a dig or some sort of look! I know! I know I've messed things up. Don't you think I can see the damage, every single time I see one of you? Every time I look at my daughter?"

"Sonny!" Tom pleaded, crying quietly.

Sonny pushed his arm away, shrugging off his comfort.

"I love Maura! I always have and I always will, no matter what you might think! And I'll tell you something else, nobody else can hate me more than I hate myself! Every night I lie awake and you know what, every night, I've heard her screaming! Screaming and crying, just like she always used to! Have you got any idea what a nightmare that's been? To hear the woman I love in so much fear, in so much pain, knowing that I'm at the route of it, and not being able to reach out and hug her."

"She doesn't want your hugs," said Connor coldly. "She doesn't want you now, not ever again! Dad, guys, come on. I think we've heard enough from this self-pitying moron."

"I'm coming with you!"

"You're flaming well not!" Connor said, turning on his heel, a ferocious snarl on his face.

Sonny didn't back down, but glared back just as angrily.

"She's still my wife. I still love her, no matter what any of you might think! Please. Let me help."

"Let us help," Tom said, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "We can cover more ground if we work together."

Peter threw his hands in exasperation.

"The more time we stand here shouting at each other, the more time we waste. Fine! Whatever!" He stared Sonny straight in the eye and took a step towards him. "But I'm warning you now, Sonny, if you find her, I don't want to hear that you've been going on about how bad you feel. If you find her, you bring her straight back home, then you leave her alone. Am I making myself clear?"

"Crystal."

Peter nodded just once and turned away.

"Thanks," Sonny said as they walked away. "Peter."

_I wear this crown of thorns  
>Upon my liar's chair<br>Full of broken thoughts  
>I cannot repair<br>Beneath the stains of time  
>The feelings disappear<br>You are someone else  
>I am still right here<em>

It was sunrise. The weak glow of daylight lit up the park. Maura woke with a jump, shivering. She'd followed the little girl, but she'd disappeared. What was a little girl like that doing out all on her own? Where had she gone? But what…Maura's eyes narrowed. This wasn't Hell! It wasn't even Heaven. It was Scotland. Dreary, dull, boring Scotland. She was still amongst people. Screwing up her eyes, she threw back her head and screamed to the sky.

Making herself move her cold, stiff joints, she got up. What was it going to take? A train, like mum? Her mouth twisted in a bitter grimace. No. she didn't deserve for it to be quick. Slow, painful torture, that was what she deserved. Maura made herself walk, one foot shakily before the other through the park, towards the playground. The swings swung back and forth in the wind. The roundabout creaked as if someone was…Maura stared…on it.

There she was again. Maura stopped, to watch the childish gleefulness of the little child who pushed herself around with one foot, her laughter lost over the wind and noise of the play instrument. Maura didn't think she'd ever seen such a beautiful child. She reminded her of the child-angels in her old storybook. She was about six. Not a dark hair on her head was out of place. Her white dress was impossibly clean. And around her neck glinted…rosary beads. Her silver rosary beads. The girl looked at her and smiled, showing perfect white teeth. It couldn't be…could it? She wrenched open the gate, running towards her. She was almost there…

"Maura!"

Involuntarily, she looked over her shoulder and shrieked. Vincent! Vincent running towards her, murderous rage in his eyes. She had to get to the girl, get her to safety. She put a foot on the roundabout and slipped, hitting her head on the hard edge of the metal.

"Maura! Oh my God, are you okay?"

A gentle hand touched her shoulder and she screamed, lashing out hard. Hands grabbed her arms, stilling her.

"No! Not again! Please not again!"

"Maura, it's okay. It's okay, it's me. It's only me."

She was pulled to the heavily breathing chest of someone warm and strong. She knew that smell. She knew that voice. Tom.

Overcome with emotion, he hugged her tightly, not even bothered that it was unreciprocated, just glad she was safe. He shrugged out of his heavy leather jacket and wrapped it around her. God, she was so cold! He let go to examine her head wound and wiped it with his clean sleeve. It didn't look too deep.

Maura looked around in confusion. Where was she? Where did she go? How did she just keep on disappearing?

"Where did she go?" she said furiously. "You scared her away!"

"Scared who away?"

"My little girl!"

Tom looked around the deserted playground, disturbed. There was nobody else in the child's play area, just him and Maura.

"Maura. There was nobody else here. Come on. Let me take you home. Come on Maura."

He made sure his coat was securely wrapped around her before swinging her bag over his own shoulder and lifted her into his arms. She was so light!

There was nobody else there. That was what Tom had said. But she'd _seen_ her, with her own eyes! He couldn't have been looking properly.

_What have I become  
>My sweetest friend<br>Everyone I know goes away  
>In the end<br>And you could have it all  
>My empire of dirt<br>I will let you down  
>I will make you hurt<em>

The daybreak saw Sonny retuning to Victoria Street. His parents had taken care of Dominique all night whilst checking every now and then that Maura hadn't returned home. They'd call if she had, but nevertheless, he tried next door. Nobody answered his knock. He sighed. How had it come to this? Two years ago, they'd been so happy. Or so he'd thought. Maura was battling such vicious demons. Why had Vincent decided to destroy her life?

"Anything?" a voice demanded.

He spun around on the spot. Behind him stood Smithy, his shirt filthy and crumpled as if he'd spend the night crawling through mud.

"No. You?"

"Doesn't look like it, does it?" he snarled, as the other four men caught up with him. Peter's eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

"Well…she can't have just vanished into thin air!"

"This is Maura. I think you'll find that she can!"

"Where is Tom?" asked Jake.

"I…I don't know. We thought we'd cover more ground if we split up. I covered the town and he…" Sonny's eyes widened and he charged forwards, shoving Smithy out of his way. "Maura!"

He ran towards his brother, who was still carrying Maura down the street. She looked like a child in his arms. He grabbed Maura, hugging her to him.

"Oh God, she's so cold!"

"'m okay," she mumbled. "Dad. Where's dad?"

"He's here. He's right here. It's okay. Let's get you inside. Let's get you warm."

Sonny took her to the house, carrying her over the threshold. He put her down on the sofa.

"Blanket. We need a blanket!" Sonny glared up at the men, none of whom moved. "A blanket! Now!"

It was Jake who left the room to get one and Sonny held her face, trying to make her look at him.

"Her eyes. Something's wrong with her eyes."

Peter pushed Sonny roughly out of his way and peered into Maura's face.

"Maura baby, can you look at me?"

She heaved and leant forwards, her hand to her mouth. Peter rushed her through to the bathroom in time. She vomited, her shoulders shaking. Peter stroked her back, sobbing.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to find out like that. I didn't mean to lie to you for so long. There just never seemed to be a right time to tell you."

"It was my fault!"

"No!" he said, tears stinging his eyes. "Maura, no! She was sick! It wasn't your fault! God, this is why I didn't want you to know!"

"Mr Barton…"

"Sonny, I told you! You and your brother have taken her home, now you can both get out!"

"Peter!"

He looked up in surprise, it being the first time in his memory that Sonny what called him by his Christian name. Sonny was standing behind him pale faced. In his hand, he held Maura's tub of medication.

"I found this in her bag," he said shakily. "It's empty. There was a bottle of vodka too. Half empty. Maura, please tell me you haven't taken any of them."

Maura looked up at the urgency in his voice. He was looking at her, white faced and terrified.

"Maura?" said Peter.

The room began to spin and her eyes rolled backwards in her head. The last thing she heard before hitting the ground was her father's frantic scream.

"Call an ambulance! Now!"

Squeaky shoes…squeaky voices…frantic shouting…where was she?

"Maura Barton…twenty-three years old…collapse at home…suspected overdose."

"Any history of mental health problems? Previous suicide attempts?"

"She's just a kid, for god's sake!" shouted Peter.

"I'm sorry Mr. Barton, I need to ask!"

"She was sectioned when she was seventeen for anorexia. She has history of self-harm. No other suicide attempts. Her mother was diagnosed with manic depression. She killed herself when Maura was one."

Lights…lots of bright, white lights above. Was she speeding towards heaven? To the light always described? No…she was on a trolley, being wheeled quickly down a long corridor. It jerked suddenly, wheeling her into a corner. A strange face, a man, leant above her and she squirmed.

"Please Miss Barton, keep still. I just need to look at you." He shone a light into her eyes and peered down. He frowned and looked over his shoulder. "Her pupils are large."

"Blood pressure's dropping," said another voice, a female's, much more distant.

"Do we know what she took?"

"Paracetamol. But she took them with vodka."

"Have there been any fights? Falling outs? Any reason she'd want to take her own life?"

"Where do you want me to start? Her life's been ripped apart!"

"Mr. Barton, let's back off, go over here. I need to ask you some more questions. Let's not upset her. Jodie, please, if you'd see to Miss Barton."

Maura blinked back tears. She felt a sharp sting as a needle was pushed into the back of her hand. Something was clipped to her index finger of her right hand. She turned her head away from Jodie's caring face. There she was again! The little girl. She stood next to her bed, staring at her. She began to cry, a high pitched, baby wailing. Why wasn't anyone helping her? Maura looked around desperately. Jodie was still wasting time, treating her. That idiot doctor was still talking to her dad about her wreck of a life. Nobody was helping this sad, scared little girl. Desperately, Maura reached out to her.

As soon as she did, before her eyes, the girl began to decay. She screamed loudly, piercingly, wrenching out the drip, pulling off the monitor. Everyone in the vicinity jumped and the doctor ran to assist Jodie in stopping her thrashing.

"Let me die! Please let me die!"

"Maura, no, please!" said Peter, his hands to his mouth. "Don't hurt her!"

"Don't hold me down! Please let me up! Let me up!"

She was pinned down so hard. She couldn't move. Just like before. She could almost smell him. Feel him.

"No! Please not again!"

Something pricked her arm. She relaxed, ceasing to lashing out. She trembled and felt the blackness beginning to envelope her. She closed her eyes.

"If there's a God above," she pleaded. "Let it be the end. Please let it be the end!"

_If I could start again  
>A million miles away<br>I would keep myself  
>I would find a way<em>


	31. Haunted

_Heya all, sorry about the gap in updating. I've been thinking long and hard about where to take this story and I think I've finally decided. This chapter might not be as good as I'd hoped, I may have tried to cram too much into one chapter, but I hope you like it anyway. As usual, any feedback is welcome and many thanks to Emma for her reviews. Hollie. xx_

_When your day is long  
>And the night, the night is yours alone<br>When you're sure you've had enough  
>Of this life, well hang on<em>

Machines beeped, an annoying rhythm. Maura lay statue still before opening her eyes a crack. She looked left, then right, then closed her eyes again, bitter. This wasn't the afterlife. It was hospital. She cursed Tom. Why did he have to find her and bring her home? He couldn't just let her die. He had to prolong her suffering. Just like everyone else. She could still hear their voices, ringing in her ears.

Whilst she'd been drifting in and out of consciousness, she could hear their voices. The shouting. The pleading. The crying. Shouting at them to save her. Shouting at them not to let her die. Shouting at her not to die.

I want to though, she'd thought.

Everyone wondered what it would be like to die. Would it be painful, would it be scary, would she speed down that tunnel towards bright light? But it had just…beckoned. Telling her to come. To rest. There had been no tunnel and bright light to speak of. It had called and it had been what she'd wanted. But something had made her come back. Made her stay. She opened her eyes. She smiled. There stood the answer.

Eve. She was back.

Maura inched herself up bit by bit, reaching out her arm, and stretched out her hand. Ready to take her daughter's hand at last.

_Don't let yourself go  
>'Cause everybody cries<br>And everybody hurts sometimes_

Smithy came to the hospital alone. He'd left the three families fighting about the situation, feeling like his voice was unwelcome and unneeded. He wasn't sure anyone had even noticed him go. He wiped rainwater from his head with his sleeve and pushed open the door to Maura's room. They'd kept her asleep but had gradually reduced the sedation.

The first time she'd come around, and took one look at everyone around her, she'd screamed. Pleaded with them to let her die as she tore out each wire connected to her like a wild animal. When they'd tried to stop her, to calm her down, she'd shouted and swore, lashing out and calling them all every name under the sun. She'd been bleeding from where she'd torn out the needles, and finally, it'd taken three doctors to pin her down. Then she'd become frantic and scared, begging 'Vincent' not to make her do it again. She'd do anything, she'd begged. Just please don't make her do it again. Nothing anyone said would calm her, so eventually a fourth doctor had sedated her and she'd remained so until now. It looked like she was lucid at last. He stopped and stared at her.

Tom had found her just in time, they'd said. If she'd been on her own for any longer, she might have been found too late. Her liver, though, had suffered damage, but fortunately, the doctor had said, it had a unique ability to regenerate and produce new cells from remaining healthy ones to replace the damaged ones. As well, because they'd known exactly what she'd done, it had given them all the information they'd needed to save her life. When they'd heard that Maura would recover, albeit with time and with a lot of psychological help, they'd been elated. So elated, the shouting and fighting had resumed. Nobody had seemed to register that Maura didn't need that. She needed people around her. It disgusted him. He stepped closer to Maura.

She was reaching out, talking quietly, seemingly to thin air. He walked up to her quietly.

"Come to mummy, Eve. Please. Come to mummy."

She leant forwards, pearly tears rolling down her face. Smithy put down his coat and put restraining hands on Maura's shoulders, shushing her.

"Maura, lie back."

"Go away! You'll scare her!"

He already knew what he'd find, but looked over his shoulder anyway. There was nothing there.

"There's nothing there, Maura!"

"Because you scared her off! Why can't you just let me be with my baby? Go away and let me be with my baby!"

She pushed him in the chest. She had the strength of a paper airplane, but the action still upset him. He pushed her back gently and stroked her hair, wiping her tears.

"Maura, you have to listen to me. She's not there. Eve isn't there. She never has been."

Maura looked at the empty space, where she'd _seen_ her daughter, blinking back angry tears. She wasn't crazy. He must have seen her leave.

"Smithy, find her! Find her please! She's just a little girl!"

Smithy held her face and wiped her tears with his thumbs.

"Maura. Eve is dead. I can't find her. She was never there."

"She came back to me," Maura said, sobbing. "I saw her! She was there! I saw her as clearly as I see you now! Smithy, she was there!"

It was the illness. Smithy held her, stroking her back. The doctor had asked them all about her behaviour, in separate conversations. Then Peter had found Maura's diary. The entries still sent shivers down his spine. The thoughts she'd written, the 'voices' she said she'd heard, the 'things' she said she'd seen. Thank God she'd never acted on any of the things those 'voices' told her to do to Dominique. Instead, she'd done it to herself. The doctor had read it also and passed it onto the psychiatrist. And the diagnosis had come back. He didn't think it was postpartum psychosis. Everyone had breathed a sigh of relief, but then he'd said something that had somehow seemed so much worse.

Bipolar disorder.

_Sometimes everything is wrong  
>Now it's time to sing along<br>When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)  
>If you feel like letting go (Hold on)<br>If you think you've had too much  
>Of this life, well hang on<em>

Postpartum psychosis, at least, could be treated. Bipolar disorder, she'd live with it for the rest of her life. She'd suffer. The psychiatrist hadn't sugar-coated that fact. Bipolar disorder, he told them, was one of the most difficult mental illnesses to live with and to treat. People who had it suffered. People around them might suffer even more.

"Am I crazy, Smithy?"

"No," he said firmly. "No, you're not crazy. You're not well."

"The psychiatrist came to see me today," said Maura, pulling back. "You should have seen him. So nice to me."

"Why shouldn't anyone be nice to you?" he said. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"Yes I have." Tears filled Maura's eyes. "He asked me what I had meant to do. When I took those pills."

"What did you tell him?"

"The truth. That I wanted to die. And when I found out about mum…"

"I'm so sorry Maura."

"How long have you known?"

"Not long. I promise. Jake told me after you came back to Sun Hill after Dominique was born. He asked me not to tell you. He knew you'd be upset."

"I killed my mum."

"No Maura," he said, taking her hand. "No you didn't kill her. She killed herself. It wasn't your fault."

"But the article…Anthony…said, after I was born, she…"

"He also said she'd been sick for years."

"But I made her worse. I made her want to die. My dad loved her so much. He must hate me."

Thank God the article didn't print the entire truth, thought Smithy, holding Maura to him. Jake had told him the other half of the story on one of the many nights that they hadn't been able to sleep. Ever since he'd told him, he hadn't been able to sleep.

"Listen to me, honey. Your mum wasn't well. Your dad loves you. He loves you so much. Your brothers love you so much. So do I. if you'd succeeded, our lives would be empty."

He held her face, tilting it back up to his.

"Do you know that? Do you know how valued you are? How much we love you? I'm glad Tom found you when he did. It would have killed _me_ if you'd died."

"I'd have ruined your life too."

"No. No, Maura that's not what I meant," he said, stroking her hair. "You mean so, so much to me. Why didn't you ever tell me what he did to you?"

"I felt ashamed. Dirty. Tainted. He'd kept telling me that I'd wanted it. There I was, cheeky Maura, one of the boys, and I couldn't defend myself."

"It wasn't your fault Maura. He's twice your size. Anyone would have trouble fighting him off."

"I tried," said Maura. "I did. I tried to resist. I tried to scream. There was nobody else in the house. But I tried. He forced his mouth over mine. I told him 'no.' But he didn't stop."

"Ssshhh," said Smithy. "Stop tormenting yourself like this. He raped you. It wasn't your fault. The only thing you ever did wrong is to keep everything bottled up."

"The psychiatrist said I was – am – self destructive. He said everything – the anorexia, the self-harm, this…the…what I did – are all patterns. My coping mechanism when things get too much for me that I chose to sabotage myself rather than deal with the stress. He said it was also why I shut people out, why I drove people away."

"Do you think he was right?"

"Yeah. I can see the pattern. Dad. My brothers. Sonny. Tom. You. I tried to alienate myself. Refusing dad's hugs. Being rude to you at work. I could see you were trying to reach out. I wanted you to but at the same time, I didn't."

"Why?"

She looked down. "Because I was afraid."

"That I'd hurt you like he did?"

"No. You'd never ever do anything like that. I know you wouldn't. I was afraid that you'd find out. Hate me. Report me. Turn against me. That I'd lose you and your kindness."

So he'd been right.

"You will always have me Maura. Always. I'd turn my back on myself before I ever turned my back on you."

He held her hands and kissed them.

"But you do know, don't you? That she's not really there?"

Maura looked at the spot at the end of the bed and nodded, tears rolling down her face.

"She keeps coming. Sometimes she scares me. But she just keeps on coming. When I see her, sometimes she tells me that she hates me for leaving her in the dirt. For pretending she didn't exist for years. She won't come near me."

"She's not there, Maura," he reinforced. "Whatever she does, it's not real."

"So you all keep telling me. But you don't see what I see. You don't hear what I hear. You don't feel what I feel. How can you help me?"

"If you'll let us," he said. "You're so loved. We just want you to get better."

"And I'm going to be all right. So the doctor said," she said, sounding bitter. "They want me to stay."

She was completely terrified of hospital. Even more so when she was confined to it, unable to leave.

"That's what the psychiatrist said. That he'd recommend I should stay here. Basically, it was, I can stay of my own accord or he'll make me."

"I know you're scared. But they're here to help you."

"But I won't be in control."

"Maura…you're not in control, that's the whole point. And even when you are, you're destructive. It's for the best. Don't you think you owe it to yourself at least? To try? To get better for yourself? For Dominique? Here, I brought you this."

He took a picture from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. She took it a bit reluctantly and looked at the picture. A sad smile spread across her face. Smithy kissed her head and looked at the photograph. It showed Dominique, fast asleep on a blanket on the living room floor, arms and legs flung out as if she'd fallen asleep after an exhausting session of learning.

"She's so pretty."

"Of course she is. You're her mummy."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true." He pulled Maura into his arms. "Listen to me. I know you're scared, but stay here. Do everything they tell you to. These…things you see, the fear, it won't go away unless you meet them halfway.

"That's the thing though," she said clinging to him. "The voices, they tell me things. Things that scare me. They tell me that people are trying to hurt me. To kill me."

People including him. He'd seen her diary too and knew this. When her family found out the real reason she'd shunned them, they'd been crushed. Somewhere inside her, she'd thought they were trying to kill her.

"I don't understand. I know I don't. But what I do know, Maura is that it's not real. None of it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to keep telling yourself that. I know you don't see it like that. But what I am going to tell you is let them help you. Please. We just want you home. You're in the best place for you."

_Everybody hurts  
>Take comfort in your friends<br>Everybody hurts  
>Don't throw your hand, oh no<em>

Maura had cried after that, until she'd slept. She'd fallen asleep in his arms, still holding the picture of Dominique. He'd left it with her. As he turned into Victoria Street, he pulled down his hood and opened the door, stepping into the house. He listened. The house was silent. He took off his coat as he stepped into the sitting room. Peter was sitting with a large mug of coffee. He looked up at him.

"You all right, son?"

"Yeah," he said. "I just went to see Maura."

"I guess that was what I should have done, rather than waste my time shouting at everyone. I'll go and see her later and in the meantime, try to think of a way to tell her."

"Tell her what?"

Peter ached an eyebrow.

"Your Inspector said she'd call you. Didn't she?"

"My phone's off," he said, taking it from his pocket and turning it on. "What's happened?"

"He's been bailed."

"What?!" Smithy said furiously.

Peter's hands were shaking with equal fury.

"Of course there were a few conditions. Or, mainly, one. That he's not allowed to talk to Maura in any way, shape or form. Like that'll make her feel any better. It's a bit of paper, saying he can't contact her. When he comes near her, what's she supposed to do? Throw it at him? Oh no, she calls the police, your boss said." Peter sneered. "Like that will stop him. Oh, she didn't like it any more than I did. I was rude to her."

"She'll understand," said Smithy. "She knows it's hard for all of you."

"It doesn't give me the right to speak to her like that," said Peter. "The boys are out. They're furious."

"Did Gina say why they'd bailed him?"

He sneered. "Pending further investigation. He admitted it, do I don't know exactly what that's even supposed to mean. And, until this point, he'd never been in any trouble with the law. He poses no threat to the public, apparently. Despite how violently he forced himself onto my daughter, he's no threat. To anyone but her, I think was the underlying statement. But hey, he's been ordered to stay away from her. I'm sure that'll make her feel so much better."

"The CPS don't always take the victim's feelings into account," Smithy said angrily. "But his brief will have something to do with it. Sherwood. The man's a scumbag."

"Jake said you told him about that man. You said his tactic is to blame the victim?"

"Oh yeah," Smithy said with a sneer. "'Maura the temptress who provoked him,' that'll be his line of defence."

"Surely the jury won't buy that?"

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? The guy's good. I don't want to admit it, but he's good. He's a good speaker."

"Yeah, so was Hitler! Look how that turned out! God, what a mess!" Peter scrunched up his hair. "And how I have to go and tell her that the man's out on bail. How was she?"

"She's still so fragile. When I got there, she was talking to Eve, reaching out for her. She begged me to go and find her."

"Bipolar disorder," Peter said softly. "I should have seen this coming. After her mother…"

"Jake…told me," Smithy said awkwardly. "About her mum. About what she tried to do to her."

Peter sighed.

"About when she tried to kill her? Yeah. I should have insisted that she stay in that hospital. But I didn't want to break up my family. I thought my love and support would be enough. But then she did what she did. In the note she left for me, she said she didn't trust herself. I can't let Maura go the same way. She needs the help."

"And she's taking it," said Smithy. "She's agreed to stay at the hospital. For as long as it takes to get better. We talked about it. She's scared, but she knows it's for the best."

"She agreed?"

Smithy nodded and Peter breathed a sigh of relief.

"She'd probably never forgive me if I had her sectioned a second time." He gazed at the photographs on the mantelpiece and picked one up. "She really meant to kill herself Smithy. If she'd succeeded…"

"I know," said Smithy, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know what I'd do, either."

Peter turned and engulfed him in a strong hug. Smithy paused for a moment before reciprocating. His father had never hugged him, when he had put his hands on him, it hadn't been in a gesture of affection. To be hugged like this, to have a real, loving father like Maura's…why couldn't he have had this?

"I wish it had been you, son. I wish she'd seen you."

_So do I._

But Maura didn't love him. And he'd have to, once again, accept that.

_Don't throw your hand  
>If you feel like you're alone<br>No, no, no, you are not alone_

Peter stood outside Maura's room, watching her. He felt like a brutal hand had torn his heart clean from his chest, showing him no mercy. He thought she'd been at her lowest ebb when he'd had her sectioned for her anorexia, but this surpassed it all. She'd actually thought he was trying to kill her. She hadn't let him touch her because she thought he'd hurt her. She was so, so sick. She had to know deep down that he'd never hurt her. Didn't she? But then, her mother hadn't.

It had been like being thrown back in time, nearly twenty-five years back. Alex had been suspicious. Afraid of him. Of her midwife. Of just about everyone who she thought 'looked at her.' She'd even thought people had closed their curtains to block her out because she was convinced people thought she was a bad mother. Then she went into hospital for a short while and had seemingly turned a corner. For a few years, they'd lived in relative harmony with the boys. But then, she'd become pregnant with Maura. He'd been over the moon; finally he was having a little girl and initially, she had seemed excited too.

When Maura had been born, though, everything had changed. Instead of being delighted with her beautiful baby girl, she'd retreated into a shell. Became thinner and thinner and steadily more distant. Every night, he'd been the one getting up and seeing to Maura when she'd cried. He'd been the one feeding her, changing her, bathing her until one day, she'd just decided that she wanted to be involved, and gradually, she'd taken on an equal share of caring for her, until he began to see flashes of his wife, of the girl he'd married. But then one day, everything had changed. He'd come home early and every day, he thanked God that he had.

The house had been quiet. Too quiet. It felt eerie. It felt wrong. The boys had been in the sitting room, quietly watching television and he'd asked them where mummy and Maura were. Upstairs, they'd said in unison. Then Connor had said, very offhandedly, that mummy had gone to give Maura a bath 'ages ago.'

His son's words had jolted him into action and sent him running up the stairs. He hadn't bothered hammering on the bathroom door and demand that Alex open it. He'd kicked it open. And he'd found his wife holding their daughter into the water, screaming and shouting about the demon that had to be destroyed. When he'd grabbed Maura from her, she'd been like a woman possessed. Screaming and shouting at him, clawing at him as she tried to get Maura back. Maura had thankfully been fine, but the commotion had scared his sons, who'd gone next door, to the West's house, who'd called the police. And they'd taken Alex away. She'd been sectioned and the psychiatrists had explained to him about postpartum psychosis. He'd nodded, but hadn't really taken it in. he'd hugged Maura, smelling the scent of washing powder from her clothes and the lavender baby oil from her skin, just so relieved he still had her, that she still smiled brightly at him and was quiet and content in his arms.

For months, Alex had been in hospital. Had he'd visited her, just as he'd visited Maura, still devoted to her and desperate for her to get better, to come home, to be his wife and a mother to their kids. She'd been released just before Christmas, at the end of November, seemingly much better. He'd gone all out for Christmas, perhaps overspent, but he hadn't cared. He finally had everyone he loved. They'd have the best Christmas ever. But on the 21st, she'd told him she was going out for a walk. And she'd never come home.

Peter blinked and wiped his eyes. He'd be damned before he let Maura go the same way. He pushed open the door and walked up to Maura, smiling. She put out her arms in reply and he hugged her tightly.

"Daddy, I'm sorry!"

"Ssshhh. Baby, it's all right. Everything's going to be all right. Just get better. That's all I want. Just for you to get better."

He kissed her head and she looked up into his face.

"Dad, were you crying? Did I make you cry?"

"No," he said firmly. "No honey, it's not you. But there is something I need to tell you. He's out Maura. He's been bailed."

"He's going to come for me!" Maura said, terrified.

"No he's not," said Peter. "I'm not letting him anywhere near you. No, no, no. Maura, don't cry. Calm down. We're fine!" he said insistently, holding up a hand as a doctor came running in, alerted by Maura's crying. "We're fine. Please. Leave us."

The doctor slowly backed out and he rested his chin on Maura's head.

"Please calm down. Or they'll throw me out."

"How could they let him out? After everything he did to me?"

"Whoever they are, I hope this haunts them until their dying day," he said savagely. "He won't come anywhere near you Maura. He's not welcome. He'll wish he'd never been born if he did. Don't worry about that scumbag. Anymore updates?"

"Liver function is improving," she said. "The psychiatrist comes daily. He keeps wanting to talk about what I did. I'm sorry for what I did to mum."

"Now you listen to me," he said sternly. "Your mum was ill before she even fell pregnant with you. I knew she had problems. I left it too late to act. Far too late. I was going to tell you. Really I was. But the longer I left it, the harder it became. Then you started…"

"Becoming like her?"

"…and I thought…finding out, it would just make it even worse. And I was right. Wasn't I?"

"I am sorry," she said. "For what I did. But when I found out what she did…and she got worse after having me, I wanted to die." She looked at him from beneath her fringe and said; "I never got to read that letter."

He hesitated, then from his jacket pocket, he reluctantly brought out the envelope.

"I wasn't sure if I was ever actually going to give it to you," he said. "It would mean telling you everything. But now you know, it feels wrong to keep it from you."

He handed it to her and with a shaking hand, she opened the letter. She took out the sheet of paper inside and unfolded it. Again, she was staring at the writing, so much like hers. Then she read.

"My dearest Maura, I don't know when you'll get this letter, but knowing your father, it won't be until you're married, have had babies of your own, and are a much better wife and mother than I could ever be. I failed, Maura. I failed your dad, I failed your brothers and I failed you. No child should suffer like I made you suffer, nor should any husband have to see his wife's downfall. So I've made my decision and I'm not afraid. Not for you. Your father would never let you come to any harm. He wanted a little girl so badly and I've seen his delight whenever he looks at you. You have warmed his heart like the sun. They all said you're not evil. And of course you're not, you're just a sweet, innocent baby. But I don't trust myself. The voices are too strong. I can't lose control, not again, so I'm going to take the final control. Just know that it's not because of you, Maura. Be happy, Maura. Live your life. And whatever you might do, please don't be like me. I'm weak. Be strong. I do love you. Your mother."

Maura lowered the letter and blinked tears back, looking up at Peter. Tears had fallen down his own face since she'd started reading his wife's final words.

"She made me suffer? I don't understand."

"She wasn't well," he said. "She did things to you that she never should have done. But she was sick, Maura. She wasn't herself. Don't ever think you were the cause of it."

He put the letter aside and gathered her in her arms.

"I'll tell you the story one day Maura. The whole story. I promise. But this isn't about your mum. It's about you. Let's focus on getting you better and then I'll tell you everything. You're the important one right now."

_If you're on your own in this life,  
>the days and nights are long.<br>When you think you've had too  
>much of this life to hang on.<br>_

The hood came off. He looked through the window into the sitting room. There they were, cooing over the baby. He glared hard. They probably hadn't given him a second thought. He'd spent weeks rotting in a custody cell, but all the sympathy had been on Maura. Poor, poor little Maura. The psycho bitch had held him at gunpoint and he was the one being arrested and spent weeks locked up like a criminal. All he'd done was give her what she'd wanted. What about _him_? He'd lost a daughter he didn't even know he'd had. Didn't anyone even care about him? The fucking dirty slut had got what she'd deserved. At least his brief was on his wavelength. He'd say that Maura was a liar, a manipulator, and an unstable wreck. Hardly untrue. She probably killed his baby, just to spite him. Eve. He scoffed. Urgh. Only Maura would be stupid enough to call a kid after the day she'd been born. And to top it off, only she had to give him a girl. Soppy Sonny was delighted with his little brat. She'd grow up to be like her mother; a useless psycho bitch.

Scowling, he put his hood up. He wouldn't go to the door. He wasn't fool enough to think they'd listen. Maura had poisoned their minds against him. She was very good at the little-girl-lost act. Manipulative bitch. From behind him, came a crunch of heavy footsteps on gravel. He turned involuntarily and felt, despite himself, a sense of foreboding. There stood Connor. Connor glared, breathing heavily. His hand curled into a large fist, and his eyes narrowed. Being caught outside their house wasn't something that he'd planned and even though Vincent didn't like to admit it, grudgingly, he did; Connor was taller, stronger and faster.

"Nice night."

"Oh. Nice night, is it?" said Connor angrily. "It would be. How dare you come back here?"

"How dare I come back home?"

"Nobody wants you here," said Connor, the redness rising in his face a warning to the rise of his temper. "Not even your own parents. It took time to see it, but they've finally seen you for what you are. Evil, rapist scum. So do yourself a favour. Get out of here before I do something I won't regret."

He turned to walk away.

"Don't you even want to hear my side? You don't want to hear how your precious little sister begged? How she wanted it so much, she pleaded me?" Vincent stepped closer to Connor and pushed his face into his. "She was loving it, Connor."

Connor's fist came quickly, from nowhere, and slammed into Vincent's face. It was a punch hard enough to knock even the strongest man unconscious. Vincent fell to the floor, cracking his head on the Barton's garden wall. Blind rage filled Connor and he continued punching. This man had ruined his sister. Destroyed his family. And he was proud. A door opened and he heard his father's voice, sounding as if he shouting at him from the opposite end of Scotland; it was muted and distorted with his rage!

"Connor! Stop!"

Two pairs of hands grabbed him and dragged him back. The outside light came on outside the West's house and Sonny stepped out. He watched Connor shouting and swearing, looking frightened. He'd never seen him in a real temper before. His eyes moved to the sight of his bloodied and battered brother lying on the ground, coughing. And he felt a bubbling rage inside him he had no idea existed. _That man_ had raped his wife. He wouldn't be stopping Connor. He started forwards and Smithy threw his arm out, stopping him. Furious at being stopped, Sonny struggled and Smithy, much taller, pulled him back.

"Don't Sonny."

"He doesn't have the guts anyway," said Vincent, glaring at his brother and getting up. "He's so whipped, even his wife can walk all over him. I showed her though, didn't I? I showed her what a real man is."

Smithy, furious, kept his hands on Sonny to stop himself sinking his fist into Vincent's face. He knew if he did, he wouldn't stop until could do no more. He could tell from the gloating look on Vincent's face when they locked eyes, he knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Get out of here," Peter said angrily, breaking the silence. "Get out of here and don't come back.

"Don't you want to listen to my side, Peter? How much your precious baby loved what we did?"

Peter stepped up close to him.

"I said; get out of here, boy. You are breaking the protection order. You are not allowed anywhere near this street or my daughter."

"Except your precious little girl isn't here, is she? She's locked in the loony bin. She shouldn't be allowed to leave. She would have done everyone a favour if she'd done what her crazy mother did. There wasn't enough of her to bury, was there?"

"Leave," said Peter. "Now."

He turned, ordering them with his pointing finger into the house. He didn't look at the West family and slammed the door, glaring hard at his son.

"What the hell were you thinking, Connor?"

"What?" snarled Connor. "He told me she 'loved it.' he gloated!"

"You could have killed him!"

"It's not my fault I didn't," Connor said, an ugly expression of twisted anger on his face. "I'd have pounded that scumbag to a pulp if you two hadn't been holding me back!"

He glared at Jake and his twin.

"What the hell is wrong with you two? That piece of filth forced himself onto our sister."

"Yes," said Peter. "And we'll get our revenge. In a court of law, the right way! We will not take the law into our own hands like a bunch of savages!"

"Court of law? Are you for real? He'll get sent to prison and live a life of luxury at our expense! And Maura? She suffers!"

"And he loses everything," Peter said calmly. "Maura still has us. He will die a lonely, hated old man."

"He would have died a hated young man if you hadn't got in my way!"

"Connor, stoop down to violence, then you are no better." He put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Believe me. I had to restrain myself from giving him what he deserves. And he deserves it. I'm not saying he doesn't. But this isn't what Maura needs. We need to focus on her. Not him."

Connor shrugged his father's hand off and stormed up the stairs. Peter sighed and shook his head. He took his coat from the hooks, shrugged into it and picked up his car keys.

"I'm gonna go to see Maura," he said.

_Well, everybody hurts sometimes  
>Everybody cries<br>Everybody hurts sometimes  
>And everybody hurts sometimes<br>_

Vincent spat bitterly on the floor. So now he had nobody. His interfering bastard of a father-in-law had refused to let him on the premises. He'd refused to let him see _his_ wife. Did he really think he didn't know what he was doing? That he was poisoning her mind against him? Maura. This was all that little bitch Maura. He flexed his hands, imagining her in front of him. Imagining his hands around her throat, squeezing the life from her. He heard heavy breathing behind him and turned, giving the figure before him a look of contempt. He rolled his eyes.

"What?" he said. "What do you want? You want to hear how I got the better of her? I've told it so many times, but hey, I'll tell it again. It'll be a nice little bedtime story for you."

The rage was powerful. All consuming. Shaking with anger, they walked away, entire body aching, daring a glance over their shoulder. How dare he talk about Maura like that? Like she was a toy? Like he was a cat and she was a mouse. How dare he, the cause of all her pain, come back into her life, determined to wreck it. Vincent was barely stirring, blood seeing from his ear, nose and head. He was lying in the gutter. It was where he belonged.

_So hold on, hold on  
>Hold on, hold on, hold on,<br>hold on, hold on, hold on  
>Everybody hurts<em>


End file.
